


The Distraction

by YamiYugiPuzzleshipper



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: California, Cars named after ice cream, Cat Has a LOT of Sass, Crazy High and Low Speed Chases, First Dates, First Kisses, Homophobic Security Guard, Innocent Yugi, Instant Attractions, Kawaii Moments, M/M, Malik is crazy, Mall Fountains, Mall Trouble, Perverted Yami, Pizza, Puzzleshipping, Sexual Tension, Soda Snorted Through the Nose, Stolen Mannequins, Yami Becomes the Hamster, Yugi Meets the Family, awkward moments, car crashes, innuendos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-02-17 16:38:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 149,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2316308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YamiYugiPuzzleshipper/pseuds/YamiYugiPuzzleshipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yami would do anything for his little sister Mana so when she sees a purse she wants but can't have, he comes up with the perfect distraction involving the cutest boy he has ever seen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Distraction

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea while watching several episodes of My Wife and Kids including the episode where Michael pushes Katie into the fountain at the restaurant as well as several episodes of George Lopez in which Max was shoplifting for Veronica. I changed the channel after that and watched some movie that's first scene I saw was two teenagers making out and while the movie itself was not half bad, I would never be able to recognize it for the life of me. When that finished I watched a Christian comedy afterwards about a girl who "receives a sign" that she should have sex with her gay boyfriend—who just came out to her—in order to "save" him, which is what influenced the guard's personality and opinions of homosexuality.  
> No lemons but there IS a BUNCH of sexual tension/frustration and the BRIEF mentioning of sex on several occasions as well as innuendos. Either way, it's SUPPOSED to be humorous but I honestly don't know considering I am so NOT a comedian. Sarcasm and blunt remarks are my forte, not genuine jokes. ANYWAYS! I HOPE it gets a smile somewhere.  
> I have a job interview coming up on Wednesday, which is why I figured I would try out a new genre and come out of my comfort zone a little AND get some serious stress relief (I swear my mom is driving me INSANE).  
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh. At. ALL.

The Distraction

Curiosity was always a bitch.

Especially his.

"You weren't supposed to go back there," the security guard grumbled.

He didn't spare him the single moment of attention it would have taken to take the other male in.

"I was curious. Is there something against curiosity in this country?" he asked irritably.

"Stupid foreigner," the man hissed, walking away.

"Fat ass," he snapped in response, not once thinking about it as the words left his mouth, an automatic reaction in his annoyed state; several people nearby snickered at his comment but he ignored them, instead letting his eyes drift lazily around to find the head of beautiful goldenrod blonde only to end up staring in surprise at a head of unruly spiky hair just as wild and untamed as his own. He swore his eyes had to be six times their normal size, red irises nearly disappearing into rings of color out of pure shock.

And this kid…was American?

Well that was definitely new.

All the others had rather bland shades of color to their hair and generic spikes in the front to show off their foreheads.

Hmm…

"Yami."

"Ssh, Mana, I'm spying right now."

A giggle, warm and affectionate in its contagious amusement bubbled up behind him. "On who?"

"That short kid with the spiky hair. He looks like me."

"So?"

"So it's weird."

"Not really. You are the King of Games, remember?"

"Yes, but this is America, Mana."

"Yes, Yami I know where we are. Thank you." She paused and watched as a blonde with long pigtails raced out and grabbed his hand. "And, oh, look at that. He has a girlfriend. Obviously not interested. Now come on, I need your help."

He rolled his eyes but didn't look at her. "What?"

"I found the perfect purse."

"So go buy it like a normal person."

"I can't! That bitch has the only one left in the entire store!"

Finally peeling his eyes off of the other boy, the teen turned to his younger sister. "So what are you going to do about it?"

Ten minutes later, he was really wishing he hadn't asked; he was at the fountain because…well, why not? His sister was about to go back inside because apparently "the bitch" was just wandering around with her purse. On the plus side, however, the other boy with spiky hair was nearby and now Yami could see soft cherubic features and a slightly sharpened jaw line, long lashes and a rather petite frame. He had yet to see his eyes but he did see that his hair was a shade of blue-violet on the tips but with a base of black as dark and somehow as shiny as the finest obsidian. Bangs of gold were long and, in the single second he had been facing him, framed his face nicely.

But Yami wanted to see his eyes.

In the meantime, however, as the two wandered around the front of the clothing store, he got a really nice look at the smaller boy. With a pair of medium dark blue jeans that were tight enough to show off his skinny legs but not to the point that he looked like an emo boy with his hair half falling into his eyes and no ability to walk in a straight line, the cut of them showing off his slim hips enticingly to the point that Yami wanted to drool—and he never drooled—with a black shirt beneath a royal blue jacket he recognized as his own school's uniform jacket, the boy was nearly impossible to look away from.

Yami only looked away because too much staring was both rude and could possibly get him branded as a psychopathic stalker. You never knew in the states.

Mana gave him the signal a minute later and the red-eyed teen was so in tune with her that he did not even have to look, instead striding towards the smaller boy; the blonde alerted him to his arrival before he had the chance to startle him, both of them freezing upon eye contact. Yami felt his breath catch; the boy's eyes were the two most beautiful he had ever seen, almost never-ending in depth and rich in hue with wide pupils that were surrounded by mesmerizing dark blue that spilled into a purple almost akin to amethyst which turned into a ring of cerulean on the outer irises. Long lashes, so much longer than he had seen initially, framed large, wide eyes.

A snicker made both of them blink and look at the blonde girl.

"Yugi!" she laughed, waggling her eyebrows playfully.

"Rebecca!" he cried, eyes growing impossibly wider as his cheeks turned bright red.

Dear Ra, Yami was going to die. Thank the gods for tight jeans. Although, all things considered, he was pretty sure it did almost nothing to hide his growing erection; it was only going to get that much bigger. His head turned, eyes flashing in annoyance as his phone vibrated in his pocket; turning back, Yami found them both watching him with unfiltered curiosity. Well, whatever, this was his sister after all and the gods knew he would do anything for her. Besides, if that little exaggerated action she had made a moment before was any indication, Yami might have just been able to get out of there with his face still in one piece. Then again, Mana had said they were dating and his sister did seem to have some kind of instinct about those kinds of things, but she could have just been saying that with the sole purpose of making him pay attention to her dilemma.

Either way, he was done stalling.

Here was to hoping the blonde wasn't his girlfriend and wouldn't gouge out his eyes for what he planned to do.

"Yugi."

The name tasted delicious in his mouth and the curl of his lips as it rolled off his tongue was addicting. He fought the impulse to purr, instead settling for closing his eyes for a split second and swallowing the mass of saliva that the very name provoked from him.

Yugi's eyes widened slightly and a small ribbon of bright pink appeared beneath his eyes in a simple blush; beside him, Rebecca was laughing behind her hands, shaking her head slightly. She nudged him and the blue-violet gaze settled on her curiously. She mouthed the words, "His name!" and the embarrassed boy turned back.

"So what's y-your name?"

"My name is Yami."

He was squeaky in tone when he murmured, "Oh, o-okay."

Yami snickered and all pleasantries vanished from his lips when he reached out to grip the back of his head and tangle his fingers in his hair, leaning forward quickly to press their mouths together; a squeak of surprise allowed him to slip his tongue past the other boy's teeth even as he moved his free hand to pull Yugi forward a step as he shuffled back towards the fountain again. Two small hands pressed at his chest and just as he had wanted, the movement brought them closer to the fountain still. He moved his mouth away to kiss a trail over the smaller teen's smooth jaw line to the soft lobe of Yugi's left ear.

He nibbled gently, his teeth smooth and soft, affectionate in their attention, relishing in the quiet startled gasp that escaped the other boy. Yugi couldn't think straight, not because of the sensation of nervousness and pleasure that flew through him but because this was his first kiss ever and while he knew he was gay he didn't want it to be broadcasted everywhere! Small, soft close-mouthed kisses warmed his collarbone and left him involuntarily exposing more of his neck even as he pushed the taller teen away again.

Despite the lack of actual force to the shove, it threw the red-eyed teen straight into the water as he had wanted; he tried not to burst out laughing at the sensation of being soaked to the bone with the deliciously cold water that splashed him. Instead he let out a yelp and felt amusement bubble through him as every single person nearby looked up, their attention completely wrapped around this one little display now.

Yugi flushed violently and was relatively sure that if someone were to crack an egg on his face it would have cooked in a single second. "I—I—oh…"

Yami just barely suppressed his laughter. This boy was adorable and, though he could feel a small bit of guilt steadily growing to flood his system, he was actually happy this boy was the one he had picked because at least for the moment he wasn't going to become faceless. But then, Yugi gave off the aura of a pacifist and he had to admit that was rather placating if not even more amusing. The guilt was horrible, yes, and it left a bitter tasted in his mouth as it forced his stomach to churn, but it was Mana.

He hadn't agreed to do it but he had not argued either, purely because he knew he would have caved anyways. The good thing though was that at least his sexuality fit in with this distraction; he had never bothered with dating or with hookups but he knew he was attracted to guys and he had accepted that at the age of ten when he first suspected it. He hadn't exactly indulged in kissing either but everyone at Domino High knew that Vivian Wong had managed to shove her tongue down his throat when she ambushed him behind the bleachers. But they also knew he had lost patience and made her cry when he let loose his temper.

So, either way, no one had tried to kiss him again after that.

And he was grateful for this but at the same time it drove him insane.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," Yugi murmured, shaking his head slightly, eyes wide as he reached his hand out; Yami snatched it with a wide devious smirk that made Yugi freeze just before he was tugged harshly and tumbled straight into the fountain. He let out a squawk that made his lungs hurt with the violent exhale, landing on top of the red-eyed boy's sitting form, one knee between his, hands on his shoulders and water raining down on both of them. Laughter painted red had him flushed and glaring irritably, frustrated beautifully with this mesmerizing stranger and his own terrible embarrassment.

Yami's mouth curved up first into a tiny half-smile and then a small grin that turned into a lopsided smirk and finally a mere massive one before he let out a small breathy chuckle that quickly escalated into full-out guffaws; Yugi flushed harder as the laughter shot around the mall wildly and drew everyone in the immediate area's attention.

"Are you two okay?" an elderly woman asked, clearly concerned.

Yugi flushed harder, sure his face had to be the shade of a tomato, but when he opened his mouth, turning his head towards her, a hand found its way into his hair once more and his body tingled violently as lips clashed with his and sent his mind into a spiral of surprise, confusion, want, need and mind numbing pleasure that made his heart beat that much faster.

Catcalls separated the air around them, making their way through the haze that clouded Yugi's mind like the roar of the blood pounding in his ears. He pulled his mouth away, stunned to find his eyes staring at a pair of swollen lips that made his stomach twist with some kind of strange delight. He wondered if his lips looked like that and found himself surprised by the chill of pure excitement that shot through him.

Excitement?

He couldn't understand it, but by the gods if he wasn't exhilarated.

The crash tore through him, however, so quickly that his heart felt as if it had fallen into his stomach, the sensation making him tremble briefly, mouth growing dry as he took in the tall green-eyed-and-haired security guard who growled, "What are you two doing?"

Yami found himself almost purring with delight; payback time. He nearly sang his victory even as Yugi scrambled to his feet and looked embarrassed, scared and almost close to tears, but when the man looked ready to sneer at the small boy, the red-eyed teen purred out, "Well, if you must know, he is the one I was looking for in those porn catalogs you keep in the back"—Yugi went wide-eyed, swallowing harshly as his head snapped towards him with a cherry-red face that Yami winked at playfully—"because he's my boyfriend. But, alas, thanks to you, I was late, and that means I made him wait. Seeing as he doesn't like to be left waiting, the saucy little thing he is"—Yami made a move like scratching the air with a lazy flick of his right wrist that had Yugi's face a shade rivaling his eyes—"he pushed me in the pool because he knows I don't like dripping outside of the bedroom, so I got him back by pulling him in with me. And oh my god, if we didn't just have the craziest wild monkey make up sexever."

Laughter, catcalls and wolf whistles shot through the air, making the red-eyed teen smirk widely, draping an arm over the gawking boy's shoulders. Only when Yugi had managed to somewhat calm his racing heart did he managed to exhale a weak "H-he's kidding" that only Yami heard, rolling his eyes in response and sighing as he moved closer to throw his other arm around Yugi's shoulder, moving behind him and draping his arms lazily in front of the other boy's chest.

"Okay, fine. It wasn't exactly sex but damn if he wasn't moaning like it was." Yami snickered when Yugi's eyes nearly popped out of his head, observed when he laid his chin on his left arm and turned teasing eyes on the smaller boy. "I feel like I've neglected him now. I mean, I know I kiss well, but damn. You'd think he was still a virgin!"

Yugi let out a small squeak and bit his tongue hard, heart still racing tenfold. Oh gods, he could feel him, there, just lightly against his back, neither imposing nor impassive. If he wasn't so embarrassed he might have tried to stop him or maybe his raging hormones would take control and that foreign taste of icy mint chocolate would coat his tongue once more and that budding erection would be put to good use and he really wouldn't be a virgin anymore. And, oh gods, if that wasn't an embarrassing thought but he didn't want to stop it anytime soon.

"Now, you see, the thing is, our six month anniversary is tonight and we have something big planned out. If you know what I mean."

The purr in his ear had his heart pounding in his throat and tremors of pure excitement tearing through him and arousing him further; his head told him to stop the other teen but the strange exhilaration in his veins told him otherwise, and besides, even pretending like this, for the moment this beautiful stranger was his. And aside from that, it was kind of fun watching the security guard twitch at all the insane insinuations Yami was making.

"You know how it is for us young teenage males," the taller teen continued in a drawl, turning his head to nuzzle Yugi's cheek, his breath hot against his skin and causing him to shiver, heart pounding and skipping in its beat. "No self-control. Hands wandering everywhere. Especially below the belt."

Some people were laughing now, and Yugi had to wonder at which one was more amusing, the smirking and thoroughly amused Yami or the terribly embarrassed red-faced Yugi. The pair of them standing like this had to be nothing short of hilarious. If he was standing there as a spectator, he was pretty sure that he too would have been laughing. There was no way he wouldn't have.

"Always with the hormones, us teenagers. Just so terribly easy to become aroused. Especially with a boyfriend as adorable as mine," Yami continued in a loud yet husky voice.

Yugi was starting to think his skin would become this color permanently; lips, burning but soft in their touch, trailed blazing kisses along the column of his neck, a smooth smirk of pure amusement defiantly aimed at the guard, the purr to his voice smooth and inescapable, practically binding in the spell it cast.

"Can't you imagine it? He's such an intoxicating little creature. Mm…soft skin to trail you fingers over, those plush lips swollen with kisses, a hot body to bury yourself inside…" When Yugi finally allowed himself the indulgence of his desire to look down at the other boy's face, he found himself letting out a single small strangled moan at the sensation of locking eyes with the smoldering red gaze burning like lava. "Don't you just want to fuck him senseless? How could you possibly deny me a pleasure that you yourself enjoy every night?"

He was breaking and Yami was seconds away from laughing; he shouldn't have given him that look when he had wandered back there on accident, when his curiosity had gotten the better of him. He shouldn't have looked at him like he was a piece of trash when he had pretended to be looking for gay porn in the back of the store like he had, shouldn't have turned up his nose at the teen.

He was trembling and Yami was snickering softly in his ear as the guard spat, "Because my wife is a woman you ignorant brat!"

"Got something against homosexuals?" Yami taunted.

"Homosexuality is disgusting and obnoxious. It's unnatural. Men and women are meant to be together. You're all going to hell!"

Yami wasn't really paying attention to him anymore because some people in the crowd were outraged and yelling at him while others started making out; his eyebrows shot up when he saw four of them all sucking face. He hadn't been expecting it, but that was okay. It was whatever, really.

Yugi, on the other hand, was thoroughly awed by it all, mouth opened in a slight part, eyes even wider and to the point that they nearly jumped out of his head. And now that the attention was off him and Yami and the taller teen was no longer watching him, he could finally feel the heated embarrassment leaving his skin.

Thank the gods. He was pretty sure any longer and he would have gotten heat flash.

He turned back to the taller boy, staring until those red eyes focused on him slowly.

"You just…The entire mall…It's a fucking orgy!"

Yami snickered in amusement. "You'd think I was a celebrity."

Of course, his publicity as the King of Games didn't really matter in the US and he didn't care enough to bother thinking that it did; in all honesty, it was a title and nothing more as far as he was concerned. He didn't care about that. At all. And the only reason he had gained the title was because Bakura had pushed at him until he finally gave in and dueled against their cousin Seto after the two had gotten into a fight and Bakura had lost several of his strange prized possessions to the brunet. Yami had been drawn into it reluctantly but had lost his temper when Seto sneered at him, thinking he didn't even know how to play the game in the first place.

Yugi went to respond but ended up having the words devoured in his mouth when his lips were met with Yami's once more; the delicious muscle he had been craving returned and the sensation burned him like he had stuck his hand in the flames of the hottest fire. His heart was everywhere, leaping in open bounds that left his mind practically trembling. Excitement coursed through him but also undeniable doubt. Yami was using him forwhatever reason and he knew this so why did he enjoy it so much? Was it simply an adrenaline rush?

Yugi was visibly amused when Yami finally let him breathe again, stunned when he saw that many of the bystanders and some of the employees were leaving nearby stores to choose sides, but he was far from surprised to see that many of the older people took stance with the guard while the younger generation took their side. But he was fairly surprised to see that some people had gathered at the higher railings and were looking down at them to see the cause of the uproar.

Yami was laughing and reveling in the chaos of the situation when he grabbed Yugi and kissed him hard, making a movement for the crowd that had formed behind them with a flick of his hand, smirking so widely it nearly cracked his face as they all got carried away a few minutes later, hands under shirts, hands down pants or up skirts and pleasure tainting the air. He choked, however, when he spotted two guys in the act of fucking like a pair of bunnies.

"Dear Ra," he breathed, wanting to look away but unable to due to his awed admiration. Even he didn't have the guts to fuck in a public place where they were obviously on camera as well!

Yugi, on the other hand, turned a ferocious shade of red as his own mind replaced them with himself and Yami. And he knew that was awkward andfar too fast, to the point it really made him horribly nervous and concerned, but fuck him if Yami wasn't the most beautiful guy he had ever met. Especially with those amazing red eyes that put his own exotic gaze to shame.

Gods, he couldn't stop. But he wasn't even sure he actually wanted to.

Yami snatched him back into the realty of the situation by grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him hard so that he stumbled but regained his balance enough to run with him, the two laughing as they weaved their way through the crowd with the guard chasing them; he found himself blushing again as his fingers were twined with the taller teen's as he shot him a wink and a smirk over his shoulder. His palm was warm to the point that he was amazed it didn't burn but he suspected that might have just been his hyper awareness, his terrible excitement that made every nerve in his body pulse with satisfaction and pure exhilaration as his heart continued its rapid beats.

Yugi had to yell to hear himself over the roar of blood in his ears when he laughed, "I feel like a fugitive!"

Yami cracked up, holding a finger to his lips as they made a mad dash for the escalator. "Damn it, Yugi! Look at what you did now!" he cried gleefully, shooting him a massive grin.

"Oops."

The red eyes gleamed in amusement that almost seemed tangible if he only tried to reach out.

And, oh gods did Yugi wish he could touch that beautiful amusement, the sparkling sea of burning embers and vivid sunsets, of flowing blood and gleaming rubies.

And, oh, how his heart pounded all the more.

Gods he wanted Yami and he wanted him bad.

But this was probably a one-time thing. He doubted he would ever see this willful spirit again.

The thought was crushing but at least it came before he found himself attached.

But, gods, how had this even happened?

He'd never known such an intense and instant sensation before.

"You know, I think that guy in Mall Cop had a scooter," Yami said, eyes gleaming and lips dawn back in one beautiful smirk that seemed to light up the entire mall. "Maybe he should invest in one."

He couldn't stop laughing, whether from the joke or the situation and its utter ridiculousness or his adrenaline rush he had no idea, but still he found it impossible to stop.

He was enjoying himself and he shouldn't have been because he had a natural aversion to really doing anything that could result in him being in trouble.

Even with Joey and Tristan he naturally avoided this.

The thought was enough to make him stop short altogether, suddenly going completely still; Yami winced at the fresh shot of pain that coursed through his arm at the sensation of his shoulder being pulled so violently because of his own speed.

"Yugi?" he asked, worried, eyes flashing with a deep concern that was far too powerful to merit having just met him.

Did that mean that Yami was just as affected as he was?

But then…why was he so affected by the red-eyed teen?

And if it was requited on Yami's half, did that mean that he had this same affect?

"Yugi," he repeated, this time with urgency that made the smaller boy blink in surprise.

He glanced over his shoulder and then snatched Yami's hand again, moving to reach his side. "Sorry. I just got a little distracted," he murmured, giving him a weak simple smile.

Yami stared at him with open curiosity but nodded nonetheless. Yugi wasn't lying but he wasn't entirely truthful either but Yami let it go because there wasn't really much else for him to do. They had to worry about not getting caught because he was pretty sure they could be thrown into a juvenile detention center for something along the lines of moral misconduct or pretty much indecency or something or other along those lines.

American laws were just too annoying and complicated for him to actually give a fuck.

Honestly. No one had time for that.

A clicking noise beside him made him look over. Crap, how long had Yugi's teeth been chattering like that?

Red eyes shot around immediately, scanning for paths and hiding places, and Yugi let out a small cry of surprise when Yami pulled off to the side with no warning. He stumbled several times, his teeth obnoxious but impossible to stop in their vicious clicking. He hissed in annoyance but it did nothing to quell his trembling jaw.

The employee shot them a surprised look but also seemed thoroughly amused and gestured towards the bathrooms in the back of the store; the taller teen easily led the way to the small stalls, picking the largest which he knew would have a sink and paper towels, grabbing several of them and reaching out to start drying his wet hair.

Yugi yelped at the sudden action, twisting to get out of his reach and slamming his hip into the porcelain of the sink, eyes wide and startled as they regarded him.

Yami stared back silently, too confused and startled to even think of something to say, arms frozen in their outstretched position, paper towels clenched tightly in a white-knuckled grip, red eyes slightly widened but blank in expression, mirroring his face.

For a moment the obvious and rather sudden strain of tension wrapped itself around them like an anaconda, constricting as the seconds passed.

"Are you all right?" the taller teen finally questioned.

Yugi had a split second impulse to tell him about how he had been bullied rather viciously when he was younger but fought it off. Yami didn't need to know that and Yugi didn't need to relive it, especially with that cynical voice in his ear whispering, He might do it too if he knows.

Because, really, what did he know about Yami?

Instant attraction or not, the other teen was still very clearly a stranger.

Sure, Yami seemed nice, but that could have been a farce. And Yugi really couldn't deal with being seen as any weaker today.

Besides, they went to the same school and everything, so what happened if he told him and Yami turned around and did the same to him as soon as he got him alone? He didn't think he could ever deal with another beating like the last he had gotten from Ushio, but that had been ninth grade and since then he had scurried away like a dog with its tail between its legs whenever they were in the same vicinity, and he had no idea, but it hadn't been Joey or Tristan and with the fact that he and Yami looked so much alike, it was possible that Yami had been the one to beat him until he couldn't think straight. And if he had done that—and to Ushio of all people—then what was going to stop him from doing it to Yugi too?

"I'm okay," he murmured, forcing a smile.

Yami studied him for a moment. "You aren't very good at lying. Your eyes give you away. They scream the truth. The problem is, it's impossible to know what that truth is," he commented quietly, eyes narrowed into slits. "But that's fine. Keep your secrets. Whatever."

Yugi looked at him curiously. He didn't sound mad, at least. But if Yami could tell he was lying when his friends couldn't, then either he was very intuitive—and Yugi really hoped that was it—or he lied a lot too. Gods this could all be an act…

What if Yami was just waiting for something and then—?

He jumped a mile and hissed in pain as his injured hip took another blow, bruising further.

"You're a jumper, huh?" Yami commented with a small smirk before opening the stall door even as Yugi opened his mouth to deny him both the truth of his comment and his opening of the door, worried it was the guard, but went completely still when he saw a blue-green-eyed blonde girl holding several clothing items.

"Narcissistic much, Yami?" she teased with a small grin.

"Oh shut up, Mana," he snickered good-naturedly, taking them from her.

"He's cute," she gushed, smiling widely and taking him in pointedly now that there were no more clothes in her arms.

Yugi didn't respond, because honestly "cute" seemed to be code for "weak" as far as guys went. He didn't think she meant it that way, but still, "cute" was hardly the adjective he wanted to be associated with. Besides, his silence didn't even bother the other two teens, though she did look a little curious, but that was more because she was seeing him rather than because he hadn't reacted to her comment.

"Get out of here before one of them mistakes you for a guy," Yami said simply, sorting through the clothes for a moment before putting the skinny jeans and new shoes down, fighting to hold off the smirk that was threatening to curve his lips.

"I'm too feminine to be mistaken for a guy," Mana stated matter-of-factly.

"Those mosquito bites on your chest don't seem to agree," the red-eyed teen teased playfully.

Mana gasped dramatically and pushed her breasts up with her palms; Yugi watched the two interact and slowly found himself staring at Yami for a moment. Gods, Mana had breasts. He could not call them mosquito bites. There was just no way.

"That micro-penis of yours says you aren't a guy," she hissed back.

Yugi found himself flushing horribly. Um, no, Yami definitely did not have a micro-penis. No, that thing that had touched his back had been far from small.

"Tell me you at least kept it in your pants, Yami," she cried, exasperated.

Yami was laughing his ass off, staring at Yugi pointedly and practically guffawing when he didn't immediately realize. "Yes, Mana, I kept that thingin my pants," he snickered.

Yugi stared blankly and then turned bright red, shocked out of his mind. He'd spoken out loud. Oh gods, he'd spoken out loud.

He ducked his head while the siblings snickered in amusement at his keen embarrassment.

"Ra, how much did you spend?" Yami asked, deciding to spare the other boy more teasing as he looked at the clothes and raised an eyebrow at his sister; she was known for spending far too much on a single trip to the mall.

"Not nearly as much as you would think."

"Oh Ra, that could mean anything."

Yugi kind of liked her laugh. It had an infectious quality to it that made him want to smile. It was light and floaty and made his insides tingle with warmth. The warmth had no other name. It lacked emotion. It was simply just that. Warmth. Pure and simple.

"Just get dressed. He looks like he's going to turn blue any second now."

Yami regarded him thoughtfully, frowning when he saw that Yugi looked pale now and his lips were trembling but he had obviously warmed up because his teeth were no longer clicking. "Yeah, okay," he muttered quietly, mind wandering to the moment before. Would Yugi jump like that again?

He hadn't meant to scare him and he hadn't thought he had done anything scare-worthy…

He stopped short for a moment, calculating slowly and weighing the chances of this boy being Yugi Motou.

But what were the odds?

Yami decided not to voice his thoughts, instead going about grabbing the paper towels again and offering to them, watching as, like a timid mouse, the smaller boy reached out slowly and took them from him, not looking scared but oddly curious and inquisitive before he went about doing what Yami had originally attempted.

Five minutes later Yugi found himself standing in gray skinny jeans and a black button down shirt with black Converse. He hadn't removed his bracelets and the material was cold and laden with the soft fibers but he still refused to take them off. Chill and weight be damned.

Yami was dressed in a deep red graphic tee, black skinny jeans that showed off his hips nicely with red Converse. The taller teen handed him the gray baseball cap and went about putting on the black one.

"Oh geez, tuck it in," Mana whined as soon as she spotted them; both swapped looks of pure confusion after scanning each other slowly and vividly to figure out which one was the victim of the blonde's annoyance, Yami snickering not a second later went his sister went about tucking in a startled Yugi's black button down shirt. "Boys are so helpless."

"You know Yugi," Yami drawled, making him look up with wide eyes, blue-violet gaze curious and slightly confused by the humor in his red orbs, "you should probably learn to do it yourself or the next thing you know, she'll be tying your shoes and wiping your ass."

Yugi turned bright red and even Mana who was used to her brother's wilder sense of humor blushed somewhat; she swiped at him but came up with only air when Yami moved away from her reach easily, a small grin on his face and eyes sparkling with pure amusement.

"Um, no thank you. I think I can handle that on my own," Yugi murmured awkwardly, swallowing hard.

Both of them stopped short for a moment before snickering despite how strained the weak attempt at humor came out.

Well, at least they weren't making fun of him.

"All right, well Bakura has Bluebell waiting at the entrance," the blonde announced.

"Bluebell?" Yugi echoed, confused. "Like the ice cream?"

Yami burst out laughing but Mana looked infuriated, puffing her reddened cheeks out and very well taking on the appearance of being utterly constipated. It was not an attractive look. "Bluebell is my car," she snapped, irritated.

"You…named your car…Bluebell?"

"Got a problem with that, Jack?"

"Yugi…"

"Oh my Ra! Seriously?"

Yugi blushed furiously, swallowing hard as Yami doubled over, hugging his stomach with tears in his eyes.

"I…I…You named your car Bluebell!"

Yami was sobbing now, grabbing at his arm to steady himself, wheezing; Yugi was so stunned that he was blurting out repetitions. And his sister, oh Ra he wished luck upon anyone she ended up with; she looked ready to break the boy's kneecaps.

The smallest teen in the group swallowed hard under the girl's glare and almost felt like he might buckle under the weight of Yami's outstretched arm, but at the same time the hand on his arm was perfectly grounding, holding him upright despite Mana's glare. For a moment his mind raced with confusion, with the fear but prominent exhilaration and comforting calm that passed over him with that repetition of wonder at the strange connection with the other boy.

If it had been Joey or Tristan doing this he would have been blurting out apologies by now and then worrying she would tear him to pieces.

His skin tingled. He was embarrassed and her glare made him nervous but he wasn't scared. Not of Yami becoming mad at him as well or even Mana clawing his eyes out.

No, his natural instinct to blurt things out awkwardly when he was nervous was there but he wasn't scared. And that was honestly kind of shocking.

"Quit laughing already. It's not that funny!" Mana snapped, turning her violent blue-green eyes on Yami.

He choked, laughing that much harder.

"Damn it, Yami, it's not that funny!"

"Oh contraire, dear sister, it's hilarious," Yami responded, smirking widely.

Large blue-green eyes rolled dramatically. "So full of shit."

"Oh please, if you were in my place you would be laughing just as fucking hard, Mana. You know damn well that if it was me getting offended over something as stupid as my car's name you wouldn't be able to stop," he stated with a dismissive flick of his wrist. "Honestly, Mana, it's a car. And you named her Bluebell. I told you that someone would confuse it with the ice cream brand at some point. But you didn't listen. It's not my fault Yugi didn't know your car was named Bluebell of all things."

"How dare you! Bluebell is beautiful!"

"Not as a name! It sounds like you're obsessed with ice cream!"

"No it doesn't!"

"It kind of does…"

He hadn't realized he had spoken until Mana leveled him a glare and Yami smirked with a playful wink.

"Two against one, Mana."

"You both suck balls."

"Each other's?" Yami asked innocently, provoking a strangled noise from Yugi's throat that had him blushing furiously once more.

"You have no shame," he breathed out in a weak exhale.

"It's impossible to in my family." The smirk he shot with that statement had his heart skipping a beat even as his face heated all the more.

"Oh please, would you two stop verbal-and-eye-fucking each other for ten minutes?" Mana complained with a slight whining note to her voice.

Yugi covered his fiery face with his hands, struggling not to scream. Gods, why?

And how the hell had he ended up in this position?

He paled drastically, the color draining from his skin completely. Oh gods, where was Rebecca?

He was so screwed if she left already. This was his first time in the states and now…

"I didn't think he could get any paler!" Mana cried in awe.

Yami's palm met his face. Only his sister.

Which reminded him…

"Tell me you at least got the fucking purse because if you didn't—"

"Hey, you got to make out with this adorable little teen over here so don't even pretend you have any right to get mad, Yami," Mana said dismissively.

"Purse?" Yugi muttered, momentarily pushing his panic away to speak.

"I had to cause a distraction so that she could get a stupid purse."

"This…was all about a purse?"

He had known that it wasn't anything real because there was no foundation for something serious but the blow still blindsided him with its strength. Gods, his first kiss was a play by an amazingly hot guy to let his friend get a purse. How lower could this situation possibly sink?

Gods, his mind was spinning and his head was starting to hurt.

It could have been anyone. So why him?

"Shit, are you okay?" Mana asked, alarmed.

"Yeah," he croaked out after a long moment. "Yeah, I'm…"

"Mana, go call Bakura and so help me, if you don't have that purse, I'm smothering you in your sleep."

"Not cool, Yami," she hissed out, grabbing her phone from the jean jacket she was wearing and wandering off.

Vaguely Yugi wondered why he hadn't even glanced at her clothing but he didn't get the chance, startling when red eyes narrowed and took him in; was this the part where Yami stopped being nice and threatened him?

"You look ready to piss yourself," Yami commented with a small sly smirk. "Do you need to pee, Yugi?"

His face turned bright red and he really hated himself for being embarrassed so easily. "W-what? No!"

"Then could you stop making that face? It kind of freaks me out."

Yugi stared at him for a long moment and then finally mumbled, "Why me?" with an undercurrent of hurt that made the slight wobble to his words that much more noticeable. His eyes pricked and stung but his teeth clamped against his tongue stopped any chance of tears. He refused to cry over this.

A long minute passed between them, silence too thick to cut until finally Yami opened his mouth and stated a simple, "Because you're cute and impossible not to notice. And besides that, I like you."

"You…what?" he muttered disbelievingly. "You don't even know me…"

"So what? Never heard of instant attraction?"

"That's…" Yugi trailed off because if he said it was only fairytale stuff he knew he would end up feeling disappointed in himself for it later. Now the question was if Yami actually felt it too or if it was just a joke.

Honestly, Yugi wasn't sure which one he wanted.

They both had their pros and cons equally.

"Don't pretend you don't feel it too. If you didn't, you wouldn't have gone along with it."

"I'm a pacifist," Yugi said awkwardly, clearing his throat.

Yami raised an eyebrow. "You had every chance to run."

Yugi debated this. He did have the chance to run when he pushed Yami into the fountain, when everyone was still arguing; he could have pulled away when they were running from the guard. And he had a feeling Yami wouldn't have stopped him.

"I…I…"

"You feel it too. That's why you didn't run."

He wasn't sure if he should agree or not. If he did, would Yami take advantage of it? If he didn't, would he hurt the other boy?

Yugi decided to stay quiet, watching as Yami studied him.

"You know, I'm kind of curious. You go to my school and yet I have never seen you before," he drawled casually.

He blinked, curiosity making his eyes widen. "You go to Domino High too?"

"Junior."

"What? You're a junior too?"

"Yes." He paused. "Didn't you hear about Vivian being rejected? About how big a douche I was when I lost my temper…?"

"That was you? Someone told me it was Yusei who did that."

"Yusei?" Yami rolled his eyes. "My name doesn't even sound similar."

Yugi cracked a small smile, about to answer when instead his voice produced the words, "What are you doing in California then?"

"My cousin Seto is meeting with the owner of Industrial Illusions for a collaboration with a new game series."

"Oh…"

Yami waited a long minute but Yugi never asked so instead he simply watched as his sister came back into view but remained on the phone.

"So what are you doing here, Yugi?"

"My grandpa and I came here to see his friend and Rebecca," he answered, ignoring the way his body tingled and he found his fingers fidgeting at the lilt of his name off Yami's tongue.

"Hmm…"

"Well Bakura stole Bluebell," Mana huffed. "Drove off to get something to eat."

"Can't even pretend to be surprised," Yami snickered. "Your fault for letting him have the keys."

"Yeah, but last time Malik decided to speed around and practically crash into everything!" Mana whined.

"Whatever. So we're here for the time being."

"Yeah."

"Then let's go have some fun, shall we?"

"But you're already in trouble…"

"I'm not going to be here forever, Mana. Besides, Seto will bail us out if he has to."

Yugi blinked when their attention settled on him expectantly. Confusion swarmed him momentarily before his eyes widened with realization. But that made no sense. Why were they including him?

"I need to find Rebecca," he murmured, finding himself shifting his weight slightly, unnerved by their attention and unsure what else to do.

"Well, we can have fun in the meantime," Yami offered, making Yugi freeze in surprise at the silent pleading in his eyes; Yami really wanted him to stay, to spend more time with him…

"Live a little," Mana teased though Yugi hardly heard her, too caught up in the gaze of the other boy that made his insides burn with arousal, excitement and a curious wonder.

"Um…okay…"

"Great!" Mana cheered.

"Perfect," Yami commented, the casual statement bordering a purr in its amused lilt.

Mana dashed off while Yugi wondered at what they could do and Yami thought about what to do to cause some mayhem, spotting the baby section and taking in the strollers only to stop short when Yugi's stomach suddenly growled loudly, making his head snap towards the blushing teen.

"S-sorry."

"How about pizza?" he asked, ignoring the apology pointedly.

Yugi blushed harder as a thought slapped him across the face. "I don't have any money on me…"

He hadn't come with Rebecca for shopping but to help her carry her things so he didn't have any money on him which was good because it would have been ruined with that fall in the fountain. And thank the gods he had dropped his phone in Rebecca's purse earlier that day.

"That's fine. My card has more than enough on it for a simple pizza."

"But…" He trailed off and his stomach growled again just as loudly as it had before. "Um…okay. Thank you…"

"Now come on, let's get something to eat and then we can find Rebecca and you can leave with her."

Was it just him or did Yami sound upset with that idea?

Maybe he thought that Yugi didn't like him if he was looking for the blonde…

He didn't comment on this suspicion, instead following him without a second thought towards the food court, both going simply unrecognized by all of the others standing around or talking, most conversations focused on them without their actual knowledge towards the two of them; they settled at the table-booth a few minutes later, taking slices in a companionable but slightly awkward silence.

"D-does this count as a date?" Yugi finally blurted out.

"It can," Yami said simply, shrugging. "Or, if you're interested, I could take you on a real one in Domino instead."

His mouth fell open, cheeks tinted a startled pink. Yami wasn't kidding when he said he was interested in him…but if he was serious…Gods, Yami actually wanted to date him!

"But, as far as first dates go, how is this one going for you?"

Yugi blinked and then smiled a little. "It's okay. Kind of cool. Easier than it looks on TV…"

"Well, in the spirit of first dates and new friends, what are some of your interests?"

"Well," Yugi drawled, fighting off a wide smirk as Yami went about sipping his soda, "I don't like having to wait and I enjoy crazy wild monkey make up sex with my boyfriend inside of the mall's fountain."

Yami snorted soda through his nose, recoiling and sniffling as he wiped at it and coughed several times. "Oh my Ra," he choked out, watching as Yugi burst out laughing at him, his blue-violet eyes alight with mischievous amusement that made his lips pull up into a small smirk even as a small chuckle passed through his lips. "I'm sorry. About that."

Yugi rolled his eyes, shaking his head with a small grin. "So is Mana your sister?"

He blinked. "We don't look alike at all, do we?"

"Nope. But Mana…that's an Egyptian name isn't it?"

"Yes. My father is the ambassador."

"But…you don't look Egyptian…" He blinked and the blush that lit his cheeks stunned him rather effectively, his instincts taking over at his momentary, unplanned rudeness. "Oh gods, I'm sorry…"

Yami snorted in amusement. "Oh, please, Yugi. You think I would be this pale if I was a full-blooded Egyptian?" he teased. "No, my mother is Japanese. And the last of the Sennen's so my father took that as his last name. I was the first born and Mom always wanted a boy so she named me Yami. Dad wanted a girl so he named Mana."

"Oh. That's…" Yugi smiled. "That's really sweet and admirable."

Yami shrugged slightly with a small smile. "Yeah, well…"

"Mana is really beautiful," he commented casually; when he didn't blush at his own compliment Yami raised an eyebrow and smirked slightly.

"You leaving me for my sister now, Yugi?"

He chuckled at the massive blush that crossed his face, Yugi ducking his head in response.

"So, is Mana the only beautiful one?" he coaxed, smirking.

"I-isn't that effeminate?" Yugi choked out, swallowing hard and shifting slightly in his seat.

"I don't know. The question is really whether I care," Yami murmured. "How about you tell me, Yugi?"

"Huh?"

Yami nearly purred when those wide blue-violet eyes met his in surprise and confusion. "Well, Yugi, I think you're beautiful so, do you think it's effeminate?"

His head ducked again, Yugi found himself feeling as if someone had just asked him to marry them. There were sparks of pure excitement, a small bite of embarrassment for not having seen it coming; a twist in his stomach pronounced his happiness and the skip of his heart hit him with a rush of adrenaline.

"Um…n-no?" he squeaked. But really, when it came down to it, this was really the only compliment he had ever been given so maybe he was just eager to accept it.

"Well, little one, there you have it. Not effeminate."

Yugi decided not to comment, instead sipping his soda as Yami selected his last piece of pizza and pushed the last slice towards him, the smaller teen offering a grateful smile as he took it, the new silence nothing short of perfectly comfortable; as soon as they had finished Yami found himself texting Mana the message of Are you ready to go? only to receive an answer a few minutes later saying No, Bakura is still running around.

Thank Ra his phone was waterproof at least…

"Well, what do you want to do now?" Yami murmured as they started walking again.

His response was purely impulsive, without any thought of the words about to leave his mouth. "Kissing."

Yami stumbled over his own feet, head whipping around with drastically wide eyes. "What?"

"Um…" He parted his lips just enough to slip his tongue out and wet them. "N-nothing."

The purr built up in his chest and rumbled out so smoothly it was almost like the rippling of water, making Yugi tremble in surprise as his eyes locked with the other boy's; he almost wanted to run just to see if he would give chase, but he was held frozen in place, heart racing as he shifted his weight and a hand that was soft to the touch but bathed in warmth, with long slender digits that stroked his cheek as the taller teen leaned forward. He knew he had the chance to move away even as the thumb worked at his jaw line and the other four fingers splayed out across his soft cheek and the other's face moved closer to his to clear the distance, the taller teen's lips warm but questioning against his; for a moment neither of them moved, Yami waiting and Yugi gathering his willpower to push his lips against his, both of them beginning to move willingly now.

"That's enough now," someone complained after the first minute when Yugi allowed Yami into his mouth, his moans coming out in the form of his hands reaching out for his upper arms and squeezing lightly.

"That is so fucking hot," some girl murmured.

"They haven't come up for air yet," someone else announced in pure wonder.

"You're too young to see this," someone grumbled, followed by the whine of a name neither boy caught.

Yugi wasn't really one for attention but he was one for nearly losing all skeletal structure to fall into a puddle at Yami's feet, his grip on his arms growing tighter and yet loose all at once, the feeling making his head spin with the excitement his heart shot through his system. In a moment of melodrama, he found himself thinking that if he died right that moment, he would leave the world happy.

Yami pulled back just enough to breathe, his exhales ghosting over Yugi's lips just as his did the same, the space between their mouths warmed with the mixture of their breaths; Yugi stared into a pair of hooded eyes that made his spine tingle and arousal course through him.

And oh, when did Yami get so close?

Gods, he could feel his erection almost as harshly as he could feel his own straining against the material of his pants.

Yami chuckled softly, the noise low and sensual, burning its way through Yugi's ears and branding itself into his memory. Everything in his body was tingling and—

"Run!"

Both of their heads snapped around, their jaws unhinging in gapes as Mana tore through the area with multiple bags on and a mannequin in her arms; people were rushing out of her way, obviously having branded her as a lunatic, and if Yami wasn't her brother he would have pretended not to know her.

"You should probably make a run for it. Go find Rebecca and all that," Yami commented casually.

Yugi blinked and turned his head but he couldn't tear his eyes off the ridiculous scene. "H-huh? B-but—"

"Hey, I'll see you again. Don't worry about it," Yami promised candidly, easily, chuckling softly. "We go to the same school, remember?"

"But—"

"Seriously, Yugi, everything will be fine. Now go find Rebecca and get out of here."

Yugi wasn't too keen on the idea but he listened regardless, somehow finding the strength to tear his eyes away and focus on the taller teen. He was related to Seto Kaiba so no doubt it would be easy for the two of them to be let off the hook. He pressed a kiss to Yami's cheek, feeling the skin warm beneath his lips and biting down a moan at the sensation before making a run for it when he spotted a blonde with pigtails, hoping it was Rebecca because it would have been awkward otherwise; only when he got to her side did he turn around to see Yami and Mana racing off with one of the mannequin's arms in between them, their laughter bouncing through the air.

Yugi shook his head, smiling widely.

It took a month.

One agonizing, overly long month.

Yugi was on the roof for lunch that day.

The wind was warm with the heat of the sun, tugging at his clothes and hair with playful fingers. There was a rare puffy white cloud against the most beautiful of clear blue skies. The dull roar of traffic far below tickled his eardrums like faint laughter. Every once in a while the chains of the link fence would rattle with the force of the wind's gentle caresses and where the noise sometimes irritated him, now it brought a small smile to his lips, his heart oddly calm and soothed by the sound.

He startled—violently—when a voice murmured his name in a tone so low it threatened to drown in the other noises occupying the space around them.

But the skip of his heart should have been enough to tell him of the other boy's presence.

Because, as sudden as it had been, it was still constant.

And it showed him just how much the other boy meant to him.

He turned around, the smile on his face bright and warm as the sun overhead, answered with a small lopsided smirk and the few steps forward it took for him to approach the small teen's side, his voice soft and affectionate as it carried his name.

"Yami."


	2. The First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, so I was watching What About Bob, Analyze That, and reading Who Put That Hair in my Toothbrush and playing Donkey Kong and somehow, I came up with this. Also looked up "Hilarious Car Chase" on Youtube and found a few that worked SO well as an example for this part of the story (Yes there is a third part I am working on).  
> Still no lemons, but some innuendos and a little bit of mentioned sex/sexual tension as you already read in the first part. STILL not a comedian—you're welcome cause I still SUCK at straight-up jokes.  
> ANYWAYS! Hope this is just as funny as the first but if it's not, again, I'm so NOT a comedian.  
> Note: I don't know of any phone company that actually does what Yugi's does but I liked the idea so it ended up popping in here.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh.

The First Date

"Stop it," Yugi hissed softly, batting his fingers away.

For a brief second the warm tips of his slender appendages did not stroke at his elbow again but the next moment they were back and his lips pulled up into an involuntary grin at the tickling sensation, reaching over and swatting at his hand.

"Yami, knock it off."

The taller teen huffed and red eyes flickered towards the ceiling for a moment before drifting back; as soon as Yugi had started writing Yami's fingertips reached out and stroked, causing a small yelp of laughter to bubble up through his mouth as he jumped and dropped his pencil.

The entire class stopped short and, if not for the massive blush on Yugi's face, he would not have been implemented at all since the teacher hadn't been paying attention. But the red stain gave him away and the smaller teen found himself staring at his sheet awkwardly as the teacher snapped, "Mr. Motou, do you have a problem?"

He shook his head while others snickered and Yami lazily raised his hand, loudly announcing, "There's a cockroach in the corner over there—on the ceiling. I think you should really do something about that. Very unsanitary."

She whipped around and the class burst out laughing when she turned back with a furious glare, green eyes blazing in anger. "Mr. Sennen—"

"I thought you two were already on a first name basis, Mrs. Chono. I mean, you did try to date his dad and he did throw you down flat," someone else called out and Yugi's face turned bright red when he realized that Bakura had just inserted himself into the conversation; the other teen was playing with his pencil in visible boredom, an index on both ends, tilting it up and down and watching it without so much as a glance upwards. "Shit, I thought you were going to make a move on his mom when he ignored you the first two times."

Yugi found himself choking on his own saliva, startled by the comment and swallowing hard at the suddenness, at the implications, blushing more furiously and hoping that he didn't end up blurting things out as his natural reaction to nervousness bid he do so.

When he had first met the silver-haired teen, what had come out of his mouth was a simple, "Son of a bitch, there are more of you?" directed in a sharp tone towards his cousin who had his face in his palm as he shook his head.

And Malik's response had been crazier by far; when he'd spotted them Yugi had been hit in the forehead with a paper hornet that'd made him cry out in pain while Yami had awkwardly struggled not to laugh while trying to make sure he was okay. Yugi had assured him he was fine but had ended up laughing his ass off when Yami got hit in the face with one, straight between his eyes, with a small piece of plastic at the end coated with black permanent ink that soaked his skin and left him furious. It had taken twelve different tries to get it off and at one point Yami had tried to coax Yugi into taking his pants off—once with the statement "I heard that pee is highly acidic—it might be able to get it off" and another with "Maybe blowjobs will do it" and ended with "Son of a—Yugi, drop your fucking pants!"—while the smaller boy had cracked up and fought him off at every turn, the two of them ending up sprawled on the floor of the boys' bathroom, laughing with Yami trying to get his pants off and Yugi constantly moving his hands away.

It hadn't been too surprising considering that Yami had insinuated multiple times in front of everyone that they were dating and that they had participated in "hot wild monkey make up sex" in a fountain.

Yami had to be the most hormonal but sweet and annoyingly beautiful as well as pathetically frustrating teen Yugi had ever met. When Yami got nervous or lost his train of thought, somehow it always ended up becoming sexual, though he never really made moves to do much more than tease and poke him, prod until Yugi wanted to scream at him but could only laugh due to the heavy tension that would seep into the air between them.

"Mr.—"

"Oh please," the silver-haired teen snapped, rolling his eyes. "Don't even bother with the punishment act. I could not give less of a fucking shit. So how about you stop while you're still ahead and leave me alone?"

"What's wrong with him?" someone muttered softly and Yugi didn't realize it was him until dark coffee-brown eyes narrowed and flickered towards him in annoyance, blazing slightly before settling again.

"He and Malik are having a fight again," Yami explained quietly, reaching up and scratching at his chin. "But I have no idea about what."

"Oh…"

"Last time I checked, it was over something about Bakura hating checkers and Malik sucking at Uno. I don't know, but I honestly don't care. They get into it every other week," he murmured, waving his hand dismissively with a single lazy flick of his wrist.

The silver-haired teen smirked in amusement; so Yami actually didn't know. Good. He might actually win this bet then.

"Okay then," Yugi commented, trying to make his voice light as if he didn't care but knowing that intense feeling of curiosity that tore at his insides like razor blades. "Um…we're still…?"

It took him a moment to understand the question he had left unfinished but eventually his mind supplied him with it and a small but impossibly beautiful, bright smile crossed his face and claimed his lips.

"Yeah. We're still going out later."

He wasn't sure why he needed the confirmation. They had been planning it for a whole week now, but it definitely helped to dispel some of his disbelief that he was dating the other teen to hear it from his mouth for the perhaps twentieth time already.

But it never failed to amaze him and that flutter in his stomach never faded with the thought.

The two of them had met on accident in a mall in California. Yami had gone with his cousins and little sister on a business trip and Yugi had gone with his grandpa to see a family friend. Yami had chosen Yugi to be part of the distraction he was putting on to get his little sister Mana the purse she wanted that a woman was apparently "body-guarding with her life" as the blonde would say every time the story came up amongst the group.

The attraction had been rather instantaneous and far from deniable the moment they met, and that sexual tension between them remained no matter how hard they tried not to draw attention to it. When Yami kissed him, there were sparks on his tongue and his entire body felt overwhelmed with the pleasure of it all.

Even after a week, it was still just as intense as it was the first time.

And the entire week Yugi thought his face would be stained red forever because the teen had no filter and his thoughts were everywhere and when he got the words out of his mouth, half the time they were sexual and left him blushing so furiously he couldn't even think straight.

The first time he blushed after their little chance meeting in which Yugi had spent a month waiting for him to come back from the states, he had just met the family as a group aside from his parents who were out on a business trip. Instead it had been Yami taking him to his house to see Mana, Malik and Bakura while Seto and Mokuba came by later.

The first thing out of Seto's mouth after he and Mana had told the story about how they met had been, "Damn it, Yami, I thought we already explained this to you—you can't just go around fucking molesting people all the goddamned time!" to which Yami had snapped, "Hey, he was totally into it! I didn't do anything to him that he didn't want!"

The second had come a moment later when the argument of "Just because he kissed back doesn't mean he wants you to try to bed him" had broken out and the entire family had spent twenty minutes debating this in which Yugi had turned so red that he was pretty sure he was like a zit in outer space. He figured they could probably power up an entire city with the heat his face dealt with.

Then it was "At least I didn't try to kidnap him!" from Yami to Malik who sputtered, "Son of a bitch! I thought we weren't going to talk about that ever again!" while Bakura howled, "You better watch your little boy toy over there. I think Malik might get a few ideas!" and Seto snapped, "How the fuck am I related to you idiots?" then Mokuba asked, "Ideas? What kind of ideas? Seto, what does he mean by that?" which caused Yugi to blurt out, "I don't want to be kidnapped!" which had effectively halted all conversation and thrown them each into laughter while he groaned and covered his face, shaking his head at his own outburst.

Yugi didn't think he could even recount the times that he had blushed, there were so many. In just one day he must have been so red they could call Crayola and market the shade as a new color altogether. In two days he wondered if maybe he was going to burn his skin off. In three he fiddled with the idea that his skin would flake like a sunburn. In four he wondered the odds of dying of heat stroke induced by blushing. In five he contemplated the possibility of there being a cure for blushing online and then felt silly because blushing was hardly a disease and besides that, Yami seemed to love making him do so. In six he wanted to wring the red-eyed teen's neck because his face felt too hot and red for him to even function. In seven he seriously debated piling on tons of makeup to make sure his blush wasn't visible and thus making it impossible to give Yami reason to try to make him do it again.

He was just happy Yami was sweet about it. He at least didn't try to do it to drive him crazy but rather because it made him happy and because he knew that the teasing didn't bother him. He wasn't cruel about it but Yugi had to admit that blushing so constantly drove him insane half of the time and he knew that Yami knew that but still neither of them cared enough to fight over it.

He loved it when Yami smiled and Yami got the widest smile ever, like a million-watt bulb, whenever Yugi blushed. So, honestly, he couldn't complain but he commonly wondered at the possibility of having his blood pool under his cheeks and stay there forever if he wasn't careful and Yami didn't let up some.

But gods if that teen didn't make him so happy the blushing was actually worth it.

"Okay."

Yami raised an eyebrow but let it go nonetheless, instead smirking slightly before leaning forward and whispering, "And you know, I think I could get used to you being with me in public. Maybe to the point that you won't even care when I touch you all over…"

"Eep!" he squeaked, jumping a mile when he felt Yami's digits running along his side teasingly, his noise making everyone in class look over while Yami cracked up and the teacher stared blankly, Bakura pausing mid-snatch of his detention form to watch them.

"I really hope that isn't a sex noise," Yami teased softly, eyes sparkling like twin rubies and making his heart pound a little faster even as all of his blood shot to his cheeks in a wild red blush. "Because as much as I love it, I don't think 'eep' is the word I want you saying."

"Yami!" he groaned, covering his face with his hands and shaking his head, his palms burning with the rush of blood.

"That's it!" he laughed. "That's the word! There you go, Yugi!"

He couldn't stop himself from laughing slightly before reaching over and swatting his arm, making the other teen snicker; anyone else and he would have taken this entire encounter as some kind of show of possession, of Yugi being Yami's, but the teen didn't act that way and so he had no reason to pretend that he was.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop…" He snickered and caught Yugi's wrist in his hand, tracing at his pulse with his thumb and smirking widely.

"You better," he snapped, but his voice came out with an undertone of a whine that was curiously amusing to the other teen who grinned widely.

"I can't help how cute you are!" he objected. "Blame it on your parents. They're the ones who—"

He covered his mouth with his hand, knowing exactly where Yami was going with it, the statement of "I'm not the one who told them to fuck and make such a beautiful boy" was his most common excuse for touching him all over and making him squeal and laugh until he couldn't breathe anymore, nearly sobbing with his happiness and pleasure.

"Ssh, not in public," he muttered, blushing furiously when he was shot a few curious looks.

"But…oh fine," Yami mumbled around his fingers and Yugi recoiled when he pulled his hand away and stared at the line of saliva in his palm. "But only if you lick it off."

"Oh, what?" he squeaked, head snapping around as his face turned that much brighter.

Yami shook his head, laughing. "Just kidding. That's not what I want you to lick anyways."

Yugi groaned and threw his forehead into the desk, letting out a pitiful whining noise as Yami's name rolled off his tongue once more.

"You keep setting yourself up for this," he snickered, though his tone was gentle and far from even slightly malicious.

"Jerk."

"Me off. Yes, please."

"Yami!" he squeaked again, folding his arms and burying his face in them. "Stop it!"

"Okay, okay!" he laughed, sitting back in his seat and smirking as his cousin finally snatched the paper from her and wandered off, their teacher still too stunned by their little display to even really know that he had moved in the first place.

Nobody moved or spoke again until the bell rang and they started shuffling off for their next class; the odd thing was that, despite having six classes together, not once had Yami and Yugi interacted before.

It kind of made both of them wonder how they could have possibly missed each other the entire time.

Yugi was just lucky that most of the time none of his classes had seating arrangements unless the teacher moved them for being disruptive. Or for tests or something or other, so most of the time Yami could actually sit next to him and the two of them could hold hands under the desks if they were careful enough.

"Yami, hey, I—"

"Vivian, could you please go hump someone else's leg?" Yami drawled in annoyance while Yugi stopped short, opening his mouth once before clamping his hands over his lips to make sure he didn't blurt anything out again. "You're like a fucking hyena. Bitches always got to bring drama."

"Well that escalated quickly."

Yami and Vivian both looked at him with raised eyebrows, obviously surprised by his statement and Yugi smacked his forehead with the heel of his palm; dear gods, he hadn't meant to speak out loud again.

"I believe you already know why I don't like Vivian, Yugi," he muttered, nudging him with a small tap of his elbow to his arm that made Yugi snort in discomfort; those beady brown eyes were still staring him—he could feel them. He wondered if this was what it felt like for a wheel of cheese to be stared down by a hungry rat.

And then he remembered that cheese couldn't feel anything.

So then he felt stupid.

Which was why he folded his arms and threw his head into them, grabbing at his bang with his right index finger and pulling with a frustrated feeling.

"Sick?"

Yugi wished. "No. I'm okay. Please continue talking—"

"He doesn't need permission to talk to me," Vivian snapped at him coldly before her eyes settled on Yami again.

"Who the fuck are you to talk to him like that?" Yami spat, glaring. "Fuck off, Vivian."

"Yami, this is ridiculous. We used to be—"

"What? Friends?" he growled. "We were never friends, Vivian. You were in my class. I spoke to you twice—and one of them was just for an opinion on your favorite class for a survey, you dumb bitch. So no, let's think about this for a second—"

"You kissed me behind the bleachers—"

"I thought she kissed you," Yugi muttered in confusion, surprising himself once more with his own comment.

"Stay out of this," Vivian snapped. "You're not even involved in this conversation."

"That's my boyfriend you're talking to."

"Oh please, let's be serious, Yami, there's no way that you're gay."

Blue-violet eyes shot back and forth between them, chewing his cheek harshly so that blood soaked his tongue.

"Are you fucking daft?" Yami spat, rolling his eyes and reaching over to ruffle Yugi's hair in reassurance at the startled look he was giving him. "I like dick."

He choked on his own tongue and blushed furiously, reaching up to cover his mouth which was half-open in true shock.

"As in flesh that hangs between your legs and—"

The low screechy noise that shot through the air left him stunned and confused as to what the source was until both of them continued staring at him with dumbfounded expressions before Yami burst out laughing and Vivian curled her lip back in distaste.

"I highly doubt he has anything for you to blow on," she snapped.

Yami's laughter stopped abruptly and Yugi found himself really wishing he could fall through the floor as he made yet another choking sound before hitting his own chest several times with his fist.

"Right, but you probably do," the red-eyed teen drawled, propping his left elbow on the desk and putting his chin in his hand.

Her cheeks turned red with embarrassment and frustration and Yami waved a hand dismissively as his eyes flickered towards Yugi who tried not to choke on his tongue again.

"Yami, you're so full of shit—"

"I'm full of shit?" he snapped, getting up and glaring at her furiously. "You ambushed me behind the fucking bleachers! And then I told you off and you put on crocodile tears and made everyone think that I had hit you!"

"Oh my gods…he's abusive now."

Yugi covered his mouth but was gawking behind his hands, staring at Yami with wide eyes only to find that he was cracking up and did not look even slightly put off by the comment.

"Oh my Ra."

"Seriously? He's got like…fucking Turrets or something and you're over here pretending that he's perfectly okay?"

"That's not Turrets," Yami muttered, laughing harder before pausing and looking at Yugi with his lips pulled back in a grin like the Cheshire cat. "Hey, aibou, want to play a game?"

"Um…sure…?"

"Okay, so we're going to pretend to have Turrets."

"What? Why would we do that?"

"Because it's fun and this bitch just claimed that you have it. And if you can fake it then it proves that you don't have it."

"…Um…I'm not really sure that's how it works…"

Yami ignored this, instead screeching, "Snot-rocket!"

"Uh…stinky…cheese-dick?" he muttered, blushing because he couldn't think of how to progress with this game.

"You know, normally I think we're supposed to start out with the non-suggestive ones first, but I like how you roll," Yami teased, winking at him until his face turned fire-truck red and he couldn't tear his eyes away from his. "Dingle-berry face!"

"Ass-wipe!"

"Douche!"

"Slut bucket!"

"Shit face!"

"Whore face!"

"How can you have a face like a whore?" Yami commented quietly, furrowing his brows before looking at Vivian and snapping his fingers. "Good job, Yugi."

"Oh, oh—!" He covered his face with his hands, blushing furiously and Vivian glared at him angrily. "I didn't—"

"Sure you did," Yami drawled before he could get the words out and Yugi had the impulse to both laugh and swat him a couple of times but settled for blushing harder and shaking his head in denial. "Your turn aibou."

"I don't want to play this game anymore."

"Just one more, okay?"

If Yugi didn't care so much about him he would have snapped at him that he didn't want to anymore but instead he sucked in a deep breath and said, "Cunt!" in as loud a voice as he would allow himself to.

Yami recoiled like he had struck him and Yugi backtracked violently for a moment before blinking when the taller teen cried, "Ra, Yugi, how fucked up is that? I mean, why the hell would you just fucking call me by Vivian's middle name?!" in a horribly distressed voice.

Vivian gawked as did Yugi who blushed several shades of red both because of the insult and because his body was threatening to let loose his laughter and he really didn't want that to happen yet. Not with her right there. Plus it was so rude and he was raised to always be polite and, oh, this was horrible but he couldn't stop the impulse to laugh his ass off at the girl.

"Yami—"

"Vivian Cunt Wong. It sounds just so right, don't you think, Yugi?"

He didn't answer, instead clamping his teeth into his cheeks and staring at the desk in front of him pointedly; he would not open his mouth again. He refused to open his mouth again because he had no doubt that he would never make it out of this situation with his entire body still working and intact.

"So help me, Yami—"

"So help you, what, Vivian?" he snapped. "I'm not a hyena and I won't bow to your little whims you stupid bitch. I already told you the day you practically attacked me behind the bleachers that I didn't like you—at all—and you still didn't listen. So make a point to do it now. I am gay. And Yugi right here is my boyfriend. And if you don't back the fuck off, I swear I'll ruin you. Do we understand each other?"

Yugi wished he could melt into a puddle and disappear now as his skin crawled beneath the glare that Vivian shot him before she went back to her seat with a dark look at Yami as well, ignoring them both pointedly as she took a seat again.

He didn't encounter Vivian again until he was getting his things from his locker; Joey, Tristan and Tea were coming down the hall from their own lockers when she approached and threw him into the locker with a shove of her shoulder into his.

"Yami is still mine," she snapped at him as she passed, Yugi quiet and staring as he watched her go.

"What happened with her?" Joey demanded, rushing to his side.

"I, uh…nothing. She, uh…she's confused. Don't worry about it."

"Are you okay?" Tea asked softly.

"I'm fine," he said with a small smile. "She's just confused."

Did it count as confusion if she was delusional about someone else's sexuality?

He kind of had to wonder about that much.

"So, Yugi, what kind of movies do you like?" Yami announced as he slipped over to his side after the group had separated for Joey and Tristan to move along with Tea down the street while Yami's cousins and sister wandered off.

They had always been interrupted when the conversation came up before, mostly because Yugi's own friends had leaped at the chance to get to know Yami seeing as they were now dating. But sometimes it was because Yami's cousins decided to be somewhat annoying in their questions and would mess around with things they shouldn't have in the first place.

He blushed now, because they had decided to pick a movie when they got to the theater and would possibly catch dinner before or after that happened depending on the showing of the movie they chose.

"Um, I've kind of been told that I'm a pain in the ass with movies—I pick them apart a lot. But I like a lot of different genres…I guess I watch comedy more than anything though…"

Yami nodded once. "Well then, we're right up each other's alleys aibou," he chuckled. "Bakura and Malik refuse to go to movies with me anymore because of that now."

"Yami!"

He frowned at the tone to her voice. "Mana, what the hell are you shouting for?"

"Because it's about fucking time that you answered the phone!"

"Why are you even calling me? Bakura was supposed to pick you up from your dance lessons, not me."

"Bakura isn't here yet!"

"So maybe he's running a little late—aw fucking hell…"

"What? What happened?"

"Nothing. He's just…right here. In front of me—instead of picking you up from your dance lessons!" he commented loudly, making the silver-haired teen look up in surprise before realization dawned in his eyes and he ended up making a chortling laughing noise before rushing off for his car.

"All right, he'll be there in a few minutes. Don't—"

"Okay, thanks, bye now!"

Yami stared at his phone for a long minute and then shook his head in annoyance, rolling his eyes before crossing his arms and dropping his phone into his pocket. Well there went his ride to the movies. But that was okay. He could make it walking if nothing else happened.

But first he needed to get something to eat really fast and then he could get ready and meet up with Yugi for their date.

His insides tingled.

He was going on his first ever date. And with Yugi Motou of all people, his boyfriend.

The cutest little teen in all of Japan—and possibly the world—was his boyfriend.

Now he just had to figure out how to keep from doing something stupid—and he was known for being drawn into these stupid situations—and he was golden.

He let out a breath when he spotted Mana's hamster on the chest of drawers, because why the fuck was General Fluffy out of his cage? His eyes flickered around quickly, wondering where in the world Milky Way was and why General Fluffy was still alive at this point.

His eyes fell on the sleek black-and-silver-furred she-cat sitting a few feet away on her scratching post with perfect balance even as she licked up the entirety of her slender right foreleg.

Red eyes flickered towards white and ginger fur and his mind raced with possibilities because how the fuck did he get out of his cage again?

Okay, so if he moved slowly enough maybe he could get to General Fluffy without alerting Milky Way to the fact that he was right there; then again, if he went over to her and pet her some, she would melt like putty under his hand and purr and he could carry her downstairs and put her in the kitchen with some cat food and keep her busy.

But if he did that, he might miss it when General Fluffy started to move again.

Yami narrowed his eyes, looking between the two pets and then realized slowly that he could cover the stupid rat thing with the bug catcher he had and keep him there before taking his beautiful kitty downstairs and feed her, play a little with her and then get him back in his stupid cage.

The bug catcher, thankfully, was only a few inches away from the fuzz-ball in the first place; it only took one quick movement to get over there and slam the plastic container over the hamster who squeaked slightly while his cat froze and looked over with bright intelligent eyes that accompanied the sharp tilt of her dark black head. Her ears flicked, the predatory nature of the cat kicking in as she narrowed her eyes into slits and stared; Yami glanced at the hamster, at the random spots of bright ginger and white, frowning slightly before smirking when it ran straight into the plastic and then repeated on all four sides before just standing still in the middle of the little container.

Now Yami knew for a fact that if his weight hadn't been distributed to keep the cage down, the stupid thing would have gotten knocked over but he still turned his attention to Milky Way instead because if he stayed where he was she would be the one to attack that plastic a second later. The teen was careful to pull his weight away, making sure that it was not noticeable to the hamster before going over to the she-cat who acknowledged his approach with a stare before standing and arching her back, purring and stretching her left paw out.

Yami chuckled in amusement and reached out to pet her, feeling her fur shift beneath his fingers like silk as a purr rumbled through the small feline and he could tell she was hungry regardless; it was strange, but she had this weird habit of telling him when she was hungry at the exact same time every day, by stretching her paw out when he approached and melting into his embrace purely because she knew it would get her food.

His mom often said she was the smartest one in the house because of this, and half the time Yami agreed because his and Mana's habits for getting into idiotic situations was amazing. The craziness that always followed them around was astounding.

He plucked her off the carpet-covered cat-post and pulled her to him in order to hold her as if she were a baby, snickering when she continued purring and her tail flicked on his arm; he got her downstairs and placed her on the counter like he always did, watching her tail flick as he pulled out the can of cat food and undid the lid, grabbing the bowl from the cabinet and a fork to scoop it out.

She continued purring for a little while before rubbing against him and starting to eat; he dropped the fork into the sink and hurried upstairs, finding that General Fluffy had definitely knocked the bug catcher over and escaped. He had to admit that he had kind of wished the stupid hamster hadn't lived through it purely because then he wouldn't have to mess with finding it before Milky Way did.

Frustrated, the red-eyed teen crouched on the ground and peered under the dresser before his guts suddenly twisted and his stomach churned and his head turned towards the doorway slowly; oh gods, had that fucking rat scurried out of the room?

A groan passed through his lips as he sat up again and looked around; he couldn't have gotten very far, right? He was tiny. And he had zero sense of direction or survival or—oh Ra, he was going to be a pet murderer if he didn't get this little hairball back!

Now, how did one go about looking for a hamster?

He cursed under his breath; wasn't there something about flashlights or something or other he was supposed to do?

Yami huffed petulantly; why couldn't Mana have just gotten a fucking cat? At least that way he could just point a laser around the room and wait for it to come out and try to catch it…

A low whining sigh passed through him as he finally relented himself to finding the little creature, thinking for a long moment before peering under his bed and then glancing around curiously; if he was a hamster, where would he go…?

His eyes narrowed into slits. If he was a hamster…

Well, first of all, he'd look better than General Fluffy. Ginger and white was so ordinary it made his skin crawl. No, he'd want to look cool like Milky Way—black and silver, maybe with a little white on his little pink clawed paws. And of course he'd keep his eye color because there was no way he would swap red for beady brown.

Aside from that, he wouldn't have even gotten out in the first place because really, what was there to explore in this house? Mana practically took him all around there when she was home anyways. She liked to pretend he was as awesome as Milky Way was.

Yami snorted at the thought; as if that little fuzz-ball could ever compare to his magnificent kitten.

Red eyes scanned the room for a moment and impatience tapped at his senses. He didn't have all day for this; he had to meet up with Yugi for their date!

His stomach hummed with warmth but did nothing to help him out.

Hmm…okay, hadn't he seen a show where the guy had "become" the snake?

Oh yes, he knew he had.

Now what had he done?

Right, he'd "centered" himself, cleared his mind, focused on the snake, and then became the snake.

Yami could do that. He could definitely do that, because, why not? Why wouldn't he be able to?

He closed his eyes and pictured the hamster in his head. Ginger patches against white fur, beady brown eyes staring back at him, a large pinkish-tinted nose, clawed pinkish-tinted paws, little ears…

If he was General Fluffy, he would be…

In his cage, because that was where he fucking belonged and—no, no, no Yami, only General Fluffy.

For some reason that brought forth the idea of Mana dressing him up for Christmas, of the tiny little dark brown antlers she had put on his head and the red cape that had fallen across his back and Yami fell over laughing at the thought.

Fuck, the family photos with that little rat dressed up had been amazing.

He'd been in every one of them because his mom loved it, but that little thing had been weird in its little poses, occasionally pawing at his antlers or sometimes staring at the camera intently. But mostly it was hilarious because he had pooped in Mana's hand each time the camera went off.

Yami had laughed so hard he'd cried and rolled on the ground and Milky Way, who had been dressed in a simple bell around her sleek neck, had stared at him for a few minutes before jumping on his stomach and curling up while he was still surprised by her sudden appearance.

But Ra, if Mana hadn't gotten so whiny and mad about General Fluffy constantly pooping in her hands! When Bakura and Malik had come over only a few minutes later they had witnessed General Fluffy tinkling on Mana's arm when she went to move him into his cage; the two psychos had fallen over themselves in laughter and had practically guffawed when his mom clicked a picture and Mana screamed that he wouldn't stop pooping on her.

Oh shit, no, he would not ever want to be General Fluffy.

He let out a breath, still laughing, and listened hard; weren't those things known for squeaking?

Yami covered his face with his hand when he was hit with the sound of Yugi squeaking at the thought, trying hard not to snicker because this was far from a good time to think of him.

No, he needed to focus.

He needed to be the hamster.

A squeaking noise interrupted his thoughts and made him stare in confusion; what the fuck was that?

A groan slipped through his lips; of course he would forget that quickly, right?

He rolled his eyes in annoyance at his own thoughts and shook his head, peering under the bed and around again, listening and struggling not to just start throwing things out of his furniture and tossing said items around.

Because fuck him, he refused to have to clean that up.

And he was still confused about how exactly the fuzz-ball got into his room of all places. What kind of idiocy was this?

He narrowed his eyes slightly in annoyance before shaking his head.

Focus. He had to focus—the squeaking came again a little further away and this time he pinpointed it as out in the hallway, getting up and racing out there; it turned out to be a bad move to run so fast because the second he got out there he watched the tiny rodent go tumbling down the stairs with loud squeaks every impact.

His mouth fell open, begging to let loose his laughter, but fought off the impulse just long enough to go down after him; the second he got down there the little ball of fur tore off into the kitchen and all hell broke loose.

Milky Way shot forward and smacked the ball of fur straight across the room and leaped after him, springing on nimble paws while Yami tried to catch up with what was going on exactly.

Oh holy fuck—She wasn't even de-clawed!

But the hamster wasn't bleeding from what he could see…

Either way…

"Milky Way, no," he snapped at her; normally that tone of voice would make her look over at him and then step aside but now she instead busied herself with swatting General Fluffy away and leaping again. Both of them watched him sail under the gap beneath the fridge, Milky Way going over and reaching her paw under as he squeaked and Yami was pretty sure the little thing was probably relieving itself on the floor by this point.

He snickered at the thought but immediately groaned at the idea of it being hurt.

Mana would kill him…

He grabbed at the black and silver she-cat and she squirmed but didn't turn her claws on him; instead he managed to get her to the table and place her there before watching as she immediately leaped down and went back over.

A repeat of the action had her leaping again and the third time she gave him a look that clearly said, You know I'm going to go get that thing no matter how many times you put me up here, right?

Yami watched her as she clawed under the fridge again and his stomach twisted with the idea of what he planned to do, of the only thing he could think to do—he squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself not to look, grabbing the black device and pulling it until he couldn't anymore, pulling the trigger—

She let out a yowl like she'd been shot and he could hear her scrabbling, racing off, yowling again when he trailed it after her, still not looking; he only risked squinting through his right eye the second that he knew she was out of the room.

He dropped the sink hose back in place, muttering, "I'm sorry Milky Way, I didn't mean to" several times under his breath and almost wanting to cry at the idea of having sprayed his kitten with water before fighting it off and going over to the fridge.

Maybe if he sprayed under there…?

He winced.

The thing would probably drown if he did that.

The squeaking happened again a little away from him and he scrambled much like Milky Way had, struggling against the wet surface and falling on his stomach just as it disappeared under the sink.

Gods, he was going to kill Mana for picking this little thing as a pet.

"Here, General Fluffy. Come here, General Fluffy." He rolled his eyes; did hamsters even respond to their names? He didn't think so but with the way that Mana constantly talked to him, you would think he spoke back; he paused all movements, eyes widening. What a scary thought.

He shook it off and pulled the sink cabinet open all the way, peering into the darkness and frowning; what the fuck? When did they get so many things?

He looked at the detergents and snatched the Finish packs; so that was where they went! He had thought they were out. Oh good, because now he could pretend to wash the dishes on his chore nights and just drop them in the washer again.

Oh, life was beautiful!

He snatched the hamster suddenly, seeing his chance and seizing it as quickly as possible, but as he caught it and pulled it out, going to drop the metal case of soap back against the wood and close the door, he let out a yowl akin to his cat when the hamster bit him. An involuntary jerk of his hand sent the tiny animal catapulting through the air and into one of the open pantry's shelves.

"Oh shit!" he cried, hurrying over and peering into the pantry, searching but hearing nothing and nearly wailing in dismay when he could catch nothing of movement; had he killed it? Oh Ra, if he had killed it, Mana would never forgive him! And what if she told Yugi? If she told Yugi, he might just break up with him!

Yami wailed with the thought, a low keen noise that brought a squeak of alarm and a hiss that made his heart leap with joy. The little fucker was still alive!

He looked over towards the living room to find that Milky Way was actually sitting on top of the couch's backrest, watching him with narrowed eyes, tail lashing slightly; she didn't look as wet as he had thought, but she had probably gone to work with her tongue. He wouldn't be surprised; the only time he had ever given her a bath, she had licked herself dry in only five minutes, glaring at him petulantly for a couple of days with a lashing tail but overall okay.

His eyes turned back to his sister's rat's hiding place. He just had to figure out which shelf he was on and life would be grand. He could go on his date and be a happy little red-eyed Egyptian and just live life in bliss.

A small hum of approval escaped him as he leaned forward to start sorting through the spices; a spider in the back had him yelping and snatching his hand back, smacking straight into the upper shelf that came toppling down suddenly. The flour on the shelf exploded into the air just as Milky Way yowled almost as if in laughter and General Fluffy squeaked loudly and tore his way across the floor; Yami watched almost in slow motion as the black cat caught sight of him and leaped off the couch to the banister and onto the table, bunching her muscles as the flour-coated rodent started scurrying.

He grabbed the hose again, as quickly as possible, aiming, and then yelled in surprise when his cat yowled and tore out of the room and General Fluffy squeaked in one continuous cry and water slammed into his face in thick droplets. The fuck was going on?

He released but the suddenness of the movement shot water straight into his face in a massive stream and caused him to cry out, flailing his arms awkwardly as he jammed his hip into the counter and yelped in pain.

What the fuck?

The water turned off due to nothing holding the trigger and the red-eyed teen gawked at it in surprise before snatching it off the ground and realizing that in his haste he had jerked it too hard, dislocating the nozzle slightly.

But he didn't have time to fix it so he threw it back into its place and snatched General Fluffy off the ground, hurrying up the stairs before the stupid thing had time to gather its wits about having been half-drowned just moments before.

He dropped him into his cage easily and locked it, even putting several jewelry boxes in front of the door and growling out, "Don't you dare fucking move, you rodent! I swear I'll let Milky Way eat you!"

The stupid fuzz-ball turned and crawled onto the wheel and Yami nearly screamed in frustration at the audacity of the creature.

And, oh holy fuck, now he had to clean the kitchen and put the pantry back together and take a shower and…Life so sucked.

Yugi debated for a full twenty minutes whether to call him or not; his fingers constantly hovered over his contact, desperate to press, but he forced it off each time. No, he was being clingy and really desperate.

Yami would call him if anything came up.

Right?

Right.

…Right?

Yugi bit his lip and tossed the phone onto the bed next to him, putting his hands in his lap and struggling not to tremble with exhilaration before pulling his right forefinger to his teeth and tugging at his nail. Oh gods, he was going to cry if he didn't get his mind off of this soon!

Video games.

Yes, he'd use video games…

"Malik, I need help."

"Huh?"

"I said I need help. I need you…to drive me to the movie theater." He pinched the bridge of his nose, resisting the urge to curse under his breath. "I, um…overslept and needed to get ready and now I really need you to drive me."

He didn't like the purring. "Sure thing, cousin."

Yami looked at some flecks of flour caught under his nail and grimaced. The crap had set like cement and it was so hard to dig under there and get it all.

He wanted to cry half the time just looking at them; what was Yugi going to think if he saw this?!

He shook the thought off and dug through his backpack to pull his wallet out, checking twice and then a third time and a fourth before being completely satisfied with the idea of the amount of money in the little pouch of leather.

He spent ten minutes waiting and then lunged out the door with the speed of a bullet when he heard Bluebell in the driveway. Vaguely he wondered how Malik had gotten Bluebell but at the same time he was just so relieved that he couldn't care less.

"Drive," he snapped as soon as the belt was secured.

"What a greeting," the blond snorted, rolling his eyes but starting to back up the little blue Mazda regardless.

It was only five minutes into it that Yami felt his body tingling with awareness.

"What are you doing? Shit, Malik, the theater is—"

"Dude, calm down," he drawled, glancing at him sideways with a slightly put out but mostly amused look. "I know what I'm doing."

"But you turned the wrong way!"

"This is a shortcut."

Yami stared at him as if he had grown three extra heads and then narrowed his eyes into slits; a shortcut? Through the woods?

He was starting to feel almost like Red Riding Hood.

"Malik, I swear to Ra, if I am late—"

"Shortcut, not longcut," he interrupted, rolling his eyes with a smirk. "You need to pull that stick out of your ass. Live a little."

"I live plenty," he retorted, scowling. "But if I'm late for my first date, I will cut your balls off and string them on a necklace, get them bronzed and give them to your mother for a birthday present."

The blond made a sputtering noise. "You're fucking demented!"

"I'm related to you!"

Both of them were silent for a moment and then suddenly the car swerved; Yami's head snapped towards him, eyes wide in shock, crying out, "Malik, what the ever-loving fuck do you think you're doing?"

"Relax! I know how to drive!"

"Stop swerving like this!"

"The road curves randomly," he snickered.

"Are you shitting me?! The road is straight—"

"Not anymore!"

Yami let out a loud cry of shock as the car shot straight into the trees, moving across the grass and straw and making its blue body shake violently as it jumped every now and then with its movements.

"What the fuck are you—? Malik!" he seethed. "Why the hell would you—?"

"I told you it was a shortcut!"

"Yeah—on the road!"

"I never said that."

Yami's eye twitched to the point that it looked like he was trying to communicate with Morse code. "Y-you're fucking…You're—please—tell me—you're fucking shitting me right now!" he snarled.

"Pfft, calm down, Yami, we're almost to the other road—"

"Other road?"

"Well no shit, dingdong. Of course there's another road. I'm not that crazy!"

"Bullshit."

They hit the pavement too fast, swerving when Malik turned and the blond was laughing while Yami struggled to grip something, jerking violently in his seat.

There was a massive screeching noise and the car spun violently and Yami jerked forward with a sick snapping noise like the belt had broken but that made no sense because his lungs constricted with the impact of his chest against it…

It took fifteen minutes for him to regain consciousness; it took another five for him to realize that he could feel everything in his body. It took two more to figure out the noise, loud and irritating and making his ears ring, was the horn in which Malik was pressing his palm violently.

"Oh thank fuck," the blond commented, leaning over and grabbing his face, wincing but then smirking. "If that scars you'll be fucking Harry Potter."

Yami stared at him blankly. "What…what happened?"

Malik stared for a moment. "We were—"

Yami twisted away from him violently, struggling with the belt and door and stumbling out on weak legs that threatened to buckle as he vomited violently onto the grass, grabbing the door to keep himself steady.

"Aw fuck…"

The red-eyed teen managed to fight off a second bout in order to stumble a couple of steps back and then fall over on his ass in the grass, gawking; the entire back of Bluebell had been torn away—lying fifty feet away against a tree.

They'd crashed; okay, that much had been obvious, but when had he even gotten in the car in the first place?

Yami narrowed his eyes in confusion as his stomach twisted violently once more.

His fingers were trembling when he pulled the phone out of his jacket, dialing before his mind really connected with what he was doing. "…Help…?" he mumbled under his breath just as his name was spoken. "We crashed…"

"Take that fucking sea bitches!" Yugi crowed, jumping to his feet and laughing. "Nobody beats the swordfish, motherfuckers!"

His victory dance was cut short by the alarm on his phone going off.

Ooh, he had to go change and then he could meet Yami at the movies!

"All right, now turn."

The little dark green Toyota pulled up next to them and Yami tipped his head up from where he was leaning against a tree to keep from falling over or vomiting on the forest floor.

Mana was the first out of the car, hurrying over to his side and tilting his head up to look at confused red eyes before giggling when she spotted the torn skin on his forehead. "You know, if that scars, I'm going to call you Harry Potter."

"Mana!" another voice snapped.

"Seto?" Yami muttered, head spinning as he tried to get a grip on the situation, pain spiking with the sudden shift of reality for that split second before swallowing harshly and staring blankly as he stood on wobbly feet.

"Fuck no, moron," Bakura snapped, laughing until he almost couldn't stop due to the look of pure confusion that lined the red-eyed teen's face; he held up his phone and the older brunet missing from their circle of cousins appeared in front of him.

"Of course not, Yami," he scoffed, sitting back in his black leather lounge chair and folding his legs in front of him on the desk. "Who the fuck do you think I am? I don't have fucking time to run around looking for you guys because you got in a crash."

Yami blinked once, then twice, and then rubbed at the bump on his head, blinking again. "I'm so fucking confused right now," he muttered, shaking his head and staring, straining his neck to look at the phone and tilting his head curiously. "How are you here right now? Oh shit, was that Indian story true? Did someone capture your soul and trap you inside?"

Bakura covered his mouth, biting his knuckle to fight off his laughter, only partially concerned for his cousin because he knew that he had hit his head hard but he was pretty sure it wasn't as bad as he was trying to make it seem.

"Son of a bitch, Malik, did you drug him?" the brunet demanded.

"I should have!" the blond cried, throwing his hands up. "I can't believe I fucking forgot—"

"Can you feel this?" Yami asked, reaching out and tapping the glass where Seto was leaning forward, his finger touching the spot where he would have felt his forehead had it been them standing near each other.

"Okay, how hard did he hit his head?"

Mana stopped short and looked at her older brother curiously, frowning slightly as she moved to his side, startling him and making him stare in shock before pushing her away slightly. "Um…hmm…"

"I need a vacation," Seto grumbled under his breath.

Yami tilted his head and looked over at him again. "You know, I heard it's always nice weather in Hawaii…or um…was it Alaska? Which one is the warm one?"

"Well…at least he still knows the states."

"Yep," the red-eyed teen proclaimed proudly, smiling widely. "I do, I do! I've been to them too! It's where I met Yugi and we had hot monkey make up sex in a fountain at the m…Oh, fuck!"

Malik let out a protest of a shriek, crying out in pure pain as he started punching him violently in the shoulder, snarling in frustration even as Bakura howled with laughter and Mana giggled while their normally-impassive blue-eyed cousin smirked in vivid amusement.

"I'm going to be late! It's our first fucking date and I'm going to be late!" Yami cried angrily, slugging him again before his head started ringing too harshly for him to continue any longer. "If he breaks up with me over this, I'm buying black powder and your ass is going to be disintegrated when it explodes."

"…Isn't that shit illegal?"

"I have my connections."

All three of them shot looks at each other, contemplating the odds of it and snickering in unison when they realized that it was very possible that he did considering that he had said he actually knew how to grab hold of some mushrooms…

"I should have drugged him," Malik muttered, crossing his arms and shaking his head. "Things would be so much easier if I had just drugged him."

"Aw, is Malik afraid of a little ass kicking?" Bakura sneered.

"You fucking bitches," Yami spat, making them both stop short, "I'm going to lose my boyfriend and you two pieces of shit can't stop arguing for five seconds to help me out here?"

Both of them started to snap at him but then stopped when they saw the wild light that had entered his eyes; both of them nearly pissed themselves for a second. Fucking psychotic looking red-eyed demon.

"Oh my Ra!"

All three of them jerked towards the source of the noise, Yami moving first in a fast pace that made his head throb before he stopped in front of her; Mana was leaning against Bluebell's driver side window, tears in her eyes as she stroked at the smooth glass.

"My baby!"

Yami would have had something sharp and at the ready any other time but now instead stared blankly and then turned his attention towards Malik with a raised eyebrow.

"You destroyed my baby!"

"She acts like that shit is actually important," Seto muttered, rolling his eyes and making Yami turn his attention back towards him.

"I pissed myself! Do you see how angry I am? I pissed myself!" Mana cried loudly, angrily.

All of them had to stop and stare for a split second before cringing and turning away, shudders passing through each of their spines.

"Yami!" she cried, moving towards him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mana, no," he snapped, holding his hands up. "Do not touch me. I don't need your excursions on me, Fluid Girl."

Bakura and Malik both started snickering, covering their mouths partly with no real movement but their hands beneath their noses in a motion almost as if they were rubbing them.

"Don't call me that! You always have bodily fluids on you in the middle of the night!"

Both of them were in stitches now, howling as they doubled over and nearly fell to the ground.

"That's different!" Yami protested hotly, feeling a small stream of heat hitting his cheeks at the topic of conversation. "Fucking wet dreams are normal! It's healthy! Peeing on yourself? Not so fucking much, Mana! I've never heard of someone pissing themselves because they're angry! Ra, Mana!"

"Yami—"

"No! Don't 'Yami' me! I'm a sexually repressed teenage boy! I am supposed to have erotic wet sex dreams!" he cried in annoyance. "It means everything is working properly, damn it!"

Malik and Bakura fell to the ground and Seto let out a noise of complete irritation at the phone being dropped and having to stare up at the sky.

"Someone pick up the fucking phone."

The two psychos continued rolling on the ground and Yami was still arguing with Mana, defending his habit of having wet dreams and both of them were starting to raise and lower their voices, but all of it ceased when he screamed, "Someone better pick up this fucking phone right now or I'm going to kill all four of you!"

Bakura and Malik scrambled but Yami got it before them, laughing when they ran into each other's shoulders in their effort to snatch it off the ground. "Serves you right, jackasses."

Both of them glared at him as they got up and dusted themselves off and when Yami glanced down he found Seto glaring as well but dismissed this as him being angry about being forgotten about when he could have been using his "valuable time" doing "more important things".

Ten minutes later they were moving down the highway—Yami was still unsure of why they had chosen to take this route when it would have been easier to just take the back one—when the police sirens went off and Yami couldn't understand what had happened until he saw the empty beer bottle Malik had at his mouth.

"Oh my fucking Ra!" he cried, throwing his hands up. "What the ever-lasting fuck is wrong with you?!"

"What? I'm just having a little fun!" the blond snickered, pretending to slow down on the side of the road; the police cruiser started to do the same when he sped up and ran the traffic light that the cars were waiting at.

The police officer shot forward but Malik seemed ready, twisting off the side and pulling over; the lights went off, but Yami could still hear the purr of the engine, gawking when he started to open the door and Malik gunned it.

"Are you shitting me right now?" Mana laughed, throwing her head back. "Dumbass! He should have known better!"

Bakura and Malik both cracked up at the statement, agreeing without words, and Yami peeked out of the back windshield, finding himself wanting to laugh but feeling incredibly horrible for the idea.

The second car came from the other direction and Yami was pretty sure they were going to crash but the car swerved and suddenly Malik pressed the brakes, making them jerk forward against the seatbelts as they spun somewhat before coming to a standstill. The original car came at them from the bumper, barely tapping it but making the car shift some with the suddenness of the action. The Toyota straightened to align correctly in the road while the cruiser in front of them stopped and backed up some. The second car gave them a love tap from the back as well and moved forward so that both cruisers were practically touching hoods.

Yami let out a sigh of annoyance, huffing and shaking his head, but ended up staring in shock when his blond cousin started the gas up again and slipped between the railing and the cruiser to spin some and give it a friendly tap to the front, spinning completely to face it with their wheels practically touching, twisting to touch the side of the car's body against the front of the cruiser.

They spun twice more, Yami surprised by the slow pace in which they moved and the fact that it took several seconds for the police officer they had been messing with to finally inch forward some; they moved forward just as the officer did, moving in opposite directions before twisting to body check the second car while the first nearly moved off into the railing.

They moved forward with the two cars, revving the engine noisily to the point that it grated on Yami's nerves, and then they tried to box them in again but Malik pressed backwards and turned the car to face the front, backing up and moving forward to press into the two cruisers' car doors. Finally the first car had to back away, giving them enough room to zoom forward and start racing down the road.

"Slow the fuck down!" Yami spat, clinging to the back of Bakura's seat with his nails and feeling his muscles lock slightly in preparation for another impact if he lost control of the car again.

"I got this," Malik laughed, pressing harder on the gas and speeding up some more, turning once in a small movement and then following it up with a longer, rounder turn before starting back towards the asphalt and feigning continuing into the grass on the other side before twisting around suddenly, going into the grass and then back onto the road and racing past the police officer.

Yami would have had his face in his palm if he hadn't been clinging for dear life to the silver-haired teen's chair when Malik leaned his chair all the way back until he couldn't see over the steering wheel.

"We're going to die tonight," Yami muttered under his breath, closing his eyes tightly and shaking his head against the leather.

"No we're not!" the blond scoffed, jerking his seat back up while Bakura burst out laughing; they sped down the street for several miles before he suddenly swung back around in a teardrop kind of turn and continued down the road again, passing the other three cars that had joined the first, weaving and ducking in the traffic for a moment before evening out and going in a straight line again. He shot for the next strip of road, passing over the grass and Yami felt his insides twist but considering his stomach was empty there was nothing left to throw up.

They started up the side and then turned in a complete circle, the blond maniac laughing from the front seat, to avoid the newest edition to the team of cops chasing them. Again the dark green car turned and twisted in a circle before speeding off down the strip of grass.

"I hate you. I hate you so much," Yami hissed under his breath, glowering and shaking his head. "Fucking asshole."

His words were drowned away under the sound of the engine as he revved it again and twisted around in a circle when they neared the railing, doing another circle to provoke another chase before speeding ahead again.

The cops were speeding towards him but Malik only snickered and pressed on the brakes, the two cop cars speeding past while he twisted the car to settle horizontal across the street to cut off the other two before speeding off again, weaving backward and racing past more of the cars.

The only good thing about this situation was that despite it all, somehow they were getting back towards Domino and Yami nearly cried with relief. Right before the police car shot into their bumper.

Malik burst out laughing, shouting, "You think that is going to stop me?!" out the window as his hand twisted the steering wheel so that the car spun but righted itself almost immediately.

"What the fuck?" Yami cried, gawking; he'd seen this kind of stuff in chase videos and that wasn't how it was supposed to go! For once in his life—okay, maybe it wasn't just this once because he was pretty sure there had to have been another point in his life—he was totally grateful for the blond idiot he was forced to call his cousin.

Another ram to the bumper sent them spinning but again somehow the blond managed to right them and race off again, twisting around in the grass and weaving through the cars, leading them several feet away and next to a garbage truck and into more congested traffic, shooting past them and making their way through the cars easily.

He wasn't sure if the police could do the same with the way that the cars were moving around them…

They got to the inside of Domino, towards the street near where he knew that it would lead to the Kame Game Shop, nearly jumping in his seat at the aspect; the theater wasn't too far away and if he could just—

"Why the fuck are you slowing down?" Yami screeched. But really that was a stupid question because obviously Malik was trying to avoid any actual casualties.

Aw fuck.

They came up out of nowhere; Yami was honestly stunned out of his mind when it happened, when the police cruiser that was sitting around on the corner suddenly started up with the sirens and chased them despite their slow speed.

"Pull over."

Yami flinched at the noise of it, annoyed, and threw his head back against the seat in frustration when Malik suddenly decided to listen; they were so close to the theater…

Well, at least they would be okay by the end of this. No one was hurt…

"Are you aware of why I pulled you over?"

"Because I pulled an OJ Simpson and made you all chase me across the freeway for the last three hours?" Malik snickered. "Or because I had a beer bottle and pretended I was drinking? Or because I lowered my seat all the way until I couldn't see anymore when I sped past one of you? Or maybe it was—"

"He totaled my car!" Mana wailed loudly.

Yami waited a second and then looked out of the windshield for a moment before his mouth fell open as he spotted Yugi standing in the front with his phone in his face, possibly calling him or maybe someone else; the red-eyed teen took off out the back door, crawling over Mana's lap to scramble out.

He was disoriented, yes, but not to the point that he couldn't take off running, screaming, "Yugi!" as loudly as he could; the police officer cried something along the lines of "Sir, what the hell are you doing? Get back in the car, sir."

Yami shot him a look and curled his lips slightly before turning back; Yugi was glancing around but due to the people who were now moving around, he couldn't see Yami at all, but it was obvious that he had heard him.

"Okay, you know what, if this is a bill collector, I honestly don't know why you keep calling here—I don't even have bills to pay!" Yugi cried in pure exasperation, throwing his free arm up. "So what the fuck do you have to collect in the first place?!"

Yami blinked a couple of times, surprised.

"Hello?"

"Uh…" Bakura nudged him hard in the ribs and he groaned out the breath he had been holding before clearing his throat awkwardly.

"Yami?" he muttered, stunned out of his mind for a split second. "What the hell are you…?"

"I—stop touching me!" he spat at the girl who had reached her leg through the bar and was rubbing it up and down his; both of his cousins doubled over laughing and Mana groaned in frustration, shaking her head. "Fucking—Yugi, little one, whatever you do, please don't hang up."

He was quiet for a second. "Yami, I'm not going to hang up," he assured him though the displeasure was clear in his tone. "As much as I would love to, first of all I deserve an explanation and I won't leave you alone without one, and second, I think I'm nearing two thousand points on my phone for using it so often. Two thousand and I get three free apps! So, yeah, keep talking."

Yami blinked and then let out a small breath both of belief and complete incredulousness.

"Wait a second, where are you calling from anyways? This obviously isn't your phone or it would have come up on my ID…"

"I'm, um…in…jail?"

Yugi stayed silent for a long moment. "Are you messing with me right now? Because if this was some kind of elaborate plan to stand me up and then bring me back in so you could make fun of me—"

"No, no, Yugi, I'm literally in jail!" Yami cut him off desperately, glaring at the girl and thinking of stomping on her foot but realizing that she could probably find a way to squeeze that gorilla body of hers out of that cage and maul him. And he would really love to keep his face intact. Most people thought it was rather beautiful… "Um…do you—fuck me, uh…No, no, Gorilla Face, stay back!"

Bakura and Malik fell over themselves laughing and Mana burst into giggles, covering her mouth with tears in her eyes while the woman behind the bars stared in shock and then kicked him roughly in the shin.

"Fucking—!"

"Yami!" Yugi cried, distressed by the awkwardness of it all. "What the hell is going on?"

"This woman keeps touching me! And she has so much fucking hair on her face and chest that she looks like a goddamned gorilla! Yeah, bitch, I said it! You look like a gorilla! King Kong has nothing on the fucking pelt you have going on over there!"

The small teen smacked his forehead with the heel of his palm, shaking his head. "Yami, don't antagonize the cellmates. For fuck's sake, that's how you get murdered in your sleep!" he whined. "And I look like you! What if she doesn't realize I'm not you and tries to kill me instead?"

Yami stopped short, blinking and then gawking. "Oh my Ra, Yugi!" he cried, annoyed and slightly despaired with the comment. "You're so conceited!"

"Really, Yami? You're calling me from a jail—which, by the way, you only get one call and I have to say I'm kind of touched that you chose to call me instead of Seto or your parents—and you're fucking calling me conceited? How exactly does that work?"

"Bakura, Malik and Mana are here. Bakura actually had Seto on video chat when we got arrested so he's already coming down here," he explained quietly, frowning. "I called you because I didn't want you to think that I was standing you up. Shit, I—Yugi, I swear on my life if this bitch does not stop touching me you're going to be completely boyfriend-less because I am about to murder her!"

He couldn't stop laughing, shaking his head and smiling widely. "Oh my gods, Yami," he giggled, biting his lip and looking down the street from the theater for a second. "Don't do that because how fucked up would that be? I can't date a prison inmate. You know how much my mom would hate you?"

For a moment he couldn't think of anything to say but the sensation of her foot rubbing his leg snapped him back into thought and he kicked out, struggling to get away only to end up with another leg stroking at him. "Oh kill me now! These fucking harlots are all over the place!"

Bakura and Malik dissolved into tears and Mana struggled to stay upright.

"Yami, you need to relax a lit—Oh my gods, I hit two thousand! Fuck yes! Three free apps, bitches!" he crowed loudly, startling several people who stopped short on their way inside the theater to stare at him before shaking their heads at him in complete annoyance at his behavior.

Because obviously he was such an inconvenience to their night. He rolled his eyes; half of them probably wished they had their phones out to record him. Because who didn't want the proof of a wild teenager shouting about free apps on their phone?

He shot them looks that sent them scurrying and prided himself on managing to make himself look completely scary instead of adorable like Yami always teased him. Because apparently he was too damn cute to be intimidating.

And now he could rub this in his face.

He trembled with excitement at the thought, just for a split second, and then remembered the whole reason they were talking, blushing as he blurted out, "Oh god, sorry, Yami" only to blush harder when he heard that his boyfriend was in stitches. "Um…I-I'll be there in a few—where exactly…?"

"Down the street from the theater, actually," he managed to bite out between his laughs, wheezing with the effort and letting out a massive breath. "It, uh…Malik got us pulled over a block away."

Yugi blinked wide eyes. So he hadn't been hearing things when he had thought he heard Yami's voice calling his name before. "Oh…um…well, uh…okay, I'll be there in a few minutes. Just—don't kill anyone in the meantime and just swap places with Malik or something."

"Oh my Ra, Yugi, you're a fucking genius!"

He opened his mouth to say something or other but ended up laughing when Malik's voice cried, "What the fuck are you doing? No, what—ew, don't fucking touch me!" right before the phone was hung up.

Ten minutes later he entered the station with Seto actually only two feet in front of him; oddly he had the impulse to reach out and touch him purely because he had never thought he would be up close to a celebrity like this but managed to fight it off at the last second, instead putting his hands in his pockets and watching him as he approached his cousins, shaking his head.

"Yugi!" Yami cried, ignoring the brunet and starting to get up before remembering the cuff around his wrist, pouting as he sat back again and watched his cousin glance over his shoulder at the smaller boy who blushed and ducked his head slightly, walking around him to approach him.

"The fuck?" Malik snapped, gawking.

"Told you, bitch!" Bakura crowed. "I fucking told you!"

"Told him what?" Yami demanded, furious. "You two fucking—tell me it's not what I think it is or I swear I'm going to tear you both new ones!"

"Whoa, whoa, I'm sure it's not what you're thinking!" Bakura barked, holding his hands up awkwardly when he felt the cuff restrain him. "Nothing bad."

"You set this up. To see if Yugi and I would stay together if I missed a date with him."

"Okay, maybe it's exactly what you're thinking," he chuckled with a slight clearing of his throat, twisting away from Yami who kicked at him violently, angrily, only to hit Malik across the back of his head with his free hand.

Yugi guessed this was probably why they were all separated like this in a square just barely within each other's reach, as if they knew that they might start fighting if they weren't held away effectively.

"You know, I still think we should have just locked him in the trunk for a few hours."

Yugi blinked once, long and slow, staring blankly before turning his head towards Yami who rubbed his temples and snapped, "Goddamn it, Malik, could you just—That's a joke!"

The smallest teen in their group thought for a long moment and then blurted out, "Dog versus guy, right? You lock them both in the trunk and then see if they're still happy to see you after you let them out, right?"

Yami was openly gawking at him while Bakura doubled over laughing and Malik stared before clapping a hand on his back, snickering as he announced, "I love this kid" and Mana giggled, covering her mouth and shaking her head.

It took twenty minutes for Seto to talk them out of the charges and it was pointed out that on several occasions Malik had been pulled over for wild stunts in which they had all grown used to this kind of thing. In all honesty, half of the police unit nodded and snorted, snickering as they went about whatever it was they were doing.

Yugi had to wait around for them to undo Yami's cuffs and he had laughed when Yami attacked Malik and then Bakura before getting restrained with the threat of being cuffed again if he couldn't behave. The scolding seemed like that of a three-year-old and Yugi had ended up guffawing at the idea.

But he had to admit, three-year-old Yami was super cute.

"I'm sorry, Yugi," he muttered, sighing and shaking his head as they finally moved towards the black Mercedes that Seto had parked off to the side, the blue-eyed teen listening to Malik and Bakura talk about their little high-then-low speed chase while Mana continued crying about her "precious Bluebell".

"It's not your fault," he laughed dismissively, smiling despite the fact that Yami wouldn't look at him and instead opted for a stare at the ground. "You didn't know what they were going to do."

"I should have though. They were arguing and neither of them pulled me into the middle of it like they always do. That should have been sign enough."

"No offense, Yami, but I think that even if you had made it and we got to see the movie, we would probably end up picking popcorn and half-eaten candy out of our hair," he giggled.

"But I ruined our first date!" he cried, reaching up and pulling at his hair; Yugi reached out to pull his hands away but even then Yami wouldn't look up at him, instead completely blank as he continued staring at the ground.

"This wasn't our first date," Yugi murmured, laughing at him as he went from staring at the ground with a frustrated glare to an awed wide-eyed look of shock. "Yami, you never asked me if I thought the meal at the mall was our first date."

He opened and closed his mouth once and then twice before gawking openly.

"Son of a bitch…"

"Although, if you stand me up—ever—and don't have a real reason, I swear I'm going to hurt you," he said sweetly, batting his eyes playfully while Yami blinked once and then smirked in amusement.

"Yeah, that won't be happening again."

"Oh, and uh, by the way…"

"Yeah?"

Yugi reached over and rubbed at the split skin on his forehead. "I don't like Harry Potter."

Yami blinked once and then grabbed at the skin on his forehead, willing it to heal quickly and without scars. "Oh gods…"

The smaller teen grinned at the small blush that was appearing under his skin. "But I'll make an exception."

His lips pulled up into a grin and he was purring when the other boy pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"But you might end up having to put makeup on that if it scars. I really don't like Harry Potter, Yami."

Yami couldn't help but burst out laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So…? Thoughts? Just as funny and cute or not so much?


	3. The Scariest Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Parts of this came around because of The Most Popular Girls in School on Youtube. Honestly one of the funniest series I have ever watched. Others came around because of Scary Movie.  
> As always, heavy on the sexual tension and innuendos.  
> A little bit of angst got worked in there but it was for Yugi and Yami to have little heart-to-hearts which were KIND of needed after I had a conversation with someone and realized that I needed to explain some things better. PLUS it equaled fluff. And who DOESN'T love some fluff?  
> Anyways, if the ending seems rushed, I'm sorry, but it hit 33 pages and I kind of had a panic attack because, WOW, was NOT supposed to do that. *shakes head* As everyone can see, I totally SUCK at short things. Really need to work on that.

The Scariest Thing

"They got me a Volvo. A motherfucking Volvo!" Mana cried angrily.

Yugi nearly dropped his food at the sound of her voice, barely managing to keep it from falling straight into Bakura's hair; thank the gods for that because he could hardly see him liking that even one bit.

Yami snickered softly behind him, obviously thinking the same thing and Yugi blushed, ducking his head as he scrambled to take the seat that would be between his boyfriend and best friend Joey.

"What's so wrong with a Volvo?" Tea asked, obviously confused.

The blonde looked stunned and completely disgusted by her question. "Because I went from having a beautiful baby blue Mazda and now I've got a fucking ugly ass silver Volvo! It's like they want me to go on drugs and fuck random people."

Yugi choked on his pizza and Yami patted him on the shoulders with a wide smirk on his face, licking his lips as he watched with pure amusement.

"Baby blue…is that why she was named Bluebell?" he muttered in the red-eyed teen's ear.

Yami nodded and looked at him. "Yeah."

"Oh…well, okay then."

"Volvos aren't that bad," Tea tried to reason, frowning a little at the taste of the words in her mouth; she herself hated that brand of cars.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Mana screeched, drawing the attention of several bystanders who looked stunned by the outburst. "I hate Volvos! I swear they just want me to start doing drugs and sleeping around! It's like they think I'm pregnant or something!"

"It's not mine!"

Yami spat his soda out in laughter, covering his mouth as Yugi blushed several shades of scarlet, covering his face with his hands and groaning softly.

"Whoa, Yug," Joey cracked up, "didn't realize you were taking on siblings!"

"I—I—shut up!" he whined.

"Don't be jealous that he gets hot as fuck threesomes, Joey," Tristan snickered.

"Guys!"

"It's always the cute ones that can have more than one and not get in trouble for it," Duke teased.

"Stop it!"

"Ra, Yami, don't have the balls to fight Mana for him?" Bakura barked.

"Oh my gods…"

"At least I actually have someone to fight for," Yami snapped in response, rolling his eyes. "You just fucking wish you could get in his pants, don't you Bakura?"

Yugi gave up on eating entirely, pushing his tray away and crossing his arms, glaring at the food even as his face heated up horribly with his frustrated embarrassment.

"Fuck no! He's far too delicate to—"

"He likes it rough—and loud."

Yugi smacked his face with his palm, shaking his head and closing his eyes.

"Son of a bitch looks like a fucking porcupine with no quills!" Bakura snapped. "There's no fucking way that he—"

"Whoa, you think I would settle for anything less? Oh, bitch, Please," both Mana and Yami said at the same time, pausing and then giving each other a simple high-five with a pair of mirroring grins.

Yugi was still blushing but his ears were ringing now.

Oh gods, what if he wasn't able to meet the requirements for that?

He'd never had sex before. Not even oral.

He felt a small bite of disappointment that ricocheted and burned with sudden envy before smacking him with pure frustration. Yami wasn't a virgin. He supposed he should have figured it out because of the innuendos that seemed to fall out of his mouth like drool.

But it still felt crushing despite it all and Yugi hated that feeling.

"You guys are fucking disgusting."

"Wait, so we're sharing now?" Malik cut in, taking his seat across from Bakura and next to Mana, purple eyes shooting from between the three of them. "Fuck, I want a turn!"

Yami choked and Yugi blushed involuntarily despite how alarmingly unhappy he was beginning to feel.

"The fuck, Malik?" the red-eyed teen spat.

"I swear Seto and Mokuba are the only sane ones," Bakura grumbled.

"That's just gross, Malik," Mana snapped.

"Hey, sharing is caring."

"No, motherfucker, I don't know why everyone says that, but it's not true," Yami snapped, throwing his arms up. "I share things with people all the time—like pens or pencils or whatever. But it's not because I actually give a fuck. It's because otherwise they're going to ask me eventually anyways so why the fuck wouldn't I just do it ahead of time so that I won't have to deal with it when it finally crosses their mind to ask? Fuck me sideways if you think that I give a shit about the person who I actually give something to. No, there is not a single feeling of fucking 'caring' the entire time. Sharing is not caring. Sharing is making sure that the person next to you doesn't fucking waste your goddamned time later!"

All of them stared at him in surprise for a long minute before they turned away again and Yugi snickered slightly; he still had yet to get fully used to Yami's random outbursts of pure annoyance that seemed to spring out of his mouth without provoke.

But they were hilarious most of the time so he didn't find himself bothered with them.

"Ra, put your shit back in its box and calm the fuck down," Bakura grumbled, rolling his eyes. "For fuck's sake, you're all over the place lately."

"Hormone buildup. It happens when you don't get laid," Malik drawled.

All of them started laughing at that one, grinning at each other slyly before shaking their heads and going back to eating lunch with more mild versions of conversation.

"Oh dear fuck," Yami muttered, staring at his phone screen with wide eyes.

"What? What's wrong?" Yugi demanded, alarmed and instantly concerned for him.

The red-eyed teen shook his head slowly and looked at him for a moment. "My mom really needs to check what she sends me over text."

"What do you mean?"

"Her phone literally auto-corrects the shit out of everything and…she doesn't really check it before she sends it." Yugi went bright red when he saw the text of We will be home dildo. Are you still bringing fuck?

"Oh my gods, did you tell them we were fucking?!" he blurted too loudly; the entire class froze and the teacher turned around with the widest eyes he had ever seen while Yami started laughing, covering his mouth and biting his lip so hard that it bled.

"Mr. Motou, if you could just…keep that to yourself from now on," the teacher murmured, clearing his throat awkwardly and turning away slowly, casting another glance at the red-faced teen who covered his face with his hands and shook his head hard.

"No," Yami laughed, "but apparently they want me to fuck you with a dildo."

Yugi let out a strangled noise. "Oh my gods…" He was going to die of heat stroke. He just knew.

"Hmm…I guess that means you're supposed to top while I—"

Yugi clapped his hand over Yami's mouth, face bright red as he swallowed hard and struggled not to say anything, but ended up blurting out, "Can you actually do that?" before his mind caught up, clapping his hands over his mouth and then glancing at Yami before grabbing his hands as well and putting them over his mouth, twining their fingers unconsciously as he struggled not to say anything else.

"Nice try but those aren't the body parts I want together, Yugi."

He clenched his eyes shut and squeezed his hands, swallowing hard once. No, he would not talk. He wouldn't…

"A dildo isn't a body part!"

The entire class was laughing now and the teacher had his forehead against the whiteboard, snickering softly as he shook his head and sighed; poor kid. He just had no control over what came out of his mouth.

"I don't think your hands work that well with keeping your mouth shut," Yami teased, suddenly leaning forward and whispering in his ear, "Want to try something else?"

"I don't want a dildo in my mouth!"

"Who go fake when you could go real?" he snickered. "Want a sample?"

Yugi nearly screamed, tearing his hands away from his mouth, eyes almost starting to water. "Yami, please tell me you didn't…!"

"Didn't what?" he snickered, shaking his head and going completely still when he saw the way that Yugi's eyes had gotten bright and shiny. "I was teasing."

The other teen blinked a few times and turned away but he wasn't smiling or even looking slightly amused, instead appearing almost hurt.

"You still want to go to my house, right?"

Yugi felt terrible that Yami was now walking on eggshells around him, the red-eyed teen obviously spooked by that incident of near-crying; he offered a small smile and reached over for his hand, twining their fingers together in an effort to tell him he was okay now. "You're not going to try a threesome between us and a dildo if I do, right?"

"That idea is so appealing right now," he admitted, smirking as he leaned forward to press a kiss to his cheek.

"Ew."

Yami snickered in amusement and hummed as he pulled on his backpack strap and started to lead him along. "You say that now but you're going to be all for it later," he teased.

"That's gross. No."

"Mmhmm. You keep saying that little one," he murmured, moving his face to rub cheeks with him; Yugi giggled, blushing and pushing at his arm slightly. "The question, though, is whether you want a plastic one with nothing to it or a vibrator."

Yugi choked. "Pervert!"

"That's my middle name," he agreed, smiling widely, the feel of his cheek curved upwards making him want to purr in delight for a split second. "Oh, you know, actually, Bakura bought Mana one last year when she was being a bitch. Said she had to get laid…"

"R-really?" he asked, stunned.

"Yeah. A kit to make a cast of some unlucky guy's penis—very glittery. We call it the Glitter Peen," he snickered, poking him in the side and making him jerk, blushing as a cry of surprise left his mouth. "You attach the cast to the vibrator and—"

"Yami, stop telling him about my stuff!" Mana cried, throwing her hands up. "It's not your right!"

"But…he wants to experiment—"

"No I don't!" he cried quickly.

"Sure you do, who doesn't?" Malik snorted, laughing as he and Bakura took residence next to Mana who giggled and looked at Yugi thoughtfully.

"Well, actually it has enough to make a cast of two…" she trailed off.

"Oh the possibilities," Yami teased.

"Damn it, Yami!" Yugi cried, throwing his hands up. "It's not—"

"How exactly are you supposed to fuck him if you're being fucked with a vibrator at the same time?" Bakura demanded suddenly, furrowing his brows and narrowing his eyes. "And which one of you is actually going to shave to do it?"

Yugi sputtered and Yami snickered.

"Well, I don't know. Maybe I'll have to train him on doing 69 first and then we can work our way up to the—"

"Train him? He's not a dog!" Mana objected, frowning at her brother.

"And it's not like you have any experience there yourself!" Bakura cackled, ignoring her. "Unless you've somehow managed to learn to suck your own."

Yami blushed and Yugi looked over in confusion; how could he not have experience with it if he wasn't a virgin? He was pretty sure they did all of that before they even started on the actual act…

"I have not," he admitted. "But I yearn to learn that shit."

Both of his cousins burst out laughing but Mana swatted him a few times on the arm, crying, "That's so gross!"

"Hey, well at least he would know where it's been," Bakura snorted, laughing. "He won't have to wonder if it's not clean or—"

"Oh my Ra! I hate you three!" Mana spat, waving her arms wildly. "Yugi is the only sane one!"

Yugi stumbled when she grabbed his free hand and jerked him forward but Yami kept him balanced when he tugged him back, glaring at his sister as he growled, "Mine!"

"No, fuck you, he's mine!"

"Looks like they're bad at sharing," Bakura snickered.

"Threesomes obviously don't work with them."

All four of them stared at the blond as if he had lost his mind.

"Sister," Yami said, pointing at Mana just as she spat, "Brother" with her finger pointed at him.

"Yugi," he murmured, pointing at himself with his and Yami's joined hands.

"Oh dear Ra, this one," Bakura laughed, shaking his head and covering his face with his palm. "Can't wait to see how this goes over with your parents."

Yugi blushed furiously but Yami snorted, "They'll love him—just like I do. But not exactly because that would be too awkward. I would die."

"You guys go ahead," Yami called to them ten minutes later when they were nearing a house that looked to be three stories and rather large, almost like a mansion but not quite; all three of his family members glanced at him and then shrugged and started off.

Yugi wondered if they were going to have some kind of big talk or something, going wide-eyed when Yami spun around and grabbed his upper arms, glancing around as if he expected something to be there waiting in the trees that marked his yard before turning his full attention to him.

"Okay, so Milky Way tore out her mouse's squeaker," Yami said quietly, voice grave and solemn. "So you know how some parents will find a dead fish, and instead of explaining why or how that fish wound up in fishy heaven, they instead just buy their child a new fish that looks exactly like the dead one?"

Yugi nodded and then blinked.

"Okay…" He put a finger to his lips, eyes scanning the area as if he thought the sleek silver-and-black cat would come running out if he spoke too loud. "Do not tell her okay?"

"I don't think she'll care."

"Yugi, you have no idea," he stated, putting his hands on his hips and glaring at him. "I once broke the laser pointer I used to play with her and she fucking refused to chase the one that I replaced it with. Took two weeks to get in the only one she would play with!"

"Your cat is psycho."

"How dare you!" Yami gasped dramatically, covering his chest with his palm and shaking his head with a glare before leaping at him and tickling his sides. "Take it back!"

Yugi squirmed, laughing and trying to get out of his grip. "No! She's"—he fell back on the grass and his backpack with a thud but didn't feel anything aside from the breathless sensation of his laughter—"fucking psycho!"

"She is a goddess!" Yami snapped in response, voice mockingly offended as he managed to pin him with his legs straddling his waist, tickling him harder. "And you should be lucky to lay eyes on her beauty!"

"Yami!" he squealed, trying to bat his hands away, going to grip his wrists only to come up with thin air. "C-can't breathe!"

"She has that effect on you—even just in conversation!" he laughed. "Now take it back!"

"Okay!" Yugi cried, whining slightly before giggling harder. "Please!"

"Too easy," Yami stated, grinning wider than the Cheshire cat as he pulled his fingers away and remained straddling him, smirking widely while Yugi struggled to catch his breath and drew in massive gulps of oxygen. "Now, you know better than to go dissing my kitty, got it?"

Yugi nodded, looking at him and sucking in a deep breath. "I wasn't dissing her anyways," he objected, almost laughing at the way Yami raised an eyebrow skeptically, crossing his arms and tilting his head towards him pointedly. "I was stating a fact."

Yami burst out laughing and glared playfully. "You're an ass towards my kitten and I'm going to eat you alive, little one."

"You would like that, wouldn't you?" Yugi snorted, laughing at the astounded look that crossed Yami's face.

"You kinky little shit!" the red-eyed teen breathed, shaking his head and grabbing his hands to pull him to his feet again. "Come on, let's get this over with."

"Will they like me?"

"Yeah, they'll like you," he replied, smiling at him gently. "Don't worry about that. My dad won't be as easy as my mom is, but still. They'll both like you."

Yugi pursed his lips but nodded, reassured when Yami laced their fingers together again and led the way towards the house; upon entering both of them found that his parents were at the table in the kitchen with Bakura and Malik along with Mana seated around, the three of them playing on their phones.

"Not much time for R-rated things," Bakura snickered.

Mana caught him in the ribs with her elbow and he sputtered while she smiled sweetly, batting her eyelashes as she said, "It's called a quickie for a reason."

"Hormone buildup dictates he blew his load immediately," Malik announced.

Bakura and Mana started howling and Yugi turned bright red while Yami flipped them off, shaking his head and chuckling; his parents watched the smaller boy who was holding hands with their son.

"He…looks just like you…" his mom murmured, furrowing her brows slightly and chewing her cheek as she stared blankly.

"Ra, my son is a narcissist," his father sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head.

"Well, look on the bright side, honey, at least he didn't kidnap him," his mother giggled.

Mana and Bakura started cackling and Malik turned red. "Oh goddamn it, you all said we wouldn't talk about that anymore!" he cried in dismay, puffing his cheeks out for a split second before glancing at his chuckling red-eyed cousin. "Oh, you think you can laugh at that, asshole? Tell them about how you fucking molested him in public!"

Yugi blushed furiously as the other two started wiping at their eyes and Yami's laughter immediately stopped, head snapping in his direction to argue only to blush and duck his head when his father cried, "Damn it, Yami, why do you insist on touching everyone? I know we taught you how to keep your hands to yourself!"

"They probably got lonely," Yugi said without thinking, making Bakura fall out of his seat while Mana buried her face in her arms, still laughing out loud.

"Yes, they tend to do that," Yami snorted, snickering and shaking his head.

"Lonely hands. I wonder if molesters can claim that," Bakura announced, smirking when he saw that Yugi was suddenly paying attention to Yami's hands.

"Well, obviously," Yugi drawled, blue-violet eyes focused purely on his long fingers. "I mean, your cousin gets away with it."

Bakura and Malik sputtered in laughter while Mana shook her head from where it was still buried in her arms and Yami gawked at him while his parents started laughing.

"Yugi!"

The small teen dragged his eyes up to his incredulous face and blinked before blushing. "Oh..." he muttered, ducking his head. "Oops. I need to get that fixed."

"No, no, stay unfiltered," Bakura barked out. "It's the best."

Yugi shook his head slowly and covered his face with his palm; it was going to be a long day.

They went to the pumpkin patch first because Mana threw a fit over not getting her "perfect" pumpkin when she was supposed to two days ago thanks to Bakura pretending to have a sick day. Yugi was in the back of the Volvo with Yami on one side and Mana on the other, the blonde pouting with her arms crossed while her parents drove in the front. Yami, on the other hand, sat next to him, constantly reaching over and playing with his forelock; each time he did, he would lean over and whisper something that would make him red, horribly excited, and so terribly embarrassed that he would try to convince Mana to swap seats with him only to have his father say that they were driving and it was illegal and if he did it, he was going to get mad.

So Yugi was stuck in the back, listening to random kinky things that Yami would think of out of nowhere; or at least he was, until Yami's mother started to speak.

"So, Yugi—"

"I heard sweat tastes salty—"

"—have you always lived in Domino?"

"—I wonder if that's true…Can't wait to see."

Because now he had two conversations going on and he knew that Yami was picking the times on purpose because a single glance at him said that he was smirking smugly even if he pretended to be contemplating something as he stared out the window.

"Y-yeah," he stammered, clearing his throat awkwardly to get rid of the slightly breathless note he'd gotten due to Yami's voice in his ear, rasping sensually like that. "I was born and raised here."

"So you've never ventured?" his father asked.

"I—I have. I've gone to the states before—"

"We met there, duh," Yami chimed in a loud voice.

Mana started laughing. "You freak. Don't talk so loud."

"I want music!"

"Damn it, Yami," his father muttered, rolling his eyes and smiling; his son was such a childish idiot. "Anyways, Yugi, you've gone to the states before. How was—?"

"Well, he molested me in public," Yami cut in, making Mana start snickering, "which was very traumatic, by the way—still have nightmares about it—and told everyone that we had wild hot monkey make up sex in the mall fountain."

"Ra, you really have no boundaries," his mother laughed.

"I knew I should have pretended I had to keep working," his father sighed.

Yugi cast a glance at Yami, leaning forward to whisper, "I don't think he likes me."

"Oh no, he does," Yami insisted, turning to lick his ear and nibble on his earlobe, making him squirm as he spoke around his flesh. "He just wasn't expecting such a crazy first meeting between us."

"Would you stop trying to eat him in the car, please?" his father snapped, turning around to glare at his son and wave a finger in front of his nose. "And no more molesting people in public, damn it!"

Yami pulled his mouth away and stared at his finger. "But…father, it's how I get off."

Yugi choked and Mana cracked up while their mother snorted in laughter and her husband sighed and shook his head, closing his eyes and leaning back into the seat.

"I raised a sexual deviant."

"Well at least he has some boundaries. Sexual deviants are better than the regular kind," Mana snickered.

"Oh dear Ra," Yami's father muttered, covering his face with his palm. "I knew we should never have let him out of the house. I told you! I told you that television would ruin him! He used to be so sweet and innocent and then you turned that thing on and he just—he grew into a sexual deviant."

His mother started laughing. "MTV has ruined him."

"And don't forget his sister! It ruined his sister too!" He paused and twisted around in his seat to point his finger at Yugi. "Tell me at least one person in this car is not completely ruined!"

Yugi blushed furiously but smiled when Yami turned his head and winked at him playfully. "When Mana was seven we were at the pool and this guy had his balls hanging out of his trunks and my mom told my dad to tell him that his testicles were hanging out and Mana throws her head back and opens her mouth and screeches, 'I have testicles in my mouth, see?'"

The blue-violet-eyed teen started cracking up and Mana blushed red but didn't argue, instead snickering, "And dad blamed it on MTV."

"The world's problems could be blamed on MTV according to the ambassador of Egypt," Yami laughed, snorting in amusement at the way his father scowled and huffed. "I swear, it's the greatest thing when he loses his shit about it and everyone around us is so lost that they don't know how to approach the situation…"

Yugi smiled and shook his head, muttering, "I think I could take the cake."

"Yeah, but it's something you get to see too. Otherwise it's all you blurting out something and us laughing," he murmured, reaching forward to brush his fingers over his stomach and causing him to giggle. "Maybe I can get dad to lose his shit at the patch—"

"Oh hell no!" his mom laughed. "You better not, you little deviant!"

"I make no promises," Yami sang in a loud voice.

Yugi nearly died laughing when Yami pointed to Mana, who was talking to a cute patch worker—was that what they were called?—that was steadily flirting with her and then danced his way over there, grinning and winking at him when he grabbed the other male around the shoulder and leaned in to whisper in his ear; if he hadn't hurried over, he would have missed it when he said, "Don't trust her. She's got a vagina. It's where she keeps all her lies and secrets."

Mana screeched and Yami ran for his life with her after him but the patch worker was gawking and looked mortified when he found Yugi's eyes; the smaller teen shrugged. "Girls do that."

"Oh god."

Yugi jumped a mile when he heard Yami's father yell, "Goddamn it! And you think our children aren't fucked up because of MTV? Did you hear what he just told that poor kid? Ra, we need to exorcise these children!"

Mana and Yami both dissolved into laughter, stopping their chase to double over with their hands on their knees, tears spilling from their eyes and down their reddened cheeks; Yugi made his way over to them, blushing and laughing at Yami's father's outburst, relieved that it wasn't him who had gotten all of the attention this time.

Twenty minutes later Yugi found himself looking at the pumpkins alone, as Yami and Mana had set off on a contest to find the best one—the "perfect pumpkin" as they dubbed it. They had taken opposite sides of the patch and Yugi had taken the west where he knew that Bakura and Malik were opposite; maybe with a little time to himself he could get a little bit of his nerves down.

And he could look for a pumpkin without being influenced by the others'.

Blue-violet eyes scanned the patch for a moment and a small smile drew its way across his face as he saw a relatively medium-sized pumpkin. Heading for it he found that the anxiety of meeting Yami's parents was starting to fade with his new accomplishment. The fruit was smooth to the touch and a rich orange that would have made his mouth water if it was an actual orange that he could peel and eat easily. When he lifted it, it was a slightly strenuous effort purely because he had been bracing for something much heavier but like its size, the weight it boasted was relatively less than the ones he knew that the others would be picking out.

Pumpkin hunting is a success! he thought, grinning widely as he balanced it in his arms with a joyful expression.

"Little one—"

He squeaked and tossed the pumpkin even as his mind tried to relay the fact that the smooth baritone voice that had found its way into his ears was in fact his boyfriend; instinct had him fleeing, diving for something that could hide him and finding nothing, resulting in him bunching into a ball on his side and using his limbs to cover all of his vitals.

Yami raised an eyebrow, frowning slightly before letting out a soft sigh and going over to his side, taking a seat a couple of feet away so that he wouldn't be too startled when he realized it was only him. He settled back against his palms, tipping his head up some as he regarded him curiously; he wondered how long it would be before he actually noticed there was no threat but also had subconsciously been waiting for the time that he scared him.

He had honestly been waiting for it to happen for a while now when it came down to it, purely because he was Yugi. And Yugi, being Yugi Motou, was the single most bullied student in all of Domino High. Yami had never brought it up and Yugi never wanted to talk about it, made obvious by the looks that he would get whenever he would do something to startle him and make him jump a little, and so it had never been discussed.

Yugi stayed as he was for a full ten minutes, as if he was scared that the second he uncurled would be the moment he attacked; Yami didn't make any noises or movements, breathing as he always did, legs crossed and chin in his palms, red eyes watching him with both amusement and sorrow. Blue-violet eyes opened into slits and then regarded the area immediately in front of him before he slowly started to glance around and sat up, blinking before looking all over and jumping when he saw Yami in front of him.

"O-oh…"

Yami raised an eyebrow and smiled at him. "Well, hello."

"I…I…s-sorry."

He snorted, chuckling and shaking his head, stretching his hands out for him to take, the smaller teen hesitating for a moment before finally going over to him, grasping his hands and crawling into his lap. Yami smiled in amusement, twining their fingers together and squeezing once as Yugi looked at his pumpkin with pursed lips and almost appeared ready to jump out and grab it.

"You know, I thought that little gang was made up of the stupidest idiots in the world when they tried to pick on me my first day of school," he commented, pulling him closer and feeling Yugi shift to accommodate him, moving to straddle his hips. "But then I found out that I looked like the single most bullied teen in Domino High and it kind of clicked."

"B-but you didn't know me…"

"No, but I knew your name and I knew that you looked like me. But a lot of people are styling their hair like mine since I became King of Games, so I just blew it off," he admitted, leaning forward to press a small kiss to his forehead. "You know…"

Yugi blinked at the playful lilt in his voice as he stretched the word out.

"I know I'm intimidating but that right there made me think that maybe I was so ugly that you were trying to shield yourself from it," he teased, pulling a hand away to tap his nose; the smaller boy wrinkled it in response but his eyes were brightening though he had yet to actually smile. "You almost look like you have to pee again. Do you need to pee, Yugi?"

The small teen's cheeks became striped with the pink tinge of a blush, eyes widening drastically, mouth starting to open only to release a small breath of air.

"If you have to, you can just whip it out and go. I heard that's how they water them anyways," he teased, winking.

His cheeks turned bright red, eyes flickering for a split second towards Yami's crotch and then at the fruit surrounding them. "No wonder they're so orange!"

"Exactly!" Yami snickered. "They're actually naturally a nice red color but the owners of the farms like to pee on them continuously when they're out working so they turn orange."

"How rude."

"Isn't it? Just so rude. Poor pumpkins. Absorbing all that pee and turning orange." He paused. "Almost like when someone gets bullied but doesn't fight back."

Yugi went about pulling away from him to reach over and grab his pumpkin, bringing it into his lap, tapping his fingers against the hard skin before suddenly dropping it and then pushing it hard into Yami's lap.

"It's absorbed while it's still growing, Yugi!" he laughed. "It's off the vines now!"

"B-but it could be festering on the inside—in the seeds!"

Yami chuckled. "I don't think that's the case if they say it's so healthy to eat them, Yugi." He moved forward to sit closer, watching him curiously. "So what happened exactly? You know how stubborn I am. I will totally hold you hostage until you answer."

"My grandpa can't pay ransom!" he blurted out, blushing furiously.

"No ransom, little one," he chuckled, reaching his hands out so that Yugi scooted forward again and took his place in his lap despite the pumpkin resting between them; the smaller teen was immensely grateful for the smooth fruit now because he had a feeling that Yami had started to get a small bit aroused from the position before.

"They liked to do it because I'm so small."

Yami stayed quiet for a moment. "You know, I actually kicked Ushio's ass once," he stated, smirking lightly. "He was the one leading that little group to pick on you calling me by your name."

"S-sorry," he muttered with a wince, ducking his face for a moment before licking his lips. "Who helped you?"

"Who helped me?" he echoed, raising an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"With Ushio. Who helped you?"

"Dear Ra, Yugi, are you insinuating that I can't kick ass?"

Yugi couldn't help the small grin that lit up his eyes when he saw Yami narrow his and raise a brow. "Yami…dear, dear Yami, I…I sincerely hate to break it to you…but you're really not that tall."

"Oh my Ra!" Yami gasped, jerking backwards and gawking at him. "I…I thought I was as tall as Seto!"

He burst into giggles, smiling widely. "My poor delusional boyfriend."

"Way to shatter all my hopes and dreams in life, Yugi."

"Oops."

"My life is ruined."

"Sorry."

"This is more traumatizing than being pissed on!"

Yugi stared with wide eyes, blurting out, "You've been peed on?" in an awkwardly loud voice.

"I was sympathizing with the pumpkins, Yugi," he laughed.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, blushing furiously and ducking his head.

"I'm not Mana. I don't piss myself when I'm mad and I don't own a rat that constantly relieves itself on me," he snickered, tipping Yugi's chin up, laughing in delight at the red staining his cheeks. "Ready to go back?"

"Yeah."

"Good, because I still need my pumpkin carving partner or else I'm screwed."

"Okay, we're going to put them on the kitchen table and then you can meet Milky Way."

"And Mr. Fuzzy!" Mana exclaimed.

"…Who's that?" Yugi asked quietly.

"Her rat."

Yugi blinked. Were rats fuzzy?

He furrowed his brows. He'd never encountered a rat before so that question really had no immediate answer. Oh gods, what if they were fuzzy and cute and everything he knew about them being disgusting and ugly was wrong?

He could have been misjudging the animals all his life and—

"He is not a rat! He's a hamster!"

"They all belong in the same family. Rodents."

"I…I thought his name was General Fluffy."

"Mana is going through a phase," Yami said with a roll of his eyes, leading him to the kitchen table where they both dumped their pumpkins and the taller teen snatched his hand to lead him upstairs quickly. Yugi was led into a room that held walls of Egyptian photos and a couple of animals, all apex predators that drew his attention and made him grin in amusement. The pictures were hardly threatening like people painted the animals to be, all of them rather cute or pleasant to the eye. There were three of them either snarling or roaring but otherwise were basically all the same in the sense that they were nice to look at.

"Milky Way is somewhere in here," he stated casually, waving a hand dismissively. "But I have to use the restroom so if you'll excuse me…"

Yugi smiled in amusement as his boyfriend fled the room as if he had a fire under his ass, shaking his head and starting towards the bed with a burning curiosity. How did his bed stay so clean if he had a cat? Weren't pets known for shedding excessively?

A shadow passed in his periphery and Yugi took a single glance at the cat, not really meaning to do much more than make sure she wasn't in his path and then froze in place, doing a double take; bright blue eyes with slivers of green along the bottom and ringlets of gold around the pupil stared back at him, a furry black head tipping up slightly as if she was taking him in.

The two of them stared at each other for a long minute, the she-cat not once moving while Yugi tried not to call Yami's name, freaked out and trying to stop some of the racing his heart was partaking in.

"Yugi? What are you…?" Yami trailed off and then smirked when he saw that Milky Way was paying just as much attention to the small teen as he was her.

"Is…is she possessed?"

"What?"

"She looks like she's fucking possessed!" Yugi cried, head snapping around. "That can't be natural!"

He nearly burst out laughing when Yugi turned his head back as if he was afraid that Milky Way would pounce if he wasn't constantly watching her. But the she-cat was merely staring at him, fluffy black tail wrapped around her paws and face raised towards him.

"It's completely natural," he laughed, smiling at his cat who flicked her ear and purred in greeting but didn't take her eyes off of Yugi who was still watching her as if she might morph into a massive panther and attack.

"Yugi, Yugi!"

"W-what…?"

"Mana, I swear to Ra, if you bring that fucking pest in here, I'm feeding him to Milky Way!" he snapped, turning his head and glaring as his sister ignored him and the hamster in her palms sniffed the air and froze just as Milky Way tore her eyes away to focus on Mr. Fuzzy.

"Shut up, Yami! I want him to meet Mr. Fuzzy."

"I thought his name was General Fluffy."

Yami snickered at the statement; it seemed that Milky Way had the power to make him so nervous that he had already skipped the step of blushing uncontrollably and was now in his nervous instant reaction of repetition.

"That was his name before. But I like Mr. Fuzzy better."

"It's a stupid name—just like General Fluffy was."

"Whatever, Yami."

"What? You know damn well that it's true. Just like Bluebell made people think you were obsessed with ice cream."

"Are you?" Yugi blurted out without thinking, truly curious as to the answer.

Mana rolled her eyes. "No!"

"She says that but you know she's fucking lying through her teeth."

"Yami!"

"Don't lie if you don't want it to be exposed," her brother snickered. "And General Fluffy and Mr. Fuzzy are equally stupid names."

"Fuck you, Yami. Your name is stupid."

"Your face is stupid!"

"I think it's pretty."

"Aw, thank you, Yugi."

"You're supposed to agree with me, damn it, Yugi!"

"Oops…but I like her face."

"Not as much as you like mine, though, right?"

"Ugh, so conceited," Mana groaned, rolling her eyes.

"Shut up, Mana!"

"Wait, so…he's just a hamster, right?" Yugi asked suddenly, surprised by the way that the conversation had changed so much and the way that Milky Way was steadily staring at the palm of Mana's hand.

The sharp gasp was almost enough to make him turn his head but he found himself still caught up in staring at the black she-cat before him on the ground only a few feet away. "You did not just say that!"

"But…he is, right?"

"He's my pet! And he's so special it defies logic!"

"He's special all right," Yami griped. "Damn stupid."

"You asshole!" Mana spat in response.

"Look, Mana, name him whatever! Who cares? He's a freaking rat!"

"Yami—"

"…I thought he was a hamster."

Yami burst out laughing and hugged him tightly while Mana seethed and then turned and stomped out of the room, the noise making Milky Way's whiskers and ears twitch before she turned back to Yugi and blinked wide eyes.

"Oh, Ra, I love you," he snickered.

Yugi blushed furiously but smiled and hugged him back, somewhat surprised that the cat was not even slightly angered by the display; for one reason or another—it was totally her eyes because those things were fucking demonic looking—he had thought she would leap up and attack him if he touched Yami.

Definitely a relief that she hadn't.

He was pretty sure he would have been labeled as the worst boyfriend in history because he knew without thinking that he would throw Yami right into the cat's path and then flee while the chaos was still going on.

Guilt flared up despite the fact that he hadn't done so, blushing at the fact that he was even thinking about it.

Yami pulled away after a moment and went over, running a hand over her head once before grabbing the she-cat and holding her out. "I promise she's not possessed. She's actually a very sweet kitty. If you pet her, you'll see."

Yugi blinked once and swallowed hard but finally reached out; the she-cat merely stared and he was praying mentally that she wouldn't lash out, nearly laughing out loud when she merely raised her head and strained slightly in Yami's grasp to rub her head beneath his palm with a small purr.

Okay, so the possessed cat approved of him. Thank the gods.

"So…what now?" he asked, clearing his throat awkwardly.

"So now I put her down and she'll wander around and—"

"No," he laughed, finally raising his eyes to look at him though he could see her steadily from his periphery. "I meant as in this whole decorating thing."

"Oh, yeah that," he drawled, rolling his eyes before sighing softly and kissing the she-cat on the head, putting her back down and smiling when she rubbed against his leg once before going to her scratching post and leaping onto the carpeted structure. "Well, Bakura and Malik are coming back over in a couple of hours and then we're all going to color the pictures that my sister printed out for the haunted house we're putting together in the guesthouse in the back."

"Gods, you guys go full out, don't you?"

"It's the best holiday," he murmured, winking at him and grabbing his hand to lead him over to the bed, spinning around in one fluid movement to throw Yugi on the bed straddling him, eyes wide. "Well, besides your birthday but that's not an international holiday so it doesn't fully count."

Yugi poked his tongue out at him and Yami snickered, humming in amusement with a casual glance at Milky Way before turning back. "Put that back unless you plan to use it," he snickered, watching as Yugi's face turned bright red and his tongue was quickly drawn back into his mouth.

"Good, because you know we would never make it out of here in time for the pumpkin carving or the damn coloring thing that Mana wants us to do."

"What is that anyways?"

"We do the haunted house and maze in the backyard in the guesthouse we have back there," Yami explained. "And Mana likes to have the decorations on the wall be different every year so she gets pictures and prints them out on this massive ass tracing paper pad and we color it in with markets. That way Mom and Dad can keep the guesthouse up for use later and we don't mess up the walls with paint."

"Oh."

"And the forest in the back over there makes it easier to hang decorations and do stupid stuff." He gestured around lazily. "Technically, this house—I guess the main house?—is used only for giving out candy but the decorations and everything else goes into the guesthouse. Helps with Milky Way and Mr. Fuzzy too. Mr. Fuzzy is liable to freak out and the lack of movement in the house keeps Milky Way from trying to escape."

"Has she ever escaped before?"

"Oh yeah, she has. A bunch of times, actually. But all she ever does is go over to the tree near the guesthouse's master bedroom and climb. She'll sleep up there for hours."

"So then…why can't she go there more often?"

"Because she's my cat and I don't want her to get herself hurt?" Yami muttered, giving him a look that said Duh before his expression quickly rearranged itself, curious as he tilted his head and asked, "Oh, wait, have you never had a pet before?"

Yugi shook his head, frowning a little before glancing at Milky Way as she leaped onto the bed, curling up and starting to fall asleep almost immediately. "Grandpa is allergic to dogs and I always wanted a German shepherd or a Siberian husky."

"You've never wanted a cat?"

"Pussies don't really interest me…"

Yami burst out laughing and Yugi stared at him in confusion, backtracking and furrowing his brows before pushing his hand on his chest. "What? What's so funny? I said that kitties don't really interest me."

"You said pussies, not kitties."

"I—w-what? No I didn't!"

"You totally did!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Dogs rule and cats drool!"

Yami froze and then pointed at the door. "Get the fuck out of my room, cat hater!"

"Dogs are better!" he sang, getting up and heading for the door. "Dogs are a million times better and—"

"No, wait, come back. I'm lonely."

"You have your cat over there." Yugi wrinkled his nose indignantly and pulled his buzzing phone out of his pocket, glancing at the screen before turning back. "Cuddle with her."

"No, I want to cuddle with you!"

"No cuddles!"

"You—you're a monster!"

Yugi stuck his tongue out. "And you're a jerk. I never said that!"

"Yes you did! And please! I love her but I love you more!"

He almost melted at the words but just barely managed to keep from doing so, huffing, "Yeah? Well…I don't like you anymore. So…no."

"…Hot wild monkey make up sex?"

Yugi blushed furiously and glared at him but couldn't help the small smile that started to cross his lips, pointing at him. "Don't tease me!" he managed to get out, voice even. "That's just rude. And besides, there are no fountains around here!"

Yami opened his mouth to respond but fell quiet when Yugi glanced at his phone and then back at him, eyes apologetic to which he smiled and waved his hand dismissively, before answering with, "Hi Rebecca."

The other teen perked up slightly; Rebecca, Yugi's best friend in America and the blonde who he'd met at the mall that day. Lovely.

He was looking forward to listening to one half of their conversation…until Yugi's phone suddenly beeped and his mouth fell open, eyes wide as he muttered, "My phone's almost dead…"

"Doesn't Yami have a charger you can borrow?"

"It's not the same model."

"God Yugi, what use is a boyfriend if you can't steal his charger to charge your phone?" she drawled, and Yugi blushed when he pictured her rolling her eyes and shaking her head in mock shame. "You would think with you being so smart you would know the basic necessities when dating someone else. I mean, geez. I stole yours all the time."

"Yeah, but…we were never dating."

"So? Your grandpa wanted us to."

Yugi blushed at the statement because it was so true it wasn't funny; he commonly left the room with her grandfather and that wouldn't have been very new considering their friendship but the fact that it only happened when the two of them were already talking or watching TV together spelled it out.

"All right, well use his phone to call me back."

"I can't. It got…kind of destroyed when he was arrested…"

"Arrested?"

"I'll tell you some other time."

"You had better, Yugi Motou."

Yugi turned his head as she hung up and Yami cried out, "Oh, well thanks a lot, Yugi! You probably just made her think I'm a delinquent!"

"…She already thinks you're a sexual deviant," he admitted, blushing as Yami's jaw fell. "And a delinquent…she was there when you guys stole that mannequin."

The red-eyed teen went to argue but fell silent, shrugging once and nodding. "I can see how she would make that assumption."

"Exactly."

"Shut up, smartass," he teased, gesturing him over; the smaller teen happily went back to him, laughing when he threw him on the bed and straddled him, watching him with a lazy predatory expression. "We have a landline, you know."

"Doesn't that cost?"

"Not with the package we have. Go ahead and call her if you want."

"Thanks!"

Yami blinked in surprise when he was pecked on the lips and abruptly pushed away, the teen scrambling to grab the phone off its cradle next to his bed and dialing the number in a quick movement. Awkwardly the red-eyed teen settled back on his knees and frowned, huffing in annoyance now that Yugi's attention was diverted from him; he was kind of bored now.

Milky Way was fast asleep at the edge of the bed and no doubt if he crawled over she would wake up and welcome him to pet her but that hardly seemed like a fair trade; she needed to sleep because Ra knew when she actually did it at other times. He honestly didn't know the last time he'd seen her asleep…

"Mana?"

Yami looked up in confusion. What?

"Um…?" He glanced at Yami in confusion and turned back and the taller teen moved over to his side to grab the phone from him and press the speaker button.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Who the fuck are you?"

"I don't know who you the fuck you are, but you just interrupted my conversation with Yugi—"

"Oh, is that what that was? I thought you were talking to my brother."

"Oh, so you're the blonde who ran off the mannequin."

"…Glad to know that was memorable."

"Girls are so fucking weird," Yami muttered, making Yugi snicker and nudge him in the ribs with his elbow.

"Boys are so fucking stupid," Mana sneered.

"Aren't they?" Rebecca commented. "I honestly don't know why they call it mankind when it should be named after us."

"They're just so fucking conceited."

"Dating someone who looks so much like them. I'm kind of ashamed. Yugi could have gotten someone better looking."

"Ha, she called you ugly!"

"Get your head out of your ass," Rebecca snapped suddenly, making Yami and Yugi gawk. "I didn't say that. I said that Yugi could do better."

"Yeah, as in Yami is ugly—"

"No, because if I called him ugly, I would be calling Yugi ugly too. They look alike."

Mana was quiet for a moment. "Hmm."

"Girl bonding is so weird…"

Yami snorted in laughter and Yugi looked up before smacking the heel of his palm against his forehead; oh, of course he was speaking out loud again.

"Yami, Seto and Mokuba are here," his mom called from downstairs.

"Be right back," Yami muttered, surprised when Yugi grabbed his hand and followed him downstairs, both of them going to greet the brunet brothers; the moment that Seto spotted Yugi he was smirking like the Cheshire cat and Yugi blushed under the scrutinizing gaze.

"Hi Yugi!" Mokuba announced, bouncing over; Yugi tore his eyes from Seto's to look at the smaller boy and smile.

"Hey Mokuba."

"You two hungry?"

"Food?" the smaller Kaiba brother cried, head snapping towards his red-eyed cousin with delight swimming in his features. "Please!"

Yami snickered in amusement and led the way into the kitchen, Yugi somewhat surprised that Seto tagged along, following the brunet and putting his hands in his pockets to keep back his desire to reach out and touch him like he had always wanted to do with a celebrity.

"Sandwiches are in the fridge and—"

"You did not just say that!" Mana's voice screamed.

"What the fuck was that?" Seto demanded sharply, icy blue eyes regarding his cousin.

"The beginning of World War III," he grumbled, shaking his head and starting up the stairs with Yugi chasing after him; oh gods, what if they were threatening to kill each other or something? He didn't know if Mana would survive that, especially if Rebecca came to Japan for Thanksgiving holiday versus him going to America…

"Winnie the Pooh is the best animated bear out there," Mana cried, appalled.

"But he's not the cutest."

"Take that back, bitch."

"Never! He's ugly!"

"He is not!"

"Teddiursa!" Yugi cried.

Both of them fell silent and then burst out laughing while Yami wrapped his arms around his shoulders and leaned forward to press his cheek against his, snickering in amusement.

"Wow, Yugi, they're talking about animated bears and—"

"Ra, Yami, what the fuck do you think Teddiursa is?" Mana complained.

"A fucking teddy bear Pokemon, you dumb bitch," Yami spat.

Yugi blinked wide eyes. "Wow…" He paused and looked at the phone and then Yami. "The reception is amazing!"

His boyfriend chuckled in his ear, shaking his head and nuzzling his temple.

"Yeah, that's right, you asshat, it's an animated bear too."

"Well I don't see any fucking videos of Teddiursa teaching children."

"Gods, they were so nice to each other earlier," Yugi muttered, bewildered.

Mana was laughing even as she sneered, "Well, you would know that wouldn't you, Yami?"

"The fuckers only say their goddamned names! Everyone knows that!"

"The legendaries don't!" Yugi objected loudly. "Lugia and Mewtwo and the ones who ruined my childhood memories of them being fucking awesome."

"Oh Ra, Yugi," Yami muttered, laughter underlining his tone.

"Christ Yugi!" Rebecca laughed.

"So unless you're that stupid ten-year-old—what was his name again? Soot?"

"Ash, you fucking idiot!"

"Soot, Ash—same Ra-damn difference!"

"No, because whose going to believe that their hero's name is fucking Soot?"

"Would you just fucking shut up, you stupid fucking abortion?"

"Oh holy fucking shit," Yugi and Rebecca both breathed.

"I'm telling Mom!"

"Go ahead, you stupid baby!" Yami spat. "We both know why you're bitching anyways. You're sore because I said your stupid hamster was a goddamned rodent and that his name sucks just as badly as he does. Both names suck just as badly as he does. General Fluffy or Mr. Fuzzy, doesn't matter because he sucks anyways!"

"You take that back, jackass!"

"Shove it up yours, Mana! You know damn well that the stupid thing doesn't even respond to it's fucking name! You could just call it Stupid for the rest of its life and it would never know the difference!"

"That's…wow. Rebecca had a fish named Stupid once," Yugi murmured suddenly looking towards Yami. "There was an elephant shaped tank and Stupid swam into the trunk and got stuck and then he died because…well…he got stuck."

Yami burst out laughing and Rebecca snickered, "Ah, beautiful little Stupid."

"Yeah, he really was beautiful."

"Mr. Fuzzy is beautiful too. Right, Yugi?"

"…I don't…I mean…it…Oh…"

"Hear that, Mana? He doesn't even want to compliment such a plain creature!"

"Mr. Fuzzy is perfect!"

"Oh, if he's so perfect, then why can't you even pick out a goddamned name for him? It's not rocket science, Mana! And you're a little too fucking old to be going through a fucking name phase!" Yami snapped. "General Fluffy, Mr. Fuzzy. Who gives a flying fuck? Same stupid creature!"

"Oh my gods…He's abusive towards small fluffy things."

Yami snorted in laughter in his ear but the sound was cut off when Mana screeched, "Yugi, Yami watched Winnie the Pooh and Barney until he was ten!"

The small teen turned his head with a dubious yet oddly confused look. "Must be why he's so good with colors."

Rebecca and Mana howled with laughter while Yami scowled and spat, "Oh no, dear sister, you seem to be rather confused" while shooting Yugi a small pout that made the shorter teen blush before smiling brightly and kissing his cheek.

"Don't deny it, Yami. Nothing wrong with being a little special."

"Newsflash, Mana, I sure as fuck never threw out those two specialized videos they sent you."

There was a sharp intake of breath. "You bastard!"

"Dumb bitch!"

"Specialized videos?" Rebecca inquired.

"They sent her videos where it was pretty them talking to her as their sole audience," Yami stated smugly. "A Christmas present from the companies. Imagine the blackmail I'll have when she finally gets a boyfriend and decides to be stupid and tell him things about me. Isn't life just grand?"

"Oh Christ. You really know how to pick them, don't you, Yugi?"

"Okay, who told her about that?" Yugi cried, nearly throwing the phone off its perch when he flailed his arms. "Who the fuck told her about that?"

Yami stared at him as if he had grown three extra heads. "Well hello feisty. Where have you been all this time?"

"Put your hormones back in their box, Erection Boy," Mana snapped.

"Shut up, Excursions Girl."

Yugi's cheeks burned furiously. "Seriously! Who told her?"

"No one but ten bucks says she's probably waiting for an explanation," Yami muttered, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Uh, duh."

"Don't duh me," Yami snapped. "It's not my fault he's so adorably awkward."

"Isn't he?" Rebecca squealed. "The most adorably awkward teen ever."

"Mine!"

"Jesus, Yami, calm down," she complained. "After that display the two of you put on at the mall, everyone and their blind cousin knows he's yours."

"But…if they're blind…they can't see," Yugi blurted out, blinking. "So how would they know…?"

"It was in the air," Yami snickered. "Pheromones so thick they could feel it!"

"Oh wow…"

"The point is, that everyone knows he's yours and—" Rebecca started.

"…I feel like you guys are fighting over me." He paused, turning delighted eyes towards Yami. "Are you?"

"Nice try, Yugi," Rebecca laughed. "But I still want to know what—"

"Hey, Rebecca, didn't Yugi mention to me once that you like cats?" Yami interrupted, giving Yugi a wink that made the smaller grin; oh thank the gods, he was going to take the spotlight off of him.

"Oh my god, yes! What about them?" she demanded excitedly.

"I have one."

"You're kidding!"

"I kid you not."

"Holy shit—Yugi, you have to break up with him so I can marry him!"

"Mine!" Yugi growled, making Yami burst out laughing as the smaller grabbed him around the waist and pressed into him.

"Fucking cavemen, I swear."

"Does he seriously have a cat?"

"Who, Yami? Oh yeah. Her name's Milky Way. Totally strange ass cat."

Yami smirked and winked at Yugi once more. "Black and silver…"

"No fucking way!"

"I shit you not."

"Oh my god!"

"And she's got the weirdest eyes you'll ever see," Mana commented.

Yami snickered and mouthed, "Game. Set. Match" before putting the phone back on its hook while Yugi burst out laughing and threw his arms around his neck.

"That was awesome. Thank you!"

"You know, taco cat spelled backwards is the same spelled forwards," Malik said suddenly, grabbing a few markers from the massive bin they were digging through for packs, Yugi grabbing a hundred and Yami grabbing a simple twelve. All of them were seated with a certain section of the massive sheet of paper with their markers, all of them picking out black to draw over the pencil lines.

Yugi started to say something but Bakura took it when he muttered, "Racecar. Racecar does that too."

"Oh please," Yami grumbled, rolling his eyes. "Everyone knows that."

"You always do the same one," Malik complained.

"Dog food lid backwards is dildo of god!" Yugi blurted out.

All of them glanced at him for a split second and then doubled over laughing, Bakura guffawing, "Aw, fuck, he's rubbed off on you!"

"You know," Seto snickered, the only one who wasn't laughing too hard to talk, "I should bring you to my business meetings. They won't even know what the hell is going on after you say something."

Yugi blushed furiously, ducking his head.

"No one would know what to do with that information," Yami snickered, reaching over to pull him into his lap; Yugi let out a small cry of surprise but relaxed immediately when Yami merely held him there. "I think they'd be too stunned to think of what was supposed to be going on."

"Damn straight," Seto said, nodding. "I'll pay fifty bucks a meeting. Just blurt out random things and don't explain when they stare at you."

"You'll be a millionaire by the end of the week," Malik cackled.

Yugi shifted the smallest bit when Yami's finger unconsciously touched his bellybutton and nearly died when he heard the sharp intake of air next to his ear announcing what he already felt. His face was the color of blood when he swallowed hard and closed his eyes for a split second; oh gods, he was sitting on his boner. And it was awkward…but he liked it. And, oh gods, what was he supposed to do with that?

"Come on, get out of his lap and let's do this," Seto announced, uncapping his marker and starting to draw over the lines. Mana and Malik followed his lead and Bakura snorted out, "God, I hate this shit" and Yugi went to move but was restrained for a small peck on the lips before he was allowed to take his seat again, blushing lightly.

"Ugh, fucking hormone freaks," Bakura grumbled, rolling his eyes while Yami pointedly ignored him, shifting so that his jacket fell over the bulge in his jeans and hid it well, the position looking completely natural.

How the fuck did he…? Yugi nearly screamed in frustration. He'd never been able to do that before!

Twenty minutes of drawing the lines in black and idle chatter between Mana and Malik had them finished enough to color in which Yami and Bakura ended up wandering off to get more markers; the sound of something like rocks tumbling had them all looking up with wide eyes.

"You fucking spilled them, didn't you?" Seto ground out.

Yami stared at the packet in his hand and then at Bakura who looked at the bin and back, both of them sharing an innocent look before screaming, "This place is haunted!"

Yugi burst into giggles as well as Mana while Malik snorted in laughter, shaking his head and sighing in amusement.

"Maybe the ghosts will pick them up then," the brunet sniped, going back to his coloring like the others; Yugi hesitated for a moment but eventually joined them, surprised when Malik suddenly got up and left and the three of them still didn't return.

Yami held up his markers and posed to strike, Bakura holding his up like a light saber, the two of them squaring off and circling each other, eyes narrowed and grips tightening before stopping short when Malik snorted in laughter and started building his own; the two of them waited with their swords down until he was done, the three of them colliding in a massive swipe.

Yugi looked at his own pack of markers and wondered if something was wrong up there or if they were simply sorting them back into their boxes, but when he got up to go investigate, he ended up yelping and jumping a mile when a million markers started showering from the upper balcony due to Yami's sword breaking in half as it collided with Bakura's and tore it in half and Malik's own shattered from impact with the other two.

Laughter made him look up and a sheepish Yami apologized but the thing that he noticed was that all three of them had broken marker swords in their hands; his attention span skyrocketed into childish immaturity that had him running up the stairs to join them.

"Aw, for fuck's sake…"

"I officially hate them," Mana announced.

"Get back down here, damn it," Seto snapped, making all three of them laugh childishly and drop their toys, Yami kissing Yugi on the cheek and whispering, "In two hours, don't be late" with a wink and grabbing his wrist to lead the way back.

Yugi got back to his house only a couple of hours after he would have normally gone to sleep and while he should have been tired, he was incredibly wired due to the craziness he had endured over at Yami's house. Things had been rather hilarious when the fighting had settled between Yami and Mana, Seto half-amused but also half-irritated by Yugi slipping away with the other three all to fight with marker-swords. The most laughter had been his, but all of the time together had been petty hilarious.

With Halloween the next day, Mana had decided that they would pick out costumes then despite the arguments that had sprung up at the idea but, as Yami pointed out, they were only going to wear it once anyways because they were all too old to go trick-or-treating anymore. Yugi wasn't really looking forward to having to dress up but again, it was only one night so it didn't bother him as much as it would have any other time.

He tugged on the sleeves of his sky blue pajamas and hummed as he started towards his desk to begin his homework.

He looked up as his phone went off, smiling a little as he grabbed it and answered without looking, humming, "Hello?"

"I can see you!"

Yugi stopped short and furrowed his brows, looking at the slim device in his hand and raising an eyebrow before frowning slightly; the voice was distorted, raspy and broken, and Yugi didn't recognize it but the message was creepy. And there was only one person who he knew would say that the day before Halloween of all days.

"That's so super creepy, Yami," he snickered, smiling slightly before shaking his head and glancing at his desk once more.

"You think I'm joking but I'm dead serious."

His eyebrow rose again as he looked at the phone and reveled in the sound of Yami's natural voice, the baritone pitch that made him smile widely. "What are you talking about?"

"I can see you."

"What? Yami, you're at home. And unless I've missed a crucial and rather impossible detail about you being my next door neighbor and being able to see through your window and into mine, then that's not possible." For a split second he almost looked out the window but instead ignored the impulse. "So…you can't see me."

"Oh really now?" Yami purred sultrily. "Then how would I know that you're wearing sky blue flannel pajamas and have yet to take off that necklace I gave you earlier at the house?"

Yugi froze from where he was about to grab his first homework sheet, awkwardly glancing at his sleep clothes and then slowly running his fingers over the necklace of a small three-dimensional pyramid that Yami gave him when he pointed out how nice it was.

"Okay…that's…seriously creepy…"

"Do you know where I am?"

"Obviously not…" He went quiet for a moment, quickly glancing up at the sky through the skylight before looking out the window. "There you are!"

"What?" Yami shifted from his perch on the branch and stared in confusion. "You can't see me."

"Um, yes I can, Yami," Yugi found himself giggling as he pressed his free hand against the desk, tilting his head upwards some. "I can see your feet."

Yami twisted to see his feet, nearly unbalancing himself but managing to retain his grip at the last second, eyes wide as he leaned over to look at them and then at the window where Yugi's face was bright with laughter. For a moment he didn't move, blushing, and then glanced at his sneakers and back. "Fuck. Okay. Turn around and don't peek!"

Yugi burst out laughing and shook his head. "What are you doing here?"

"Yugi!" Yami snapped in a childish voice. "I said turn around and don't peek!"

The smaller teen rolled his eyes but turned around, humming softly as Yami scrambled to crawl up another branch and press himself flat against it, peering through the leaves just as Yugi started to turn his head.

"No peeking!"

Yugi jumped, laughing, and turned around again, smiling and shaking his head. "Ready yet?"

"Yeah."

The smaller teen turned around and caught sight of him almost immediately, but instead went about playing with him, murmuring, "I can't see you anymore. Where'd you go?"

Yami poked his head up and nearly fell off due to the fast movement, singing, "Here I am!" and laughing with him when Yugi shook his head with affectionate eyes and went about unlocking the window, sliding it open for him.

He barely managed to keep his footing in his haste to jump into his window, stumbling on the last bit and tumbling straight through the gap, falling into Yugi who yelped but burst out laughing and hugged him.

"You're not a very good stalker."

"…That's only because you're mine now. If you weren't, I would be forced to improve my stalking skills because I would be following you…everywhere."

Yugi giggled and pushed at his shoulders, Yami kissing his forehead before leaning back again and smiling at him brightly.

"What are you doing here anyways?"

"We went out for a family dinner and it's right down the street so I decided to take a 'bathroom break' and come over here."

"You can't be serious."

"No."

Yugi let out a sigh of relief, rolling his eyes. "So what are you really doing here?"

"I came to see my aibou, of course," he stated simply, moving to press a kiss to his forehead before looking at him. "Is that not okay? I mean, you haven't even been home more than thirty minutes so I know you aren't ready for bed just yet, right?"

"Of course it's okay, but I just…you could have given me a warning."

"Then I would be an even worse spy, duh."

Yugi shook his head. "I don't think they get much worse, Yami."

"…It's more brutal since you're actually using your filter this time," he drawled, raising an eyebrow before kissing his cheek and rolling his eyes, nuzzling his neck once.

"Sorry."

Soft lips trailed up the side of his throat to his jaw and found the corner of his mouth where Yugi unconsciously flicked his tongue out to wet his suddenly dry flesh and found himself suppressing a moan when Yami turned his head to brush lips with him. It was feather light at first, weightless and without much to it, their mouths just barely touching before Yugi leaned in and let his body take over, his mind whirling as the kiss grew to be more passionate. A hand of slender fingers lightly gripped his upper arm, pulling him closer so that he shivered in response as his mind went into overdrive and his body hummed with electricity that made his nerve endings tingle with intensity.

His fingers continued to tangle themselves in Yami's, pulling him closer and closer while the taller teen's drifted down his side and rested on his hip, playing with the hem of his shirt, lighting his body on fire.

And then the panic set in.

What did Yami expect from him?

Did he want more than he was willing to give?

He jerked backwards violently, Yami recoiling in response to the sudden movement, eyes wide and mouth opening slightly in confusion; the red gaze stared back at him in a dazed state, silently questioning and looking somewhat hurt and terribly alarmed.

Had he pushed too far?

But then, he'd let Yugi lead this kiss…

Surely it wasn't that he couldn't kiss well, right?

Hmm…

Oh crap, maybe it was his hand.

Damn, he really was a molesting pervert…

"Yugi?" I'm sorry…?

The smaller teen shook his head and gestured for the window. "You should, uh…p-probably go."

Yami frowned but nodded, not willing to push. "Yeah, all right." He paused, glancing out the window and then turning back. "Think your grandpa will mind if I use the front door?"

Yugi blinked a few times, about to ask how the hell he got in there before remembering the phone call and flushing, glancing over his shoulder and back. "No, probably not."

"He's not going to mind his sixteen-year-old grandson's boyfriend leaving his room in the middle of the night?" he asked incredulously.

"No. He'll…probably be very happy for me."

Yami opened his mouth to respond but ended up laughing instead, shaking his head and climbing to his feet, snorting. "See you tomorrow."

"Mm…"

Yugi walked in on the prank, mouth falling open as Jason Voorhees came around the corner with his machete and Mana screaming, running straight towards him and tripping over the Saran Wrap that had been placed on the walls.

The small teen took one look at the scene and ended up crying from laughing as Mana screamed again and then scrambled, getting her leg caught and glaring as Yugi kept cracking up, doubled over and crying while "Jason" stood there with his machete in his hand and arms crossed, staring at the two.

"Oh my god!" Yugi choked out, dropping to his knees and laughing harder, pointing at "Jason" and then Mana. "This—this is great!"

"Thank you, aibou. I thought it was great too," Yami snickered from where he was recording the scene from the balcony, phone in hand; Bakura pulled the mask off and took in a massive breath.

"Fucking thing is stuffy."

"I bet," Yami commented lightly, pocketing his phone and going down the stairs; his sister swatted at his shin but did nothing more to stop him from greeting Yugi with a small peck on the cheek and a gentle brush of their arms.

"Wait…I thought we were going costume shopping today…"

"We are," the silver-haired teen agreed, snorting at his blonde cousin who was now seated on the floor pouting. "But Yami and I were going through some old boxes in the guesthouse to see about more decorations and we found this and decided to pull a prank on Mana."

"Fucking assholes."

Yami snorted and he and Bakura shared a high-five before both of them headed into the kitchen with Yugi behind them.

"So…any specific costumes you guys had plans for?"

"Not really. Just whatever is left over," Yami murmured, spinning around and looking him over. "You still up for costume hunting today?"

Yugi nodded eagerly. "Yeah!"

"Good. Then at least one of us is enthusiastic about it," Bakura sniped, grabbing a box of cereal from the cabinets and cramming his hand inside.

"Aw fucking…! I liked that cereal!" Yami cried, whining loudly. "You just fucking killed my Reese's Puffs!"

"Dude, get your shit together," he grumbled, rolling his eyes. "You're like a girl with an angry beaver."

"Doesn't Mana have one of those?"

Yami and Bakura both gawked at him before laughing until they were sobbing and Yugi squeezed his eyes shut, scrunching his face up and covering it with his hand.

Oh dear gods, it was beginning early.

"Excuse me?" Mana barked loudly from behind him.

"It's okay!" he blurted out, spinning around. "Rebecca has one too! And Tea!"

"Oh shit!" Bakura howled.

"I'll show you an angry fucking beaver!"

"No! I don't like them!" Yugi cried out, waving his arms in front of his face in a weak defense. "I like the train, not the tunnel!"

Bakura spat his cereal across the floor and Yami grasped at the counter to hold himself up while Mana stopped short and stared in shock at the statement before looking at her brother and cousin and back again.

"Dear. Fucking. Ra. I don't even…" She shook her head slowly. "I don't…"

Yugi kept his hands over his face and shook his head, swallowing hard.

"I can't…"

"I thought the anger of the beaver would make her scarier."

Dear. Fucking. Gods.

"Yugi, aibou, please shut the fuck up. Before shit goes down. I don't think I can handle the angry beaver," Yami murmured, going over to his side to breathe the words in his ear and making him shake his head slowly. "Too tired."

"I'm not even on my period!" Mana cried angrily.

Both of them glanced at her and then turned away again to the smaller teen who continued shaking his head, keeping his mouth and eyes shut, biting his lip and refusing to speak again.

"You'd look like you had a penis if you were."

Yami froze and Bakura choked, laughing until he was sobbing, knees buckling and falling to the ground in a heap, Reese's Puffs spilling out of the overturned box.

"Oh fuck!" he cackled. "Yugi, if you ever break up with my cousin, I want you!"

"Fucking—what did we say about sharing?" Yami spat.

"…Maxi-pads do make us look like we have penises."

Yami clamped his hand over Yugi's mouth before he could open it again, shaking his head and kissing his temple. "I think it's about time that we went to the store for our costumes. Don't you, Bakura?"

"No, no, let's have him keep talking. Just—just—" He couldn't even get anymore out, laughing and rolling on the ground while Mana glared and huffed with her arms crossed and Yami sighed and buried his face in Yugi's neck while the smaller shook his head again.

"It's like the Hunger Games are playing on your insides," Yugi whispered suddenly.

"Dear fucking Ra."

"'May the odds be ever in your favor'," the small teen quoted, eyes zeroed in on Mana's abdomen.

"I love him!" Bakura spat out in his laughter, crawling across the floor and over to Yugi to hug his leg and sob loudly into his pants. "If you ever break up with him, I'll always want you."

"Wait, so if she's got an angry beaver…then that means she's not pregnant…right?" he asked, turning his head towards Yami. "She's still on Shark Week, right?"

"I was never pregnant!" Mana cried angrily. "Damn it, Yami, is that what you call my periods?"

"I never…" Yami trailed off and looked at Yugi for a long minute. "Have I ever talked to you about…?"

"No. I just thought that was what everyone called it."

"Oh."

"Gods, Yami, I'll murder you for this one."

Yugi ignored the ring of the words "this one".

"You know, Mana, all you have to do is keep crashing all the cars they buy you until they get you one you actually like," Bakura pointed out with a sly smirk, glancing sideways at Malik who smirked widely and nodded.

Yugi blinked once. "Isn't that wasting money?"

"They're loaded," Yami said dismissively, waving his left hand with a bored look and moving his hand on his stomach for a moment, kissing his cheek. "And besides, with all her bitching as it is, they're probably about to crack anyways. It'll make it easier for them. They'll probably get more from the insurance company than they will the actual dealership anyways. Doesn't matter if you only drove in it once—they act like you've had it for a million years and will only give you like a third of what you paid."

"Oh…"

"Time to focus on the costumes, thank you," Mana announced, cutting them all off.

Yami snorted in annoyance. "You were the one who brought it up in the first place!" and Yugi frowned slightly from his spot next to them as they walked inside and Malik ran ahead with Bakura caught by the wrist and grumbling something about Malik being a blowhard and how much he hated him.

Did he do something?

Mana wandered off to do her own shopping while Yugi and Yami split up from her and wandered the section where he could see Malik and Bakura but couldn't really do much to talk to them because they were too far to speak to without raising his voice to the point of almost shouting.

Yugi glanced at his boyfriend to find him with his arms crossed and head tilted to the side, eyes wide as he stared at a particularly weird costume; when he didn't turn to him the smaller boy let his blue-violet gaze spread out towards the row of costumes on display.

None of the pictures held a costume that he wanted to wear himself, not even for a day, frowning as he wandered a few steps and found himself staring at a certain black cloaked figure and a strange mask that made him frown in puzzlement; he didn't know who it even was. Wasn't the whole point of the holiday to dress up as someone you wanted to be?

"I wasn't aware you were part of an occult," Yami commented, making him jump a mile as he spun around to face him, eyes wide and cheeks taking on a small blush. "I wonder who you would worship."

But even with the light teasing, he couldn't find it in him to smile. "Yami, a-are you mad at me?"

"Mad at you?" he commented quietly, frowning slightly as he looked at him and shook his head. "Why would you ask me that?"

"I didn't mean to upset you. I…I…I'm sorry. I just…" He trailed off and looked down, starting to move along the aisle, frowning and swallowing hard as thoughts of how he was supposed to make it up to him crossed his mind; what did you do when your first boyfriend ever was upset at you? Did they have books on this?

"I want to know something, aibou."

The blue-violet-eyed teen looked over with wide eyes, slightly startled by the statement but quickly relaxing when he saw that Yami merely looked curious. "Sure, what is it?"

"Last night, in your room, you pulled away and told me to leave. I honestly thought you'd run before you even managed to get the words out." The small teen blushed furiously as he raised an eyebrow slowly. "What happened?"

"I…I just…I got a little…o-overwhelmed…" Yugi admitted, swallowing hard and blushing furiously with the statement.

Now that sounds more like it! Yami thought, smiling slightly. My kissing overwhelmed him. I am just that good.

He blinked once and barely resisted the urge to smack the heel of his palm against his forehead.

Are you trying to make this worse?

"I…overwhelmed you?" he repeated slowly, narrowing his eyes slightly in order to keep his expression from growing completely disbelieving altogether.

"I…it…Y-yeah?"

Yami smiled and shook his head before his eyes suddenly caught sight of something that had him grabbing Yugi's hand and pulling him along excitedly, pointing up at a picture about two shelves down from the ceiling with the weirdest costume he had honestly ever seen for a vampire.

"You know, if you just covered yourself in white glitter and got some of that instant-wash dye in orange, you could pass for that gay vampire."

It took him a minute before the words connected, furrowing his brow before turning back. "I thought he was straight."

"Pfft. They were totally fighting over each other. Bella was just there," Yugi snorted.

"Wait…what?"

"Totally. She's just selfish and completely oblivious to everything. The sexual tension between them was amazing."

"Oh fucking Ra. You choose that over Harry Potter?"

Yugi spun around and Yami jerked backwards from the hit of plastic against his cheek, the smaller teen hurrying to drop it back on the shelf and rubbing the small red mark that appeared despite the light tap he'd given him, realizing belatedly that Yami was blushing lightly. "Hell no. I hate them both," he drawled, laughing at the bewildered expression that crossed the taller teen's face. "But Tea made me read them with her so…"

"Oh."

"How do you even know about that series?"

Both of them muttered the answer, Yami like it was a curse while Yugi's was soft and thoughtful.

"Mana."

"You know what, Yugi?" he murmured, thoughtful, smiling slightly. "If you don't like the vampire costume, then pick one out for me and I'll do the same for you."

He went to respond but frowned, tilting his head before nodding slowly. "Yeah, okay. I saw a really scary one when we entered the store anyways," he announced, grinning as he grabbed his hand—wow, had they always been this warm?—and led him back towards the girl section.

Yami blanched from the sexual images all around him, grimacing at Catwoman and then Spider Girl and Bat Girl and Super Woman. Because, wow, Halloween was really starting to look like the slut's holiday.

Yugi had the perfect costume picked out, but his mind was going everywhere at the same time and now he found himself somewhat lost looking for the picture of the costume he had seen earlier, eyes widening as he pointed at something at random.

Yami's red eyes shot up to regard the image, widening drastically as blood pooled under his cheeks and he squirmed awkwardly in his spot; Yugi was almost afraid to see the thing that he was pointing at because he knew immediately it wasn't what he was supposed to be. Slowly his eyes drifted over and his own face turned dark red, mouth falling open at the very image.

The woman in the costume wore thigh length black fishnet stockings and a matching fishnet shirt draped just below her shoulders, with knee-length leather boots, black leather shorts that covered nothing and a simple leather tank top high above her bellybutton; hugging her hips was a black strap thong and perched on top of her blonde head was a black cat band with a matching cat tail.

"Wow," Malik murmured. "My kind of kid. Kinky cosplay galore. Good job, Yugi."

"I—I—t-that's not—" Embarrassment made him turn to the blond, pointing at the image and sputtering, "Did Catwoman look like that?"

"Goddamn it, Yami! You weren't even supposed to fucking tell him that!" Malik spat, glaring at his cousin before turning to the smaller boy with narrowed eyes. "I was fucking high, okay? You people—"

"Druggy!" Yugi screeched. "You're a druggy!"

"Dear fucking Ra."

"Could you get any louder?" Malik hissed. "I'm not sure they heard you in Alaska!"

"This costume is perfect," Bakura purred, making them look over with confused expressions, taking in his mischievous look and wondering what the hell he was up to. "But it's lacking one thing."

"Claws?" Yugi blurted out.

"Ooh, you really are a kink, aren't you? Like having those nails drag across your skin, huh?" the silver-haired teen snickered, wandering off.

"I—I—Cats have claws!" he spluttered, blushing furiously.

"Oh fucking hell." Yami muttered, covering his face with his hand and shaking his head.

Yugi covered his mouth after a second, biting his lips hard and shaking his head furiously, only to gawk when Bakura returned and a snapping noise echoed through the aisle as Yami jerked his head in his direction, the silver-haired teen snickering, "For the pet" before hooking a leash to the bright red collar with the single golden bell in the center and placing it forcefully in Yugi's right hand before slipping something in his left that Yugi was too afraid to look at immediately. "For the master."

"Okay, wait a second, why does he get two things and I only get one?" Yami demanded in a loud voice, not even thinking of what he was saying even as his eyes took in the object in his hand and his cheeks turned bright red.

"Masters have full control," his cousin stated, smirking and winking at Yugi before patting Mana and Malik's heads and saying, "We should go. Things are going to get a little rated R."

"We'll be outside," the blonde snickered, leading the way out with Yami's cousins following immediately after, both of them cracking up and sharing high-fives.

"Damn it, Bakura!" Yami spat, starting for the door to tear him a new one only to feel the collar around his neck tighten and his bell ring, eyes widening as he wondered if the leash had gotten caught on one of the racks or that maybe Yugi was still unconsciously holding it.

When he turned around he expected to find the smaller teen pouting or blushing or ready to fire off something else embarrassing but instead his eyes widened in shock when he found that Yugi had wrapped the bright red leather around his wrist in several loops with a devious expression on his face.

Yami let his eyes drop to the whip and dildo that Yugi had discarded on the ground, trailing his gaze back to the smaller teen who tugged lightly once, winking with a small blush as he laughed, "You know, Christmas is in two months. Think I could make Bakura do this again then?"

His mouth fell open and eyes widened drastically, hinging and unhinging his jaw multiple times before blinking repeatedly and swallowing hard once. "You little kink!"

The smaller teen whistled innocently, winked once, dropped the leash and then hurried off to the cash register with his own costume; Yami watched him disappear outside with a wave and wink and listened with disbelieving ears as Bakura and Malik howled with laughter and Mana cried, "That was the best prank ever!"

Son of a bitch.

"You kinky little shit," Yami muttered, pinning him against the wall with narrowed eyes and a wide smirk crossing his lips.

Yugi grinned and pushed him away, giggling as he ducked under his arm and started to walk around him, squealing when he caught him and pulled him closer, tickling him and kissing at his temples and forehead. "Yami!"

"Who knew that you had it in you?" he teased, spinning him around to push him against the wall again, raising an eyebrow.

The smaller teen would have been scared in any other situation but was laughing now, going to press small kisses against the edges of his mouth and try to push him away again. "Obviously they did when they set me up to it."

"So then it wasn't just you, huh?"

"Oh no, it was, Yami," he murmured, looking at him and winking playfully. "But I had to get Bakura and Malik to play along with me."

"How did you even…?"

He reached up and tapped him on the nose, smiling fondly when his nose wrinkled and a mirroring curve claimed Yami's lips. "I knew Bakura could find something if I told him what store to look at."

Yami rolled his eyes and went about licking at the shell of his ear, purring softly. "You drive me crazy sometimes."

Yugi would have teased him but something kept pressing at the back of his mind and he couldn't ignore it anymore. "Yami, yesterday, at school, when we were at the table…you said…I mean…um…w-who was your first?"

"First?"

"Yeah, your…first."

"Are you asking me if I've had sex already?"

Yugi nodded and ducked his head, staring at the ground while Yami sighed loudly and went about tickling him with his right hand, laughing as Yugi squealed and squirmed, struggling to get out of his grip. "Well, I haven't, aibou."

"W-what?" he choked out, crumpling when he pulled his hand back slightly; the red eyes grew twice their size at the reaction, staring blankly before he furrowed his brows and frowned.

"Ra, are you okay?"

Yugi looked up at him, half caught between the sensation of laughing out loud in relief and the expression on his face and the urge to cry from worrying so much and pushing him away and making this situation so awkward. He moved to brace himself against the side of the guesthouse and got to his feet after a moment, eyes wide.

"I…y-yeah. I just…I thought…"

"Why? I thought you already knew—"

"What you said yesterday!" Yugi cried, throwing his arms up dramatically and making Yami take a step back as if he expected him to smack him. "During lunch you said—"

"It was a joke!" he exclaimed, eyes wide. "I didn't think you took that to heart…Ra, no wonder you've been acting so weird."

"I always act weird!"

Yami burst out laughing at the frustrated outburst and Yugi huffed, cheeks red with embarrassment and frowning at his lack of control of his mouth; the taller teen shook his head in amusement. "Yeah, but it's endearing."

His face turned bright red and he was pretty sure his ears had taken up the color now as well, embarrassment at the idea hitting him with another massive shot of red blood pooling beneath his skin.

God, he must have looked like a tomato by now.

"I would say more cherry popsicle. It's brighter. And delicious. I hate tomato."

"Oh," he moaned, shaking his head and covering his face. "I didn't mean to—"

"Would you calm down, aibou? If I was upset, I wouldn't be here with you right now, would I?" he commented, snorting in amusement as the blue-violet-eyed teen ducked his head and continued shaking it. "Calm down, little one. Besides, I don't think that sex is really what you're supposed to be talking about on Halloween of all days. It sounds…more like a Thanksgiving kind of thing."

"H-how would that be…?" he sputtered, looking up incredulously.

"It's like…giving thanks…but with your body," he murmured, nodding enthusiastically. "Like, thank Ra you have a penis and I have one and thank Ra they work—or maybe they don't and we should test them out in order to give thanks because why not? I mean, really. Why not? And! If you already know they work, then you have sex and then you can give thanks at the table for your working organ and—"

"Please stop," he gasped out, blushing furiously even as his fingers covered Yami's mouth and he shook his head pleadingly.

Yami smiled against his fingers, kissed them once, and then stepped back twice, giving him a little more room to think, turning his head and wondering at whether or not his cousins had done something stupid yet. He just hoped that the decorations they had put up before and after his visit to Yugi's were still up.

"So do you…do you want to…you know…sleep with me?"

Yami snorted in amusement but did nothing to correct his phrasing, instead stating, "Fuck yes! And when we do have sex, I'm going to fuck you so hard that the guy who can pull me out again is going to become the next king of England!"

Yugi sputtered breathlessly but burst out laughing, shaking his head even though his face was too hot and left him feeling as if he were boiling and his mouth opened to blurt out, "Excalibur?" while his eyes unconsciously raised themselves to Yami's crotch.

The red-eyed teen burst out laughing. "Are you staring?"

"N-no!"

"Right."

"…He doesn't look like much."

He clapped his hands over his mouth and looked at him, gaping behind his palms while Yami raised an eyebrow, crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes.

"It's the pants. You get him out of them and he's almost too big to get back in."

Yugi was trembling with laughter now, face heating up more as he slid his palms further up his face and covered his eyes.

"You should sleep over some day."

"I feel like you would dry hump me in my sleep."

Yami burst out laughing at the mortified expression that crossed his face, only caught by the way that Yugi snatched his hands away from his face and stared at them as if they had spoken instead of him.

"Oh my god."

"It's so true though."

He shook his head and reached up to cover himself again, clenching his eyes shut and pinching his entire face in an effort not to respond anymore, but it was so hard not to and he was struggling.

"I could just imagine it happening too. We'd be asleep and then suddenly—"

"You pervert!" he cried, red-faced and laughing. "You're fantasizing about molesting me in my sleep!"

Yami was quiet for a moment and then lowered his voice, leaning forward to whisper, "So you haven't noticed all the other times?" and cracking up when Yugi squeaked and threw his hands from his face, startled, before he started laughing softly and glared playfully.

"Stop that! I might be forced to file for a restraining order!"

The red-eyed teen narrowed his eyes for a second. "How many feet away from you?"

Yugi started to say two but then stopped and crossed his arms. "One hundred."

Yami waggled his eyebrows. "Only one hundred? Not much of a restraining order." He leaned forward, whispering softly again. "There are a lot of things you can do…even from a hundred foot distance."

"I don't think you can shoot that far!" he blurted before looking horrified again.

Yami choked and doubled over, cracking up. "Oh my Ra!"

"Is that…? Fucking hell, Bakura, you aren't supposed to use a real knife!"

"It wouldn't look authentic otherwise," the silver-haired teen replied, looking his knife over.

"Ra fucking…This is why we don't ever let you out of the house anymore!" Yami spat.

"Fucking psycho," Malik commented, shaking his head.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Seto growled. "You're the one who gave him the idea!"

Yugi burst out laughing with Mana while Bakura snorted and Malik blushed furiously while Yami shook his head and sighed loudly, grumbling, "First you fucking try to kidnap a woman wearing leather while calling her Catwoman while you were high on Novocaine and now you're giving Bakura ideas? Are you fucking shitting me, Malik?"

Mana fell against Yugi, laughing until she was sobbing while Yugi laughed harder and shook his head, covering his mouth with his hand.

"Actually, Novocaine isn't used anymore and—"

"Beside the point, Seto. Beside. The. Point."

"I remember why I hate hanging out with you idiots again," the brunet hissed out, rolling his eyes. "One of you is a fucking pervert, the other is an easily influenced idiot, and the other is a registered kidnapping police-car-chasing asshole."

Yugi snorted in laughter and Yami gave his cousin an affronted look. "I prefer molester. A certified molester. Thank you, very much."

"It sounds more official," the smaller boy put in.

"Dear god, you've convinced him it's natural."

"Perverseness is not a crime," Yami replied with an indignant snort. "It is a disease. And all sexually suppressed teenage males suffer from it. Thank you, very much, dear cousin."

"Fucking smartass pervert. It's a goddamned curse."

Yugi started laughing while Yami glared but shrugged, smirking slightly.

Yugi sat with his pumpkin, which he and Yami had carved to have the seeds falling out of an open mouth so that it looked like a sick drunk vomiting all over the yard outside; Bakura and Malik had made one of theirs eating a smaller one and little tinier ones were all spread around, some with their tops chopped off and others not so much. Mana had turned hers into a witch and Mokuba turned his into a Duel Monsters card with Seto, the two of them making up a Blue-Eyes White Dragon.

Bakura had gone about taking up residence in the entrance to the haunted house portion of the decorated guesthouse and stood posed as a mannequin, lunging with his knife when he got too bored and people got too complacent with the house. Yami had gone about dressing Mr. Fuzzy and Milky Way at Mana's expressed demand. Seto and Mokuba were in charge of the special effects. Mana, of course, was handing out candy dressed up as a witch with candy cane stockings and a wand.

Yugi was happily eating some of the spilled candy from Bakura's scaring visitors into nearly dropping their bags which knocked all of their candy everywhere; vaguely he wondered if Joey and the others were having fun at their party but not enough so that he truly cared, instead smiling and going about watching Yami as he played with Milky Way in the yard, the laser pointer working well on the grass as far as the cat was concerned. She went flying, dressed as a pumpkin, and continuously climbed the tree and jumped off and climbed again, chasing that little dot.

The one time that Yami pointed it at himself she had gone shooting straight into him, climbed up his chest and perched on his shoulder, scanning before leaping down for the dot again as he pointed it off. Yugi hadn't really gone over there to see her up close because her eyes still freaked him out.

Especially in the dark.

Those ringlets of gold and slivers of green set against that vibrant blue were so freaky when they glowed in the darkness.

He smiled as Yami pointed the laser at him and Milky Way tore off towards him, the taller teen laughing as Yugi shook his head and caught the cat as she pounced into his lap with her paws on his crotch, staring at where the dot had been moments before. Her tail flicked and a confused look crossed her face as she looked up at him, making him laugh as he stroked her head and felt her arch beneath his hand.

"She looks good as a pumpkin, right?"

Yugi laughed softly and smiled at his boyfriend who lazily took a seat next to him and stole a piece of candy from the pile next to him. "She's adorable."

"Damn straight."

"Oh, oh, don't eat the yellow Reese's!" he cried when he spotted the bag that Yami was starting to open. "I love the yellow!"

Yami arched an eyebrow but didn't argue, instead snorting and petting his cat who moved to lay across Yugi's lap, tail curled around her body as she purred softly under his touch. "Hmm, well, let's see. We had our pumpkin carving contest."

"Your parents are so mean," he cried before he could stop himself. "They didn't even say who won! No, they decided that they would be nice and just let everyone be winners!"

Yami snickered and leaned over to kiss his temple. "They decided they would do it for you. Didn't want you knowing that I'm their favorite," he teased.

Yugi went about reaching to sink his hands into Yami's hair, smiling when the teen stared at him in confusion for a moment before grinning lopsidedly and kissing his cheek "I'm not surprised."

"I know. I'm the best."

He scoffed and pushed him away. "No, I meant that your parents liked me enough to do that. I mean, who doesn't like me?"

"You know, you're a little cheeky all of the sudden."

"I'm always cheeky," he giggled, stretching his lips into the widest smile he could muster. "I am always, always cheeky. It just…isn't noticeable behind the random outbursts."

"How unfortunate."

"Isn't it?"

"Then we picked out costumes and I learned that you're a kinky little thing."

Yugi blushed. "Only sometimes!"

"We picked out candy—"

"Do you think there will be any left?"

"Probably. Mom always buys more than needed," Yami replied. "We set up the house and the maze, dressed up Mr. Fuzzy as a miniature Robin Hood."

"Milky Way looks cuter," he muttered, looking at the she-cat curiously. "Plus you can see her in the dark."

"So true. And Bakura gets to pretend to butcher people for a day while Mokuba plays the victim to Malik's Jigsaw Killer prank in the back."

Yugi giggled. "He just wanted to ride the tricycle."

"Well duh," Yami teased, looking at the candies in his hand.

The smaller teen turned back to the cat in his lap; she was still possessed, no matter what Yami said.

"So," Yami snickered, grabbing his hand and dropping several of the yellow Reese's into his palm. "What was the scariest thing of the night?"

Yugi didn't hesitate.

"Milky Way's eyes."

Yami threw his head back, laughing.

"You're laughing but I'm serious. That shit is creepy. She looks possessed."

"It's because she's mine. Uniqueness seems to draw my attention the most."

Yugi blushed at the statement and ducked his head, making him laugh harder.

"Maybe next Halloween I should dress up as Harry Potter."

"I hate Harry Potter."

Yami laughed some more even as he pressed a kiss to his smaller boyfriend's forehead and gripped his hand tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! So, thoughts? Was it okay? Not so good?  
> And, in the next part (Yeah, fourth part) Malik and the "Catwoman" ordeal will be explained more thoroughly.  
> ANYWAYS! Happy Halloween :) Stay safe with whatever it is you decide to do. Which means no poisoning children because you could end up in jail with "Gorilla Face" rubbing her legs all over yours, no speeding because you could end up having a high-low speed chase going on with the cops, and no attacking random people because they might just attack you back. If you get kinky, make sure to have a whip and dildo and role-play as a cat. Cause what is Halloween without that?


	4. The Distraction Thanksgiving Dilemma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY managed to get this edited and copied to post here too.  
> …Long parts. Ha, apology for the length. But yeah, it refused to die until it was completely finished.  
> Warning! There is a small bit of jokes about religions about such but nothing too horrible, and it shouldn't offend anyone. I just wanted to play around a little and it definitely worked. So just remember that no offense was meant and have fun.  
> Disclaimer: As said before, Yu-Gi-Oh is NOT mine.

The Distraction Thanksgiving Dilemma

"Yami! Yami! Yami!"

The teen spun around just in time to brace himself as his boyfriend collided with him, backing up a step but catching him regardless, a smile instantly crossing his face at the touch of Yugi's body warmth. "Hey little one, what's up?"

Yugi pulled back, tugging on his uniform sleeves excitedly and jumping slightly on the balls of his feet, eyes bright and shining. "You…"

Yami nodded with a confused look. "I…"

"Are…"

"Am…"

"Coming…"

"…I wasn't aware I was aroused. Must be my Yugi-senses tingling."

The small teen recoiled, releasing his sleeves, and looked over his shoulder before turning back with wide eyes. "Tea said earlier that she had Yugi-senses so she knew when I was about to scare her…"

"Oh dear Ra…"

"Wow. I make  _you_ hard and her  _wet_. I'm like…a sex god!"

The taller teen snickered in amusement but nodded regardless. "Yes. You are."

" _Awesome_. I make everyone hard or wet!"

He choked on his laughter. "Don't say that out loud, aibou!"

"But…I  _like_ it."

"Yes, because what's not to like?" he snickered. "Just don't go cheating on me."

"Of course not!" Yugi objected immediately.

"Good. Now what was it you wanted to talk about?"

"Talk a…? Oh! You are coming with me to celebrate Thanksgiving with Rebecca!"

"I am…what…?"

"Please, Yami? I don't want to go without you and Rebecca wanted to get the chance to meet my sexually deviant delinquent boyfriend…"

Yami felt his cheeks heat violently in embarrassment, somewhat humiliated but oddly proud all at once. "I…dear  _Ra_ , that's a massive ass title."

"Nothing you aren't living up to."

* * *

"Have you…ever done that thing in class where you notice you've stopped paying attention so you try to focus but then you're  _so_ focused on trying to focus that you're still not paying attention to what they're saying?" Yugi mumbled, eyes wide as he looked at Yami with a sheepish expression.

His boyfriend's head snapped towards him, eyes growing owlish as he whispered back, "Why are you getting  _spiritual_ with me?"

Yugi pushed his shoulder and glared. "I'm serious, Yami, I don't know what the hell is going on anymore!"

The other teen raised a brow. "And you think I do now? You just fucking  _connected_ with my soul and you think I know what's going on?"

"Stop teasing me!" he cried, biting his lip. "I seriously don't know what's going on!"

"Well how would I know when my  _soul_ just got  _touched_?"

"Please tell me it was in an  _appropriate_ way," Yugi blurted out, somehow managing to keep himself quiet enough that the teacher didn't turn around though several students looked over in confusion.

"What kind of barbarian do you take me for?" Yami hissed, voice growing playful as his eyes gleamed. "Of course it was appropriate! We just connected spiritually and—nope, there it goes. Now my soul is being tainted."

" _Yami_!"

"Ooh, oh my Ra, the  _connection_!"

"Mister Sennen, Mister Motou…?"

Yugi squeaked out, "He's being a pervert!" while Yami started laughing and the other students snickered; the teacher smiled a little, shaking his head, and turned away again. The two of them were his best students so it had never been much of a surprise that they got away with anything they wanted for the most part; they could chatter and mess around and joke and blurt out random things and the teacher let it happen.

"What else is new?" someone else snickered and Yugi blushed before glaring at his boyfriend who stroked his fingers down his arm, tickling him.

"Stop that!"

"No, I'm bored and I'll touch you all I want to!"

"Yami, can you explain to the class what—?"

"When I was younger I pronounced 'hors d'oeuvres' as 'horse divorce'," the taller teen cut him off, staring at the teacher with large, innocent eyes. "I also did that on accident a week ago and my mom is  _still_ teasing me about it. My life is  _hard_ , okay? So I would appreciate it if you  _didn't_ interrupt me tickling my boyfriend just so that you can explain again that no one needs to overdo the task of pricking their finger for the project. I mean, do you have a knife in here somewhere? Am I supposed to use that instead? Because just freaking pricking my finger should  _not_ cause  _this_ much concern for everyone around me."

"Some of you are just too immature to not be worried about," the teacher said, giving him a pointed look with his brow raised while Yami smirked and Yugi groaned, covering his face with his hands.

"True."

"Our souls just fucked!" Yugi blurted out, covering his mouth and groaning before ducking his head behind the desk as the rest of the room burst out laughing and the teacher smiled a little too widely in amusement; that boy had to be the highlight of the school day.

"Ooh, you felt it too!"

"Soulgasms!"

" _Yes_!"

Yugi made a whining noise in the back of his throat and moved to press his face into Yami's side, hissing, "This is your fault!"

"Your soul molested mine first!"

"Soulestation!"

"Ooh, so technical!"

"All right, you two," the teacher snickered, clearing his throat to keep his laughter out of his voice. "Calm down. We still have an hour's worth of learning to go. Try to contain your perverseness Yami, and  _you_ try to stop your outbursts, Yugi."

Yami opened his mouth to argue but eventually just nodded while Yugi immediately said, "Okay!"

Ten minutes later, the teacher had passed out the required tools and Yugi was still trying to figure out exactly how much pressure and how many drops of blood he really needed to put in that slide, and spent another few seconds just fiddling with the needle and glancing at the glass slides, the microscope and the textbook. Finally he had to put it down because he was starting to get nervous about pricking himself without meaning to, placing it on the desktop and leaning back in his seat.

"Did you prick your finger yet?" Yugi muttered, frowning as he looked at the needle and then at his own fingertip, licking his lips awkwardly and glancing at Yami.

"Nope. You forget, little one, that  _I_ am part of the movement against student abuse and violence against us. I am protesting." He showed off his fingers. "No injuries. Whatsoever. Because I am awesome."

The smaller teen laughed softly and raised an eyebrow. "Why didn't I know about this before and how can I join? Because I really want to join this protest group—especially if there are weekly meetings. I always wanted to be part of those clubs with the weekly meetings."

Yami opened and closed his mouth, blinked once, and then whipped his phone out. "Give me like…ten minutes. I have to come up with rules to this with Bakura and Malik."

Yugi laughed and shook his head, turning away but watching him from the corner of his eye as he went about texting for a few minutes and the teacher finally announced that they were to continue the lesson and stop with the blood typing. The chatter died away after a few minutes, everyone quieting as he started showing off displays about the heart, blood cells, and even transfusions.

Yugi furrowed his brows at the heart that was shown on the screen, with strings of muscle that made him tilt his head in surprise; there were really such things as  _heart strings_?

"The heart strings—as shown in this picture—can sometimes break after a deep emotional trauma, causing the heart to lose form, and as a result, be unable to pump blood effectively. So, you really  _can_ die from a broken heart."

So that was why all those hospital dramas had that  _one_ episode with the patient who got a heart attack anniversary that their "soul mate" died…

He swallowed hard and avoided looking over at his boyfriend, wondering silently at the idea of whether or not they were soul mates…

"See? This is why should marry me," Yami announced, turning to him immediately and raising a brow while Yugi blushed violently and quickly pecked him on the cheek, hoping that the subject would disappear soon enough.

The taller teen smirked as he turned away, putting his elbows on the desk and his chin in his hands. "You rejected me so sweetly I can't even be mad."

"You're so annoying," he teased, laughing softly and shaking his head.

"But in the most  _awesome_ of ways, right?"

"Of course."

* * *

"Embarrassing stories are our initiation?"

"Damn straight," Bakura announced, leaning against the counter and undoing the top to his soda. "Now…let's see. Who is going to go  _first_?"

"Okay," Malik decided, grabbing his own drink and smirking at his two cousins before glancing at Yugi with gleaming eyes. "So, these two already know this about me, but the absolute most embarrassing thing that happened to me…was when some little girl dropped her cat out the window to see if it would land on its feet—"

"Asshole!" the smallest teen snarled, surprising the other three who blinked a couple of times and then nodded.

"They were a fucking asshole," Yami agreed, nodding again and immediately going to scoop Milky Way into his arms, the she-cat purring as she rubbed her head under his chin and he messed with the glistening silver that mingled in the dark black fur along her back.

"Fuck yeah," Bakura replied.

"Absolutely. Now, back to the story." The tanned male clapped his hands and rubbed his palms together, smirking wider. "So the girl threw the cat out the window and I tried to catch it and my thumb went up its butthole."

"Wrong hole!" Yugi blurted, covering his mouth and groaning as Yami and Bakura both burst out laughing.

Yami snorted and then snapped his fingers. "You remember that prank I played on Duke when we were ten?" he snickered, the other two swapping looks, thinking for a moment and then shaking their heads slowly.

"Probably not the one that you actually mean."

"Yeah, you played  _way_ too many jokes on that poor kid."

"The one with the parrot."

Bakura spat his soda across the floor, laughing and coughing as he smacked his chest with his fist and cleared his throat, Malik snickering next to him.

"Damn."

"What parrot?" Yugi asked, confused and frowning slightly as he looked between his boyfriend and his cousins, glancing back to Yami and nudging his arm gently, a pleading look on his face.

The red-eyed teen chuckled and nuzzled his temple once before saying, "Okay, so Duke used to have this parrot and Bakura was trying to teach it how to say that it had been turned into a parrot and needed help. And Malik said, 'Teaching it that would be a waste of everyone's fucking time' and so I went over to it and started whispering in its ear and you know how birds will mimic pretty much  _everything_ you do?"

"Yeah…?"

Yami gave him a teasing smile, raising an eyebrow that made Yugi blush slightly; okay, so he had no idea what he was talking about when he said that, but did it really matter?

"Well, anyways, so I'm over there doing this every five minutes to make sure it's actually paying attention to me," the red-eyed teen continued, smirking widely. "And when Duke came inside with his mom with some of the plates, that bird goes over to him and lands on his shoulder, puts his head down, and whispers 'Asshole' like I had been doing to it all day. And Duke got  _super_ pissed and you know how he gets when he…?"

Yugi didn't really notice he had trailed off until he realized Yami was doing it for his sake; he didn't know Duke very well. In fact, he had only met the teal-eyed teen through Yami who had been his friend since they were pretty much in diapers. The first time they had met Duke had called him by Yami's name and then said he had shrunk while Yami had cracked up when he came out of the bathroom after washing his hands to get some of the paint off his fingers left over from art class. So, really, Yugi had no idea what the teen was actually like.

He didn't really hang out with them that much.

He hung out with Yami and his cousins and little sister and his own group of friends—and he felt extremely guilty with that thought because, wow, he hadn't spent time with them alone in a while. He was still so caught up in having Yami as his boyfriend—his  _first_  boyfriend—that he had been in that new love stage where all that mattered was the other person…

But was it so bad that he  _loved_ it? He didn't  _want_ it to ever end…

"Duke has no filter when he's really irritated," Bakura explained, rolling his eyes when Yami seemed at a loss about how to explain without assuming that he knew the other male's tendencies. The silver-haired teen waved his hand at the grateful look that the other gave him and Yami turned back to him immediately after, smirking as his fingers wove through Milky Way's fur and the she-cat turned those strange, brilliant eyes on him as well.

"So he's pissed because his mom made him bring in all the plates because it's the day that they're moving in and they're having one massive barbecue with our family," he said, filling in the details that he knew he had missed before for Yugi's benefit, the attempt making the smaller smile slightly. "So the bird leans into his ear and says, 'Asshole', right? The  _second_ he does that, Duke turns his head, glares at the bird, and says, 'What the fuck, you stupid parrot? That's the wrong hole!'"

* * *

Yami pursed his lips as Yugi went about munching on his French fry, glancing at him as he dipped it into his honey mustard and tilted his head; the red-eyed teen supposed that this was technically their first real date even though they hadn't announced that it was. He looked at what remained of his chicken sandwich and back at the smaller boy; he loved fast food like everyone else in the world—especially Burger World now that they had the new chicken sandwich instead of just burgers, but he still didn't want to go to the states for this holiday…

"And if I said I was vegetarian?" he asked curiously, keeping his voice level and somewhat serious.

"Yami, I  _just_ watched you eating fried chicken," Yugi laughed, shaking his head.

"…Well, now I'm curious about making an attempt to follow some new meat-free diet."

"That's…vegan, Yami."

Yami blinked slowly. "You mean there's…actually a  _difference_?"

"I'm pretty sure vegetarians still eat things like cheese and eggs, and do it for the health benefits while vegans don't eat  _any_ animal products and stay away from things made from animal like clothes made from fur or leather. I don't really thing there's  _much_ of a difference but I'm pretty sure it makes some people get kind of mean when you don't use the  _proper_ term."

"Oh…is  _that_ what it is?" Yami chuckled, leaning forward and smirking. "Then I should point out that it would screw up my lifestyle."

"Huh?" Yugi asked, blinking in confusion.

"I don't eat beef or pork."

Yugi grinned slowly after a moment of thought. "But you eat  _turkey_."

Yami opened and closed his mouth and then narrowed his eyes. "Turkey…is a bird, right?"

"…Yeah…?"

"I don't eat birds."

Yugi raised a brow, laughing. "That  _would_  have worked… _if_  I hadn't just watched you eat that chicken sandwich."

Yami blinked. "Wait…you mean that chicken…is a  _bird_?"

"Yami," Yugi laughed, rolling his eyes and leaning forward to kiss his cheek. "Don't worry. It will be  _fine_."

The taller teen sighed. "And if I said this diet was effective immediately—"

"Give it up."

"Never. Persistence is my only good trait."

"Hmm…"

_I need to establish dominance somehow_ , Yami thought, staring at the smaller teen who tilted his head in confusion at he look to his eyes; the taller boy blinked once and then leaned forward and ran his tongue along the entire side of his face.

Yugi squeaked and gawked at him and Yami pulled back, nodding to himself.

_Dominance established_.

"I don't want to go."

"So…you licked my face?"

"I don't want to go."

"You're still going."

_Dominance_ …not  _established_.

* * *

Yugi didn't get to spend time with Yami after school again until a week had passed; he and his grandpa had been packing up some of the merchandise and working on getting sales up in the shop, which he had managed by calling Yami over to the store for a day after announcing online that the World Champion would be there. Yami hadn't been amused when their "date" had turned out to be him signing autographs and getting them extra business though he had settled easily when Yugi kissed him a couple of times and said he would make it up to him; the only time the two of them had seen each other had been when they were in school and he had to admit that it sucked, especially since he had just gotten there during lunch and he couldn't find Yami at the table…

"Relax, pipsqueak," Bakura drawled, "he just got out of class a little late."

"You two shouldn't be allowed away from each other for long periods of time," Tea laughed. "I mean, Yami literally sought out all of us just to ask if we knew if you were going to be here and now here  _you_  are freaking out because he hasn't gotten out of class yet."

"Not to mention when he said he would walk all the way to the game shop if he didn't hear from you by the end of the day," Joey added, laughing. "That guy…"

"And there he is," Mana murmured, pointing at him as he got in line and started shifting his weight from one foot to the other impatiently, Malik behind him talking about something or other. Yugi nearly jumped out of his seat to run over there and hug him or just say hi but stopped short with wide eyes; oh gods, was this normal?

This couldn't be normal, could it?

Maybe he was one of those overly-attached people…?

But didn't that normally mean that the other would get sick of you faster?

He swallowed hard and stared as Yami and Malik disappeared into the small canopy of the cafeteria line; when they came back out again, Malik looked pissed and Yami was snickering with a wide smirk on his face. And he had that momentary impulse to look away immediately so that Yami wouldn't be annoyed at seeing him but found it impossible to listen when the red eyes locked with his and grew wide before becoming insanely bright, his lips curving up into a wide smile that almost made him tremble.

"Oi, you two," Yami's silver-haired cousin muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Sorry," he muttered, blushing furiously as he turned to look at him, finding that he was snickering and shaking his head instead of frustrated like he had thought he would be; maybe he needed to get to know him better than he already did, because half the time his voice sounded monotonous but his eyes and face said something completely different. Yami was animated and his eyes sparkled when he spoke to him, but he hadn't seen that when he was with the others aside from his family or immediately after they had just been talking and it was well-controlled and hardly noticeable when he did take note of it around them.

The tray that was put down next to him surprised him only because of his thoughts, making him jump as Yami raised his eyebrows and smirked at him, pulling back the seat directly in front of Mana.

"Okay, so I was checking my Sims yesterday," Yami announced, eyes dancing with laughter as he settled into his seat next to him, the smaller teen looking up expectantly while the others glanced over. "And one of them died so the Grim Reaper comes in but another one of my Sims is there to greet it at the door and starts going into labor. And the reaper starts screaming, 'This isn't what I came here for! This is not my job! This is the exact  _opposite_ of my job!'"

Yugi snorted in laughter and Duke gave him a high-five while the others cracked up and Yami grinned, turning to his phone.

"It was the  _greatest_ reaction I've ever gotten out of my Sims before."

"I didn't know you played Sims," the smallest teen at the table admitted, blinking when Tea and Tristan gave them curious expressions and Joey raised a brow, the three of them sharing a quick look before turning back.

"I had nothing better to do yesterday," Yami stated, shrugging. "I mean, you weren't there."

"Oh…"

"Which  _reminds_ me," the taller teen stated, turning to Bakura suddenly. "So last night I had the weirdest dream—and it was all about you."

"Me?" the silver-haired teen asked curiously, eyes wide as he leaned forward and stared at him.

"Yeah, so it was like…I pissed you off  _really_ badly and you came after me with a knife and apparently all of my lights were clappers," he snickered, "so I'm over there running for my life from you and your knife and both of us are just aggressively clapping the lights on and off."

The others started cracking up and Yami smirked widely at his cousin who steadily started shaking his head, snickering in response. "And  _this_ is exactly why we don't tell anyone about our dreams."

Malik and Yami started nodding and then turned away, snickering.

" _Exactly_  why."

"But you know, the thing is, it would be  _so_ easy to lure you out of your room," Bakura stated, making Yami look up and raise a brow. "All a murderer would have to do is turn off your wi-fi because you always get pissy when your wi-fi is out so you would go to see why it isn't working."

The red-eyed teen narrowed his gaze and leaned forward, glaring at him darkly. "Bitch,  _please_. If you touch my wi-fi, you asshole, I won't be the one who would  _be_  getting murdered."

"Are you  _American_?" Yugi asked, eyes wide as he looked at his boyfriend and the table started laughing, Yami pressing a small kiss to his forehead with a roll of his eyes, turning back to the pizza on his tray.

"Please, no, of course not. I'm half insulted that you said that."

"The shame," the smaller teen muttered, "I think you would drown in it."

"Damn straight. I mean, their fucking mascot is like the bird form of a douche-bag who takes gym class  _too_ seriously," Yami stated, rolling his eyes.

"Oh my fucking god," Duke muttered, eyes widening drastically as thought it over. "That is the best fucking description of the American symbol I have  _ever_ heard!"

"And there you have it.  _Straight_ out of the American's mouth," Bakura snickered.

"How did you know I was wondering about his orientation?" Yugi blurted out, eyes wide before he cringed and smacked his forehead against the tabletop, groaning as the others glanced at him and burst out laughing.

"That has to be the best thing I've heard all week," Yami snickered.

"Well, that's kind of sad. I mean, he usually blurts out a lot better stuff. I'm starting to hate you, actually"—Yami's head snapped up, eyes gleaming, staring at Joey who smirked in amusement—"because your sanity is rubbing off on him."

"Sanity?" Bakura scoffed, barking out a laugh. "You think  _he's_ sane?"

"Please, he's not sane," Mana agreed, rolling her eyes.

"Man, last week I walked in on him drinking Sprite out of a massive Ziploc baggy because he lost the cap to his soda," the silver-haired teen said, snorting out a laugh as Yami's eyes widened drastically.

"We agreed we weren't going to—"

"Are you stupid?" Yugi suddenly cried out, throwing his hands up. "Am I dating a  _stupid_? Why the  _hell_ would you do that? You can  _drink_ soda out of the bottle without the cap!"

"Okay, listen here, you little shit," Yami growled, glaring at him. "I couldn't find the cap to a completely  _full_ two liter bottle of Sprite. I wasn't  _about_ to drink the whole goddamn thing  _on the spot_ —I love Sprite but not that much, damn it. If I had stuck it in the fridge in that fucking bottle, it would have gone flat. So  _don't_ call me fucking stupid. I am fucking  _amazing_."

For a moment all of them were silent, Yami glaring at Yugi who was staring with wide eyes and a blush on his cheeks, embarrassed by his outburst when he knew it had come out so much more offensive than he had originally thought it would be, and Tea, Tristan and Joey somewhat alarmed and worried that he was abusive; they didn't know him well enough to assume he wasn't…

"Ooh, someone bruised his ego," Duke snickered playfully.

Yami grabbed a fry from his plate and tossed it at his face, hitting him between the eyes. "Shut up, asshole." He glared at his tray and then turned back to Yugi and stuck his tongue out. "I don't like you anymore. I want a breakup."

"Nope. You're stuck with me," Yugi argued, grinning and poking him in the shoulder. "Besides, you  _love_ me."

"Oh, so you're going to abuse that, huh? Going to be all  _abusive,_  huh?" he snickered, glancing at his three friends and raising a brow at them that said he clearly knew what they were thinking before; Tea blushed and ducked her head sheepishly while the other two quickly looked away, Joey towards his food and Tristan at his phone.

"Yes." The smaller teen paused for a second and then looked at him. "Can you help me with my math work?"

Yami recoiled and stared at him like he had smacked him. "Why do you insist on punishing me? I haven't done anything  _wrong_!"

Yugi snickered and shook his head, opening his binder and pulling out the sheet, putting it next to him while Yami rolled his eyes and stared at the paper, fighting off a pout. "Okay, so, I don't get this question. What's U? And what's I?"

The taller teen blinked a few times, stared at the sheet, and then waggled his eyebrows as he looked at the letters spelling the Thanksgiving word puzzle. "Apparently it equals 69."

"Aw, fucking—don't do it!" Bakura spat.

Yami shot him a look. "You will  _not_ stop me."

"Stop you?"

"He means that  _I_ equals 59 because  _you_  sure are a 10."

Yugi blinked and blushed, shaking his ducked head as he looked at the paper and something occurred to him, grinning widely as he turned to his boyfriend; he planned to win this round of flirting for once. "No. U plus I is 145 as the atomic number for Uranium is 92 and the atomic number for I is 53. Because  _we've got chemistry_ ," he announced, snickering at the astounded expression on Yami and the others' faces, each of them gawking before laughing out loud.

"Shit, he's smoother than you," Malik laughed, shaking his head and staring at the small teen. " _Damn_."

"I've never been out-smoothed before," Yami admitted, raising an eyebrow before chuckling. "But damn, that was great."

Yugi grinned at him and closed his eyes in pure contentment when Yami pressed a kiss to his cheek and momentarily nuzzled his temple before turning away immediately again; he wondered if that was for his benefit or because of the others at the table with them. He had told Yami before that he didn't want to be very public about their relationship and aside from that, he was pretty sure that none of the others wanted to be pointedly exposed to their relationship like they seemed to unconsciously do.

Either way, half the time he felt good that he was willing to do so but the other half he hated him not teasing him some more.

For a few minutes they all went about doing things amongst themselves, Yami checking his phone, Yugi looking at his worksheet again, Tea and Tristan going about eating again while Joey tried to snatch some food from Malik's plate and the Egyptian smacked him upside the head just enough to get the point across, Duke talking to Bakura and Mana…

"Hey, did you hear about what happened with Miho?" some girl whispered as she walked past their table, all of them listening in due to their slight moment of silence. "I heard she hooked up with that guy Jaden  _and_ Yusei."

"At once?"

"Yeah, it was like…a threesome or something."

"That's disgusting."

"I know! She's such a slut."

"Oh,  _please_ ," Yami mumbled, rolling his eyes and grabbing his fork to stab a couple of pieces of pineapple. "Ooh, more than one sexual partner! The shame!"

Tristan snickered and shook his head. "People are so stupid sometimes."

"Judging someone based on the number of sexual partners they've had is stupid," Bakura agreed, nodding before looking at his pizza.

"I disagree," the red-eyed teen murmured, making all of them look at him as he pointed his fork at his cousin. "If someone has had more than one hundred thousand sexual partners I'm going to want to judge them because that shit  _right there_ is fucking  _amazing_."

The silver-haired teen nodded vigorously and shared a high-five with him while Tea laughed a startled, "I was honestly expecting that to go somewhere else but I'm glad it didn't. I like what you just said."

Yami gave her a playful wink while Mana pointed out, "I like the idea of only having one person who you'll always be with more than having tons of sexual partners, you know?" with a frown that made Yugi blink.

"You mean like these two idiots right here?" Bakura sniped, waving his fork in their general direction. "Because you know Yami will never get another boyfriend and Yugi is just like…all lovesick like a fucking puppy or something."

Yugi blushed furiously and Yami merely raised a brow, stabbing another piece of pineapple and popping it in his mouth, the white plastic stuck in between his teeth as they continued talking.

Malik snickered and nearly choked on his chicken tender. "Dude, shit, yeah, that's so true. If they broke up Yami would be depressed and annoying and we'd be  _begging_ Yugi to take him back while Yugi would be all happy to live his life without that weirdo tagging along everywhere."

"You guys are fucking idiots," Mana snarled, rolling her eyes. "Can't you see that Yugi likes him just as much? Ra, I'm surrounded by morons."

Yami blinked, opening his mouth, only to have Malik spit, "Don't be jealous that you can't get a guy, Mana."

"Don't be jealous," the blonde sneered, "and yet you were just over there sniping about how much you wanted a girlfriend just as attached as Yugi is to Yami."

"Bullshit, I never said that you stupid little—"

"Don't call my sister stupid," Yami snarled, springing into the conversation again. "That's  _my_ job, asshole."

Mana nodded affirmatively, gave her brother a sharp look doing so, and then stuck her tongue out at her cousins as they both glared and then glanced at Yami; the red-eyed teen suddenly turned to Yugi, mumbling in his ear, "You know, one time, Mana and I came up with this really fucking stupid idea to celebrate our birthdays the same day and she decided that she wanted to go to an Italian restaurant but I wanted Mexican so we're arguing and I was trying to get a vote from them. Bakura's response is literally 'Kill the spare and go eat wherever the fuck you want' and I'm over there thinking, 'The spare' the entire time I was looking at her during dinner."

Yugi started laughing, covering his mouth as he looked between Bakura and Mana and doubled over, sobbing and nearly falling out of his chair; Yami chuckled and caught him around the waist, holding him in place. "Oh my gods."

"Yami…what the fuck did you just tell him?" Mana demanded.

"Nothing."

"No, seriously, what did you just say to him?"

"Mana, re—"

"No, tell me what the fuck you just told him! Because I swear if it was about me—"

"And he thought World War III was between her and Rebecca," Bakura hissed, rolling his eyes.

"It was actually something about a conversation that Bakura and I had, now if you could just shut the fuck up, it would be  _very_ much appreciated," Yami spat, frustrated; Yugi continued laughing but managed to draw in a deep breath and sit up, swallowing hard as he let out a few more snickers.

"Wait, a conversation that  _we_  had?" the silver-haired teen murmured, eyes wide as he leaned forward slightly. "What conversation was that? Which one—?"

"One that we said we wouldn't mention in front of Ana-may."

"Your pig Latin sucks and you should feel bad," Mana sniped.

"Bitch, please, if I wanted to go all pig Latin, you wouldn't understand a  _word_."

"These two," Tea muttered, smiling as Tristan and Joey snickered and shook their heads. "If we just recorded fights between the family and put them online, we'd probably be rich by the end of the week."

"Wait a second!" Bakura cut in angrily, slamming a fist on the table and making his blonde-haired cousin jump a mile before spinning on her brother and staring. "Which conversation? There are  _so_ many we're not allowed to mention in front of her…"

Yami opened his mouth and Mana blinked a few times before crying out, "I knew you guys were keeping shit from me!"

"Of course we are," Yami said casually, waving a hand at her dismissively even as Bakura kept his eyes glued on the red-eyed teen. "You're the youngest. Not to mention the  _only_ girl in the family."

"…Crap."

"So, anyways, this conversation…? I want details."

"Birthday dinner."

The brown-eyed cousin stayed silent for a second, thinking for a long moment before his gaze widened drastically, his head snapped towards Mana, and then his mouth split in a wide smirk. "Oh, that one!"

"Yeah, that one," Yami agreed, snickering.

"Oh my Ra, it only took two words and you remembered it…" Mana whispered, eyes wide as she stared at them. "That means you've only had one conversation about me about birthday dinners…"

"No, it just means that one was the most memorable."

"…And you're not going to tell me?"

"Hell no."

She tipped her head towards Yugi. "Yugi, what did he say to you?"

The small teen froze in place and Yami clapped his hand over his mouth, glaring at her coldly. "He won't tell you jack  _shit_."

"What? Oh come on, seriously? You can't—"

"I'm dead serious."

"Did you just fucking pull a pun?" Bakura growled.

Yami opened and closed his mouth and the blinked. "Oh my Ra, I did."

"You guys plotted to kill me?" Mana cried, glaring. "Are you serious right now?"

"What? What the hell are you even talking about?" Yami hissed at her. "Stay out of this conversation already."

"Dude, she was part of the conversation before—"

"Duke, when I want your corrections for verbal mistakes I've made, I will ask you, understand?"

The teal-eyed teen sighed loudly, rolling his eyes, and Yami glared at him before turning back to Bakura. "I'm really starting to wish that I had followed your advice, honestly."

"I would have. I mean, gods, how do you put up with it?"

Yugi started laughing behind his hand, grabbing his wrist and squeezing so that Yami jerked away from him, snarling and yanking his hand away; the smaller teen instantly blushed and went to pull his palm into both of his but couldn't stop guffawing.

"Yami, I swear to Ra, just tell me what—"

"Fine, you want to hear what I told him, Mana?" Bakura snapped, rolling his eyes as Yami stared at Yugi as if he had grown three heads and one of them was spouting fire. "You really want to hear this shit?"

"Well  _duh_."

"All right." The brown-eyed teen turned to her and glared coldly into her eyes. "We were talking about the birthday dinner and how you wanted Italian and he wanted Mexican. I told him to get  _rid_ of  _the spare_ and go eat wherever the fuck he wanted. And later,  _just_  like he just told Yugi, he said to me that all he could do was stare at you across the table and think, 'The spare' the entire dinner."

The entire table aside from Mana, Bakura and Yami burst out laughing with Yugi, cracking up at the way that the red-eyed teen smirked and reached up to run a hand through his hair. The blonde opened and closed her mouth twice, glaring at Yami and then Yugi and Bakura before pouting while her cousin and brother shared a high-five and shook their heads, turning away.

When the laughter finally died away, the brown-eyed teen suddenly turned to Yami and mumbled, "You remember when she was in second grade and that guy picked on her?"

Yami took a second and then burst out laughing. "You mean the one that she actually 'took revenge' on and got sent home for?"

"Oh gods, that was too great," Bakura snorted, glancing at Mana who blushed furiously and hissed, "Don't you dare—"

"So, just to catch you guys up on what we were just—"

"Yami, I swear to—"

"—laughing about, in second grade, Mana—"

"—Ra, I will fucking—"

"—got detention and a letter home because—"

"— _destroy_ you if you don't—"

"—some guy in her class said to her that girls—"

"—stop! I swear I will and—"

"—don't fart so she actually  _sat on him and farted_."

"—I  _hate_  you!"

Yami shrugged. "You're always flopping between loving and hating me anyways, so this doesn't really change anything," he stated, rolling his eyes and turning away again while the others started cracking up.

"I always wanted a little sister," Tea murmured when they had finally settled down again, voice slightly wistful. "Just for stories like this."

The red-eyed teen turned to her. "Would you like  _the spare_?"

Mana threw a grape at him and Yami burst out laughing, fending off the next few to follow, his sister seething as she tried to smack his palms away and hit him in the eye.

"I  _hate_ you!  _Ra_ , why couldn't I be born with an older brother who's my  _best friend_ and has hot friends that flirt with me and drives me places like McDonald's when I'm sad and punches rude guys in the face for me?"

Yami stayed quiet for a moment and then snickered, "You remember when I sat on you and farted until you passed out?"

Bakura and Malik threw their heads back, laughing until they were crying, and Mana let out a high-pitched yowl-like noise that was drowned out by the other students' chatter.

"Or— _or_  when I duct taped you to the treadmill and turned it to the highest setting?"

Malik fell out of his seat and hit the ground, still cracking up, while Bakura put his arms on the table and buried his face in them, wheezing from laughing so hard.

"How about when you were eight and I locked you in Milky Way's massive crate for two hours for misbehaving on Christmas Eve?"

" _Yami_!" she screeched, the older teen immediately on his feet and taking off when she looked ready to jump over the table; Yugi and the others were still laughing as they watched him running around other students while she chased him a few feet behind.

* * *

"Oh my gods, Mana, are you okay?" Yugi demanded, gawking at the reddened flesh on her temple, the bump that was clearly showing there despite her shadowing it with her bangs, huffing and glaring at her brother.

"It's noticeable?"

"Yeah!"

"What happened, Yami?" Joey asked, glancing at him and then at Mana and biting his lip to keep from laughing; that bruise looked a little like Kirby.

"We got monsters," Yami said, snickering and leaning against the wall, not looking up from the phone. "There was a roach in my room. Mana was up on my bed and playing around and so I'm over there playing on my laptop at the desk. And so she starts screaming and I jumped up and went over to the bed and she's freaking the fuck out so in the middle of the mayhem, I pushed her off."

Yugi gawked and Joey burst out laughing, tears starting to come to his eyes. "Yami!" he cried, staring at him in shock as his boyfriend held his hands up and put his phone away, grinning.

"What?! She had been annoying me all day and then she just kept screaming and…Damn, there's only room for three people on the bed. And there was already Milky Way and Mana when the cockroach came up. Me joining them—my bed would have collapsed otherwise. Damn, Yugi, I made an  _executive_ decision."

Joey cracked up, sobbing and biting his knuckles at the way that Mana shoved her brother and turned away, puffing her cheeks out and glaring while Yami smirked and shrugged playfully, winking at his boyfriend teasingly.

"You're horrible!"

"No, I pulled a Seto and kicked her ass off of my bed."

Yugi burst out laughing, unable to stop himself, and shook his head as Mana convinced Joey to go with her to the cafeteria to get lunch, effectively leaving the two of them alone; the smaller teen couldn't figure out if that was a good idea or not…

"I'm really thirsty," Yami announced, giving him a small playful smile that made him blush with the subtle hint of sultriness that underlined the words. "Come on, I want to get a soda real fast."

Yugi nodded and followed him off towards the vending machine, biting his cheeks and wondering at what he had been wondering about all night; were they soul mates? Was it just a fun little fling for Yami? Was he actually  _serious_ about the marriage thing in class before? Why hadn't he argued when he said he loved him the day before at lunch?  _Did_ he actually love him or was it a joke?

Half the time Yami was too playful and perverse for him to tell what was serious with him and what wasn't.

"So my parents were wondering if you wanted to come over after school. Or are you still going to be raising more money for the time being?" Yami asked, tilting his head towards him and raising a brow.

Yugi stayed quiet for a moment, taking a long second to actually realize what he had said to him, and then slowly shook his head. "Uh, no, we're not…I mean, I just wanted to get some extra money for the…" He shook his head again and Yami gave him a confused look that quickly turned teasing.

"You mean, I  _won't_ be promised a date only to find out that you're using me for monetary profit?"

The smaller teen blushed furiously and smiled at him. "No, you won't be promised a date only to find out that I'm using you for monetary profit."

"Good, because I fucking  _hate_ crowds and I was seriously insulted that you would use me like that," he hissed, turning away and glaring at the machine for a second before looking at him with a pout. "You're mean."

"I didn't know that though!" Yugi pleaded, biting his lip to keep from laughing. "You're the World Champion and yet you hate crowds…I honestly  _don't_ understand how that works."

Yami held a hand up and straightened, stepping into him so that Yugi blinked and backed up, the taller teen following him again, both of them repeating until the smaller cried, "Stop!"

"And  _that_ is why I hate crowds. No one seems to know what the fuck personal space is anymore." He paused and then waggled his eyebrows at him. "But you know, if you were to do that, we could take it a step further and—"

For a moment Yugi just laughed, covering his mouth with his hand and watching him as he went back over to the machine with a fresh pout on his face, bottom lip jutted out and making the smaller  _insanely_ desperate to kiss him.

And that single thought brought about a question that he'd been thinking about for a little while now.

"Hey, Yami…?"

The taller teen turned around, hand still reaching for his soda, but his attention completely on him at the slight hesitation in his voice; his brows furrowed slightly, eyes concerned, but he relaxed immediately when Yugi mumbled, "How did you come out to your parents?"

Yami smirked widely and straightened, taking his Sprite and undoing the cap as he leaned against the vending machine. "We were baking—there were sugar cookies and an actual cake with blue frosting—and my parents and I were making them for Mana's twelfth birthday," he explained, snickering. "So I wrote the word 'gay' in big block letters across the top of my cookie, showed it to them, said, 'You are what you eat' and ate it in front of them."

Yugi's eyes stretched wide. "Oh my gods…that's so awesome…"

"Yep, and now, every once in a while, I like to give my parents  _gifts_ to  _remind_ them because they sometimes  _forget_ because they don't mind it and so they're  _so_ okay with it that they sometimes say the wrong gender when they talk to me about my 'future spouse'," he snickered. "So one year I recorded my voice and put it in a Build-a-Bear doll and gave it to my mom."

His eyebrows shot up, grinning and shaking his head at his boyfriend who thought for a moment and then tipped his bottle towards him.

"I played a game of Scrabble with them one time, saved all the letters until they spelled 'I am gay' and then threw out some pre-printed pictures of gay guys kissing at them. I knitted a rainbow scarf for my mom once because she asked me what I would name my children." He paused and tipped his head to the side. "Once I went on for three hours about how hot the guy who plays Dean Winchester in  _Supernatural_  is. My dad was not  _nearly_ as amused as I was."

Yugi laughed and shook his head, watching him. "I can imagine he wasn't."

"Ooh, last year, while we were at the store, I was bored and so I wandered off. But then I couldn't figure out where the fuck they went and so I wandered over to the front desk and asked them to call for them…" His lips quirked up. "I told them to call to Aknamkanon with the message that their son Yami 'Es-Gay' was waiting for them."

"Oh my gods, are you serious?"

"Hell yeah. I got super bored and it was the  _perfect_ time to do it," he snickered, looking at him playfully. "I also wrote 'I'm gay' backwards on a slip of paper and gave it to them and they had to go look in the mirror to read it. Last time I did it was before I met you and announced you were my boyfriend…and I cried hysterically until they asked me what was wrong and then got yelled at for wasting their time with false tears. Although my dad definitely got a kick out of it…My poor mom thought I had hurt myself or something."

Yugi laughed and shook his head. "That's…wow."

Yami shrugged and smiled at him. "It's not something I was afraid of telling my parents about. They love the shit out of me so I didn't really hesitate when I finally figured out I was comfortable enough to tell them in the first place."

"You were twelve the first time you told them…right?" Yugi asked, watching as he nodded and sipped his soda again. "So…how old were you when you figured it out?"

He thought about it for a long minute. "Ten. Yeah, I was suspicious at nine and then I figured it out when I was ten. When we would have those stupid truth-or-dares where you would have to kiss someone, I didn't play because I didn't want to kiss a girl and the parents normally wouldn't let you kiss the same sex…So then, for two years, I freaked the fuck out because of those stupid parties and figured it was wrong the entire time. Then I figured out how stupid an idea that was and just told them via the cookie."

"Via the cookie," Yugi repeated, the words tasting foreign but terribly addicting on his tongue. "Via the cookie."

"Damn straight." Yami paused and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. "You know, that frosted cookie tasted so good…"

Yugi blinked and blasted furiously. "Oh my god, you just made a cookie sound dirty. Why are you doing this?"

"Because they taste so  _good_."

"You just ruined my favorite pastry, Yami."

"Good. Because soon enough you're going to have a  _new_ favorite dessert," he purred into his ear, running his tongue over his cheek playfully, Yugi shivering and trying to step away from him before moaning and blushing furiously. "Want to guess what it will be?"

"Yami…" He pushed him away, blushing and laughing awkwardly; Yami gave him a somewhat surprised, curiously confused look but shrugged it off, going back to his soda and gesturing for him to follow him to the cafeteria.

"Okay, so, if you're going to come over after school, do you want anything special to eat? My mom thinks that she needs to make something special," he commented, leading the way and laughing when Yugi narrowly ducked away from the pole in between the doors to the lunchroom. Yami grabbed his hand quickly, squeezing their fingers and leading the way into the line; the good thing about being a little later to the cafeteria than the rest of them was that the line was mostly gone at the moment.

Yugi jumped and squealed when a finger poked into his side, glaring at Yami immediately when he saw him laughing.

"Ticklish much?"

"Why do you always—?"

"Because you're  _deliciously_ sensitive and I  _love_ it," Yami interrupted immediately, purring and tracing his fingers over his ribs, the blue-violet-eyed teen yelping and squirming in an attempt to get away from him.

" _Yami_!"

"Ooh, are you making sex noises in front of everyone again?"

He glared at him and tried to push him away, both of them stumbling when he realized that Yami had moved his hand from his and had wound his arm around his waist; the taller teen burst out laughing at the shocked, flustered expression and Yugi blushed before trying to pull away again.

"Ugh, stop it!"

"You're right. I should preserve your sex noises for when we have wild monkey make up sex later."

"Yami…there are no  _fountains_!"

"So you  _do_ agree that we should have wild monkey make up sex in a mall fountain."

"I…I—w-what?!  _No_!"

Yami snickered and kissed his temple. "Don't argue now. We all know you agree with me."

"No, I—"

"Mmhmm!"

"No!"

The taller teen smiled and raised a brow, looking at him sideways before turning away again and heading for the trays, grabbing his own while Yugi huffed and got one as well, both of them wandering out of the line towards their table.

"Um…there seems to be a couple of extra people here," Yami stated, raising an eyebrow and putting his tray down, taking a seat next to Bakura; Yugi awkwardly hovered for a second before the red-eyed teen gestured for him to take a seat in his lap.

"That's…against the rules—"

"Do you honestly think anyone gives a shit?" Bakura snorted, rolling his eyes and gesturing towards another couple where a girl sat in her boyfriend's lap.

Yugi shifted awkwardly for a second and then looked at Yami who waited patiently, watching him before glancing at his food and then his cousin, muttering, "Did you guys ever give Mana her mannequin back?"

The silver-haired teen blinked and snickered, "Oh yeah, we need to do that!"

"You have the mannequin?" Yugi asked, eyes wide as he finally moved to take a seat in Yami's lap, blushing faintly and fighting off a more noticeable one as he worried about unconsciously arousing him like he had before.

"Yeah, we decided that we were going to dress it up and cover it in ketchup at a skateboard park and lay it there funny," Malik said, jumping into the conversation and smirking widely. "You would be  _amazed_ by how many people screamed like little bitches. All the guys were screaming and running around and someone called the police after a few minutes."

"What did you do after that?"

"Bakura went and grabbed it and ran off with it while someone was calling it in," the blond laughed, glancing at his brown-eyed cousin who smirked widely. "Then we ran off back to the house."

"They also strung it up after taking the arms and legs off and hung it from the roof with a rope, with this little birthday hat on its head, and kept it like that until Mana freaking flipped out when she saw it," Yami commented, grinning widely and shaking his head. "It was amazing. I don't think I've ever seen her have such a massive spaz attack before."

"You know what, you try waking up to a dismembered mannequin with Joker paint and tell me just how  _you_ feel about it," the blonde snapped, blushing furiously and shaking her head.

"You guys are demented," Joey laughed, shaking his head and digging into his burger while Yami went about picking at his fries and Yugi grabbed his own sandwich to start taking massive bites, stomach growling ferociously.

"Yes, yes we are," Bakura agreed wholeheartedly, sharing a high-five with his blond cousin before glancing at Yugi. "So…does he have an erection yet?"

"What?" he blurted, blushing furiously and gaping at him.

"Is he stiff?"

Yugi opened and closed his mouth, gaping at him in horror at the statement.

"Does he have a stiffy?"

"W-why would you…?"

"Ra, Bakura, are you trying to scar him for life?"

"What? He's not a girl! He should  _know_ what a fucking stiffy is!"

"I know what a stiffy is!" Yugi objected, blushing furiously. "I just—Why are you so curious about your  _cousin_?"

"Oh  _hell no_ he did not just turn this into incest," Bakura growled, baring his teeth.

"I think I just d—"

"Aren't girls lucky that they don't have penises?" someone cut in immediately, making both of them stop short and look over at the redhead who smirked a little at the new amount of attention he was getting; Yami didn't have to glance at him to know that he was reveling in the fact that Mana had officially looked up at the comment. It wasn't a secret that the boy had a thing for his little sister, something that he didn't care for but if she liked him, that was her choice so he'd kept his opinions to himself about the little termite.

"Oh please, do you realize just how super  _expensive_ it is to actually  _be_  a girl?" she asked, narrowing her eyes in an effort to make it clear that she was not happy about his little statement or about him taking Yami's seat just to speak to her when she didn't want anything to do with him.

"Are you serious right now?" Alister laughed, rolling his eyes and leaning against the table for a second. "Tell me again who pays for your dates."

Yami glanced over now, raising a brow, while Yugi and Bakura tilted their heads.

"Who is paying for our tampons, pads, ultrasounds, pap smears, ob/gyn visits, bras, clothes, makeup, and hair products to go on dates with  _fuckers like you_?" she snarled, laughing mockingly at him.

Her brother burst out laughing at the shocked look on Alister's face, pulling his phone out and holding it up. "Allow me to provide the sound effect for your answer."

Yugi blushed and bit back a laugh at the cricket noises, Bakura and Malik snickering and shaking their heads as they turned away; the smallest teen nudged him gently in the chest and shifted slightly in his seat as Alister snarled, "Shut up."

"Fuck off, don't talk to my brother like that," Mana snapped, rolling her eyes and pointing. "In fact, you should go off and find your own goddamned seat to sit at right about now because  _really_ , I don't want to have to look at your face anymore."

"Bitch," Alister spat, getting up and wandering off to his friends; Yugi wondered if he should get up from his spot but decided against it at the last second, blushing when he bumped into  _it_.

"And there it is, ladies and gentlemen," Bakura snickered, shaking his head and eating his fries. "The stiffy we were all wondering about."

"Why are guys such asses?" Mana cut in before Yugi or Yami could respond.

"Oh, Mana, Mana,  _Mana_ , you live with me and you still have the audacity to ask that question?" Yami snickered. "We're all pieces of shit who want to sit on girls and fart until they pass out."

"…You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

"It's too amazing a circumstance to pretend it didn't happen…Aren't childhoods wonderful?"

"I still can't believe you did that," Yugi admitted.

"It's how I win fights. I establish dominance by sitting on you and farting," Yami stated, smirking.

"You should get a gas mask, Yugi," Mana murmured, making him look over in surprise. "Because I'll bet twenty bucks that that'll be how you guys figure out who tops the first time."

Yami blinked once. "He's too cute to pin down and do that to."

"Wait, did you just call me ugly?"

"I love how your brain translates things." He paused. "But yes. I do think you're ugly. You're like…a half-melted piece of cheese stuck on colorful clothing."

"Did you just insult my hair?"

"Damn straight. Where are your hair products now,  _bitch_?"

"If anyone else ever said that to her, he'd cut their head off and parade around with it on a stick," Bakura snorted, smirking as Yugi gawked and looked between them.

"You know, now would be the time to really smack him or throw food," Malik announced loudly. "Yugi is in his lap and he can't move fast enough if he's like that—"

" _Don't shoot_!" Yugi screeched, throwing his hands up. "I—I—I'm innocent!"

"Thank you, Yugi, I'm glad that I mean so much to you that you would automatically sell me out like this. It touches my heart so dearly that it makes me want to cry," Yami deadpanned, glaring.

"Every man for himself!" the smaller blurted out, blushing. "Take him, not me!"

"You rude little shit," Yami commented, narrowing his eyes.

Yugi blushed harder and glanced at him, ducking his head. "I don't want to die."

"No one's going to die," Bakura sniped, rolling his eyes.

"Are you serious right now?" the smaller snapped, turning on him with wide eyes and pointing at the blonde across the table. "Do you not understand the phrase 'bitches be crazy'?"

Yami choked on a laugh and pressed his face into his shoulder, snickering while Mana gawked and cried, "I'm not crazy!" and the others cracked up.

_I should staple my mouth shut_ , Yugi thought, grabbing his lips and pulling on them.  _But that would be messy and ugly and how would I kiss Yami if I did that_ …?

"Are you making a fucking duck face?" Malik cut into his thoughts.

Yugi blinked and snatched his hands away. " _No_!"

"Good, because then I would officially think you were a girl."

Yami stared at him for a moment, then looked at Yugi who blinked and glanced at him in surprise, confused. "You'd be one awkward ass chick."

The smaller teen blushed furiously and turned away. "Rude."

* * *

They had been cuddling on Yami's bed, Yugi occasionally making sure that the cockroach that had been there before didn't come back so Yami wouldn't push him off the bed like he had Mana, when Yami abruptly muttered, "I have a muscle cramp. And I need your help."

"A muscle cramp…?" he asked, furrowing his brows and then jerking away with wide eyes, blushing furiously when he felt  _it_  against his hip. "You don't  _get_ muscle cramps in your  _pants_ , Yami!"

"Yes, you do," he argued, rolling over onto his back and gesturing. "See?  _Cramp_!"

The smaller teen couldn't help it when he found himself staring; Yami had on tight pants but it was still so obvious…

"Boner cramp…?"

"Why,  _yes_ , Yugi, my boner  _is_  cramped. Thank you for noticing. Now if you would help me relieve some of that…tension—"

Yugi awkwardly pursed his lips, mind starting to fall into the gutter and his own thoughts circulating around the  _exact_ words that came out of Yami's mouth when he said, "Yami—" and the taller cut him off with "Oh, come on, you're making the  _perfect_ face to do it too!"

Yugi blushed furiously and pushed at his chest, hissing, "You're  _so_ annoying!"

"I know," Yami stated, cutting through his awkward moment of realizing that he had just spoken out loud to the other teen when he had meant to say it to his own pants. "Now help me out here?"

He opened his mouth to say something but then his pants tightened a little more and he glared petulantly, huffing. Stupid boner.

" _Answer my boner_!" Yami cried, startling him.

The smaller teen blushed until he was pretty sure airplane pilots were growing confused about why there was someone signaling them to land in a bedroom, recoiling and sitting up to stare at him. " _Yami_!"

Those red eyes narrowed. "Don't make sex noises if you don't  _plan_ to  _answer my boner_!"

Yugi glared and crossed his arms, staring at the ground next to the bed and hoping that the cockroach wasn't around because as far as he knew, that thing was still alive and if it came up on the bed, he was willing to fight him if he tried to push him off. The bed was too comfortable for him to be thrown off.

Plus, his pants were too tight and he didn't like it and…oh gods, there it was…

"How.  _Rude_!" Yami huffed, pouting and rolling over onto his stomach, getting up and picking off a piece of fuzz. "Fine. I guess I'll just have to go…relieve myself then."

"Muscle cramps need relief!" Yugi blurted out, head snapping towards him.

" _Damn straight they do_!"

Yugi watched him go and then looked at his pants, huffing and shifting his weight unhappily; tight pants equaled no boner being shown. Life was great that way because he wasn't nearly as proud of or amused by them as Yami was. He got to his feet quickly, rubbing his legs together and biting back a moan at the sensation, quickly growing frustrated with the small bit of awkward sliding that came from the back…

Tight pants were great.

_Except_ when they fucking made your underwear get caught and wouldn't  _release_!

He rubbed his legs together some more because normally all it took was a little movement in the right place, the right amount of it, and his underwear would fall back into position, but now they refused to do so and he was staring at his crotch, hissing, "Aw, come on!" a little too loudly.

Yami came back to him doing something like a cha-cha, stepping back and forth and always making sure to rub his thighs together firmly, eyes narrowed and glaring at his crotch, his arms thrown out in exasperation as he started hissing something or other along the lines of "Stupid fucking pants. Can't even save me from a fucking wedgie. Tight enough to cling to my waist but won't stop my underwear from sliding up and…"

Then he noticed him and both of them stared at each other for a long moment, the smaller teen's entire face turning so completely red that Yami thought he had somehow managed to get an instant sunburn, blinking at the shade for a second and then grinning; aw, his sweet little aibou's ears were blushing too!

"Oh, why  _hello_ ," he sang playfully, looking at his crotch and grinning widely.

Yugi stayed completely still for a second. "Don't…don't say hello to my  _wedgie_!" he snapped. "He doesn't  _deserve_ a hello! He's being frustrating and stupid right now!"

And, oh gods, had he actually just said that?

Yami snickered at the mortified expression on his boyfriend's face, raising a brow playfully. " _Wedgie,_ huh? I thought that normally meant your underwear was pulled from the  _back_ —"

"Reverse wedgie!" Yugi blurted out wildly, unconsciously waving his arms like a crazy person. "My boner pulled it up!"

"He's  _so_ big that he pulled your underwear up and  _you have a wedgie_. I must say, Yugi, I'm growing extremely jealous right about now," he snickered, waggling his eyebrows and narrowing his eyes as he stared at his crotch. "I must meet him!"

Yugi blushed furiously, opening and closing his mouth and then glancing at Yami's pants for a second, eyes widening drastically; oh gods, he'd made him hard again…

"Come on, Yugi, lose the pants! I want to meet him  _officially_!" the taller teen teased, eyes shining with laughter as he looked up at his face, grinning widely as the smaller blushed that much harder.

"I…I…Yami," he pleaded, blinking and then scrunching his face up like a rabbit, the expression cute enough that Yami could feel the laughter bubbling up.

"Elusive little bastard," he snickered, wagging his finger at his crotch and pausing. "I suppose he'll have to remain a mystery to me for now. We'll meet at some point. I'll even shake hands with him."

Yugi blinked wide eyes, discomfort completely forgotten as he stared at the other boy. "Yami, um…did you just… _offer_ me a handjob?"

"Maybe just a  _little_?"

Yugi blushed again and then glanced at Yami's hand, eyes widening as he took in the blue plastic square of ice. "Are you…going to…put that…in your pants?" he muttered, confused and a little curious; is that how he normally got rid of them?

Yami blinked several times, startled by the question, and then slowly glanced at the ice pack and then Yugi's face, laughing until he was sobbing. " _Shit_."

He blushed harder and shook his head; at this rate, he was definitely going to have permanently red skin. Yami would probably tease him about being an Indian and Yugi would never hear the end of it.

"I am honestly almost tempted to do it now," he admitted, laughing as he looked at the ice pack, sniffling loudly and calling attention to his nose that Yugi just realized was a little red. "No, I actually hit my nose a second ago as I was going to—"

Yugi immediately hurried over and plugged his nose, eyes wide as he felt it against his fingers. "Oh my gods, you're bleeding!" he cried, surprised when Yami snickered and reached up to pull his hand away.

"I know. That was  _why_ I got the ice pack."

"How did you even…?" He shook his head, frowning; how had he even  _managed_ to do this?

"I had to go pee and I…hit my nose against the wall," he admitted, laughing and shrugging. "My fault for forgetting how doors work, apparently."

Yugi laughed and grabbed the ice pack. "You're a mess when you're aroused."

"'Aroused'," Yami repeated in a sultry purr, looking at him with a wide grin. "Now  _that_ coming out of  _your_ mouth? Too hot."

The smaller blushed again, growing frustrated with the situation going on with his pants and his own childish thoughts at Yami's flirting. "Hush you."

He purred louder and Yugi shivered. "You  _know_ , that  _almost_ sounded like you said, 'I love you'."

Yugi blushed harder and laughed nervously, trying to stop from saying something stupid, leaning up to press a kiss to his forehead and ignoring the look that Yami gave him, red eyes studying him to the point that it made his skin crawl.

A few minutes later, he was still feeling those scrutinizing eyes on him despite the fact that they were seated again and their little "issues" had been taken care of; the stare was starting to make him nervous and his stomach was churning and he was wondering what the hell he had done wrong, which of course prompted him to clear away some of the silence, though he had wished he had given some thought about what he was going to say…

"Do you realize that we  _never_ stop tasting our own tongue?" he asked before he could stop himself, immediately blushing and feeling mortified; why couldn't he have picked something better?

Yami blinked and studied him for only a moment before purring and leaning into him. "How about I taste yours then, little one?"

Yugi shivered at the sensation of his fingers moving over his stomach and laughed when the other teen narrowed his eyes. "Only you," he mumbled, smiling and pressing his lips against his.

Crisis. Averted.

* * *

Yugi was a little amazed by the amount of blood one nose could shed, especially when they had spent two hours trying to make it stop the day before but the moment they were in Biology and they had taken their seats, the other teen was sniffling softly next to him.

"You okay?" he whispered, trying to keep the others from noticing that he wasn't watching the movie, looking at him.

Yami took a moment, glancing at his worksheet before leaning over and whispering in his ear. "So, you know my little nose bleed? I think it's about to start up again."

Was that normal?

Yugi opened his mouth to ask, scared for his boyfriend's health, but he found himself gawking when the red-eyed teen sniffled and turned away, saying, "Hail Satan" loud enough that both of the people behind them looked up just as his nose started bleeding.

Espa Roba, seated directly behind him as he always was, screamed and flailed, falling backwards off the stool and taking on a higher pitch as he backed up into a girl's leg and let out a louder cry. He went to sit up, smacked his head against the bottom of the table, screamed again, grew a pitch louder so that he sounded like a siren, and started scooting back until the girl screamed with him and tried to kick him away.

Yami turned back to him with his eyebrows nearly high enough to disappear into his hair, wiping at his nose with a grin, winking as he whispered, "Definitely worth the blood loss."

Yugi stared for a second at the ridiculously religious boy under the table, blinking before turning back to his boyfriend and nudging him playfully. "You are  _so_ fucking mean," he laughed, pausing and searching his face for a long minute. "Why did you do that anyways?"

"Because one time he told me that dinosaurs were created by scientists with the sole purpose of luring me away from god," he stated simply, smirking widely and wiping his nose again. "And I  _like Jurassic Park_. Anyone who tries to diss my movie must be taken down."

Yugi burst out laughing despite the fact that the class was so darkly lit and they were supposed to be watching the movie. "Oh my gods," he whispered, shaking his head and smiling at him widely.

"Seto has a business meeting that he's going to be doing over the holidays," Yami announced as he led him through the door several hours later, holding his hand securely in his; they had both gotten detention for "terrorizing" Espa Roba after he complained that Yugi hadn't helped him in the least when it happened. " _So_ , they're going to meet us at the airport. Cheaper to just grab a bunch of the tickets as a group. Some weird…coupon or sale or something like that."

Yugi nodded. "That's fine. That works." He gave him a small grin. "I don't mind that."

"No, I didn't think you would. I was actually…I meant because of your grandpa…"

The smaller teen blinked and laughed, "I don't think he'll mind either—"

"Goddamn it Mana!" Yami cried, throwing his arms up, cutting Yugi off completely and crossing his arms, narrowing his eyes and shaking his head; the other boy scrambled to his side to see what was going on, confused out of his mind when he simply found the girl sitting on the couch with her legs crossed.

"What?" she asked, just as confused as Yugi was.

"You know damn well what," he snapped, narrowing his eyes further and looking at her legs pointedly.

"Oh my Ra, Yami, I—"

"Mana, go shave your legs."

She rolled her eyes. "It's almost winter. I'm not going to be wearing skirts or anything short for a while—"

"Yes, that may be, Mana, but please go shave your leg hair. I can feel it caressing my ankles from across the room," he replied shortly, wrinkling his nose and blinking when Yugi burst out laughing, glancing at him and smirking slightly at the delight in his eyes.

"Ha, nice try, Yami, but you  _know_ you're just afraid that mine will be longer than yours. This is a contest and I'm  _in it to win it_."

Yami blinked and went to open his mouth but was cut off when Yugi crashed into his shoulder, laughing until he was sobbing, the taller teen surprised before turning back. "No, Mana, that would be true if you were  _Espa Roba's_ little sister. Because that family comes from  _centuries_ of inbreeding but the Sennen family name is one to be  _proud_ of and you're being  _dishonorable_ by growing such  _barbarically_ long hairs on your legs!"

Yugi sputtered and choked, nearly falling over as he clutched as the taller teen's shirt, sobbing harder as his face started turning red.

" _Ra_ , Yami, what the  _fuck_ did Espa  _do_ to you?"

Red eyes narrowed. "He gave me a choice. Between his god and dinosaurs. I chose the dinosaurs." He snapped his fingers and pointed towards the stairs, grinding his teeth together. "Now  _get the fuck upstairs and shave that shit off_!  _I don't like my ankles being caressed with lady leg hair_!"

"Holy fucking…" Mana mumbled, turning and rushing off upstairs with a glance at her brother who glared after her, snapping his fingers again and pointing aggressively. She scrambled and took off and Yami crossed his arms, turning away and huffing softly.

Yami scoffed and threw his backpack down on the other couch, looking at him and smiling widely as Yugi buried his face in his side and breathed hard, wiping at his eyes and laughing harder. "I wasn't aware it was that funny."

"Your face—" he choked out, falling to his knees and clinging to his shirt, burying his face into his hip and shaking his head. "Oh my  _gods_ , your  _face_ , Yami! I—I can't even—it—it was so—I can't even—"

Yami chuckled and ruffled his hair, waiting it off with him until he gained enough control to get up again, still snickering at random moments until they got to the couch; he glanced at the red-eyed teen's face for a moment, bit his lip, looked ready to cry, and then sputtered out another laugh.

"Fucking Ra, I was not  _that_ funny."

"No, but your face was perfect." He shook his head and moved to press into his side, snuggling into him before shaking his head again and laughing some more.

"At some point you're going to laugh and your lung is going to come flying out and I'm just going to sit here looking and smirking and shrugging because  _wow_."

"Hush," he laughed, shaking his head and reaching up to pinch his lips together, biting his own and struggling to draw in a deep breath and keep from cracking up again. "If you  _understood_ how amazingly hilarious you looked at that moment, you wouldn't be so mean."

"I'm not being mean," Yami argued. "I just don't understand why you're laughing so hard."

"Ssh, I have to…catch my breath and just…stop from laughing again," he hissed, swallowing hard and closing his eyes. "That will forever be the best face I have ever seen."

"Well, could you at least  _mimic_ it for me or something?  _Ra_ , Yugi."

" _No_  one could fucking mimic that."

Yami rolled his eyes and ran his fingers through his soft hair, tipping his head up to stare towards the ceiling and then look towards where he could hear his cousins coming down the stairs suddenly; both of them stopped in the kitchen and Bakura muttered, "Oh, so you're back."

"Dude, is it true that Espa threatened to exorcise you with tap water if you didn't listen to the teacher and take the detention slip?" Malik demanded.

Yami blinked once and then moved away from the blue-violet-eyed teen who moved away from his lap and sat up. "Fucking hell, how did you find out about that?" he demanded, standing up and starting for the kitchen while Yugi merely leaned against the armrest and watched him.

"Are you fucking serious? He actually did that?" Bakura snickered. "Are you fucking with us?"

"No, I…Yeah, he threatened to exorcise me with tap water in the middle of class if I didn't take the detention slip."

"And what did you do?"

"I threatened to summon Satan and use his blood in a sacrificial ceremony to bring around a fucking demon to rape his soul in hell."

Both of his cousins burst out laughing and shook their heads, the silver-haired teen going for a soda from the fridge while Malik simply took a seat at the table. Yami ignored them both for a second and then went about debating something hot or lukewarm or cold to eat.

"You threatened him with a demon raping his soul?"

"Damn straight. He threatened my religion."

"Your religion?" Bakura repeated.

"The one where there are dinosaurs and common sense."

"Oh that one," Malik muttered, rolling his eyes. "That one that people call atheism."

"No, I'm not atheist," Yami argued, shaking his head. "I believe in Ra and the Egyptian gods…for the most part."

"Polygamous?" Yugi asked, confused.

All three of them turned to him with wide eyes and then looked away just as fast, Yami shaking his head slowly. "Polytheism, Yugi, not polygamy," he chuckled. "That would be where I have multiple wives and…all of that. What  _is_ that called anyways?"

"Amish or some shit like that," Bakura said, dismissing the subject immediately again. "So what did you do after that that?"

"Well, he offered to cleanse Yugi's soul because he  _obviously_ took our jokes from before  _way_ too seriously and he was really starting to piss me off…so I  _might_ have told him to fuck himself with a erasable marker," he commented, eyes flickering towards the ceiling. "Then the teacher got mad at us for arguing and gave the three of us detention."

"You told him to fuck himself with a marker?" Malik grumbled, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "That's disgusting."

"Oh please, I dare one of you to name an object that no one has used sexually," Yami announced, rolling his eyes at the argument and grabbing an apple out of the bowl.

"Your penis," Bakura snickered.

The apple hit the ground hard and Yami stood there frozen, staring at where it had fallen before looking at him and then at the fruit, blinking before slowly turning to Yugi and back. "Goddamn it."

Yugi blushed and ducked his head, turning away towards the massive plasma screen and ignoring the way that Bakura and Malik laughed and poked fun at their virginities, Yami arguing halfheartedly, mostly just frustrated that he had walked straight into that one.

"Yeah, yeah, bye," Yami huffed as they wandered out the door, Yugi shouting a few farewells before his boyfriend joined him with a massive pout on his face, glaring at him playfully.

"I'm sorry about what…I mean…Um…I'll make it up to you"—he could see Yami opening his mouth to argue and hurried on—"Anything you want, Yami."

Yami tilted his head like a bird for a second. " _Anything_ I want?"

Yugi licked his lips nervously but nodded all the same; the other boy stayed quiet for a long minute before finally he leaned forward, biting his lip, and whispered, "Can you explain to me how the fridge works? Like how the  _fuck_ does everything stay cold in there?"

Yugi opened and closed his mouth and then finally burst out laughing, shaking his head as the other teen stared blankly, saying, "I'm serious, Yugi."

"I know," he laughed, blinking wide eyes. "I know. I just…I was expecting…and you just…!"

"Yugi—" The smaller teen hugged him tightly around the waist, burying his face in his side and laughing softly.

* * *

The picture of the massive squirrel, fat and proud with its russet-flecked tail curled up and its acorn in its mouth, popped up in his text messages a second later and Yugi hummed as he looked it over, grinning widely before starting to text back. A few seconds later he stared at the phone in confusion, blinking and then answering with a puzzled, "Yami, what—?"

"How dare you!"

"Huh?"

"Going to fucking call it a cute little fat squirrel and then threaten to bite its head off. What kind of sick  _fuck_ am I dating?"

Yugi blinked a few times, pulled his phone away from his ear and then blushed furiously at his text of  _Aw, such a cute little fat squirrel_!  _I just want to bite its adorable little head off_!

"Oh my gods, why you do this, auto-correct?"

Yami stayed quiet for a moment and then whispered, "Yugi, I think it's staring at me."

"What, really?" he asked, slightly excited.

"Yeah. Like…really  _staring_ at me. Like…it wants to do to me what it did the other squirrels."

"Huh?" Yugi demanded, confused, eyes widening. "What do you mean? What did it do to the other squirrels?"

"It's getting ready for winter by eating all of them. And now it wants me next!"

"Survival of the fattest!"

Yami burst out laughing. "Next winter they'll all be eating him to avoid starvation," he commented, continuing down the street with a backwards glance at the squirrel which flicked its tail at him and scurried off.

"So, you're sure that your grandpa is going to be okay with me coming over?"

"Yeah, it was his idea, after all…I mean…"

The taller teen sighed softly; he hadn't met the elderly Motou yet. When he had come over for the autograph thing that they had going on, he had been in the front and Yugi and his grandpa had been in the back. Yugi had come and greeted him, kissing his cheek and said thanks, and his grandpa had gone to take a nap instead of bothering to meet him.

He was pretty sure that Solomon Motou hated him without even meeting him yet.

And he was pretty sure it a reinforced thought when they met, the first words out of the elder's mouth being, "You're taller than I expected. But I can still kick your ass."

Yami narrowed his eyes in frustration at the statement, feeling slightly as if he were trying to corner him with the statement, immediately on alert with the idea of being challenged; if he thought that he would get in between him and Yugi, he had another thing coming…

* * *

Stress was a bitch.

Maybe even more so than curiosity.

Because Yami hated yogurt but that was the only thing in the fridge besides milk and he couldn't actually  _eat_ milk and his stomach was growling and the cup of dairy was pathetically small, pretty much kid-sized, but he still found himself grabbing it and heading over to the counter towards the silverware drawer.

He leaned against the smooth wood, flustered with the entire situation; Solomon had made a point of messing with him, apparently. He wouldn't let him sit too close to Yugi, making some kind of pathetic rule that they couldn't be touching. In fact, since he had accidentally broken that rule—okay, it wasn't an accident, he had just been pissed—the elder had made a point of sitting between them, whether it was with sitting behind the counter during shop hours or on the couch watching a movie.

He didn't even  _like_ yogurt most of the time—and especially not the strawberry flavored ones.

He glowered at the little white cup and grabbed one of the spoons, chewing his cheek before narrowing his eyes into slits. By the gods, he didn't even have the patience for a spoon. He'd have to actually put in  _effort_ to raise and lower and scoop and eat it.

The red-eyed teen huffed, smirking, and tore the aluminum top off, peeling it and dropping it in the trashcan before tossing his head back with it to his lips, crushing the little cup in his hand and swallowing the cold dairy product immediately.

"Yami…?"

The taller teen spun around, crushed up yogurt cup in hand and eyes wide.

"Did you just… _drink_ your yogurt?"

Yami glanced at it and back before glaring. "You have no proof!"

"You just…I just watched…Why?"

"Hush. You have. No. Proof."

"Oh yeah? Then what's that crushed yogurt cup in your hand?"

Red eyes flickered and settled there for a split second. "What? What crushed yogurt cup? I have no idea what you even speak of…" He grabbed the spoon off the counter. "See? Spoon."

"Yami, I just  _watched_ you drink your—"

"You. Have. No. Proof."

"…Why would you drink it if you had a spoon right there to begin with?"

Yami glanced between the cup and the spoon and then towards Yugi and back again before throwing the spoon in the sink and slamming the crushed container onto the counter. "Stop questioning my life choices!" he cried dramatically, throwing his arms up and whining loudly as he passed him; Yugi snickered, watching him go and shaking his head before turning back.

His boyfriend was so weird.

He shook his head and went about doing the dishes in the sink, glancing over his shoulder to find that Yami was glaring at him, head peering out from behind the wall, poking his tongue out before wandering off.

Yugi snickered again, grinning ear to ear and shaking his head.

His grandpa was having  _far_ too much fun messing with Yami.

And it was really messing with Yami's head, as he found out a few hours later in the middle of the night when he heard intense bloodcurdling screaming that made him yelp and jump out of bed, running into the kitchen and feeling sick with fear, only to stop short when he spotted him.

He was curled up on the floor, something against his chest, clutching it tightly while rocking back and forth in place, that scream falling into a low, keen whimpering that made his heart hurt.

"What? What's wrong?" he demanded, running over and going about trying to figure out if he was hurt or anything, moving to grab his wrist and check his pulse before blinking a couple of times and frowning.

"They're  _stale_!" Yami snarled, voice rising like an echo, spitting and looking feral for a second, eyes wild and glaring. "Why does the  _world hate_ me? I have done  _nothing_ to deserve this!"

Yugi burst out laughing, unable to help himself, and Yami seethed, letting out a yowl of a noise and tossing the chips at his face. The smaller teen backed up a step, laughing harder, and Yami glared before turning away and curling up on his side with his back to him.

"I hate you. Go away."

"No, no, come on, Yami," he giggled, going over to his side and laughing softly before running his fingers over his arm and kissing his temple. "Come to bed with me and I'll make the  _best_ pancakes ever for breakfast tomorrow."

"But I'm hungry  _now_ and I want to cry because how the  _fuck_ can your grandfather be  _this_  mean to me?" he growled, trying to shrug him off but ending up jerking him hard enough that he fell forward on top of him and rolled for a second. The taller teen burst out laughing at his mystified expression and Yugi blinked as he sat up a little and smiled brightly at him.

Well, at least he wasn't screaming anymore.

"We have to get up early, remember?" he pressed, smiling at the taller boy who huffed and mumbled something about not having to get up early if they didn't go. "The plane and then we can spend the afternoon doing whatever and then we can, you know, just…hang out together and—"

"I will not take you out on a date," Yami hissed. "I don't want to go in the first place."

"…Really, you don't want to go to the mall and—"

"Fuck the mall. Life is depressing. And you're not helping."

He snickered and held his hands up when Yami glared furiously.

"Okay, okay, calm down for a second. Look, you can ask  _anyone_. I make the best pancakes and they'll be even better tomorrow if you come to bed with me and I get enough sleep tonight. And then we can have the best pancakes ever for breakfast and get on the plane and—you can have  _extra, extra, extra_ syrup if you want!"

Yami's interest definitely peaked with that statement, eyes widening as he shifted to sit up slightly, blinking at his boyfriend and tilting his head. "…Extra, extra,  _extra_?"

"Mmhmm! You can pretty much have a whole bottle if you want! Grandpa always forgets that we have bottles and buys extra just because sometimes…"

"…Fine. But…I want a snack before I go to bed."

"We only have a few more hours to sleep…"

"You just want me to starve."

"No."

"Liar!" Yami hissed, narrowing his eyes and getting up, rubbing dust off his pajamas and sniffling a little. "You lie!"

Yugi laughed softly and shook his head before grabbing his hand and leading him back to his room; he got up a little earlier than Yami who had moved to grab him in a spooning position, fast asleep enough that he didn't notice when he got up and wandered off into the kitchen.

It took twenty minutes for him to wake the other boy with the aroma of the pancakes or the syrup or the movements he was making in the kitchen and when Yami finally came out, he had his eyes half-open, peering through his lashes and sitting at the table with his head tipped to the side and his attention completely on the other boy.

"Hi!"

Yami glowered and huffed, "Hello."

"Not a morning person, huh?"

"Fuck no."

The smaller teen laughed and put the plate of pancakes in front of him, grinning as he declared, "Ha!"

Yami stared at the stack of lightly browned circles of dough for a long moment and then slowly dragged his eyes up towards his boyfriend, the smaller boy blinking at the expression of confusion and alarm lingering in that red stare. "These…pancakes are so perfect that they are unnatural, unsettling, and disturbing."

Yugi blinked and looked at them; no one had ever said that about them before, just that they were perfect and awesome… "So perfect…and unnatural, unsettling, and disturbing that you just want to eat them…right?"

The taller boy looked at the plate and shook his head slowly. "No," he stated, watching Yugi deflate in the corner of his eye, "I want to fuck the pancakes."

He couldn't tell whether that was a compliment, a joke, or just him hearing wrong, but either way, he found himself begging, "Yami,  _please_  don't fuck the pancakes."

"I'm going to  _fuck the pancakes_!"

* * *

Malik stared at her for a long twenty seconds. "120 dollars? Are you fucking  _serious_?" he asked, shaking his head and glaring thoughtfully at that little pan of brownies; unlike the others, he had woken up so late that he hadn't gotten breakfast and none of them had brought food with them when they packed and he didn't  _want_ the crappy airport food that they sold or the shitty  _airplane_ food.

The girl nodded, holding the pan tightly. "Yes, sir."

"Oh cute," the blond commented, giving her a small smile. "You think I'm a  _sir,_ huh?"

"Yes…sir…?"

"Well, I'm  _not_.  _Lose_ the title,  _girly_. This isn't fun time with Malik," he snapped, narrowing his eyes and looking at the brownies and then at her wide wire-rimmed glasses that only emphasized just how wide her dark hazel green gaze really was. She was dressed like one of those girl scouts from America, with that pageant-y like look to her, shorts and a somewhat over-sized t-shirt. And her hair was in disarray, making it seem even more likely that she was a fucking American girl scout because, wow, who else wore that kind of shit? "I'm fucking  _starved_ and I  _want these brownies_!"

"That will be 120 dollars, s—Malik…"

"Did I give you  _permission_ to use my name?" he snarled, glaring and making sure to put on his best sergeant expression; maybe he could intimidate her into giving him the brownies because, either way, he was  _getting_ those fucking brownies. "I didn't  _think_ so!"

She opened and closed her mouth once, eyes wide as she stared at him in completely confusion; the teen dug through his pockets, pulled out a fifty he hadn't even realized he had, and swapped the brownie pan for it.

"Good doing business with you."

"But—"

He stepped closer and loomed over her, spitting, "I'm sorry. You want me to  _starve_? Is  _that_ what you're saying? You want to be  _stingy_ and  _not_ give me my food? You want to force me into poverty by denying me my food and stealing my money?" He narrowed his eyes and clutched the pan tightly. "You want to be  _responsible_ for me  _going hungry_? Is  _that_ what you're telling me,  _girly_?"

"I—I—no, sir, but—"

"No. No  _buts_ ," he snapped, cutting her off and glaring as she stared back at him with owlishly wide eyes, looking ready to run at any moment. "I am  _taking_ these brownies.  _Understand_?"

"B—"

"Oh, oh, so you  _do_ want to be guilty, huh? You  _want_ to feel  _guilty_ about starving an  _innocent_ person!" he spat, watching her shake her head immediately. "No, you don't? You  _don't_? Yeah, I didn't  _think_  so… _punk_."

She shook her head again slowly and the blond smirked.

" _Good_. Then this argument is completely over. Thank you for your patronage towards the cause of filling my belly." He paused, glancing at the pan and then her, patting her on the head with a simple, "You're a good little girl. You'll go far in life" before wandering off with the brownies in his hand.

She stared after him and then glanced at the money in her hand, calling, "Daddy, Daddy!" as she ran off.

Malik took a seat with the group, digging in immediately, stomach growling fiercely as he snickered; good little girl scouts, always pre-cutting things for you.

"Brownies?" Bakura muttered, staring in surprise; the blond nodded and then glanced at him, both of them locking eyes for a second before he offered him one. The silver-haired teen took it from him, staring for a second before tilting his head, sniffing it and then throwing it in his mouth.

"Do you even  _chew_?" Seto sniped, rolling his eyes as both of them started digging in much faster.

"This is the Eating Olympics, cousin. You inhale or you go home," Yami stated next to him, head tilted as he watched them, ignoring the way that the brunet rolled his eyes at his comment. "…How did you even get those?"

Malik pointed vaguely in a general direction. "Some little girly scout was selling them," he replied, wiping at a few crumbs on his mouth. "Wanted them for 120 but I got them for fifty. Saved seventy."

Seto blinked once and then turned to him, astounded. "You… _stole_ brownies from a girl scout?"

"Oh please," the blond argued, rolling his eyes. "I didn't  _steal_."

Both Yami and Seto swapped dubious looks and turned back to him.

"I  _paid_ for them!"

"You cheated her of seventy dollars!"

"I  _haggled_!"

"You…haggled a girl scout?"

"Duh." He paused, blinking once and then looking at the brunet with wide eyes. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"Because I can't decide if I should be proud that you haggled, suspicious that you  _know how_ to do it, or ashamed that my cousin just  _stole_ from a little girl who was probably raising a bunch of money for some kind of charity event or something."

Yugi reached over and tugged on Yami's jacket sleeve lightly, whispering, "Why is no one asking the  _real_ question?" when his boyfriend turned to him in confusion.

"Real question?" he asked, blinking as he tilted his head, obviously so amused by the conversation that his cousins had been having that he couldn't think of what Yugi meant.

"About why they cost  _one hundred and twenty dollars_!"

"Oh…" He blinked and turned around again, frowning. "Right, so Yugi just pointed out…Why the  _fuck_ did they cost  _that_ much?"

Malik blinked and looked up. "Well, they're  _fuck awesome_ …" He paused and licked his lips. " _Gourmet_ or something…Definitely worth fifty but 120 was  _seriously_ pushing it."

" _Gourmet,_ " Bakura repeated, dragging the word out and smacking his lips together.

"You're…going to be so sick from eating all of those," Yami commented, staring at the pan and then looking at them with his head tilted.

"Fuck off! You're just  _jealous_!"

Yami raised a brow. "Yes, I am  _so_ amazingly jealous of your stolen girl scout brownies," he muttered, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "Unlike you, I actually  _had_ breakfast before we left."

"He wanted to fuck it first," Yugi commented suddenly, not even realizing he was speaking out loud until all of them turned to him, his voice rising a little to the point that he sounded like an overly helpful child out of embarrassment. "But I convinced him to eat it instead."

Bakura burst out laughing and Malik snickered, both of them smirking at their cousin who squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.

"Is  _that_ what I walked in on?"

"And you  _wonder_ why I never leave you with them," Seto huffed, glancing at his little brother who's gray eyes widened, flickering from the brunet to Yami and back again.

"It was a conversation! You walked in on a conversation," Yami hissed, annoyed.

"Didn't look like that when you had your pants down," Solomon quipped.

Yami went to argue that he would only  _be_ so lucky if he had walked in on that, but then Yugi blinked and tilted his head, mumbling, "But I didn't  _see_ Excalibur."

The taller teen's eyes nearly popped out of his head as he gaped at his boyfriend. " _Yugi_!"

The smaller blushed furiously and looked at him, swallowing hard and ducking his head, mumbling a small squeak of an apology while Malik's eyebrows shot up and he asked, "Wait…so you actually  _named_ your dick?"

Seto rubbed his temples. "Christ."

Yugi spun on him, eyes wide as he cried, "You named yours too?!"

Malik choked on his brownie, looking somewhat hurt as he cried, "Shit. Are we  _all_ doing this? Because no one told  _me_."

Bakura patted his shoulder. "Don't worry. No one told me either."

The blond nodded a little, seemingly comforted by the simple statement, and Yami stared at them for a second before his attention was redirected to the brunet who was officially looking at his boyfriend, asking, "Are you  _sure_ I can't talk you into coming to the business meeting instead? I  _swear_ I'll pay you—"

"If I have to go, he does too," Yami interrupted immediately, frustrated.

"You're  _only_ going in the first place because he  _made_ you  _agree_ to it," Seto reminded him, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

"If you pay him to go to the business meeting…Take me  _with_  you!" the red-eyed teen demanded, pursing his lips.

"You would  _think_  women are  _poisonous_ with the way he always tries to avoid them," Solomon remarked, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

"Pussy and poisonous  _both_ start with a P," Yugi blurted out, eyes widening drastically. "Poisonous pussy…"

"Oh gods, Yugi—"

"It sounds like a super villain name!" the small teen cried, grabbing his boyfriend's arm to get his attention, excitement glimmering in his eyes. "Look, Batman, it's Poisonous Pussy!"

Yami blinked and blushed violently, his entire neck taking up the hue as he looked at him for a moment; for fuck's sake…

"Wait…! Why does  _he_ get to be Batman?! I want to be Batman!"

The red-eyed teen turned to him slowly. "Don't you  _dare_ go Robin my thunder."

"You have  _got_ to be kidding me," Seto spat.

"I can't even begin to tell you how annoying you are," Malik muttered, wrinkling his nose.

"I'm such a Bane in the ass, huh?"

" _Seriously_ , Yami?"

"You'll  _never_ be  _Batman_ because  _I'm_ Batman and you're asking for Wayne too much if you think you can beat me at these puns because I've Gotham all."

"Fuck  _off_ ," Malik snapped in frustration.

"I'm Alfred your jealousy disgusts me."

"I blame this on you," Seto snarled, pointing at Yugi who blushed furiously.

"I'm Harvey to blame." His eyes widened as he paused and looked at Yami. "Oh my gods."

Yami waggled his eyebrows. "You're such a Joker."

"Puns are the bane of my existence," Yugi huffed, eyes widening as he realized he had just pulled another one, grabbing at his hair. "Gods  _why_?!"

"They're contagious like Poison Ivy."

Seto grabbed his face, pushing on his cheeks to the point that it hurt, snarling, "Yami, listen to me  _now_. I still have  _three_ months before you start this shit up. You continue with the puns and I swear I'm going to shove my foot  _so_ far up your ass that you won't be able to  _walk straight_."

Yami blinked and went to reply but Yugi beat him to it when he blurted out, "Violent foreplay!" which made both of them freeze and stare at him in shock while he scrunched his face up and shook his head.

"…I am honestly kind of afraid of what the fuck you're into."

"Kinky," Bakura snickered.

" _All the fun in the bedroom_!" Yugi announced a little too loudly; several bystanders looked over in shock and stared while the small teen hung his head and wondered why the floor wouldn't open up for him.

"Damn Yami," Malik snorted, smirking and raising his brows. "He's going to be a  _hellcat_ in the sheets."

" _Fuck_ me," Yami whined pitifully.

* * *

"I thought I saw something odd with one of our engines as we started to pull out," the pilot announced over the intercom system; Yami glanced up from where he had been fiddling with his gum wrapper, having folded it into a miniscule swan that looked pathetic and pregnant with the many lines that made up its stomach.

And that was why he fucking sucked at origami.

Well, at least now he remembered why he never tried again after that first pathetic attempt.

"I  _hate_ this fucking airline! I've been late  _twice_ in the past few months, and they  _still c_ an't get their fucking  _act together_. So  _now_ we're going to be late  _all over again_!" the passenger behind him spat angrily. "They need to get this fucking show  _on the road_!"

Yami turned his head to tell him to shut up—as nicely as he could—because, honestly, he was stressed enough without his bullshit added to it; he didn't want to go to the states. He didn't want to have to celebrate that stupid holiday. Genocides shouldn't be celebrated as far as he was concerned and—wait, why was Bakura…?

He snickered as his brown-eyed cousin tried to knock the pan out of Malik's hand, hissing, " _Come on_ , Malik! I'm fucking  _starved_."

"Fuck off. This last one is  _mine_ ," the blond snapped, trying to push him away.

"You little  _shit_!" Bakura snarled.

" _I_ paid for them! The last one is  _mine_!"

"You're such an ass!"

" _Get your own gourmet girl scout brownies_!"

" _No_! I want  _that_ one!"

"Fuck you! It's  _mine_!"

Across the aisle he saw Seto rolling his eyes and hissing, "Fucking morons" and Yami smirked, chuckling softly and gaining him a curious glance from Yugi who blinked in shock at Bakura and Malik trying to push each other out of their seats and into the aisle, growling and shoving and glaring at each other.

"Two idiots next to me are fighting over a fucking brownie," Yugi heard the man behind them sneering into the phone, glancing at him in the small gap between his and Yami's seat and then looking towards Seto who was watching him from the corner of his eye.

"Because the fucking flight is  _delayed_ ," he snapped, pausing. "Oh yeah, no shit Sherlock."

Yugi pursed his lips and turned away again, glancing at Yami and then Seto as the brunet turned towards his cousin and mumbled, "You still have some of that gum, Yami?"

"Huh?" Yami asked, confused by the sudden question and mesmerized by Bakura and Malik pulling at each other's hair and trying to tear the brownie pan out of the other's hands; how the fuck had they even managed to get that on the plane in the first place? He shook his head; Bakura had done it somehow… "Oh, uh, yeah…"

"I'm pretty sure the two guys in the aisle seats in front of me are fucking."

Yugi blinked and glanced at the cousins, shaking his head in confusion; how did you get  _sex_  out of asking for gum?

"This is  _Japan,_ you idiot! You can never  _tell_ with these people."

Yami handed over a stick of gum and Seto went about unwrapping it and putting it in his mouth, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms.

"Okay, so we're spraying gas from our number two engine and I've called the mechanics to come look at it and see if it's serious, or is something that can be fixed. I'm afraid there will be about a half hour delay while we determine what's going on with the engine—"

"Half hour fucking delay.  _Bullshit_."

Yami blew a bubble and Yugi impulsively reached over and popped it, both of them startled by the way that it wrapped around his fingernail and refused to come off, sticking to Yami's mouth and making him frown in puzzlement; they swapped looks and burst out laughing before trying to sort themselves out again.

"Your fucking  _airline_ is  _such_ a piece of  _shit_! I've been working  _hard for two days_ and I  _need_ to get home to  _my wife_ "—Yugi was pretty sure he was spitting it out so harshly purely for their benefit, which made Yami bristle next to him while the smaller teen merely turned away again and looked towards the front—"and  _now_ this fucking flight is  _delayed_! My time is  _valuable_ , you know!"

"I'm very sorry, sir. We prefer to be safe and hopefully it will be something easily fixed," the female attendant standing beside Yami's seat stated quietly.

" _Always excuses_! You people are  _such_ a bunch of  _fuck ups_! My wife is going to be  _livid_ when she finds out we're delayed. Get that fucking  _mechanic_ out here  _now_ , and  _get this fucking piece of shit plane moving_! This fucking pilot is making me  _late_! I've got  _places to be_!"

"'Oh, but the plane ride will be  _fun_ '," Yami hissed at him, making him blush and duck his head. "'Don't fuck the pancakes, Yami, the ride won't be  _that_  stressful.'"

Yugi blinked and turned his head, confused; he hadn't said that…

The taller teen immediately burst out laughing at his expression of wide eyes and furrowed brows, pursed slightly parted lips, and a head tilted to the side in shock.

" _Everyone_ on this plane has somewhere to be, sir. I daresay that the pilot would like  _nothing_  more than to be done with this flight and getting to bed. I and the rest of the crew would like to get through this flight and go to bed as well. I am going to be late getting home to my own family."

"I'm an important businessman"—Yami and Seto swapped looks, smirking a little at the statement before turning away again—"and I need to get  _home_! Your screw up is the fucking problem and I'm going to file a  _complaint_  against this goddamned airline. Who  _cares_  about you idiots, anyways? You're just a bunch of  _pathetic losers_  who can't even  _make a goddamn plane work_! You all work for a  _fuck up_  airline and I'm  _never_  going to fly with this  _bullshit_  airline again, because I won't get in until  _after_  the fucking holidays at  _this_  rate!  _Thanks_  for screwing up  _my_  Thanksgiving, you stupid assholes! You  _all_  can take your fucking airline and  _shove it_!"

All right, he was done with this.

Yami spun around just as Yugi went to try to stop him, leaning over the back of the seat and snarling, "Look, you dumb piece of  _shit_ , this is a  _mechanical_  problem. And that  _crew_  you just called a bunch of pathetic losers? They are doing  _everything_  they  _can_  to  _resolve_  it. Now stop acting like such a whiny little bitch to the attendant because she's in the  _same_  boat as the  _rest_  of us." He narrowed his eyes and pressed further into the seat, gripping so tightly in an effort not to leap over and bash his head in that his knuckles turned white. "And I am  _sick_ of listening to you fucking  _whine_  and  _swear_  about you being late."

Yugi winced and peeked over the back of the seat to find that the businessman was gaping like a fish and Yami looked ready to skewer him.

"You see  _him_? That's  _Seto Kaiba_ , as in the  _biggest_ name in Japan right now. Do you see  _him_ bitching? No. Know why? Because he's  _not_ a pretentious little  _shit_ like  _you_. We're  _all_ going to be late,  _okay_? We would  _all_ rather be  _late_ than wind up  _dead_  when we land at our destination because the  _engine fucking self-destructs_  and we  _fall out of the fucking sky_  because someone decided to listen to  _your shit_  and  _rush_  the job because of an  _entitled 'important businessman', understand_? Good."

Yugi bit back a laugh and ducked back behind the seat again, covering his mouth with his hand and shaking his head slowly while his boyfriend continued staring him down before huffing and taking a seat again.

Seto glanced back at his other two cousins to find that they were gaping and snickering at Yami's outburst, the brunet leaning over the back and snatching the pan from their grip before they could actually think about it; for a moment they stared in confusion and then Bakura mumbled, "What…the  _fuck_?"

" _Hey_! Give that  _back_!"

"No. I'm don't with listening to your squabbling. You would think that the two of you were fucking animals. It's  _my_ brownie now, damn it."

Mokuba sized it up for a moment; it would definitely fit in his mouth.

Bakura's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "…Yours?" he sniped. "More like  _Mokuba's_."

Seto glanced at his little brother and rolled his eyes before tossing the pan back at them without turning around. "Well then, that's resolved."

Yami blinked and then spun around again, pointing at him, "Oh, and your little theory about us?  _Wrong_. Seto Kaiba is my  _cousin_. Thank you."

* * *

"Um…well, when we get back we can go to the art museum and you can make out with me," Yugi offered, humming thoughtfully as they started to pack things into the car that Solomon was renting.

"We're not  _allowed_  to do that," Yami said, scowling.

"What? Yeah we are—"

"No! We're not  _allowed_ to touch the masterpieces!"

Yugi blinked in shock, eyes widening drastically, and blushed hard enough that he was convinced anyone passing by would mistake his face for a stop sign.

"Now  _that_ boy deserves to get laid!" Solomon stated, pointing at Yami and snapping his fingers while both teens glanced over and the taller nudged him playfully, snickering while Yugi ducked his head.

"Okay, so you two need to go to the bathroom," the elderly Motou stated suddenly; Yami and Yugi swapped looks and the taller blinked as he asked, "Are you asking if we need to—?"

"No, I'm saying that you do need to because if you try to make me pull over for you to piss, I am going to make you pay me five hundred dollars, got it, pretty boy?"

"Five hundred dollars…to take a piss?"

"Don't challenge him," Yugi whispered in his ear, shaking his head immediately. "He always does this with road trips. If they take more than three hours, he's really impatient to get there, so he'll make sure that we suffer if you push him."

Yami stared at him for a moment. "What kind of fucking craziness is this?"

"Just come on. We need to go pee."

"But I don't have—"

"Yes, Yami, you do," Yugi stated firmly, leading him away by the hand; Yami glanced over his shoulder towards the elderly man who smirked and waved them off before heading over to one of the stores for something to eat.

"Are you fucking shitting me right now?" Yami asked as they stood in the bathroom and Yugi tried to coax him into peeing using the water faucet, gesturing towards the stalls vigorously and refusing to acknowledge the urinals, frowning in frustration.

"No, Yami, Grandpa is not one to be late— _especially_ to Arthur's or on holidays. But mostly to Arthur's."

"Ra, what the fuck is Arthur to Solomon? Did they date or something?"

Yugi's entire face turned red. "We don't talk about college!"

Yami felt his mouth drop, gawking at him before throwing his head back and laughing. " _Shit_."

"Don't tell Grandpa I told you," he squeaked, covering his mouth with his hands for a second. "He's not going to be happy if you know about their…time together."

"Why?"

Yugi shook his head slowly and turned the faucet on again at its highest pressure. "Please just… _try_  to go pee or something."

Yami opened his mouth and then huffed, rolling his eyes and heading into the stall. "I don't have to go pee."

" _Try_."

"This sucks."

"I know."

"I knew you were trying to punish me for something," he commented wryly, glancing at him through the gap between the door and the wall and bristling; holy fucking shit, that was like…an inch big! And Americans called  _that_ privacy?

He shuddered and bit back a hiss of dissatisfaction.

"I'm not trying to punish you!" Yugi pleaded, blushing and ducking his head. "I just…I get so lonely on the way there and back. Grandpa isn't really one for small talk while he's driving…"

"Probably imagining  _college_ ," Yami snickered.

"Don't say that in front of him!" the smaller teen cried, voice desperate but bubbling with laughter all at once. "You can't say something like that in front of him."

"What the hell, Yugi? Calm down," he muttered. "I got it the first time."

Yami wiggled Excalibur a couple of times but nothing happened, making him huff in annoyance; he didn't have to go pee. And this  _sucked_.

"It's just…I don't know. I think he still…likes him like that but if you say something about it, he gets really, really,  _really_ mad…"

"Cute. He's like an eight-year-old with a crush."

"Y—wait, what?"

"Nothing."

"Yami…"

"I promise it was nothing. I mean, it was nothing bad, anyways. Calm down, I won't talk to Solomon about Arthur…"

Half an hour later after Yugi finally managed to somehow make him go pee—Yami still wasn't sure how the hell that happened because it shouldn't have; he thought maybe it was the power of suggestion, especially after the smaller teen started peeing too and frowned at his idea of making a game with aiming—they were in the car with Yami in the front seat and Yugi in the back middle, sitting with his hands in his lap and his grandpa occasionally glancing at him with the rearview mirror.

"We're going to stop and get gas," Solomon announced, turning into a little parking lot where Yugi frowned slightly but scrambled out when his grandpa gave him the cash to go inside; he still wasn't sure how the hell the whole gas pump thing worked in America, so he didn't ask, instead taking the money and wandering inside without a second glance.

"So, Yami, have you ever pumped gas before?"

The red-eyed teen glanced at him for a long moment; was this some kind of test or something? Was he trying to figure out if he was a wimp?

"Once or twice," he finally mumbled.

"Good, then get out there and start pumping."

The teen stared at him for a second, studying him momentarily, smirked in disbelief, and got out, wandering over and looking at the numbers on the side, finding the one that said it was paid for and undoing the cap to the ugly little silver beetle.

"So, now that we have a minute alone—"

Yami glanced up to find that he was leaning out the passenger window, watching him with his elbows behind where the glass was just barely up, chin in his hands.

"—when do you plan to pop my grandson's cherry?"

"…What?"

"I already know that you haven't done it yet or Yugi wouldn't have been all blushes earlier when I said you should get laid," he snorted, smirking at him as Yami raised a brow. "He would have blurted it out that you two had already played connect the parts."

The teen bristled slightly but bit back the retort on his tongue, instead narrowing his eyes. " _So_ , Yami, when do you plan to  _play_ connect the parts with my grandson?"

Yami glanced at the hose and then back, eyes drifting towards the sliding doors for a second before turning back. "I don't know. When did you first have sex with Yugi's grandmother?" he asked, fighting back the urge to ask about Arthur.

"We were eighteen— _both_ of us, which is why I will say this once. You can fuck him  _only_ if you're both the same age. Otherwise, you best keep your little dong away from my grandson."

"I wonder if Arthur would agree to that," he snickered under his breath.

"What did you say?"

"I said I wonder if Yugi would agree to that."

Solomon remained silent for a moment. "He already did. In fact, he once agreed with his mother than he would stay a virgin his whole life if she would give him a slice of pie."

Yami blinked and blanched; oh goddamn it.

"Then I guess I'm never getting laid," Yami commented quietly, pursing his lips and glancing towards the sliding door; where the fuck was Yugi? He needed to find out what pie he loved and bribe him into agreeing to have sex with him despite his statement about being a virgin for the rest of his life.

Yugi was currently standing in front of the doors where Yami and Solomon could see him, staring at the cookies, wondering if he wanted Ritz or Oreos or both.  _Or should I get a slushie_?  _Instead of them_ …?  _Maybe ice cream_? Or  _soda_? Honestly, the small teen had no idea whether he was actually hungry or thirsty. The thought of choosing was becoming  _ridiculously_ hard.

Yami tipped his head thoughtfully. What kind of pie would Yugi love so much that he would make such a…horrible,  _horrible_ life-changing agreement to for just one slice?

"And here he was saying that you were a pervert."

The teen stared at him for a moment. "Goddamn it, he really does blurt out everything, doesn't he?"

"Actually, that was when he came home from San Francisco and said that he had been molested in public by—and I quote—the 'most beautiful boy who looked like him and made him so completely narcissistic that he wanted to go to a communion and change his ways.'"

Yami narrowed his eyes; what the fuck was a communion?

And should he respond if he didn't  _know_?

"He thinks I'm the most beautiful boy?" he mumbled instead, surprising both of them with the excitement in that single question; Ra, Yugi made him turn into a girl. He cleared his throat slightly. " _Anyways_ , what kind of pie was it that he swore his virginity to?"

Solomon stared at him for a long minute. "You make it sound like he pulled what you did with those pancakes."

"You. Walked in. On. A conversation!" he ground out. "I swear, Solomon, you walked in on a freaking conversation!"

"Mmhmm," he drawled. "Sure."

Yami sighed loudly. "I'm going to go see how my boyfriend is doing because, really, he shouldn't still be in there," he announced, glaring at the ground and huffing as he trudged off towards the sliding doors.

Solomon was watching him go when he heard a thud somewhere in the back of the car; he pulled the trigger on the glove compartment and pulled out the crowbar he had stashed there, heading back and undoing the trunk, ready to hit a wild animal just hard enough to knock it unconscious and then throw it into the woods, and stopped short.

"Aw, fucking hell," he muttered.

" _Sunlight_!" one of them screeched while the other yowled loudly and tried to burrow into the back of the seat, snarling, "I'm burning!"

He lowered the crowbar to the ground and stared at them. "It's a miracle that Seto has such flat hair."

The silver-haired one hissed and recoiled, spitting, "Back off, mortal! Or we'll be forced to  _show_ you how  _dangerous_ we children of the night are!"

"Too much light!" the blond wailed. "Too much light! I'm burning!"

Solomon watched them for a moment and then snickered. "Hippie lettuce." He paused, glancing at the doors where he could see that Yami was wandering out of the bathroom. "If you promise to keep quiet, I'll give you twenty bucks…and some more weed."

Both of them hissed loudly, swapped looks, and then suddenly nodded eagerly at him.

"All right," he snickered, smirking before glancing at the gas station again and finding that the taller teen was now looking for his tiny grandson; he pulled out the two twenties and a small bag of green that he tossed into the trunk with them. "I want to see how Yami handles this."

"Oh,  _dude_! I have a cousin named Yami!" Malik cried.

Bakura turned to him with shocked eyes, gaping. "I do too!"

"And…apparently vampires swap brain cells for immortality."

Both of the "vampires" swapped looks and hissed again, trying to fold back into the trunk with no success.

"Close the trunk, human!"

"My hand will never be the same…"

Solomon snorted a laugh and slammed the trunk. "Ah, morons." He glanced up and grinned; so Yami had finally spotted Yugi.

"Yugi, I think your grandfather is crazy," Yami whispered as he got to his side; the smaller teen looked between the cookies and then the candies, frowning with his bottom lip slightly jutted out.

"Hey, which do you think I should get?"

The taller teen was about to say whatever he wanted but then stopped short, glancing in between the products and turning back with wide eyes. "Yugi…you just listed off this entire aisle!"

"No! I didn't list off Tootsie Rolls!" Yugi cried, appearing almost offended.

"Well, no  _shit_. They're disgusting!"

" _Duh_. That's why I don't  _like_ them."

"Yugi…"

"Yeah?" he asked, turning his attention solely on him again.

"Your grandfather is fucking  _nuts_."

"Um, Yami…Why are you whispering?" he demanded, turning around with wide eyes and then glancing back and forth, blinking a few times.

"I feel like he might have bugged me or something," he admitted, glancing over his shoulder again and shivering slowly.

Yugi grinned. "Paranoid much?"

"It's like all my sanity is being sucked away the longer I'm around him….That normally only happens when I'm around my cousins…"

"Are you saying that my grandpa is like  _Bakura and Malik_?"

"I…uh…No…?"

"You sound so  _sure_ ," Yugi teased, laughing as he tried to debate which candy would be better.

"…Sorry?" Yami replied weakly, blushing slightly.

"Hmm…what would you do to make it up to me?"

"Depends…How offended  _are_ you?"

"My blood is boiling," Yugi said immediately, looking at him and seeing the skepticism before blushing and turning away again. "But I'll forgive you…for one of  _each_ of these."

"Aw,  _fuck me_!  _Really,_ Yugi?"

"Yes…?"

"…You'll get fat."

"Maybe it'll go south for me then," Yugi muttered, frowning and tilting his head. "Like with girls."

"…But you're cute  _enough_  with your little bubble butt," Yami whined, glancing at his butt pointedly and then towards his face and back.

Yugi blinked and blushed. "Bubble butt?" he echoed, eyes widening before grinning. "You think I've got a bubble butt?"

"Yes and if you eat  _too_  much, you'll ruin it and—"

"Who said anything about it going  _there_?"

"Where else would it…?" Yami's eyes widened, excited as he looked down at his crotch and grinned. "We'll have to check every hour to see if it's working."

"Pervert."

"You started it!"

"…Every hour…that's a little much…isn't it?"

Yami choked and gawked at him while Yugi laughed and started grabbing sweets off the racks.

"God, you're just trying to kill me, aren't you?"

Yugi grinned at him playfully over his shoulder and then led the way over to the counter.

* * *

The car broke down.

Several miles away from the house.

Yami sucked with cars.

Yugi knew nothing about them in the first place.

Solomon had fun snickering at their expense as he teased them about their lack of knowledge; for ten minutes all they did was suffer through his jokes and then finally he shooed them off and said there was some kind of festivities going on somewhere or other in some general direction.

The two of them had been wandering around for only five minutes when Yugi spotted the lights and dragged him along, practically bouncing every step; Yami had never been to an actual festival.

Because he hated crowds.

They made him…something akin to claustrophobic.

But not like he couldn't breathe.

It was more like…it made him  _mean_.

None of them knew what personal space was, none of them knew boundaries, none of them bothered to apologize when they ran into each other, none of them seemed to care that some of them yelled and got rambunctious and little children were watching it go on.

Worse than that was the children themselves.

He hated kids.

With a passion.

Which was probably why Yugi was laughing so hard when a little girl ran into his leg and then bolted when Yami glared her down; Yugi nudged him, telling him to be nice, and Yami glared before wandering off and shaking his head with the announcement that he wanted something to eat.

"You ate like twenty pancakes!" Yugi whined, following after him immediately; there were bright lights and stupid turkey cutouts around off to the sides. There were turkey dolls around and—

"I have a fast metabolism. I eat a lot. You can't handle it, back off!"

Yugi shook his head, smiling and fighting back the urge to laugh out loud; he had just as high metabolism as Yami and yet he was still full, but that could have been because he was trying to make sure he had room for the turkey when they got to Rebecca's house.

"Turkey legs. Turkey legs for sale…"

Yami stopped short, turned his head, and stared at the man with the entire tub of turkey legs; they had a nice aroma, or maybe that was from the other turkey meals that they were selling…

Or wait, there was no one else selling turkey…was there?

He glanced around and spotted pies, cotton candy, popcorn, the necessities of a fun festival, but when he turned back, there were definitely no other sources of turkey, which meant that this turkey…it smelled fucking amazing.

"How much for—?"

"Yami,  _no_ ," Yugi said immediately, grabbing his arm. "You'll have turkey when we get to Rebecca's."

"But I'm hungry now!" he argued, starting to whine slightly.

"So let's go get some nice cotton candy and—"

"Hey, kid, if he wants some turkey, let him have some turkey."

Yugi pursed his lips and stared; he liked to believe in the fact that everyone had something good about them, that there was something redeemable. He liked to see the good in everyone.

But this homeless man trying to poison his boyfriend was making that really fucking hard to do.

"Back off," he hissed, grabbing Yami's arm. "If you buy that turkey, we're breaking up."

The taller teen froze and gawked at him. "Ra, are you that desperate for me to enjoy a holiday I don't celebrate?" he cried, throwing his arms up.

"You two are together?"

Both of them glanced over and Yugi  _knew_ he was hearing things but his mind still kind of shuffled and stumbled and supplied him with the homeless man making a crude remark about homosexuality and their breakup.

One that went along the lines of "Hey, if he doesn't want to date you anymore, you can replace him easily with this turkey leg. Probably bigger and thicker than him anyways…"

He grabbed Yami hard enough to bruise and the red-eyed teen looked stunned out of his mind as the smaller boy sank his fingers into his flesh harder and growled, "Yami, I'm serious. I'll break up with you if you fucking buy one of those. They're probably deadly and—"

"Hey! Don't knock my product!"

"—Yami, I don't want you to die!"

He choked, half wanting to laugh and half expecting to sob with just shock at the entire situation; he was half convinced that Yugi had gone stir-crazy in the car and was now so elated to have fresh air—or mostly fresh, considering the turkey aroma—that he was just blurting out random things.

"I…I…Ra, Yugi."

" _Please_ , Yami, let's go get some candy and popcorn and a few drinks and play some games and then we won't have to worry about poisonous turkey legs that a homeless man is selling at a fair…"

The taller teen stared for a long minute and then looked around; was he being punked or was Yugi actually serious right now?

"It's not poisonous! It's fresh—"

"I wouldn't trust you as a safe distributor if my life depended on it," Yugi hissed, clinging a little harder and making Yami gasp in pain. "Now  _back off_!"

Yami blinked once, held his hands up, and immediately followed the smaller boy until they reached a maze of mirrors and ended up having to split up to complete the challenge; the red-eyed boy tried to talk him out of it but Yugi ignored him and both of them ended up banging into the walls and stumbling until neither of them could function right anymore.

Yugi literally ran into him so hard that the disoriented boy went flying and both of them landed in a heap with him staring at the taller who glared at him playfully, muttering, "If you wanted to be on top, Yugi, all you had to do was ask."

The blue-violet-eyed boy blushed violently and jumped to his feet, wired and looking around for the exit, laughing, "This is a lot easier on TV than it is in real life."

"Everything is easier on TV," Yami grunted, not bothering to get up yet. "Can we get food now?"

He opened his mouth to argue that they would get food soon enough but he could see that he was tired and when he didn't answer immediately, the taller boy's stomach growled so loudly that he flinched and stared.

"God, have you never heard a hungry yeti before?" Yami hissed, rolling over and climbing to his feet, dusting himself off and turning back. "I promise I'll be hungry by the time we get there! Please, just  _give me food_!"

Yugi blushed and kissed his forehead. "Okay, come on."

Yami thought that corndogs were the most disgusting thing he had ever put in his mouth, especially when combined with mustard; he didn't really know why he had thought that would be a good combination, especially when Yugi muttered that the corndogs were beef and he spat it all out in the trashcan, wandered into one of the bathrooms and scraped his tongue until it bled some, and the fact that he hated mustard in the first place should have been a tip off as well. He had filled his stomach with cotton candy afterwards, washing his mouth out with soda every once in a while to get rid of the aftertaste of beef and mustard and that covering of corn on the corndog.

"Why ride a rollercoaster when you could ride  _me_?" Yami mumbled, pouting as they waited in line and Yugi watched the cart going so fast that it made his eyes strain for a split second.

"Because rollercoasters can actually make me scream," Yugi replied dismissively before both of them froze and swapped looks, eyes wide.

"You hate me."

"No, I just…oh my gods, I need to stop talking."

"You haven't even given me the  _chance_  to make you scream and you already say I can't do it," he hissed unhappily, rolling his eyes and shaking his head before glancing around. "You hate me and this relationship is toxic."

Yugi blinked wide eyes and threw his arms around his neck. "No it's not! I don't hate you! I like you—a lot"—he didn't miss the way that Yami's eyes narrowed into slits—"and this is an awesome relationship."

The taller teen studied him for a second and then kissed his forehead before turning away and looking up at the rollercoaster again; oh gods, yep, he already knew he was going to be sick. He glanced at Yugi who looked so excited that he was going to jump at any second, and then back at the rollercoaster; he could do this. For Yugi.

Emptying his stomach out was a small price to pay for him being happy.

He nodded slightly to himself, steeling his resolve, and waited until the line finally started moving again. He studied the steep incline and swallowed hard before glancing away again; heights weren't a problem, but the shit that he had just put in his stomach most definitely was…

He let Yugi continue with his excitement, bouncing back and forth on his feet in exhilaration before turning back to him and then to the coaster; Yami watched the car dip and tilted his head. This…was going to be bad.

Five minutes of speed.

He could handle that…

They got into the front, something that made Yami's skin crawl; he had been on two rollercoasters before in his life and the fun of it seemed to be pretty lost on him. Most of the time he got the rush when he was first seated but the rest of it was extremely lacking.

And now he was so buzzed and excited, his skin seeming to vibrate over his bones, that he was startled when Yugi grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together, bouncing in his seat.

Well, at least one of them would have fun.

The first time his stomach twitched was when they got up to the top and the violent dip had his insides curdling and twisting and shifting like fire, bile rising into his throat but doing nothing else to bother him. Yugi let out an excited cry and Yami winced at the feel of his hand squeezing his because it momentarily distracted him from the task of making sure he  _didn't_ spill his guts just yet.

The second ride was brought on by someone else who demanded another trip around and Yami barely managed to hold on until they got out of the gates again; Yugi looked at him in alarm, saw the color to his face, and tried to drag him along a few feet towards the port-a-potties.

"Okay, okay, come on, I think the bathrooms are this way—" Yugi started, flinching when Yami shook his head and tried to push him away, breathing hard and doubling over, opening his mouth and vomiting…

He couldn't help it when he opened and closed his mouth and then choked on a laugh that bubbled up and sounded like an animal coughing up a lung, but it was lost in the noise of the man's screaming while Yami retched harder and Yugi flinched.

A turkey leg hit Yami across the temple and the teen snarled around a mouthful of vomit, spitting at him before retching out another mouthful; another leg hit him across the head and Yugi blinked and gawked when his grandfather laughed, "Shit, I  _love_ this boy! You have my blessing to screw Yugi anytime!"

A child wandering by looked up and said, "Look Mommy, he vomited a rainbow!"

"He's a unicorn!" Yugi blurted out immediately, eyes wide.

His grandpa doubled over in laughter. " _Shit_!"

The small teen covered his face and shook his head slowly, embarrassed and frustrated.

"Fucking hell, he's  _still_ going!" Solomon laughed.

The homeless man's skin started to go from pale to a harsh green, leaning forward and vomiting just a loudly as Yami who snarled and grabbed a leg to throw at him after he got hit with another.

"You know, Yugi"—the blue-violet-eyed boy looked away from the two of them with a shake of his head, feeling sick to his stomach now as well—"this is like my first date with your grandmother."

The teen stared in confusion. "But…I thought you took her ice skating."

"Yes."

"Oh gods," Yugi muttered, scrunching his face up and immediately turning to his boyfriend again. "Are you constipated or something?! How can you  _still_  be going?!"

Solomon fell over laughing and everyone in the immediate area heard his back crack loudly and his voice groan out, "Ah, my back!"

Yugi glanced between them, torn, and hesitantly went from trying to help his grandpa to focusing entirely on Yami again and then grabbing at his hair in frustration; what the fuck was he supposed to do?

"I don't want one anymore!" Yami snarled, tossing a turkey leg straight into the homeless man's face while Yugi gawked and groaned; the two of them started throwing legs back and forth until finally the teen lost it and tackled him to the ground. A worker tried to throw him off and Yugi smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand when his boyfriend screamed that he would eat him alive if he didn't stop messing with him.

The small teen sighed and grabbed him around the waist, trying to pull him away and failing rather miserably, and all the while his grandfather laughed around groans of pain and somehow managing to make him so terribly guilty that it made him want to be sick. Ugh, everyone was so demanding of his attention.

"Yami, stop it," Yugi hissed, trying to pull him off when he snapped that he would eat him if he didn't stop touching him and someone in the crowd muttered something about how gross that was and how demented his boyfriend was for saying something like that.

"You know, spiders eat other spiders  _all_ the time and no one gives a shit when they do it," Yami hissed twenty minutes later as they headed for the car again, Yugi holding a tray of water and Sprite, "so what the fuck?"

"Did you eat someone?" a girl asked from behind him, making Yugi turn around with wide eyes to stare at the blue-eyed female who stood a couple of feet taller than him; he blushed furiously while Yami turned around with a snarl of, "How about you mind your own goddamned business?"

The girl laughed and leaned forward to press a kiss against his cheek while Yugi blurted out, "He just vomited. You're kissing vomit cheeks."

Yami chuckled at the comment and shook his head while the smaller teen blushed and looked away again; he hated it when the girl turned ice blue eyes on him and studied him fiercely for a long moment before turning back to the taller teen.

"My pharaoh," she murmured, smiling and bowing before him for a moment.

"The  _fuck_?" Yami muttered, eyes widening in confusion and blinking before glancing at Yugi and then back. "Did you pay her to do that or something?"

Yugi blinked. "Why would I do that?"

"I don't know! For like…an early Christmas present or just to make me feel better or something? Geez, Yugi, play along with my fantasies a little," he huffed playfully, nudging him with his shoulder.

"Don't touch me," he snickered, pushing him away. "You have homeless man vomit all over your shirt."

Yami opened his mouth to say something slightly sexual but then fell silent immediately, pulling the hem of his shirt out and staring at it with a frown; the massive splotch of dark yellow-orange was still damp and chilled and he hated it which was probably why it made him want to vomit again. And how the  _fuck_ had he managed to projectile vomit so nicely? Like, fucking Ra, that was practically perfectly done.

He shook his head slowly and stared at the spot again; he would kill for that kind of aim with projectile vomiting. You could not get that much fucking better.

That was just too amazing.

He didn't know how the fuck he would use that skill, but he definitely wanted it.

Just like he wanted to be able to figure out how the fuck to give himself a blowjob.

Of course, that was self-explanatory though…

"So, um…do I still have to go? I mean, if I have vomit all over me on a fucking holiday, isn't that like…rude or something?" he asked slowly, blinking once and tipping his head. "I mean, everything offends Americans! I could end up offending them so badly that they'll reserve a special place in hell for me or something."

Yugi started laughing. "First of all, Yami, they aren't religious, so really, they don't even do the whole 'You'll go to hell thing' anyways and besides that I don't think—"

"Do you even realize how atheists work?" Yami hissed. "You realize when they have sex, like right before an orgasm, they're  _all_ about chanting  _someone's_ name and five dollars says it  _isn't_ their partner's."

Yugi blushed furiously and then shook his head, hands covering his face. "Why would you put that image in my head like that? I don't know how to respond to that…"

"The proper response to that is that they either say 'god' because they're feigning being holy or they say 'Satan' and show their  _true_ colors."

"Yami…I don't think that's how sex works."

"Yugi, I think I know a little bit more about sex than you do."

"I think you underestimate my knowledge about the topic."

"What's the sixty-nine position?"

Yugi stayed quiet for a second and then cleared his throat awkwardly. "I can't believe you're testing me on this. I can't even…"

"See? Ha, I win."

"You don't win, okay? You really don't—"

"My pharaoh"—both of them looked at her as if she had just stepped in on something violently personal and she guessed she had but she honestly didn't care—"I meant to speak with you about something."

Yami tipped his head towards Yugi for a second. "She's so tall you could climb her like a fucking tree," he whispered in his ear, blinking once and grinning widely.

Yugi blushed furiously and blurted out, "She's like a beanstalk. Jack climbed her to find the clan of giants— _her_ clan!" He grabbed Yami's arm with his free hand and jumped slightly, excited out of his mind as his eyes grew wide and he gazed at him intensely. "She's even wearing that dark green clothing like a beanstalk! See, see? She's the beanstalk personified!"

"Aw fucking hell," Yami snickered while the woman looked startled and frustrated by his comment, shaking her head and turning to him immediately, pulling something out her pocket that he snatched from her hands, gawking. "How the fuck did you get my phone?"

"He knocked it out of your pocket when he was trying to—"

"The sixty-nine position means that you and your partner are both doing sexual stimulation with your mouth," Yugi blurted out suddenly, smacking his forehead with his palm. "And normally it's so distracting that you can't even concentrate on being pleasured because you have to try to pleasure them too and then it's like…a war going on in your head and—"

"Who the  _fuck_  have you been practicing with?" Yami snarled, eyes wide in shock. "Who the fuck has been stimulating you? I'll cut a bitch!"

"It was on a website," the smaller teen mumbled, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, frustrated out of his mind. "I don't even know how I got there! I was just trying to use Google!"

"How the fuck did you manage to do that?"

"I forgot the first G," he wailed, eyes watering. "It said to go green and do your neighbors!"

Yami choked on his laughter and nearly threw up again with the force of his guffaws. By Ra, he was really starting to feel a little sick again.

"He knocked it out of your pocket when he was pulling you away from that man," she cut in, stopping both effectively and making them blink in surprise. "Anyways, I just wanted to return it to you."

"Oh, um…thanks…err…"

"Ishizu, my pharaoh."

He stared at her for a second. "Yeah, okay… _Ishizu_ …" He furrowed his brows. "What's with calling me that? I don't get what the fuck that means exactly…"

"I prefer to call you that over…World Champion," she stated, wrinkling her nose as the last two words left her mouth.

Yami tilted his head and then glanced at Yugi and back. "Um…okay then," he muttered awkwardly, clearing his throat and looking around to make sure she wasn't there just to punk him; Americans were known for stupid pranks and shit. He'd seen enough of those stupid Youtube videos to know that.

"Well, um, thank you anyways," he commented, sliding his phone into his pocket and glancing at his shirt for a single second before turning away again, attention immediately on Yugi once more. "You saw a dirty website and you didn't  _tell_ me?!"

The small teen blushed furiously. "It was an accident and I—we don't talk about college!"

Yami burst out laughing and shook his head. "I want to talk about college now."

"We don't talk about it!" Yugi blurted out. "We  _never_ talk about college."

"But now I want to talk about college."

"He was  _experimenting_!"

"Is that what you did when you missed the first G?"

"My computer sucks!" Yugi wailed, throwing his arms and the tray up. "It did it on purpose! It's a pervert—like  _you_!"

"Don't blame  _me_. Blame  _your_ inner perv, Yugi. Embrace him," he whispered enticingly. "Embrace him so that we may make love by moonlight and—"

" _Yami_!"

"Yes, I will make you chant that shit!"

"Oh my gods," Yugi mumbled, shaking his head and clenching his eyes shut.

"No, there is no god for you! Only me—Yami!"

"I'm the sex god!" he cried, looking at his boyfriend with wide eyes. "I am the sex  _god_! I make everyone hard or wet! You have nothing on me!"

Yami smirked and chuckled, "I'll make you weak."

He let out a low whine and stepped back before glaring. "Shut up."

"No, I don't think I w—"

"All right, you two, why aren't you at the car yet?"

"Do I still have to go if my shirt is fucking  _covered_ in vomit?"

Solomon stared at him for a second; now wasn't that a problem? But Yugi would be crushed if Yami didn't go with him and besides that, what the hell would they do with him in the meantime?

"I have some spare clothes, don't worry."

Yami blinked and then looked at Yugi and back. "You're not my size."

"Oh shut up, nimrod," the elder hissed, rolling his eyes and wandering off towards the car. "Just get ready to change clothes and don't bother me."

Yugi blinked slowly; there were the clothes that he had packed and maybe Yami had packed some clothes in his backpack but he didn't think so…

"He's fucking strange," Yami hissed at Yugi who blushed and smiled awkwardly, shrugging; strange as he was, he was still his grandpa and he couldn't argue that he wasn't awesome as could be regardless of his… _many_  quirks.

The taller teen stayed quiet for a moment and then tilted his head. "Then again, you know, once when I was little, I claimed it was a teacher's work day so I wouldn't have to go to school and my mom is  _so_ not a fucking idiot so she didn't believe me at all, of course," Yami muttered, looking at the ground and snickering. "But when we got to the school we found out that it really  _was_ a work day and it got me thinking that maybe I had super powers and so I started trying to kill classmates with my mind to confirm my theory."

"…Wait, so let me get this straight," Yugi muttered, eyes wide as he looked at him and the other teen glanced over playfully. "You thought you had super powers so you immediately attempted to murder everyone?"

"Go big or go home," the taller snorted, laughing.

"So first you say you'll resort to cannibalism if he doesn't stop throwing turkey legs at you and now you're…telling me that murder is going big…"

"Damn straight."

Yugi laughed and shook his head before turning away and blinking in shock as his grandpa came back with a shirt that looked oddly familiar; he couldn't really place it but it was really nagging at him. Where had he seen that shirt exactly?

Yami's eyes nearly bugged out of his head for a second. "Oh my fucking god…is that Malik's shirt?"

"They were selling them at the airport," Solomon stated simply, rolling his eyes. "Now get changed."

Yami stared at the fabric as he caught it in his hands and then recoiled. "Why does this smell like weed?"

"I think the real question is how you know what weed smells like," the elder said immediately.

The teen blinked and dragged his eyes upwards to stare at him. "Seto's stepbrother has cancer. He likes to smoke weed a lot," he replied slowly, glancing at the shirt and then towards Yugi. "You can't seriously tell me you approve of me showing up at this dinner with a shirt that smells this much like weed…"

"Stop being such a pussy and put the damn thing on."

"Poisonous!" Yugi blurted out, moving away from Yami.

"Ha, see that? Yugi just lost all respect for you. You went from being Batman to Poisonous Pussy," Solomon snickered.

Yami narrowed his eyes, about to ask him how Arthur was in college, but stopped short because he didn't want to get Yugi in trouble. "Really now? You still have yet to explain the smell of this shirt, Solomon," he hissed. "Got something you want to say?  _Druggy_?"

"Grandpa likes to smoke in the trunk," Yugi cried loudly. "He likes to lock himself in there and smoke until he doesn't have anything else to smoke!"

" _Yugi_!"

"Fucking  _Ra_ , what?"

"He once ate it like chewing tobacco but he actually  _swallowed_."

Yami bit back a moan at the way that he stretched the last word out, mind immediately jumping to that wonderful gutter it called its home most of the time. That beautiful, beautiful fucking terrible gutter that was so dank and wonderful that it was definitely his most preferred place when he was unhappy.

Which was probably why he was trying to dive into it and failing miserably as they started to drive again towards Rebecca's.

"So…How do you plan to pop his cherry anyways?"

Yami stopped short and turned his head to stare at him. "What?"

Yugi pressed his face into his hands, rocking back and forth in his seat.

"Oh look, Yugi's already got a rhythm started," Solomon announced, smirking at the red-eyed teen. "See? He's more prepared than you are."

"Pull over, I need to vomit."

"Oh please, you little prude. You can't be serious."

Yami gagged slightly and squeezed his eyes shut; he wasn't sure what the hell he had left in his stomach but it obviously wanted out.

"Please just pull over so I can—"

"We need to talk about this. I have to know what you plan to do with my grandson. We have to plan this carefully so that neither of you ends up so fucked up that no one can recognize you afterwards."

"How does that even work…?"

"You would be surprised…"

"Dear gods, kill me now."

"How is that someone as innocent as Yugi has more balls than you when it comes to the sex talk? See, he's paying attention and everything."

"Osiris, I am fucking  _begging_ you," the red-eyed teen hissed. "Kill me now."

"And he said you were a perv. You're a freaking prude."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Yami hissed, "I couldn't hear you over the mind-blowing imaginary sex I was just having with your grandson in my head!"

"I'm too horny to be out in public!" Yugi suddenly blurted out, making his boyfriend turn around in shock while Solomon slammed on the brakes on accident; they skidded for a split second before the car stopped altogether.

Yami blinked once and then took the hint from the smaller boy when his bright blue-violet eyes quickly darted for the door next to him; the teen threw the door open and ran off while Yugi scrambled to get out after him before his grandfather decided to be funny and drive off without the red-eyed boy.

* * *

"Wait, what?" Yami asked, confused.

"Where the fuck are they? Malik and Bakura have to be with you and Yugi because they sure as hell aren't here with us and I'm going to kill them."

"What did they do?"

"Don't worry about it. I don't need more than one accomplice. Mokuba will testify that I didn't do it."

"Seto, what the hell are you even talking about?"

"Malik and Bakura—are they with you?!"

Solomon burst out laughing as they started to get out of the car and Yami wiped his hand over his jeans leg to get rid of some of the sweat that had bloomed there from having clenched his fists for that entire twenty minute ride.

"I don't know…Oh my fucking Ra…"

Yugi was about to kill him.

He swore he was about to just tear his grandpa's head off when the trunk popped open and smoke poured out along with the two teens who fell over themselves laughing and mumbling something about how great it was that the sun was down and wouldn't kill them anymore, how amazing immortality was.

"What?"

"Goddamn it, Grandpa!" Yugi screeched, throwing his hands up just as Rebecca and Arthur came outside. "You fucking gave them weed?!"

"Seto, I'm going to have to call you back. I have two idiots to deal with…"

"They are  _mine_ , Yami."

"Not unless you can give me a better reason than the one I'm currently taking in."

For a second he didn't get a response and then finally he heard Mokuba screaming something along the lines of "Seto, Seto, look! I can see a unicorn!" in a high-pitched voice that made him flinch.

"Would you like pictures of the chaos he's causing right now or was that enough for you?"

"…If he starts spouting  _Pokemon_ , I want pictures and videos," Yami mumbled quietly before quickly hanging up when the brunet started yelling; he slipped his phone into his pocket and blinked a couple of times. "Malik, Bakura…What are you doing here?"

"We were on a vision quest," Bakura snickered, falling over himself while Malik snorted and doubled over, dropping on his stomach and rolling onto his back, humming and spreading his arms and legs out.

"Life is  _grand,_ my fuckers," he announced.

Bakura nudged him with his foot. "Don't call me your fucker. You're my fucker."

"I'm older!"

"Dear Ra, the perverseness," Yami grumbled, covering his face with his hand. "You would think they were arguing over who was topping."

"Wait…they're not?" Rebecca asked, wide-eyed as she looked over.

"Incest!" Yugi blurted out, covering his mouth and squeezing his eyes shut. "Damn it."

"Incest?" she repeated slowly.

"Cousins. My cousins…Life is so unfair."

"Oh Jesus fuck…" Rebecca muttered, shaking her head and pinching the bridge of her nose. "How lovely."

"I didn't know they were in the…fucking trunk. How the fuck did they even…?"

"Bakura's a fucking kleptomaniac. He's used to picking locks."

"Oh…"

"Please tell me you at least had fucking snacks in the back or something," the blonde grumbled.

"Ooh, ooh,  _munchies_!" Malik crowed, stretching the last word out and making a popping noise with his lips. "Mm. I wants some!"

Yami smacked his forehead with the heel of his palm. "Fucking Ra."

"Gourmet munchies!" Bakura howled.

"Weed brownies," Yami muttered, wanting to sob. "The stupid girl at the airport wasn't a girl scout. She was selling weed brownies."

"…Girl scouts selling weed brownies…that sounds almost like some kind of plot for world domination," Rebecca commented with a wide grin. "Can you imagine how amazing that would be? A world of fucking stoners that didn't even realize how they became stoners in the first place."

"Don't give them ideas!" the red-eyed teen snapped. "They don't need anymore than the ones they already have!"

"I can lick my nose," Malik said suddenly, smacking his lips and narrowing his eyes, glaring at his nose for a second and then stretching his tongue out.

"Malik, that's not your nose," Yami hissed, growling in frustration while Yugi blushed furiously and shoved him away, eyes wide in shock and a little bit of something akin to horror.

"What? Yeah it was," the blond huffed, blinking and wrinkling his nose before glancing at Yugi. "Are you okay? I think you have a fever…or maybe I'm seeing everything in red…Yami, your eyes are red!"

"All right, that's it! I'm killing you. I'm going to fucking  _murder_ you! First you lick my boyfriend's fucking nose and now you're just—I'm going to enjoy this." He grabbed him by the shirt, mindful of the vomit stain, and started to drag him along, barking, "Bakura, come with us!"

"Oh, are we going on a trip?" the silver-haired teen asked in pure excitement. "Shit, yes! Trip time!"

Yugi blinked and struggled for some kind of way to defend them but ended up shouting, "Don't kill them! Seto has the resources to do it easier!"

His red-eyed boyfriend turned his head, staring at him, and then slowly looked away again. "True enough," he commented, rolling his eyes and going about leading the way up the stairs. "Now let's go!"

Yugi scrambled to follow Solomon, Rebecca and Arthur as they headed after him, the four of them stopping at the bottom of the stairs and gawking as they heard the door to the guestroom slam violently.

A scream ripped through the air immediately after and Rebecca mumbled, "Wonder which one that was."

Yugi blinked and shook his head. "Oh my gods. All this…because he licked my nose by accident."

"Your grandpa drugged them too," the blonde laughed, reaching over and tugging on his bang. "So there's the weed thing too."

"You two…smell a little like puke…" Arthur muttered.

"Long story."

"Yugi took that murderer upstairs on a rollercoaster and he tossed his cookies like a  _bitch_  when they got back down again."

"Grandpa!"

"What? It's true."

Yugi glared for a second and all of them flinched violently at the sound of furniture being pressed against the wall along with another loud scream that made its way through the air.

"You stupid  _fucks_!" Yami snarled, his voice pronouncing another loud thud of furniture being moved. "You're just lucky that murder is  _so_ fucking frowned upon or I'd have your  _heads_!"

Rebecca cringed at the sound of furniture being moved again. "Jesus fuck…"

Yugi flinched. "Oh my  _god_."

" _Gods,_ Yugi. Plural, not singular," his grandfather corrected him with a small nod, ignoring the way that the boy smacked his forehead with his palm and shook his head.

"You know…if you ignore Yami's death threats," Rebecca murmured thoughtfully, tilting her head, "it almost sounds like some kind of hot threesome."

Arthur sighed and shook his head. "I knew I should have censored her TV programs when she was younger."

"I blame exposure to guys. All my male friends. They  _ruined_  me."

Something crashed into the wall and Yugi hoped for Arthur's sake that none of the plaster had broken at some point.

"And Tea  _wonders_ how I can handle Yami being such a massive perv."

Rebecca grinned and threw her arm around his shoulders. "I prepared you well, didn't I, young grasshopper?"

The boy blushed awkwardly and stared up towards the room as everything went completely silent; either Yami was taking a breather or…

"Wonder if they're actually alive," the blonde commented quietly.

"I…I'll go check," Yugi muttered, blinking as he started for the stairs.

"Yeah,  _okay_. Have fun with  _that_ ," Rebecca scoffed, rolling her eyes.

He bit his lip; bloody mutilated bodies were so not what he wanted to see before a big meal…

"Yami?"

"Shut the fuck up," his boyfriend spat; for a second he thought maybe he was talking to him but jumped a mile when the teen poked his head out of the room, smiling sweetly and batting his eyelashes. "Hi aibou."

"They're, um…They're not…dead, right?" he commented, frowning.

Yami pulled back and glanced inside the room for a moment, asking, "You guys still alive over there?" to which Yugi heard two soft grunts of confirmation, and then turned back to him. "More or less."

"…I feel like less is the word you meant."

"…Well, we have differing opinions then. I think they might still be too alive—"

" _Yami_!"

The taller teen held his hands up and opened the door fully for him to walk in but Yugi shied away from it; he didn't want to see any blood. If there was blood, he would be the one to toss his cookies this time around.

"They're fine. Roughed up…violently so, but still completely fine."

"Um…okay, well, uh, I think the timer for the turkey just went off and—"

"Food!" the teen screeched, turning and running down the stairs before he could think straight; Rebecca blinked and followed him into the dining room where the red-eyed boy had found a spot and was currently sitting up and staring at the dishes that were all spread around.

"Well, apparently Yugi told you enough about Thanksgiving that you didn't attack the food yet," she commented quietly, blinking a few times and shaking her head slowly.

Yami huffed softly and took a seat at the table, grabbing a fork and knife and banging the bottoms against the wood. "Food, food, food!" he chanted loudly, humming and practically jumping in his seat as Yugi gawked and his cousins stumbled into the room; he spared them a glare and then turned back with a wide smile. "Sorry for the delay. But I have a  _zero_ idiot policy on holidays—it's like a disease. It comes up when you least expect it and—oh yeah! Now I remember what I was going to say.  _Food_ , damn it! I want  _food_!"

"We have to say grace first," Arthur murmured as soon as they had settled and Yami was about to dig in; the teen stopped short immediately after he said those words, glancing around the table once and then turning his attention to the cooked bird with narrowed eyes.

"You mean…we  _aren't_ eating yet?"

Rebecca's eyebrows shot up, the blonde glancing at Yugi in alarm for a split second while the other teen blinked and squeezed his eyes shut, paling drastically; oh gods, this was not going to be pretty.

"Uh…We have to say what we are thankful for this year and—"

"Fucking Americans," Yami spat, shaking his head before pointing his fork at Bakura and Malik. "Thankful I didn't kill them."

"That's not—"

The fork singled in on Rebecca. "Thankful she got to  _hear_ me kick their asses."

The blonde laughed, shrugging and nodding; she had no argument for that one.

"—how any—"

"Thankful that his grandson's boyfriend is  _not_ a rapist," he announced, pointing at Solomon.

"—of this—"

Yami pointed the fork at him and glared furiously. "Thankful I don't leap over this fucking table with a knife and stab you for  _trying_ to talk  _over_ me."

The former archaeologist froze, eyes widening drastically as he found himself speechless; Yugi blushed and wished that he could somehow become a part of the furniture, especially after the fork was pointed at him.

"Thankful that  _no one_ died tonight."

He had to admit he had a point though.

Until…

"Thankful for my penis," he announced, pointing the utensil at himself before slamming it against the table. "Now  _fucking feed me_!"

Yami didn't have to think about it to know that all of them were too mortified to make conversation, so they ate in an uncomfortable silence that Yugi looked ready to break several times, only to receive a glare from the red-eyed teen and instantly duck his head again.

"I want baked ziti," Malik announced twenty minutes later after they had all finished and somehow found themselves in the living room, Rebecca having awkwardly asked what they all wanted for Christmas.

"Diabetes?" Yami hissed.

"Baked. Ziti," Malik argued, dragging the words out as if he were slow.

" _Die-a-bee-tees,_ " Yami retorted, following his example of enunciation.

Yugi blinked once and then twice before frowning at his boyfriend in puzzlement, his blonde best friend speaking up for him when she asked, "What the  _fuck_ is 'baked ziti'?" while the blue-violet-eyed boy shook his head and shrugged.

"It doesn't exist," his boyfriend stated, leaning back against the cushions and looking at his nails. "Baked ziti  _means_ diabetes."

"You're trying to kill your cousin, aren't you?" he mumbled softly, blinking a few times.

"You have no proof!" Yami snapped, pointing at him with a wild look to his eyes. "No. Proof. No fucking proof. None. What. So. Ever."

Yugi couldn't help it when he burst out laughing, shaking his head and hugging him tightly. "If we have to, we can just bury them in the backyard. I'll help you clean the house and everything like that," he whispered in his ear, nodding against his neck a second later as he started to get tired.

"I knew I loved you for a reason."

Yugi stiffened for a second and then burrowed into his side, frowning as he mumbled against his skin while Arthur and Solomon made a point of trying to coax them all back over to the table with pumpkin pie; apparently they wanted to have a small bit of tradition that hadn't been broken by Yami's rude behavior earlier.

"Do you really?"

"Do I really what?"

"…Love me."

"…Are you really asking me that?"

"You don't think you're going to find someone better?"

Yami blinked and turned his head, raising a brow while Solomon said something about leaving them after spending a minute trying to whistle to get their attention and failing drastically, just barely managing to call it quits before the red-eyed teen would have ended up flipping him off and snapping at him to leave them alone.

"No way."

"You  _really_ don't think you'll ever find someone…b-better?" Yugi mumbled, swallowing hard and trying to look at him. "B-because…if you  _do_ …"

Yami blinked and burst out laughing when he trembled against him and Yugi recoiled, eyes wide, alarmed out of his mind before the taller teen grabbed him in a tight hug. "'Better?' Bullshit. I can't do 'better'," he snorted, laughing harder before laying his chin on his head. "There is no 'better', Yugi."

The smaller teen blinked a few times, about to argue, blushing at his next words.

"I love you, little one."

"I—I—Yami…"

"You don't have to say it just because I did. Just wanted to point it out to you, aibou," he chuckled, pausing and tilting his head. "Say it when you're ready."

"…A-and if I'm  _never_ ready?"

He cringed. "Then…I guess I'll just have to record you saying 'I', 'love', and 'you' and edit it to make it sound natural, put in a loop on an mp3 file and listen to it every night before bed."

"…Every night before bed?" Yugi asked, eyes widening further and blinking in shock as shifted slightly in his grip.

"Go big or go home, Yugi. Go  _big_. Or go  _home_."

Yugi started laughing just as Yami pulled back to kiss his forehead, blinking before narrowing his eyes and whispering, "Not  _now_ , boner!"

"Oh my gods," the smaller snickered, hugging him tightly again.

  
  



	5. The Distraction Christmas Dilemma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I tried to make the duel disk system a little more realistic with the holograms and stuff like that. Um, I guess there's a spoiler...a Christmas spoiler, in here? The Duel System used is Battle City or closely-related to it? I don't know, it's been a while. Also, Timaeus and his brothers do NOT look the same as they do in the anime or in fanart so Timaeus doesn't look like Yami but with teal instead of red and yellow hair. And Critias and Helmos have the same kind of style of hair (flat) but they're not the same colors so, just keep that in mind. If they looked the same, it would have ruined the entire plot. Besides, you guys have no actual proof that they looked like that BEFORE they were turned into cards so yeah.  
> Warning! There is a small bit of jokes about religions and such but nothing too horrible, and it shouldn't offend anyone. I just wanted to play around a little and it definitely worked. So just remember that no offense was meant and have fun.  
> Disclaimer: I so don't own anything Yu-Gi-Oh related.

The Distraction Christmas Dilemma

Her eyes still creeped him out.

Especially when she was like this.

He swallowed and gestured vaguely and Yami came around the side of the tree, humming a little Christmas jingle that made him want to scratch his eyes out; the red-eyed teen paused for a second, glanced over at her, and then grinned widely.

The tree hadn't been decorated just yet but there were a few spare snowflakes hung up and a little bit of beads, none of the lights or even really ornaments but one or two, and, apparently…the cat.

Milky Way was grasping one of the branches and leaning upside down, eyes wide as she stared at them, almost as if she hadn't expected to get caught; Yugi had been staring at her for a whole ten minutes now because she hadn't moved from that spot the entire time and it made his skin crawl.

She was the sweetest cat, but those  _eyes_.

He shuddered slightly and ignored it when Yami rubbed her upside down head, murmuring, "Well, hello there" while she purred and then dropped delicately to the ground, twisting in that way that cats did to land on her paws, padding off again.

But that wasn't the only time she messed with the tree.

No, Yugi counted eleven times altogether.

One time he was helping Yami place some presents under the tree after his mom requested it and he was about to put one down only to sit up some and gawk as he spotted the black and silver-furred she-cat laying across several branches, tail flicking from side to side and her eyes locked entirely on him.

"Isn't she just the cutest ornament you've  _ever_ seen?" Yami announced, petting her again and wandering off to grab more; Yugi watched him go, pursing his lips before turning back to her. Maybe for the day of Christmas he could talk Yami into getting him the gift of an exorcism for that cat. Cause it was really starting to freak him out.

Those  _eyes_.

He shuddered again, dropping the box unceremoniously and gawking when he thought he heard something break, fleeing the room to catch up with his boyfriend.

The third time he spotted her, the ornaments were mostly put up and Yami was placing candy canes when she suddenly shot across the tree from the other set of branches and leaped at the cane, snatching it in her mouth and fleeing while Yami stared after her and Yugi muttered, "I don't…is she going to be sick from eating that?"

His boyfriend pursed his lips. "If I drop Mana's hamster out here and say that he did it, do you think she'd believe me?"

The smaller teen groaned and pressed his palm against his forehead.

The fourth time, she came out of nowhere, sprang up the branches to the trunk, climbed up, got to the uppermost branches, stretched herself out, and stared out the window as if that was the best view in the house.

"Your cat is possessed."

"She doesn't like the cold."

"Yami, face it. Your cat? She's possessed."

"Don't be jealous just because you've never had a pet."

"Yeah, no, I'm not jealous. I just…this is  _not_ normal."

"Milky Way is unique. Leave her alone."

The next time it was practically the same, uppermost branches, stretched out, but this time she was lying down and only her head was visible and she oddly kind of fit the theme but it still did nothing but make him want to flee.

Cats.

With freaky cat eyes.

He shuddered and ran off to join Yami again.

When they returned, she had moved and gotten to the top, posing with her tail wrapped around her paws and her head raised, staring down at them as if she was a queen; Yugi was really starting to get the idea that this was  _not_ normal.

Yami lit up the string of bulbs and Yugi jumped backwards when he spotted her again, opening and closing his mouth when he saw her, almost completely concealed but with her head raised and poked out just enough that she was noticeable; that changed the next time, when he was walking into the living room, going towards the window to watch some of the snowfall only to spin around when he realized he could  _feel_ her stare even though he had no idea where the hell she was. The lights were off now and he couldn't really see her in the darkness, hidden behind all of those ornaments, but the moment he did he nearly screeched; her eyes were pretty much glowing and she was so focused on him that he wanted to scream.

* * *

"Naughty list," Bakura snorted, rolling his eyes and looking at the TV.

"Damn straight," Malik agreed immediately.

"Nice," Mana stated.

"Oh bullshit. You are  _not_ on the nice list. Liars don't get  _put_  on the nice list."

The blonde flushed and threw a piece of popcorn at his face. "Shut up!"

"So what do you guys want for Christmas, anyways?" Yugi asked, laying across the floor and tipping his head towards his boyfriend who turned to him immediately and waggled his brows pointedly, his intentions clear. He blushed horribly, glaring at him. "Stop that!"

"Fine," Yami huffed, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms, laying his forehead on his limbs.

" _So_ penis whipped," Bakura scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Cause it's thick  _and_  long enough to do serious damage!" the smaller teen stated, eyes wide as he looked at him; Yami's mouth fell open and Bakura burst out laughing while Malik fell over himself with a shocked cry of, " _Holy shit_!"

Mana choked out a "Oh my Ra!" around a burst of laughter while Yugi blushed and Yami turned to him with his eyes narrowed playfully.

" _Well_  little one, if you're going to just announce it like that, maybe you should let us  _see_ —"

"No one gets to see the dragon!"

The taller teen howled with laughter and Yugi covered his mouth, entire face and neck growing bright red as Bakura started crying and Malik curled up on his side, sobbing and red-faced from his spot on the floor, a mass amount of popcorn bits being sprayed across the television screen.

"Well, that  _aside_ , I'm sure Mom and Dad have us covered," Yami breathed out, clearing his throat awkwardly around his laughter.

"…Your parents buy you presents?" Yugi asked, blinking in confusion.

The other four all stopped short and stared at him, shocked out of their minds and then swapping looks before turning back to the small teen.

"Oh… _shit_ ," Bakura breathed out.

"Oh my  _Ra_! A Christmas virgin! Let me, let me!"

" _Hell_ no! Let me! I want to fucking pop his cheery! It's  _my_ cherry to pop!"

"No, you popped mine and Mokuba's before!" Mana cried, shaking her head immediately. "You can't have Yugi's too!"

Yugi gawked, eyes wide and blushing furiously with a shocked expression, turning to Yami with a slightly horrified gleam to his gaze. "H-huh?"

"You mean you  _really_  don't know…?" the silver-haired teen stated in pure amazement, brown eyes widening drastically as he sat up slightly.

"Know what?" Yugi asked, fighting back a small shiver running through him as he looked at his boyfriend with a pleading expression. "What are they talking about?"

Yami opened and closed his mouth and slowly grew pale as he squeezed his eyes tightly. "Aw  _fuck_ ," he whispered, staring at him a second later and grabbing his hand, starting to lead the way out of the room.

"Be gentle. It's his first time!" Bakura called after them in a singsong voice.

Yugi blushed harshly and tried not to shy away from the conversation, feeling sick to his stomach; was it something bad? He didn't know what he would do if it was something bad; the red-eyed teen led him to his room and gestured for him to take a seat.

"I don't know how to…" Yami trailed off and pursed his lips, taking a seat next to him and narrowing his eyes thoughtfully. "I'm sorry and I wouldn't blame you if you hated me after this…"

"Are you going to break up with me?" he asked quietly, weakly.

Ever since Yami had told him that he loved him at Thanksgiving, he had been feeling a lot more insecure about their relationship lately and it was constantly in his head that the other teen was going to break up with him…

Especially with the stunt that he had pulled a few days before because Yami had been so unhappy that he looked ready to tear his head off when he had mentioned it…

And, oh gods, he such a horrible boyfriend for doing that and—

"What?! No, of course not! Why would you even…?" He trailed off, shaking off his shock for a second and rolling his eyes at himself mentally; he wasn't exactly blind to the many times that he had frozen up and gotten insecure, the million times that he had said he loved him or teased him. "No, uh, it's…something else."

"Okay, so what…?" he asked, relieved and smiling.

Yami drew in a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second. "Santa…is not real."

Yugi blinked, staring, and then burst out laughing, rolling his eyes. "Yeah,  _okay_ , Yami."

"You know, they normally say popping someone's cherry is  _enjoyable_ ," the taller teen commented dryly, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

"What?" the blue-violet-eyed boy asked, blinking in confusion.

"Hmm? Oh nothing…Seriously, Yugi, Santa is not real."

"Oh yeah,  _okay_ , Yami.  _Whatever_  you say."

"Ra, you're a fucking virgin in  _every_ way, aren't you?" Yami muttered, groaning and shaking his head as he pursed his lips and grabbed at his hair for a moment.

"H-huh?"

He grabbed his hands and pulled them into his palms, holding them tightly and smiling. "Aibou, I need you to listen  _very_  carefully, okay?"

Yugi nodded slowly.

"Okay, so take a  _deep_  breath and—"

"Yami, I swear to the gods, if this is  _another_  of your 'lessons' on blowjobs and sex positions—"

Yami threw his hands up, shaking his head and glaring. "Oh really now? So you plan on holding  _that_  over my head for the rest of my life, Yugi?" he snapped, shaking his head and glaring. "You  _asked_  me!"

"I just wanted to know if you knew  _how_  to!" the smaller teen cried in frustration.

"That's what the  _internet_  is for," Yami grumbled, rolling his eyes.

Yugi scowled in response. "You didn't  _have_  to look up everything  _else_  after that!"

"There were  _links_ , Yugi. There were links  _everywhere_!"

"Back to the point," the smaller boy said, smiling widely and shaking his head.

"There was a point?" he asked, blinking in confusion. "Oh  _right_!"

Yugi rolled his eyes. "Keep your head  _out_  of the gutter. It's almost Christmas."

"Do we really  _have_  to?" Yami groaned pleadingly.

"Yes," he snapped, narrowing his eyes.

The taller teen pouted for a split second before shaking his head and glaring, sulking after a moment with his arms crossed and his lips pursed. "Fine. Santa isn't real. He was made up so that kids would be good for  _one_ Ra-damned month of the year."

"No. That's because he'll give out coal," Yugi argued, shaking his head in confusion.

"Coal my  _ass_. You know how fucking rich most people would be if they got  _coal_  for Christmas, Yugi?"

"Rich?" He furrowed his brows. "What does that mean? Coal doesn't  _have_  any monetary value…"

"It would if they stuck it up their parents' asses and twisted a little."

Yugi gawked.

"They'd get fucking  _diamonds_!" he hissed, rolling his eyes. "Any fucking parent so tight-assed that they would give their children a stocking of coal as if that was an actual gift just to keep Santa alive, can easily give you a diamond if you just twisted it the slightest bit. Fuck, you wouldn't even have to put it all the way in, just rim a little and drop it again. In retrospect…that would make the best punishment because it would make the perfect gift too. I mean, low on money, you just give your child some coal, let them rim your ass with it and then out pops the jewels!"

"I don't…I don't think that's how physics works," Yugi admitted, blinking.

"Your physics aren't mine!" Yami snapped playfully, leaning forward to push him back into the bed, straddling him before glaring. "And I'm still pissed at you, by the way."

The smaller boy blinked and then huffed, "No wonder you were so happy saying that Santa doesn't really exist."

"Damn straight I had fun popping your little Christmas cherry,  _bitch_ ," he growled. "Because who the  _fuck_ goes behind their boyfriend's back to their rich CEO cousin and sets up a goddamned tournament without their permission in the first place?  _Especially_ when the little piece of shit event  _revolves_ around the aforementioned boyfriend!"

Yugi threw his hands up and pressed his palms into his chest, eyes wide as he laughed nervously, clearing his throat awkwardly. "Ha, uh—I—I—it's for needy children!"

"I  _hate_ children," he hissed. "Hate them, hate them, hate them! And I'm finding it  _really_ hard to love you when you keep trying to force them on me. If you want a child, obviously you picked the wrong gender!"

He pursed his lips. "I just wanted us to have good karma next year!"

Yami paused for a second and tilted his head, not buying the statement for a second but deciding to pretend as he mumbled, "Aw, preparing for our future. That's so sweet" in a sarcastic drawl, raising a brow.

Yugi laughed and shook his head, grasping at his shirt for a second before moving his other hand to his hip; the taller teen blinked, startled by the touch, and looked almost ready to check to make sure it was  _his_ palm there. "You look pretty shocked," he teased. "Are you expecting Slenderman to have reached out and laid his hand on your hip?"

"It would make more sense at a moment like this."

"Your faith in me is astounding."

"Damn straight it is."

Yugi shook his head again, smiling, and then cast a lazy glance towards the clock on the nightstand. "So, um…you're sure that Santa doesn't exist?"

"Yes."

"…How do you know that? Maybe he doesn't work with certain…cultures or something?"

"…Are you saying that Santa is racist?" Yami asked with wide eyes, shocked as Yugi immediately turned to him with a blush and rapidly shook his head.

"N-no, I just—I mean…! Oh, um…Hmm…"

"Admit it, aibou, you just called Santa racist."

"No, I…" He blinked and blushed harder. "M-maybe?"

Yami threw his head back, laughing hard enough that the bed shook and Yugi shivered at the deep noise; the taller teen pressed his weight into the mattress for a moment, breathing out a soft sigh of noise and snickering in pure amusement.

"Goddamn it. I can't even pretend to be mad at you if you're going to say such weird things."

"That's because you shouldn't be mad at me," Yugi said immediately, nodding and biting his lip as the red-eyed teen turned his attention on him again. "You should just…let it go about how I did that without asking and you—"

"Yugi, stop. Just stop. It's not working."

He opened his mouth to argue but ended up immediately closing it again, shaking his head and sighing with a mumbled, "How did the blue monkey do it?"

"Blue monkey?"

"Yeah, when I was like…ten, I had this dream about a blue monkey who invaded the school playground and hypnotized everyone to shit their pants," he admitted without thought, looking horrified as soon as the words left his mouth and Yami gaped at him, laughter bubbling out before he could stop it.

"That has to be the most beautiful thing I've ever heard."

The smaller teen blushed furiously and tightened his grip on his hip for a second, startling him slightly but not enough to make him stop chuckling. "I also had a dream one time where we were on the couch making out and then this really great movie came on and you pushed me off the couch and said that we could have sex after it was over…"

"See? You just ruined the moment," Yami stated, shaking his head. "Because unless that shit was  _Jurassic Park_ , I am getting in those pants."

Yugi could almost feel his skin peeling from the heat of his blood. "I…I…I don't think it was  _Jurassic Park_ ," he muttered a little breathily, blinking and blushing harder when Yami narrowed his eyes.

"Then your dreams are fucking nightmares and I no longer consider any of them beautiful," he announced, shaking his head and narrowing his eyes. "In fact…your dreams disgust me."

"I'm sorry."

"Gods, I don't even—you have such low expectations of me," he scoffed, shaking his head and sniffling loudly as he pulled away and stood up, eyes looking watery for a second as he wiped his fingers under the lashes.

"No, no, no!" Yugi cried immediately, jumping up and going to comfort him before stopping short suddenly and staring at him. "Wait…why would you cry over that?"

Yami burst out laughing and shook his head. "I have a lash stuck in my eye."

"Oh!"

"God, you're rude."

"I…Sorry."

The taller teen sauntered closer until they were practically touching, leaning into his ear and whispering, "Yugi, tell me, what is your  _favorite_  thing about Santa?" in such a sultry voice that he almost missed the statement he had just made; for a moment he was drowning in his voice and then he found himself pulling back to stare at him angrily.

Because now he was a little hard. Over a comment about…Santa Claus.

He didn't think life got much worse than that.

"Yami, I swear to fucking—" Yugi hissed, glaring and clenching his jaw.

" _Mine is that he's a fucking lie_!" Yami stated, grinning and dancing off down the hallway immediately.

The smaller teen opened and closed his mouth before pouting with his arms crossed, huffing. "Asshole."

Yami peeked around the corner and opened his mouth to wiggle his tongue at him wildly, snickering, " _Not real_!"

"Shut up!" Yugi laughed, shaking his head and smiling at him fondly.

"That goes for the Easter Bunny too, by the way. He's a fucking lie too."

The smaller teen narrowed his eyes. "Yes, because I wasn't already aware that bunnies don't lay chocolate eggs."

"They don't lay regular ones either."

Yugi opened his mouth to argue and then shook his head slowly and pressed his palm into his forehead; oh yeah, he wasn't going to hear the end of this one for a while. Goddamn it.

* * *

Yami leaned forward in his seat and Yugi tapped his finger against his cheek, both of them focused on the test they were taking before the coughing started up; the entire class looked up when it lasted for more than a few seconds, such violent hacking that Yugi was wondering when the lung would come flying across the room.

"I think Satan is choking me," the teacher coughed out.

"Sorry," Yami called out, at first meaning it as just a simple comment of feeling bad that he was having such trouble but quickly growing amused out of his mind when the coughing suddenly stopped as soon as the word had left his lips.

Everyone around them turned around to stare at the red-eyed teen who smirked and waggled his brows, making sure to single out the most religious kid in their class, Espa Roba who gawked openly and then quickly spun around in his seat again. Yugi thought he could almost  _hear_ him gulping even as he glanced at his boyfriend who turned away and gave him a broad smirk before looking back at the sheets of paper in front of them again.

The water hit him twenty minutes later, right after the test had finished and the teacher had left for the moment; it splashed across his face and soaked his bangs, but it only really caught his attention because it went up his nose and that honestly just pissed him off.

He looked up and found Espa standing a safe distance away, a bible in his hand and the cross pendant of his neck raised immediately, his eyes wild as they stayed focused on him; Yami stood up after a moment, leaning against his table, and snarled, "I'm so going to summon that demon to fuck you up the ass."

"You have no power—"

"You think that weak little exorcism did anything? Espa, if it had, I would have been projectile vomiting"—damn, now that thought brought back the idea of having the fucking  _skill_ to aim like the homeless man that had vomited on his shirt while he was in the states with Yugi—"all over your fucking face."

"…But that's not even holy water," Yugi objected, blinking slowly before glancing at Yami. "Well no  _wonder_ it didn't work! The idiot is using tap water!"

Yami snickered and shook his head and the rest of the class burst out laughing.

"I mean, come on, if you want to do an exorcism, you have to use the holiest water you can, right?"

"You'd have to have it blessed by like twenty popes just to get that shit holy enough to touch my soul," Yami stated, smirking. "And Yoda. And Steven Spielberg. You'll need his holiness too."

"Steven Spielberg?" Espa muttered, confused.

"He's the one that's lured me away with the promise of dinosaurs." He paused. "So, in other words, for the sake of this argument, he's my god."

"You—"

"Do you realize how he rides into battle with his army of scientists?" Yami whispered, lowering his voice drastically and then snarling to make his voice demonic, "On a fucking velociraptor."

"I no longer understand religion," Yugi announced, shaking his head as he stared at the desk, frowning. "One of them fights with holy water and the other one with fucking dinosaurs."

The class started cracking up and Yami reached over to ruffle his hair and pull him close enough to kiss his temple even as the smaller boy added, "Like, how the fuck is a blessing supposed to save you from a creature that can hear your heart? And in the middle of battle? Unless you have a tank of it and tried to drown it. But how are you supposed to do that if a  _god_ is riding on top of it and it could be a very good swimmer?"

"Over-thinking it, Yugi."

"These are important, life-changing questions," the smaller boy snapped, shaking his head immediately at his boyfriend's statement. "Plus, plus, there's  _Yoda_ in there too! What if he taught the dinosaurs and Steven how to freaking fight with lightsabers?"

Yami blinked once and then looked at him slowly, eyes widening drastically. "Oh, holy shit…that makes so much sense…"

"And I can tell that I should never leave this class unattended again," the teacher stated, sighing as he walked back inside and rolled his eyes at the way that the other students hurried to pretend they had been doing their work the entire time he had been absent. "Now…what was so interesting that you all were paying attention to them?"

"Yoda and velociraptors," Yugi stated immediately, blushing when his teacher stared at him as if he had grown two more heads. "And holy water."

"Goddamn it, Espa, I told you not to try an exorcism in my classroom!"

Yugi and Yami swapped looks, startled by the sudden change of attention, and turned back to find the other boy was pointing at Yami with the comment "He says sorry and you stop coughing. I don't think it's a coincidence! Especially not after that blood sacrifice that he had performed before in the middle of class—"

"It was a nosebleed," the teacher sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head. "What did your parents  _do_ to you?"

Yami fell off his seat laughing and Yugi covered his head in his arms, cracking up as the rest of the class burst into snickers; the red-eyed teen pressed his forehead into the leg of his table, shaking his head and wiping at some tears. "Oh my fucking Ra."

The class was still laughing when the bell rang, all of them hurrying out the door, most likely to tell their friends about what had happened.

* * *

"Right, so last night I was absentmindedly toying with something on the kitchen counter while I was on the computer and when I looked down I realized it was a cockroach," Yami muttered, tilting his head and frowning. "I was petting it. I was fucking  _petting_  a cockroach and that cockroach was just sitting there,  _enjoying_  it.  _Really_  enjoying it. And…we had a moment."

Yugi blinked in confusion and stared at him with wide eyes, startled as Yami glanced at Tristan and Joey, continuing with, "Like when you two do something stupid and gay and then you freak the fuck out because you're just like every straight guy in the world. And I was looking at the bastard and I started yelling and shouting and then I  _swear_  that thing opened its mouth and did the same thing as me and we were just gawking at each other and then Mana comes running down the stairs and kills him. And…it was just a really fucked up moment and I thought I would share it with you guys…Just to let you know what the hell you've allowed your friend to get into by letting him become my boyfriend. Just know that you will  _also_  never be able to separate us because I love him too much no matter the amount of concern you show towards the topic after hearing a story like that. Just clearing that up for you."

Yugi stared at him for a moment. "Oh my gods."

Yami shrugged helplessly.

Mana shuddered. "I can't believe you were  _petting_  it. I thought you were just afraid of it!"

"No. We were…sharing a very intimate connection that you ruined."

"Wait! Why wasn't it running? I mean, you started screaming, so why…?" Yugi asked in confusion.

"When you connect with a bug on such an intense level, screaming will not make it run away. We were like…long lost brothers for a second there."

"He got his stupid fucking leg stuck on that sticky fly paper you hang up on the walls," Mana scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Mom likes to have it on hand in case of flies even though we almost  _never_  have them and it got stuck on an open one Yami had left next to him while he was on the computer."

" _Why are you ruining my image like this_?"

"You have  _no_  image!" Mana sneered.

Yugi shook his head slowly and stared at the two of them. "Gods, with you two it's either 'I'll help you hide the body' or 'Do not even  _breathe_ in my direction'. There's  _no_  fucking in between for you guys! What the fuck is  _wrong_ with you?"

Yami and Mana both stopped short from the argument that was about to start up and stared at him in shock, swapping looks and then turning back again.

"Ra, rude much, Yugi?"

"Sheesh."

"You people!"

"That goes for the whole family," Bakura cut in, snickering before rolling his eyes; Malik nodded, smirking and shaking his head a second later.

"But you two argue over everything," Tea commented, sounding a little hesitant as if she expected one of the siblings to turn around and bite her at any moment; Yugi kind of had a feeling that all of them thought that about the two of them if only because of the way that they went quiet and stared when someone from his group made conversation with them.

"It's called having a sibling," Yami muttered, rolling his eyes and tossing a piece of half-eaten pineapple at his sister who shrieked and scrambled to get it off her face; he snickered and turned away again, looking at his tray for a moment.

"The only thing he's good for is February and kicking people's ass when they pick on me," Mana hissed, throwing a piece of jell-o that hit him across the cheek.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he snapped, glaring. "Don't throw animal by-products at me!"

"If I wanted to do that, I should just throw Milky Way's food at you."

"Fuck you, Mana. She eats  _Blue Buffalo_!"

"Bullshit. She deserves bargain brand!"

"I'm going to take your hamster and I'm going to drown him in the sink."

"Don't touch my baby!"

"Oh, what, you couldn't come up with another name for him?"

"Shut up, Stinky Cheese-Dick!"

"Goddamn it, Yami, do you tell everyone everything?" Yugi cried in exasperation.

Yami and Mana both stopped short and stared at him for a second before swapping looks and turning back to the pouting boy.

"You think I wouldn't tell about Stinky Cheese-Dick?" the red-eyed teen murmured, narrowing his eyes. "What kind of monster are you?"

"Gods, you guys are just so self-absorbed," the blonde complained. "I can't even have a legitimate argument with my brother any—"

"Hey, bitch, get a boyfriend and tell me how the arguing works out for you," Yami snapped, putting a hand up in her direction and turning back to Yugi. "How dare you try to make me keep that to myself."

"Milky Way is stupid."

Yugi went bug-eyed and the others all froze while Yami spun on his sister again, bristling as he narrowed his eyes into slits. "I'm going to take your fucking rat, shove him so far up your ass that he'll find your head so the doctors can perform the surgery to remove it, drown him in the sink, and preserve his body so that when you really piss me off, I can take him, spray him down with Febreze, and super glue him to you in your sleep."

His sister recoiled, eyes wide out of shock before spitting, "You're demented."

"That's why Espa wants to do an exorcism on me," he snapped. "You don't fucking insult my cat—"

"He doesn't even like pussy but he still fights over it," Yugi mumbled just loud enough for all of them to hear; Yami blinked and turned his head to look at him and the others all snickered and waited for something else to come out of his mouth.

"Of course. Because she helps me out with all my possessions."

"Ha, you admit it! You admit that she's fucking possessed!"

"…Who's possessing who, though, Yugi?"

The smaller teen froze in place for a second and then looked around with wide eyes before turning back to him.

"Whoa, relax there, Satan," Bakura commented, snickering. "I think you need a little bit of a nap."

Yugi jerked backwards and pointed at his red-eyed boyfriend. "Milky Way was a normal cat before you got your hands on her!"

"Tell me more about what I already know," Yami snickered, raising a brow and smirking widely.

The smaller teen stopped short and blinked. "But if Spielberg is your god and rides into battle on velociraptors…"

"Holy fucking shit, Yami, what the hell have you been telling this kid?" Malik exclaimed, shaking his head as he stared at the smallest teen in their group.

"It's not my fault he's so easily influenced!" Yami objected, eyes wide. "All I fucking said was that Espa didn't do the exorcism right or I would have been projectile vomiting and then…somehow it turned into a conversation about Yoda teaching Steven and his raptor how to use lightsabers…"

"Oh my Ra," Mana snorted, "by the time you guys graduate, Yugi's mind is going to be so warped he won't be able to think straight anymore."

Yami blinked and frowned. "Yeah, I'm starting to realize that, honestly."

"No, no, screw it," Yugi announced, turning to him and nodding once. "Your cat possessed everyone. She's the devil and you're just a nun."

The others started laughing at Yami's extremely shocked face, the red-eyed teen confused and looking so lost that it was impossible to keep a straight face.

_He_ … _just called me a girl_ …

A  _nun_? A fucking  _nun_?

* * *

"You know…I don't have a gag reflex," Yami stated suddenly, making Yugi turn his head in surprise, looking away from a movie that didn't have his boyfriend's complete attention…because it wasn't  _Jurassic Park_. "I can stick a fork down my throat and nothing will happen…I think our relationship is starting to be abusive towards my ability to deep-throat so I officially need to become a prostitute because it is the only way to utilize these skills."

He blinked in confusion and then gawked when the other boy snatched the remote from next to them, opening his mouth and tipping his head back.

"Yami—No, no, don't put the remote down your throat! Damn it, Yami!" the smaller teen cried, watching the red-eyed teen crack up and toss the remote aside.

"Calm down, I wasn't going to do it. I do actually have a gag reflex, though, so…no prostitution for me."

"Oh, oh, thank the gods," the smaller murmured, hugging him tightly and burying his face in his neck. "You are  _mine_."

"Yami, stop trying to put things down your throat!" his mom called from upstairs; Yugi blinked and went wide-eyed, grabbing at his arm when he whispered, "Is she psychic?"

The taller teen snickered and shook his head. "You got loud—"

"I swear I'll cover everything with lemon juice if you keep doing it."

The red-eyed teen blinked once and frowned. "Dear Ra, they hate me."

"You say that about everyone—"

"No, aibou, you don't get it," he whispered, cutting him off and looking up towards the ceiling where they could both hear his mom moving around. "I once told my mom that I was allergic to lemon so that I wouldn't have to eat a piece of fish that she had made because I really, really,  _really_ hate cod and it was…"

He shook his head, shuddering. "Look, either way, I've always pretended I was allergic to lemon and now she's threatening to test me on it…"

"Then don't put anything random down your throat."

Yami turned his head and leveled him a glare. "No one asked you. Stay in your little corner over there and hush up."

Yugi grinned and shook his head before snatching the remote from him and changing the channel, looking at the screen and humming once. "No random objects for Yami."

"You're making it really hard to want to stay faithful right about now."

"I…Huh?"

"First you go behind my back and schedule shit with my cousin, then you call me a freaking girl during lunch, and now you're trying to prevent my career from happening. I don't know if I want such an oppressive boyfriend anymore."

The smaller teen narrowed his eyes. "Fine, you know what? I think I should go be a prostitute too then! We can be a couple of prostitutes and—"

"Are you mocking me?"

"Yes!"

"I will shove that remote down your throat—"

"Yami, what have we told you about physical abuse?" his mom cried from the kitchen behind them, making both look up with wide eyes, glancing at her and blushing at the way she crossed her arms and glared.

"Leave behind no evidence?"

"And?"

"…I shouldn't do it unless I'm sure that he won't kick my ass in response?"

"And?"

"Um…The only physical abuse should be the kind in bed?"

"And?"

"And it should be enjoyable for the abuser and the abused," he grumbled.

"Good.  _Now_ , would it enjoyable for Yugi as well?"

"…No."

"Then don't do it."

Yugi blinked a few times, stared at his boyfriend's mom, then looked at Yami and back before he started laughing hard enough that he nearly fell out of his seat next to him; the taller teen cast him a dirty look and huffed, crossing his arms as he turned back to the screen and sighed loudly.

"Make it enjoyable for him too and you have my permission to do it."

"There's no way to make that enjoyable."

"Then you should never bring it up again."

"Such sound advice."

"Don't get snippy with me."

"Go away, Mom."

"Only when I'm sure that you won't be shoving any inanimate objects down Yugi's throat will I leave," she announced to which Yugi blushed at the way Yami turned his head and smirked at him.

"No worries, I won't be shoving anything down his throat."

"All right, good. Give me the remote, just to make sure."

"We're watching a movie."

"All right, well after you're done with the movie—"

"Hey, Mom, where's the Glitter Peen?" he asked, turning around in his seat while his mom paused and thought about it for a moment, blinking once.

"I  _believe_  it's under Mana's bed. You know, she's all ashamed of it so she tries to hide it and every time it winds up in the trash, I like to pull it out again and put it in the center of her bed," she commented thoughtfully, nodding once. "She thinks she's doomed to it."

Yugi choked on laughter at the very idea, swallowing hard before glancing at Yami's face slowly; the devilish gleam in his eyes said exactly what he had just been thinking—he had been the one to give her the idea to keep an eye for it.

"She couldn't just…toss it at a friend's house or something?" he mumbled.

"Please, Yugi, would  _you_ leave the house with a sparkly dildo maker in your hand?"

"I…I…No, but…She's a girl!"

"Ooh, sexist and racist, huh?" Yami teased, leaning forward to trace his fingers from beneath his ribcage to his bellybutton, the smaller teen shivering and then glaring.

"Such wonderful traits."

"Aren't they?" the taller boy stated, turning to his mom again and leaning over the backrest to put his chin on the cushion, watching her. "Do you think she'd mind if I decided to play with her Glitter Peen?"

"I don't see why you would need that when you have a real one to play with—two actually," she murmured, turning away and heading over to the fridge. "Dildos don't squirt. Remember that, Yami."

"Oh…my…gods," Yugi choked quietly, covering his mouth and looking ready to cry out of pure shock and embarrassment; his boyfriend watched him from the corner of his eye and then turned away as his mom wandered off again.

"Is your mom high?"

"We like to keep her tipsy most of the time," Yami stated. "So normally we give her a little bit of wine in her morning juices and then make sure that she's levelheaded with all of her antidepressants."

Yugi gawked at him and Yami blinked once before rolling his eyes. "Fucking hell, Yugi, it's a joke! Goddamn, Mana was right. I shouldn't talk to you anymore. Your brain will turn to mush with exposure."

The smaller boy blinked and then leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "It's what we do to my mom."

He stopped short and stared at him for a second but the other teen had turned away with the remote in his hand, clicking through the channels again.

"Wait…what the fuck?"

Yugi grinned a little but then turned back and frowned. "I'm not playing with the Glitter Peen, Yami. That just sounds gross."

"It would be, wouldn't it?"

"Plus, didn't one of you mention that you would have to…shave?" He glanced at his crotch and then back to his boyfriend. "I don't want to do that."

"Good point." He paused and tilted his head. "I wonder if it hurts."

"Huh?"

"Or maybe it's just really itchy afterwards…"

"Yami, Yami, stop. Stop with the conversation."

"Ra, everyone is always trying to put down the freethinkers!"

* * *

Yami honestly wasn't sure why he was staring at this image; the girl had her lips puckered out in that…duck-face thing, her breasts were pushed together and the angle was utterly disgusting. He tilted his head and Bakura pointed at the spot next to her, something he hadn't immediately noticed because the duck-face annoyed him so much that it was normally the first thing that he took note of when he saw pictures of girls. Why the fuck did they do that anyways?

"Wow, she's so curvy that she warped the area around her," he commented, tilting his head.

"Photoshop fail," Malik commented, smirking. "Now, how big do you think she actually is?"

The silver-haired teen narrowed his eyes and tilted his head. "A few inches…give or take."

"Are we really staring at this photo and trying to figure out her weight?" Mana scoffed, rolling her eyes and frowning when her cousins gave her half-assed glances and then turned back to the picture.

"There's nothing better to do right about now," Bakura huffed. "Literally nothing."

"Boredom is a disease."

"Why do girls objectify themselves like this?" Yami muttered, furrowing his brows and yelping with a sharp recoil when Bakura's hand met his cheek; Yugi spun around, gawking, and Malik stared as if his silver-haired cousin had lost his mind.

"What the actual  _fuck_ Bakura?" the red-eyed teen spat, glaring.

" _Never_ question asses and boobs!" the albino hissed.

"Yami, it's because they can…and because of boobs," Malik murmured, nodding.

The red-eyed teen stared at them for a second and then smacked Bakura hard enough to make him stumble, snapping, " _Homo_ " in a loud voice, dragging the word out and glaring. "You can't slap a fucking gay guy for asking an innocent question about women! We don't understand because we aren't wired the same way!"

Yugi blinked and then tilted his head; was that a legitimate statement or just an excuse to smack him back?

"…Do you think that if I used that as an excuse to peek down a woman's shirt, she'd fall for it?" Malik asked suddenly.

"Why? Going to try to hunt down Catwoman?" Yami commented, smirking and looking at the picture again while his cousin huffed in frustration.

"No, I…Why do you assholes keep bringing that up?!" he snapped, glowering. "Like you didn't blow up your neighbor's car on Halloween two years ago!"

"It wasn't my fault!" Yami objected before sneering, "At least there was no kidnapping attempt for me!"

"No, just molestation!"

"I didn't molest the neighbor and you know what? Yugi  _loved_ it!"

"Please, girls, you're both beautiful," Bakura drawled, rolling his eyes as he fell back on Mana's bed, landing on her and making her wheeze out a breath before laughing when he pretended he didn't know she was there. "I'm sure if you ask nicely, Yugi will take you both to the dance."

"I don't like dances!" Yugi argued immediately, blinking before shaking his head slowly. "When you go to dances you have to wear a suit and when you wear a suit, sometimes they're like…cheaply made castles. And there's no ballroom."

"Oh my god," Mana snickered, shaking her head.

"Fucking gods," Yami muttered, blinking.

Yugi stayed quiet for a second, trying to fight it off, but then blurted, "Fucking gods are called that because they fuck a lot!"

"Are you sure you won't let me have him, Yami?" Bakura commented, grinning widely. "Because I really fucking want him. I'll pay you."

"He's not a—"

"Yami and I are going to be prostitutes when we grow up!"

His red-eyed boyfriend gawked and scrambled to cover his mouth, hissing, " _Yugi_ , hush!"

"…What?"

"Holy fucking…What?"

"Oh my gods… _What_?"

Yugi nodded against his hand, mumbling, "No gag reflex!" around his palm just loud enough for them to hear and stare at their family member awkwardly.

"It was a joke—"

"Glitter Peen!" Yugi cried, pointing off towards the bed where Mana stared in shock and Bakura burst out laughing; Malik blinked and then moved over to the other side of the piece of furniture, about to peek under, when the blonde screamed, "No! Stop it! You're not allowed to go through my stuff like that!"

"You have to shave your—"

Yami grabbed his face a little hard but aside from that, the kiss was kind of fun; Yugi blinked a few times, still trying to talk at first, mumbling into his mouth words that the others couldn't understand, and fell quiet when the other teen's tongue slipped in to play with his. For a minute they stood like that and then Yami pulled back slightly, studying him with narrowed eyes, moving his hands to splay his fingers across his cheeks, and hissed, "Stop talking already."

"That's the cutest way to tell someone to shut up ever," Mana giggled happily.

Yami ignored her and glared at his boyfriend who nodded slightly and started looking up at the ceiling in order to keep from talking again.

"Yeah, yeah, romantic as shit," her brother grumbled, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

"Do prostitutes kiss their clients?" Yugi blurted out suddenly; Yami spun around and stared at him as if he had lost his mind and the other three started snickering in amusement. " _Do_  they?"

"Yugi, please, I'm begging you—"

"Because, if they do, does that mean—"

He was pouting against his mouth; Yami recognized it but ignored it pointedly, more than a little amused when the smaller boy continued mumbling for a moment and then sighed and went to playing with him instead.

"It was cute the first time, now it's just…a little annoying. Like…I don't have anyone to kiss right now."

Bakura shot his cousin a disgusted look. "No wonder no one wants to date you. You complain too much."

"No I don't!" Mana objected loudly, eyes widening drastically. "You're just being mean!"

Yami pulled away from Yugi, covering his mouth with his index and middle fingers, giving him a look to stay quiet, and the smaller teen nodded after a moment, blushing but appearing almost elated by the kiss. He winked and turned away again, pulling his fingers away as Malik grumbled, "You're like those bitchy girls in TV shows. Always complaining when they don't get what everyone else has."

"'I want a boyfriend. Why does that ho get a guy when I don't?'"

"First of all, I have never used the word 'ho' before and—"

"'What do I have to do to get a boyfriend?'"

"'Why doesn't he love me back?'" Malik whined, stomping his feet and making an exaggerated huffing whine of a noise.

"They should become actors," Yugi whispered in his ear; Yami chuckled and kissed his temple before turning away again with a quiet, "Shouldn't they? We should record this and send it to acting facilities all over the world."

The smaller teen nodded immediately and went to grab his phone while his boyfriend blinked and grabbed his wrists, chuckling, "I wasn't serious!"

"…Oh."

"And here I was wondering how the hell you managed to get the idea that I would actually  _want_ to do this tournament."

Yugi blinked and then laughed nervously. "Um…You're the World Champion duelist and I just…figured that it would be nice…if we used that publicity to raise some money for children and—"

"Santa Claus isn't real!" Yami snarled suddenly, throwing his arms up. "Not at all! He isn't real and I don't want to pretend that he is and you make me sick for thinking that I would want to help children with a Santa campaign!"

Yugi blushed and laughed before pushing him away gently, shaking his head while his boyfriend glared and crossed his arms, huffing. "Calm down. I just thought that it would be a good thing to do."

"Yeah, Yami, he was trying to be nice," Malik cut in. "Calm the hell down."

"Shut up, Malik. Stay out of it."

"Ooh, Yami pissy."

"Take your pincers and shove it."

"Pincers?" the blond muttered, confused, glancing at the silver-haired teen and back.

"It means you've got crabs," Bakura snorted, smirking.

Yami opened his mouth and Yugi cut in with, "But don't worry, you're not the only one. Last time I checked, your mom had them too."

Malik gawked and Bakura burst out laughing, giving the smaller boy a high-five while his cousin blinked and hissed, "Why you do this, Yugi?"

"Because he's fucking  _awesome_!" Yami snickered, leaning forward and kissing his cheek.

Yugi grinned widely and put his hands in his pockets, fighting back the urge to burst out laughing.

Crisis. Averted.

* * *

"Yeah, I don't think your grandpa likes me much," Yami stated, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet while they stood outside the game shop; he glanced inside past the closed sign and then turned back to his boyfriend who smiled and shook his head.

"Oh no, he definitely does. If he didn't, he would have tried to beat you upside the head with a broom by now."

The taller boy stared at him for a long minute and then narrowed his eyes. "You say that so casually. Like it's happened before or something."

Yugi tilted his head and pursed his lips, chewing his cheek and turning away.

"Oh my god, who the fuck was into you before?!" he demanded heatedly, grinding his teeth together; was there someone else? Shit, if Yugi had someone else who had had a crush on him before…

The smaller boy blinked wide eyes and then stared in shock. "What? No one."

"Bullshit! Who was it?" he growled, narrowing his eyes. "Who the hell had a crush on you before me? I want a name!"

Yugi couldn't figure out whether to be flattered by the fact that Yami was getting so strung up over the  _possibility_ of him having had an admirer before or a little insulted because the way the question sounded was almost enough to make it seem like he couldn't  _begin_ to believe that someone else had done so.

"Are you being serious right now?" he mumbled.

"Fuck yes! I want a name!"

The smaller boy tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, glaring for a second before crossing his arms. "Are you seriously—?"

"Oh my god, I'm not your first boyfriend, am I?" Yami hissed, baring his teeth. "There was someone else, wasn't there? Who the hell was it?"

"There wasn't—"

"Don't  _lie_ to me!"

"I'm not lying, Yami. There wasn't—"

"Bull-fucking- _shit_! That's crap and you  _know_ it!"

"Goddamn it, Yami—"

"I bet you had wet dreams about him!"

Yugi blinked, recoiling slightly before wrinkling his nose and blushing furiously; was it weird that the jealousy thing was kind of turning him on at the same time as it was infuriating to deal with?

"There wasn't—"

"Then why the  _hell_  are you  _blushing_?"

"My gods, you're infuriating!"

"I need a name! Who is he? Who is it that I'm still competing—"

"There's no comp—"

"Give me a name! I need to know who it is that has my aibou's attention. Was, had—is, has!" Yami gawked at him for a second and then looked pissed. "You're still interacting with him, aren't you? You interact with him on a daily basis! You see him at school, don't you?"

Yugi blinked and glowered, shaking his head. "Yami—"

"It's  _Espa_ , isn't it?! Now it  _all_  makes sense! That's why you're so  _convinced_ that Milky Way is possessed! That's why you had that dream that we were watching a movie that  _wasn't Jurassic Park_  and I said that we would have sex  _afterwards_!"

Yugi kind of wanted to smack him but mostly wanted to kiss him; he didn't know how the hell Yami was managing to pull this stuff out of thin air but at the same time he didn't care enough to question it completely because, as much as he had always thought he would hate it, a jealous Yami was really kind of hot…

"That's why you were so obsessed with holy water the other day!"

"Yami, stop—"

"You have fantasies about that religious nut!"

"No, I—"

"Oh my fucking god, you do! You so fucking do! I can't believe this!"

"I don't have a thing for—"

"You called me a nun the other day because he looks like a fucking girl with that haircut!" Yami cried, eyes widening drastically while Yugi sighed and shook his head; he had called him that because he forgot that nuns were women. "And now you're over here pretending that it isn't true because I figured it out and—"

"You know, Yami, if you're going to be like that, you can just go home and  _play with yourself_!" Yugi snapped angrily, blinking a few times as his words caught up with him and Yami's eyes widened drastically, the taller boy recoiling slightly before suddenly his lips curled up into a smug smirk and his eyebrows waggled playfully.

"Do you ever think of me doing that, aibou?"

He blinked, a little surprised by how quickly Yami had fallen into flirting with him again but then figured it was probably his statement and…there it went; his face was burning again. Yugi ducked his head; of course he had thought of it once or twice but that…it was innocent and—oh gods, it was a  _fleeting_ thought. It didn't stick around and—oh, but now that he was stuck like this with Yami's teasing, he couldn't help but think about it.

"I…I think I'm going to go inside now. And, um, grab my tub of ice cream and…watch things on Netflix," he mumbled awkwardly, nodding to himself once and clearing his throat awkwardly as he went to make a dash for the door only to have Yami catch his wrist, laughing.

"Not so fast, little one. I want to hear  _all_ about how you fantasize about me and—"

"No! No, no—not at  _all_!" he sputtered. "I—I never think about t-that—I don't…where did you even—just no."

Yami snorted and shook his head. "You're adorable when you're flustered."

The smaller teen opened and closed his mouth and stared at him, shaking his head. "I—I'm not flustered. I'm not flustered at all. I just—who  _says_ that kind of…? Oh my gods, I need to go watch TV now!"

"No, wait, come on, stay here with me for a second."

Yugi shook his head again but didn't pull away, chewing his cheek as he peeked inside; how did he get out of this situation? This was so insanely awkward that it wasn't even funny.

And he swore if Espa was brought back into the conversation…

"So, seriously, tell me some more about this charity event because if I hear it from Seto, I'm going to punch him for making this deal when he  _knows_ children are  _not_  my forte and I hate public events," Yami stated, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes.

Yugi blinked and bit back a sigh of relief at the subject change; at least it wasn't Espa and it certainly wasn't the slight wedgie he was definitely starting to get from his tightened pants.

"A six-day duelist tournament. You have to attend as a spectator until either someone challenges you, you challenge someone, or the numbers dwindle to the top twenty. You all have money tags for the amount that you're representing. The more you win, the more your money is doubled so that the benefactors will match the price that you're wearing in order to donate."

"You mean to tell me that it's pretty much grocery wars but instead of carts, we're dueling and trying to raise our value by winning?"

"Um…yes?"

Yami blinked and groaned, scrubbing at his face. "So, then what the fuck am I priced at?"

Yugi bit his lip and reached up to rub the back of his head awkwardly. "I, um…I actually don't know. Seto said he would figure out what they would price you at and—"

"Fucking hell, I'll be twelve bucks. I swear to Ra, they're going to price me so low that I'll actually be  _forced_ to duel and—"

"You're the entire reason that they're coming to duel in the first place, you're going to be priced the highest."

"Great. So, let's see how that goes. Five bucks, ten cents, a penny. Six  _days_ of this?"

"Mmhmm."

"Starting next week?"

"Yes."

"…I should have recognized the signs before."

"What?"

"You hate me and love Espa which is why you did this shit because he convinced you it was a good thing to do and it was 'holy-like' and all that shit," he growled, huffing and rolling his eyes as he shook his head in frustration.

Yugi blinked and narrowed his eyes, chewing his cheek before grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket; Yami jerked when he pulled and the smaller boy glared in frustration now that they were level.

"Shut up about Espa. I like dinosaurs. And I happen to be very happy not being religious so if you could just drop that altogether, it would be very nice—"

"You're a liar."

He couldn't help the small laugh at the way Yami sang the words, rolling his eyes before kissing him for a moment and pushing him away again. "I'm going back inside and you're going to go home and—"

"Wrong. I'm fucking climbing that tree and going into your room."

"I…No,  _what_?"

"Mmhmm. I'm totally going to do it because I have a right to creep into my boyfriend's bedroom all I want." He paused. "Which reminds me. You should start unlocking it at night."

Yugi blinked and then stared at him for a long minute and a half.

How…how did he know that he locked it at night?

He had told him before that he normally didn't lock it and now he was…

"Oh my fucking gods, you little shit!" the smaller boy laughed, shaking his head. "You tried to creep into my room before, didn't you?"

Yami opened his mouth to scoff and then tilted his head a little, studying him. "If I say yes, will you tell me one of your fantasies?"

"No."

"Then no, I have never tried your window."

"Yami, that's not even…" He shook his head.

"No, seriously, I haven't tried your window," he laughed. "But you remember when we were in your room the other day?"

"Yeah…?"

"I noticed that you had locked it. That's all."

"Oh. Well…good then."

"Oh shit, you actually sound disappointed."

"I—w-what? No I don't!" he cried indignantly, blushing.

Yami grinned widely. "You actually wanted me to have tried sneaking in through your window!"

"N…no…" He pursed his lips and glanced at the door; what were the odds that Yami would be able to stop him if he bolted that second?

"Oh, little one…"

"Hmm?"

"I'm still holding your wrist."

"What…?" The smaller boy blinked in confusion for a second, glanced at his boyfriend's hand, and then slowly looked to the doors and back again. "Oh…"

"All right, well, I need to get home anyways," he stated, chuckling at the slightly frustrated but mostly embarrassed expression that Yugi wore. "I think it's my night to help with dinner or something…"

"Oh, okay—"

Yami pressed a kiss to his cheek and nuzzled his skin for a second before muttering, "I'll call you later, okay?"

"We're not doing phone sex," Yugi hissed immediately, glaring. "I see that little light in your eyes. We're not doing it."

"You really do hate me."

"No."

"Mmhmm. You keep telling yourself that."

"Ugh, Yami—"

"Call you later, aibou."

"I—okay. Bye, Yami."

* * *

"What's wrong with going out alone to get some candy canes, Mana?" Yami grumbled, huffing as he took a seat and glanced at the clock and turned to his sister. "It's only a minute before five. It's light outside, the sun is just barely setting and you could probably walk to the store and back before it gets too dark. There are fucking children playing. It's nice out so I hardly see a reason for you to need someone else with you."

"Yami, please!" she whined. "You know I hate going places alone."

"In case you haven't noticed, Mana, I'm not the most intimidating person. I'm barely even tall enough to stand up to someone else. I mean, shit, the scariest thing I have going for me is my eyes and you sure as fuck can't see them in the dark."

"But it's still light outside!"

"Dear, dear, little sister, listen to me now, okay? I don't want to go."

"They're less likely to kidnap me or something if you're there with me."

"Or they could be like, 'Oh shit, there's a second one to sell on the black market!'"

" _Yami_!"

" _Mana_!"

" _Please_!"

Yami ground his teeth together, rolling his eyes, and got to his feet. "Fine, fine. God fucking damn it, let's go."

They had only gotten outside when the sunlight seemed to vanish altogether, Yami turning to his little sister and whispering, "The sun is gone. It's been swallowed whole by the embodiment of darkness. Death reigns supreme. Children are sobbing. You can't see your hand in front of your face. This is the end, Mana."

His sister turned and leveled him a look before growling, " _You're_  the embodiment of darkness, and I don't see you fucking swallowing the sun, Yami."

The teen blinked once and then huffed. "You're a cruel little bitch today, aren't you?"

"Come on! Let's just go already and get the candy canes!"

" _Fine_."

He followed her for a few minutes before she finally mumbled, "So, um, are you going to use your regular deck for the fundraiser or…?"

Yami groaned and rolled his eyes. "No, I figured I would shit some cards out and put them together," he sniped.

"Hey, I'm trying to make small talk."

"Why the fuck would you try that in the first place? You suck at it."

"Why are you so  _mean_?"

"Because I'm the oldest. We tend to grow a void in our hearts when our parents give birth to a second spawn. Like…why weren't we enough?"

Mana laughed and shook her head, glancing over her shoulder at him and growing curious when she saw that he was looking down the street. "Hey, do you know if Yugi duels too?"

"No." He paused. "Why?"

"Because, you idiot, you can have him duel too. Who knows? Maybe he could beat you. You should teach him."

Yami stayed quiet for a second and then narrowed his eyes. "I don't know if he would want to learn it anyways."

"You should teach him."

"…Why are you repeating yourself?"

"Ssh, I'm trying to see if hypnotism works. You should teach him."

"That's not going to happen."

"What? Why aren't you going to teach him?"

"I meant the hypnotism."

"So you  _are_  going to teach him?"

Yami stayed quiet for a second. "…I guess I should amend that statement and say that your hypnotism technique sucks balls and I shall repeat myself when I say, 'I don't know if he would want to learn it'." He rolled his eyes. "Anyways, besides that, I don't want to duel with Yugi."

"Selfish much?"

"What? How is that selfish?"

"You don't want to do it because you know he'll kick your ass if he does learn."

"No, I don't want to do it because I don't know if he would want to learn."

"You're also afraid of an ass whooping."

"Please," he scoffed, grinning widely, "if he spanked me, I'd enjoy that shit."

Mana blushed and glanced over her shoulder, blinking once before spinning around again. "Goddamn it."

"You set yourself up for that one."

"Go spank yourself."

"Anticlimatic, don't you think?"

"No, shut up. Go away."

"All right, I'll just go home and—"

"No!" she screeched, grabbing his arm immediately and refusing to let go.

" _Ra_ -fucking-damn it."

"Oh my god, we can go to Yugi's house! It's right next to the store and—"

"…You…want to teach me how to play Duel Monsters?" Yugi asked in confusion thirty minutes later, eyes wide as he watched his boyfriend shake his head while his sister looked extremely excited, nearly bouncing in place.

"Um…I have a feeling you already know how to, considering"—he gestured all around at the starter packs and various Duel Monsters merchandise, shooting his sister a frustrated glance that she stuck her tongue out at—"so, actually, before Mana interrupted, I meant to ask you if you would help me construct a new deck for the fundraiser and—Mana, you better fucking get  _away_ from there before I kick your ass so hard that you won't be able to walk straight."

Yugi blinked and looked over at where she was trying to open up the case and get to his grandpa's Blue-Eyes White Dragon card, eyes widening as she immediately stood up again and held her hands up.

"I wasn't going to take it or anything—"

"Bullshit. Your fingers are just as sticky as Bakura's."

She huffed. "That's clothing, Yami!"

"Funny. Because that Reese's cup you tried to steal didn't look like clothing."

The blonde ducked her head, blushing, and immediately moved away again before pointing at the card and saying, "I just thought it was cool considering that Seto has three of them, okay?"

Yami rolled his eyes and shook his head, turning back to his boyfriend, about to open his mouth only to fall silent when he spoke again.

"That's actually my grandpa's. He got it from his friend Arthur during one of the expeditions they went on together."

"Hmm,  _college_  must have been a nice time."

Yugi blushed and spun on him, hissing, "We don't talk about college!"

The older teen snickered and kissed his forehead before turning away again, glancing over at the Slifer starter pack and biting back a purr of pure amusement; as far as he knew, there were only actually six of the god cards in print that could be used in actual events and the others were all demo releases and were only allowed to be used in regular games between friends.

He had both copies of the red Egyptian god card, the American version Slifer the Sky Dragon and Osiris; he used them in alternation during events because it was fun to see some of the reactions when people online had commented about it.

Of course his fans loved the shit out of that god because he appeared almost every duel solely because Yami liked to make sure he did, and others claimed Slifer was the only reason he won anyways.

"I think we should discuss college."

"I don't think we should."

"But it could be fun."

" _No_!" Yugi snapped, shaking his head immediately, eyes firm. "We will  _not_ discuss college."

"What the fuck are you two even talking about?" Mana demanded, frustrated.

"None of your business," Yami growled, cutting her off before she could begin to complain about how unfair it was that they were keeping secrets from her, instead turning to Yugi and giving him a warning look. The smaller teen blinked once, twice, and then nodded and turned away immediately. "Now go back to staring at the card."

"But—"

"Go. Back. To. Staring. At. The. Card."

She huffed and held her hands up, turning away again while Yami looked at him.

"So, help me construct a new deck or…?"

He blinked and tilted his head before shrugging and nodding, smiling. "Sure."

"Great. Now…Mana and I need to go back and give Mom the candy canes she wanted and"—he gave his sister a shocked look when he found that she had somehow managed to grab the card and was now holding it in her hand triumphantly; fuck, did all of them know how to do that but him?—"then eat and go to bed."

Yugi followed his eyes and gawked. "What the hell?"

"You left the key on top of the register," she laughed, putting the card back in its little cushioned box in which Yami's eyes nearly bugged out of his head; was that…an engagement-ring-box-thing?

"Oh…Yeah, I knew I didn't put it back in place," the smaller boy commented, smiling a little before turning to Yami and blushing when he found that the other male was gaping at him, eyes still wide as moons and boring into his skin; he ducked and shook his bowed head, hoping he would leave it at that.

And, of course…he didn't.

"Is that an engagement-ring-box-thing?" he demanded in a hiss.

Yugi groaned and smacked his forehead with the heel of his palm. "Please, don't."

"We are  _so_ going to talk about college at some point. I swear to the gods."

"Yami, we need to go—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know." He narrowed his eyes at Yugi and then made a motion that he had his eyes on him to which the smaller teen huffed and said farewell before both of them wandered out of the store.

"I don't see why school choices should be such a big deal with you two," Mana snorted, oblivious.

"…Life choices and all that," Yami muttered, rolling his eyes. "Big changes."

* * *

"We will, we will,  _fuck you_!" both of them chanted, sharing a high-five and grinning widely.

"…I thought it was rock you," Yugi mumbled, confused.

"It is," Yami muttered, shaking his head with his hand over his face. "They're just…idiots."

"Don't be jealous because we came up with awesome lyrics and you didn't!" Bakura barked, wiggling his hips and making Yami shake his head harder.

"They aren't even your lyrics."

"Prove it."

"Fine. Let's look this shit up. I heard a variation of it a while back—we will fuck you."

"Please don't," Yugi said quietly, holding his hands up. "That would be really awkward and disturbing."

Yami, Bakura and Malik all leveled him blank stares, cleared their throats awkwardly, and wandered off into separate areas of the kitchen while Yugi blinked a couple of times in confusion and sighed with a shake of his head at the realization of what he had just implied.

"Anyways," Bakura grumbled, grabbing an apple from the bowl and wiping it against his shirt before taking a massive bite, "we're going to the park in a few minutes. You two want to tag along?"

"No. I don't feel like being arrested today," Yami retorted, glancing at his blond cousin who snickered and held his hands up. "Really not one for that today, honestly."

"Suit yourself," the silver-haired teen stated, turning and leading the way towards the door with Malik behind him; both of them waved dismissively and headed out while Yugi went and took a seat at the table.

The red-eyed teen wandered to the fridge, pulling out a pack of cookie dough and looking over the instructions on the back, tilting his head before going to the oven and grabbing a cookie sheet from the drawer compartment at the bottom; Yugi sat up a little at the way he crouched, eyes widening as he leaned forward and nearly did a face-plant.

By the gods, his butt was so  _cute_!

He kind of wanted to touch it and—nope, time to try to think about something else and…oh, but it was so  _cute_! He couldn't help but feel a little unhappy with how cute it was and not being able to touch it.

When Yami straightened again, Yugi was almost one-hundred-percent sure that he had lingered in that crouch a little too long, the idea only heightened when he saw the way that the side of the taller teen's mouth was curled up just the tiniest bit.

He'd been caught ogling.

But he wasn't about to apologize for it.

His butt was too cute to ignore.

_So cute_!

"So, according to this…I can either bake these cookies at four hundred degrees for ten minutes or four  _thousand_ degrees for one…" Yami announced, looking at the back of the wrapper and narrowing his eyes.

"Yami,  _no_. That is  _not_ how you bake cookies!"

"Floor it?" he asked, head jerking up to look at him with wild eyes.

"Yami,  _no_ ," he laughed.

"How about four  _million_ degrees for one  _second_?"

"Yami, you would burn the house down!"

" _Hush_! I must go harness the sun to bake some fucking cookies!"

"Oh my gods. Yami,  _please_ ," Yugi cried, laughing as the teen laid them out on the cookie sheet and started for the door with the statement, "I have a sun to go harness."

He sat at the table for a minute, waiting until Yami came back and huffed, "Experiment was a failure. I'm questioning the addition of aluminum foil."

"First you want to fuck pancakes—"

"Those pancakes were the most perfect pancakes in existence and if you were in my place, you would have wanted to fuck them too!"

"I  _highly_ doubt that."

"Screw that. I was hungry and I didn't get to eat before I went to bed and those pancakes were just  _too_ unnaturally perfect and how could you  _not_ want to fuck those things?!"

"You're such a mental patient."

He grinned widely. "I know. But you love it anyways."

Yugi laughed and nodded while he went about setting the oven temperature, leaning against the counter and humming; when he crossed his legs unconsciously, reading the back of the cookies' wrapping, the smaller teen found himself leaning forward again. Aw, his hips were so cute too!

Yami didn't immediately notice what he was doing until he found that the moment he looked up was the moment that Yugi nearly fell out of his chair; his own eyes wandered down his body, searching for some kind of oddity or something to have his attention so keenly and the smaller boy immediately straightened and pretended he hadn't been staring the entire time.

He raised a brow, checked his pants to make sure he hadn't gotten anything on them, and then stared at his boyfriend who tapped his nail against the table and refused to look over again.

"Were you just trying to check out Excalibur?"

"No," he squeaked, blushing as he continued staring straight forward.

"Why are you squeaking?"

"Because that question is so…"

"A question that you knew I would ask."

"N-no. I…Shut up."

Yami chuckled and shook his head, turning his attention back to the oven and huffing in annoyance; why weren't they baking faster?

"I  _knew_ I should have just gone with the aluminum."

"No, Yami, you don't bake cookies that way."

"Says  _you_."

"Who is best friends with two girls. I know how to make cookies."

Yami opened and closed his mouth before narrowing his eyes. "Tea and Rebecca taught you to make cookies, huh? Well, how about I teach you how to read palms?" he suggested, leaning forward.

"You…can read palms?" the smaller boy asked in shock, eyes widening as he straightened a little in his seat. "Teach me!"

"Sure, little one," he purred, wandering over to the table and taking his outstretched hand; the other boy leaned forward, trying to see something that Yami couldn't, and the taller teen traced a couple of patterns across his skin that made him shiver and giggle before leaning back with a nod.

"What? What did my palm say?"

"It says," he announced, leaning forward and fighting back a smirk, "it belongs…on my butt."

Yugi blinked, taken aback and furrowing his brows; what kind of reading was…? Oh!

"You're so mean," he laughed, smiling and shaking his head. "I should have known you couldn't read palms!"

"Touch the booty, slap the booty, let the booty know it's special," Yami challenged, narrowing his eyes while the other cracked up and shook his head again, leaning forward with his elbows against the table.

The timer went off and the taller teen got up, spinning around and gawking at the other boy when he smacked his ass with an innocent look, eyes wide and gleaming with laughter at his shock.

"I'm so going to get you back for that later, just you wait," he snorted, shaking his head and heading over to the stove.

"The palm wanted it!" he stated, nodding once before grinning. "The  _booty_ wanted it."

"Touché, little one," Yami commented, raising a brow before grabbing the tray out of the oven and straightening again; Yugi tilted his head, licking his lips and leaning forward a little, completely drawn in by the smell of cookies even as he stared at Yami's butt and couldn't help thinking of how cute it really was.

Yami was  _hot_  and his butt was  _cute_.

Yugi almost laughed at that.

* * *

"I'm antifeminist for the same reason I'm an atheist," Bakura announced as they all huddled around the TV in the living room two days before the event would take place, a week before Christmas.

"You don't believe that women exist?" Yugi blurted out, head snapping around to gawk at him from where he was laying on the floor with Yami's socked feet formerly under his chin; the other teen burst out laughing and shook his head as his boyfriend blinked a few times and pointed at Mana, crying out, "Then what the fuck is  _she_?"

The others cracked up and Yugi shook his head, still confused as he threw his hands up. "That might work for someone like Yami. I mean…he could be an atheist for all I know, because as far as that goes, who knows what the fuck religion he falls under. I mean, he obviously doesn't like Espa Roba's god because he chose dinosaurs over it so I guess that means he's an atheist because he doesn't believe in something that he can't see or touch and I  _suppose_ women are  _much_  like that for him but—"

" _Aibou_!" Yami cried, gawking as the others started howling with laughter at his accidental blunder.

"Oh shit! Somebody get him some  _ice_!" Malik crowed.

"Okay, but it has to be a dude," Mana snickered, smirking at her brother, "because he's going to freak the fuck out if he sees some floating ice coming over to him."

Yami groaned and pressed the heel of his palm into his forehead, shaking his head and sighing while Yugi tilted his head, wondering at which part of that statement he had—oh, oh gods!

He glanced at his boyfriend and covered his mouth, giggling behind his hands while the red-eyed teen continued shaking his head and the others cracked up harder at their expressions. The smaller boy reached out, unable to stop laughing, and mumbled, "Sorry."

"Fuck off," he snorted, rolling his eyes. "I swear to the gods, I'll never hear the end of this, will I?"

"Uh,  _fuck_ no," Bakura laughed. "That shit right there was fucking amazing."

"Goddamn it."

An hour later, Yugi found himself tired and half-asleep on the couch with his head in Yami's lap, both of them watching some kind of comedy that neither of them were really laughing at, and the others had wandered off—Bakura and Malik to go home and Mana upstairs to her room to give them some "love time" as she put it.

He was mostly asleep when he jolted awake, startled and confused and looking around in alarm; had something just bitten him? His flesh stung in that small spot and for a second he was so tired that he couldn't even grasp the source until finally he spun on his boyfriend who was struggling not to laugh out loud at his shock. Fingers pinched his left cheek again and Yugi let out a small squeak before sitting up and glaring at him.

"You're so mean!"

"You're the mean one," he retorted, narrowing his eyes and smirking. "Saying that I don't know what women are. You just gave them the perfect joke to throw back at me for the rest of my natural-born life."

Yugi huffed and scooted closer to him when the other boy wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him into his side. "That's okay though. Just don't tell them but I once had a dream that scientists were trying to use a really shitty yearbook photo of mine to prove that humans came from goats." The smaller boy blinked wide eyes and then stared at him in confusion and a little bit of skepticism; did a bad photo of Yami even  _exist_? The taller teen smirked and reached up to scratch his cheek. "I was so insulted that I woke up."

The smaller boy couldn't stop laughing, breathing out, "Shit" as his boyfriend snickered next to him; he fell asleep a half hour later, cuddled in his lap and woke to his boyfriend awkwardly trying to moving him, hissing under his breath that he had to go pee and if he didn't move, he would definitely end up pissing on him.

The other teen scrambled out of his lap and his boyfriend shot off towards the bathroom across the hall from the laundry room, Yugi sitting up and stretching his limbs out as he rubbed his eyes and Yami returned a few minutes later, looking so relieved that it made him crack up.

Two hours later his cousins were back, including Seto and Mokuba, the former handing them their plane tickets while his little brother asked Malik if he could get him more brownies; when the blond said he would do it, the brunet stopped short of handing Yugi his ticket, turned his head, and said, "Do it, Malik. Buy him some of those brownies. I swear on your mother that the police won't find any proof."

"That has to be the most beautiful thing I've heard all week," Yami stated, wiping imaginary tears from his eyes while the CEO glared at him and rolled his eyes.

"Guess you haven't gotten laid  _yet_  then."

"He'll be a virgin forever," Bakura snorted, laughing.

Yugi blinked when Yami looked over with narrowed eyes, about to say that he was sure they wouldn't be virgins  _forever_ , just for…a  _while_ , but then he noticed that startlingly fierce wonder on his face and grew curious before his eyes widened drastically. His grandpa had told him about the deal he made with his mom over that piece of pie!

He blushed and ducked his head, staring at the ground, and Yami tilted his head; what the fuck flavor was that pie? Solomon hadn't told him.

Fucking Solomon.

With his crazy ass and giving his cousins weed and shit.

And  _not_ telling him about this fucking pie flavor.

Gods, he would never forgive him for withholding such important information.

"Go to hell," he grumbled at his cousin; he had to figure out what the flavor of that pie was. Because he  _planned_ to make love to his little aibou at  _some_ point in his life. And, besides, with the way that Yugi had been staring at his ass all afternoon the day before, he didn't think he had to ask if he was curious about it too.

"Couldn't come up with something?"

"Don't make me have to summon a demon to rape you up the ass too."

"Oi, okay, Satan, calm down," his mom chided.

Yugi looked around. "I don't see her."

"What?" the Egyptian ambassador asked, blinking and looking around as Yugi had done before his eyes widened. "Wait… _her_?"

"Yes, where is she?"

"Here I am!" Mana said, jumping down the last couple of steps.

Yugi's eyes grew wide in horror. "Oh my gods, she can  _talk_?"

"She's been able to do that since she was two," Seto muttered, frowning and casting a glance at his blonde cousin. "Although, many of us wish she  _couldn't_."

"Hey!"

"I thought she was only eight months old!" Yugi cried, spinning on his boyfriend with wide eyes; Yami blinked at him once, then twice, and finally glanced around slowly. "You said she was eight months old!"

"The hell is he talking about?" Bakura asked slowly, looking around. "And what the hell are you  _looking_  for?"

Yami held a finger up and wandered off before coming back downstairs a few minutes later, Milky Way in his arms, waggling his eyebrows at his boyfriend. "All hail Satan!"

"…You just called your cat Satan," his dad commented slowly, blinking.

"Yes, why yes I did," he agreed, combing his fingers over her fur. "Yugi's convinced she's possessed."

"He wouldn't think that if TV shows weren't so pathetic these days," the ambassador huffed, shaking his head and turning away. "Stupid things like MTV teach children that cats are the devil and their owners should embrace that. When I was younger, I had my sanity intact. These stupid shows didn't pollute my brain."

Yami chuckled and rolled his eyes as he set the she-cat on top of the counter where she paced a few steps away and took a seat, blinking and watching all of them curiously.

"See, I actually made something of myself because I didn't have MTV to fuck up my life choices and make me stupid," he announced, shifting to sit back in his seat. "I wanted to become the ambassador of Egypt and I did."

Yami tilted his head. "My goal in life is to be  _so_  hot that no one can pronounce words right when they attempt to speak to me," he commented, glancing at Yugi sideways. "I have succeeded on my first victim."

"Goddamn narcissist," Aknamkanon mumbled, sipping at his mug of coffee and rolling his eyes. "It has to be your mother's genes."

"That's not t…Okay, yeah it is," she conceded, shrugging and sipping at her own beverage.

"I'm so hot that modesty doesn't  _exist_ wherever I am."

"Put it back in your box, Yami. Put it  _back_ ," Seto grumbled, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

"He'll be a nudist one day," Yami's father commented, shaking his head and sighing. "He's going to be a fucking nudist. And it'll all because MTV said it was okay to do so."

Yami started laughing and shook his head, leaning against the counter and reaching over to pet his cat who purred and licked his hand before turning away again; Yugi was staring at her when he mumbled, "Fucking Satan" and jerked backwards when she raised her head and stared at him.

His boyfriend burst out laughing, biting his tongue and rolling his eyes as he shook his head. "Oh, poor sweet, little aibou," he commented.

"Stop that," Yugi hissed, frowning at him. "She knows how demonic she is. That's your proof right there."

"Actually that was Mokuba opening a can of her food and her waiting for him to put it in her bowl," Seto stated, smirking. "Geez, with the way you're acting, I would think you were with that nutcase Espa Roba instead of Yami—"

Yugi spun on the red-eyed teen. "Oh my gods, you spread that  _around_?"

Yami stared in confusion for a second and then dissolved into laughter, doubling over and spitting, "Aw, fuck!" in between his chuckles.

"Wait, spread what around?"

"Oh my Ra, oh my fucking Ra," Yami choked, sobbing.

"This isn't funny!" Yugi whined. "It's not true and you're—Stop it!"

"What's not true?" Mana demanded. "What's not true? What did he spread around?"

"He—he…!" Yami couldn't breathe, curling into a ball on the floor, sobbing and going red in the face. "Oh…my…fucking… _Ra_!"

" _Yami_!"

* * *

He took the train to get to the airport on time; he had woken up late, he was cranky, and his grandpa had been all about letting him sleep through his alarm with a comment somewhere along the lines about how he should be happy that he wasn't so constantly on his tail about everything.

Yugi was pretty sure that he was doing this because he didn't want him to go to San Francisco without him like he had insisted; he didn't want to have him trying to talk him into spending the holidays over with Rebecca and Arthur because, as much as he loved those two, he knew Yami wouldn't have been happy about it and refused to push him into more than he already had.

Yami was on the train purely for the experience of taking the train; he had never been on one and it was something that he had convinced his parents and cousins to let him do despite them talking about how horrible it all was because public transportation apparently sucked.

He didn't think it was too horrible; then again, he was a little too excited to have anything crash his mood just yet, so that might have been why. The good thing about the train was that there wasn't much to do aside from sit and think and if he had had the others with him, it would have been far more stressful.

Bakura and Malik had been fighting and placing bets and throwing things at each other while Seto had been playing mediator until Mokuba had nearly gotten his head taken off by poking his head out the window and nearly pressing his face against a car that was speeding next to them. And Mana, Ra bless her, had been playing the most annoying animal game in existence on her DS next to him, the volume all the way up and drumming into his ears every second that he had tried to relax.

At some point he was pretty sure his heart had started playing in beat with one of the more annoying tunes and he had nearly cut her head off when she complained that the dog she was raising wasn't doing what she wanted.

So the strange atmosphere that made up the entirety of the train was relieving by all means and his head was on straight again; he was enjoying himself. Until he spotted the other teen a few seats down, sitting diagonal of him, head against the window and eyes half open.

Yami tilted his head and scooted to the end of his seat, staring at him with bright eyes; he was just so cute! But the fact that he wasn't looking really was starting to irk him. Horribly.

And that really begged the question of  _where the hell_ he was looking in the  _first_ place.

Yugi shifted as if he could feel him staring, lifted his head a little, and then moved to press more of his weight into the wall and look out the window.

Yami scoffed and folded his legs, feeling a scowl start to form on his face as he let out a small huff of air and narrowed his eyes into a glare; how dare he look outside when he was in the same place as him?

Okay, so Yugi didn't know that he was there and he didn't really need all of his attention all the time, but he was excited by the smaller boy's presence and it was definitely proving impossible not to be a little irritated by the lack of focus he was given.

He stared as intensely as he could, trying to burn his skin with his eyes, leaning forward some so that he had his arms across his thighs, and licked his lips, waggling his brows when he thought he saw Yugi blink.

Regardless, the other boy still didn't look and Yami was starting to lose his mind now.

The teen let out a small growl and the noise drew the attention of several bystanders, all of them startled and confused when he suddenly blinked and tilted his head; there was a completely unrelated idea in his mind and he couldn't shake it off no matter how hard he tried.

He blinked again and wondered if he could still do it, glancing around slowly and finding that no one was looking at him anymore; apparently the growl only merited a second's worth of attention. He turned back and huffed when he found that Yugi still wasn't looking at him.

But now his attention wasn't really the focus of his thoughts anymore and Yami found himself settling into a surprisingly comfortable seating arrangement, closing his eyes halfway and focusing in on his nose.

For a split second he remember when Malik had attempted to lick his nose and had ended up doing so to Yugi on Thanksgiving when they had finally arrived, but shook it off in favor of focusing on his own again.

He narrowed his eyes, opening his mouth and slowly sticking his tongue out; if he got to touch his nose, he was going to be a happy little red-eyed Japanese-Egyptian boy. He licked his lips once and then stretched the muscle as far as he could, feeling it ache from where his teeth pressed into it unconsciously and slowly made the tip move upwards…

Yugi blinked when he saw something pink, confused and startled out of his mind as it was the first thing he had gotten his eyes on the moment he had jerked himself out of almost being asleep again.

Oh, Yami was there.

He blinked and tilted his head; what the hell was he doing there?

…Wait…what the hell was he  _doing_?

The smaller teen felt his lips part slightly, blinking in surprise before reaching up to cover his mouth, shaking with laughter as he started snickering.

The other boy was so caught up in his task that when he finally touched the tip of his nose he only noticed Yugi because he wanted to make sure he  _hadn't_ witnessed his little game. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head, cheeks rapidly growing heated and deep red to match his gaze, mouth opening slightly in a small "o" shape.

The gods fucking hated him.

They hated him so they let him embarrass himself in front of his boyfriend.

Asshole deities.

Yugi glanced around and then got up and Yami shifted awkwardly in his seat before smiling, nearly laughing in embarrassment, as the other teen took the spot in front of him, reaching over with his legs and wrapping his feet around his ankles.

"Hi."

"Hey, what's up?"

"Besides that  _spectacular_ display of your tongue power? Not much."

"Mm…tongue power," Yami drawled, the words foreign and strange but amazing all the same. "Tongue. Power."

"Power of the tongue."

"Power _ful_ tongue."

"Just the right amount of power for a tongue."

"We are such weirdoes," he snickered, smiling at the other boy.

"I'm still half asleep. So I'm…you know, subdued for now. Wait until I wake up and actually do things and then start blurting stuff out," Yugi mumbled, moving to settle back into the seat with his eyes closed. "Then we'll see how much crazier I'll be than your little tongue-touching-nose experiment."

Yami smiled and leaned forward, studying him for a second with his chin in his hands, the other teen seeming almost relaxed enough to fall asleep. "I have no doubt that you'll win this."

Yugi snorted and opened his eyes, looking at him through his lashes. "Damn straight I will," he snickered, smiling just enough to meet his eyes before yawning and stretching his arms out.

"This was your idea, you know."

"Oh my gods, please stop," he whined pitifully. "I don't want to feel guilty yet. Give me like…three hours and then you can point out how stupid I was to suggest it to Seto without your consent."

Yami chuckled and reached out to touch his knee, startling him slightly before he relaxed again. "Two hours and that's all. Then I'm going  _all out_ with my complaints. Understand, pretty boy?"

Yugi glared for a second and then nodded, smiling a little before closing his eyes.

"Come sit over here and I'll wake you up when we get to the airport."

"No, I suck at actually waking up when you tell me to. We'll go riding right past the airport if you let me sleep."

Yami opened his mouth to argue, considered, and instead nodded slowly; odds were, if Yugi fell asleep on him, he would be distracted enough to forget the name of the airport's train station anyways. And gods, if he didn't  _want_ to miss it just for the hell of it. But Yugi was excited about it and, just like with the rollercoaster, as long as he was happy, he would go with him.

So, half an hour later, both of them got off, Yugi yawning again before dragging Yami along by the hand, their fingers twined together and the smaller boy smiling at him every now and then before they found their way through security and to the gate where his family was already waiting.

"Hello, Yugi," his mom greeted.

"Hi, Mrs. Sennen." He blinked once, then twice, and slowly looked at Yami. "I did just greet the right person…right?"

Yami threw his head back, laughing. "Yes, little one, you did."

"Oh, okay, good."

"You seem pretty tired," his father murmured.

Yugi stared for a second, confused before glancing at Yami and then at the ambassador and back, mumbling, "Aren't you going to answer him?"

"Oh my gods," Yami snickered, covering his mouth. "Shit."

"What?"

"He was talking to  _you_."

"Oh…Oh!" Yugi blushed and turned back to his boyfriend's father, blinking and fighting off a pitiful whine. "Oh, um, y-yes, I'm…yes, I'm really tired. Sorry, I um…yeah, I'm really tired."

"At this rate, I'm starting to wonder if there's any point where this kid isn't hilariously awkward," Bakura commented, smirking. "Makes me want to steal him from you even more, Yami."

"You touch him and I swear I'll tear your spine out and—"

"Ssh! Ssh! Goddamn it, Yami," his dad hissed, making a movement with his arms to lower his voice. "Not in public. Never in public. Someone tears his spine out and you're the first one they'll suspect."

"You have the fucking most awesome, laidback parents ever," Yugi commented a little loudly, trying to whisper and then frowning in confusion when the others started snickering.

"Yeah, yeah, I know I do," he chuckled, rolling his eyes and ruffling Yugi's hair playfully. "Hey, so when we get on the plane, you can sleep and then I'll wake you up, okay?"

The smaller teen nodded eagerly, smiling brightly at the thought of sleep.

"And then, the moment you wake up, I'm going to  _bitch_ like nobody's business."

Yugi opened his mouth to object and then nodded slightly after a moment, sighing softly. "Okay," he mumbled, smacking his lips together and pursing them. "But can I smack your ass when you do?"

Yami stopped short, eyes wide in shock, and Malik gawked and then huffed, "What the fuck? How the fuck do you get that fucking awesome? Like what? I mean, he bitches at you and you offer to smack his ass. Like…you know how amazing that shit is?"

"Dude, I'll pay you two hundred bucks to break up with him now and let me be his new boyfriend."

"Ssh!" Yugi mumbled, glaring at them and then turning back. "So, um…can I smack your ass when you do or…? No?"

Yami blinked once and then snickered, reaching up and scratching the back of his head, glancing around before turning back with an incredulous look. "Like…spanking or…?"

"Damn it, Yami, don't push your luck!" Bakura hissed, waving his hands wildly.

Yugi opened his mouth to answer but followed Yami's eyes when he saw the way that he was staring at his cousin, blinking and tilting his head in shock at the sight of the silver-haired teen's movements. "…You look like you're signaling an airplane to land."

The others started snickering and Bakura slowly put his hands back in his lap, narrowing his eyes while Yugi turned back slowly with a slightly hopeful look, mumbling, "No, I just want to smack your ass. Can I?"

"We need to talk to him about sex again," his mom whispered in her husband's ear; his dad slowly turned his head, looked at them for a moment, and then turned back with a shrug.

"I don't see them doing much besides actually smacking each other's asses."

"Ah, the supportive father role. It looks good on you."

"Everything looks good on me."

"And I'm the narcissistic one."

"…Yeah, okay," Yami agreed after a moment, blushing at the way that Yugi's eyes grew wide and excited and he lunged forward to hug him so tightly that he stumbled backwards slightly.

"Yay. I get to smack your tushy."

"…Wow, what an awkward word."

" _Tushy_ ," Yugi mumbled, dragging the word out before seeming to grow heavier in his arms; Yami started laughing and ran his hands over his sides so that the smaller boy scrambled to get away and hid behind Seto's seat, glaring at him over the brunet's shoulder.

"You're an asshole."

"I know. It's my profession."

* * *

Yugi let him get three words out and then swatted his ass, blinking at him innocently when he stopped short with wide eyes and glared; for a moment they stared at each other and then Yami hissed, "Son of a bitch."

"You said I could."

"…You…you…" He scoffed and grabbed his arms, pulling him into him so that their lips pressed together; the taller boy stumbled backwards with him in his grip, moving his right leg to wrap around his waist while his boyfriend blinked in shock and then pulled back, eyes wide.

Yami tilted his head in question and the smaller teen blinked before licking his lips and mumbled, "You know…'kissing' is kind of weird word." For a long second he just stared at his lips, reaching up after a moment to run his fingers over them just enough to make his mouth open for him. The smaller teen stared at his mouth for a moment, drifting his thumb over his lips before looking up and grinning widely. "I like the term 'face battle' better."

Yami blinked and Yugi's thumb slipped when he asked, "Face battle?" before glancing at his finger and nipping the pad, the smaller boy blinking before smiling widely.

"Yeah," he commented, moving his index finger to tap him on the nose, his smile growing more pronounced as those red eyes brightened even as he scrunched his nose up. "Like someone says…'May I challenge you to a face battle, my good sir?'"

Yami chuckled and nipped his thumb again, snickering, "Face battle me in the rain."

Yugi snorted, laughing and shaking his head before pressing their lips together again; for a minute he was happy and then Yami pushed him away, startling him.

"Fucking hell, Yugi, if you could just… _moan_ a little for me, that would be  _great_."

The blue-violet orbs grew wider in shock, blinking before looking him over in confusion.

"Your moans are… _super_ important to me so just— _Ra_ , Yugi, pump up the volume! Just  _moan_. It's  _hot_ , okay?"

Yugi blushed, face feeling too hot for him to think straight for a split second before he let out a soft laugh with a shake of his head.

"Or you could laugh," the taller teen muttered, slightly wistful as he traced his fingers over his sides and gained a shiver of delight from him. "I don't think there's a better sound to hear…"

Two hours later Yugi really wished that he had been able to make Yami keep that happy spirit he had when they were in the hotel room checking in and just generally kissing and touching and joking around. Because now he was pissy and pouting and refused to say anything that wasn't a soft sneer or hiss of "I hate you."

Which was exactly why he had just said it again.

The mall worker dressed as Santa wandered by and Yugi turned to him with a huge grin, hoping to diffuse some of the frustration. "You're on the naughty list already, Yami. You don't want to be marked as the  _naughtiest_ , right?"

Yami curled his lips back and growled, "Santa. Isn't. Real."

Yugi flinched at the volume he used as several smaller kids passing by turned their heads but didn't seem to know what he had said so they continued walking. "Shut. Up," he hissed, glaring in frustration.

He made a nonverbal sneer and continued sulking in the seat they were given to overlook the duels going on; the entire ground floor had been blocked off for this entire event and two other malls were doing the same. Yami was to watch the event in the event's main mall, on a little in-stage podium…thing that they had made for them and the benefactors. The latest Kaiba Corp technology—holograms attached to a duel disk and Duelist IDs—were to be used and—and the World Champion was…being anything but happy about what was currently going on. Yugi had a feeling he would have a better chance of getting a mule to kiss him than making the red-eyed teen lose his frustrated undertone of an attitude.

"Oh come on, Yami! You're meeting your American fans and  _everything_! Don't be sulky," he tried, smiling widely because he refused to have his boyfriend so unhappy if he could help it.

"I will  _sulk_ all I  _want_ to," Yami hissed, glaring at him.

"Okay, well, you know, it's  _not_ very attractive so…" he sighed.

"And you say you love me," he scoffed.

"I do!" he blurted out, blushing at how desperate he sounded and the attention he attracted; he stared at a girl until she looked away, huffing in frustration.

"Then you should  _cherish_ the sulk!"

Yugi found himself biting his lip to keep from laughing and admitting that he had a small bit of a thing for that sulk he was putting on; he was just so  _cute_ when he was sulking and he loved it and he wanted to kiss the sulk away so that he would melt into him and…wow, he needed to stop while he was ahead.

"Mm, now isn't that cute?" Yami purred next to him.

"Pay attention, okay?" he whispered weakly, blushing harshly and listening to the referee with the microphone explaining the rules, watching as Yami huffed and turned away, shaking his head.

"And the long-awaited Christmas Charity Tournament is almost ready to begin!"

"Bet you can't say that five times fast," Yami muttered before sighing and turning to him with a frown. "And you're  _sure_ you don't want to duel?"

Yugi nodded immediately. "Yes."

"Says he loves me. Won't even  _duel_ for me."

"You know this isn't cute!" he objected weakly, blushing and fighting the urge to duck his head.

" _Everything_ is cute when it involves you," Yami snickered, purring and leaning a little closer to him.

" _Please_ stop," Yugi breathed out, blushing harder and swallowing thickly.

The taller teen opened and closed his mouth twice and then snarled, " _Fine_ " with a loud sigh, crossing his arms and sulking; Yugi blinked once and then quickly moved to peck him on the cheek, ducking his head and missing it when Yami blushed faintly, but shivering when he caught the purr in the air.

He was still kind of reminiscing about the purr two hours later when Yami had long since gone quiet and started studying the duels that had been going on, occasionally speaking and predicting the winner for a game when things got tight and Yugi was unsure of who would make it to the next round; now they were looking through his deck and the other two decks he had, both of them studying the cards thoughtfully.

Yami wasn't really talking but he occasionally made the random comment, sometimes about the duels going on below or the new deck or about how cute he was and a thanks for helping him; Yugi was happily commenting on who he thought would win or which monsters were his favorite or just plain blushing and stumbling over his words when the other male praised something about him or gave a thank you.

"Oh my god, it really  _is_ you!" a new voice cut into their little deck-building exercise, making Yugi stop short and look at Yami and then at the newcomer who strutted—yes,  _strutted_ because there was  _no_ way that was a normal walk—around the table to stand in front of his boyfriend.

Yami raised his head slowly, tilting his head. "Me? Well  _duh_. Who else would they call the World Champion?"

"Yami Atemu Sennen," the blonde stated, drawing his name out like some kind of sinful pleasure, Yugi's skin crawling in alarm and shock at her forwardness.

"Wow, the name must have been first  _subtle_  clue and  _then_  you unraveled the mystery like a  _regular_  motherfucking  _Sherlock_."

The woman blinked in shock and Yugi bit his lip, ducking his head and failing to contain his laughter, quickly burying his face in his arms while Yami glanced at him and grinned, chuckling softly.

"Someone is in a sore mood," she stated coldly, glaring at the red-eyed teen briefly.

"Your deduction skills are amazing."

"Don't be mean," Yugi managed to get out between his laughter as he nudged him in the ribs and gave him a pleading look.

Yami scoffed and let out a loud huff, rolling his eyes and sitting farther back in his chair before sighing and smiling at him warmly. "Fine, I'll be nice…For you."

"Thank you," he mumbled so softly that he thought the other boy didn't hear it, going about sitting up straighter and reaching over to tap Osiris. "I really want to see you play him."

Yami smirked and looked the card over. "Sure, aibou," he stated simply, passing it to him. "Put him in the new deck and we'll see how it works out."

"Okay!" he exclaimed, eyes bright as he held the card. "He is so awesome."

"I know, right?"

Yugi grinned at the wink he was given and placed the god card in the new deck they were forming in the center of the table; the woman leveled a stare at the smaller teen, smirking as she commented, "Oh how  _cute_. You have a miniature version of you as your secretary."

Yugi didn't have to look to realize just how badly she had overstepped her boundaries with that little statement, swallowing hard as Yami stiffened, bristling beside him even though his eyes stayed completely blank, staring at her as he asked, "Excuse me?"

"Yami, don't," he murmured immediately, casting him a glance and shaking his head; they didn't need a fight—verbal or physical—and the comment was hardly anything worth the offense that Yami had taken towards it.

"But she…!" he started, opening and closing his mouth once before scowling and nodding. "Fine. Fine, whatever."

"It's kind of cute how you're letting your secretary  _pretend_  to tell you what to do. I have to say, I love a guy who isn't afraid of a little roleplay," she teased, purring.

Yami merely blinked at her. "Then you would be  _sorely_  disappointed with me," he replied coldly, leaning forward and seeming to size her up. "So why exactly are you flirting with me?"

"It's not so much flirting when you  _know_  you  _belong_  with them," she stated, smirking. "It's more… _reminding_  them who they belong  _to_."

Yami tilted his head. "Oh, I don't know. I  _flirt_  with my  _boyfriend_  all the time."

"Cute. Boyfriend. As if. I don't have one," she scoffed.

"That…went  _right_  over your head, didn't it, dear bottle blonde?"

"The name's Mai. You should remember that. For when you're screaming it later."

"Cute. You think I'm  _interested_  in you," he snorted, raising a brow.

"I most certainly have your attention right now, hot stuff," she scoffed.

"You should know it's more pity than anything else, my dear."

"Pet names already," she purred softly. "I  _like_."

"Hmm, well that makes  _two_  of you, doesn't it,  _little one_?"

Yugi bit back some laughter and looked up, smiling slightly at him.

"That right there, talking to _him_  instead of  _me_? Not. So. Cute," she hissed, raising her brow and giving Yugi a challenging look.

"Is that the  _only_  word you know?"

"Uno wordo!" Yugi blurted out immediately, blinking and blushing as he felt her gaze harden as she stared at him coldly.

"Oh so you  _can_ talk," she murmured. "I was starting to think you were a mute."

Yami smiled a little at Yugi and moved to press his leg against the smaller boy's with a curious comment of "I'm honestly surprised he lasted  _this_  long. Normally he cracks a  _lot_  sooner."

The smaller boy's blush came back with a vengeance and only grew tenfold when he swallowed hard and found that Yami was smiling fondly at him as he murmured, "Seems television cures your little outbursts."

"My boyfriend is worth four million dollars…"

"Tell me you aren't about to start repeating that again, aibou," he snorted, pausing as he tilted his head and stared at him thoughtfully. "Then  _again_ , it  _was_  awesome to hear you mumbling like that. Hot as hell. So please continue your repetition of the price for my duel."

Yugi blushed at the reminder of his little ramblings when the tournament had been first announced and Yami had stood up, winking at the camera when they stated he was there and the price his duel stood at it.

"Hush you."

The taller teen snickered, opening his mouth.

"Uh,  _hello_?  _Still_  here."

Yami turned to her with a cold glare and then gestured all around with a dismissive flick of his wrist, snarling, "And obviously no one gives a flying fuck. You have a duel disk so go  _duel_."

"Oh how  _adorable_. You think you can boss me around!"

"Oh yes.  _Adorable_ ," he spat, scowling. "It's so adorable it makes me want to gouge your eyes out."

Yugi turned to him with bright eyes. "Gouge is a nice word. I  _like_  it."

Yami purred, nodding. "It is. It  _is_  a nice word, isn't it?  _Very_  nice."

" _Mmhmm_! Fun to say too."

" _Isn't_  it? Almost  _too_  much fun!" He paused and then looked at her and snapped his fingers, pointing and gesturing, snarling a cold, "Get the fuck off my podium-stage-thing and find yourself a fucking duel somewhere to participate in."

She opened her mouth to argue with him and he held his hand up and snapped his fingers again.

"Fuck off."

Yugi blinked when she went to respond and got the same treatment, the gesture repeated the next twelve times until she finally huffed and stomped off in that weird strut that made the smaller boy blink a few times.

Yami turned back to his deck and spread a few cards out for him to pick one to put in the deck.

"You know, you shouldn't get so mean," Yugi commented, blushing when those red eyes focused in on his and burned their way into his blood like lava beneath his skin.

"You're my little one and I'll protect you any way I see fit," he replied curtly. "If that means having a verbal smackdown with…a really retarded blonde, I will do it."

"You don't have to protect me from—"

"She insulted you," he growled softly, cutting him off and giving him an apologetic glance a second later when he saw the startled look on his face. "I don't like people insulting you. Or…looking at you like that. And if I get the chance to stop it, I'm going to."

Yugi opened his mouth to object, maybe to say that he could do that himself, but he stopped immediately because he knew he couldn't; or at least, that he  _wouldn't_. Not for himself. For Yami, yes, but not for himself.

* * *

The next day, Yugi found himself glancing at him and then back at the duels and blushing to the point that he was pretty sure he was going to get a fever. "Yami."

The other teen didn't look up, asking, "Hmm?"

"You're staring at my crotch," Yugi stated, shifting awkwardly. "Like…really staring. As in…anyone around us could tell what you're looking at—please stop looking at it!"

Yami pursed his lips. "I can't help it."

"Yami…"

The taller teen huffed and sulked as Yugi shifted again awkwardly. "So  _first_  you say I can't kiss you on TV—"

"Uh, actually that was Seto."

"—then you  _also_  say that I can't _touch_ you on TV—"

"Um…that was  _also_  Seto."

"—and  _now_  you wish to further ruin me by saying that I can't  _stare_  at you?"

"No, Yami, you can  _stare_  all you want—just  _above_  the waist."

"But…I want you  _below_  the waist too!"

"You can't have that right now. So just…stop looking at it."

Yami leveled him a glare, narrowing his eyes. "Your cruelty is astounding."

"Yami, seriously, come on. We're on TV and you're  _staring_  at my  _crotch_. How do you  _not_  see the problem with that?"

"Problem? There's no  _problem_. I am looking at something I want out of its cozy little home in your jeans and under your boxers. Cause I really,  _really_  want to see it at  _some_  point." Yami paused and pursed his lips. "Can't we just…flash each other a little?"

" _Oh my gods, Yami_!" he cried, gawking at him in shock.

"Fine," the taller hissed, scowling. "You're a liar."

"Huh?"

"You don't love me. Because if you  _did_ , you would let me  _see_  him!"

Yugi rolled his eyes. "Guilt trip is  _not_  working, Yami."

" _Goddamn it all_!" the other boy snarled.

Everyone in the "stadium" looked at him in pure shock.

Yami continued sulking, sitting back and crossing his arms, shaking his head. "I hate you. I hate that fucker over there. I hate him—and her—and them. I hate  _everyone_!"

Yugi blushed and then giggled after a moment.

"Oh yes, Yugi," Yami snarled, glaring angrily, " _Laugh_  at my misfortune!  _Laugh_  at my disappointment! Fucking  _laugher_!"

Yugi blushed harder and bit his lip. "I can't help it. It's just…you're so…Oh my god. Ha."

"So what?" Yami asked, eyes widening slightly in curiosity as he leaned forward a little. "What am I…so…?"

Yugi blinked and stared at him for a moment before swallowing hard and shaking his head slowly, whispering a soft, "You're infuriating."

"I'm going to take that as a compliment."

It was definitely a compliment.

* * *

Yugi wasn't really sure why he caught his attention until the moment that his hair gleamed under the fluorescents and a streak of dark teal shown for a second among the messy brown spikes, eyes wide in shock. What the hell?

Was that…natural?

He blinked as his boyfriend glanced at him and raised his eyebrows, obviously unimpressed; had he seen what Yugi just had? How could he  _not_ be impressed by it?

"Well,  _hello_ , Green Eyes! How are  _you_?"

"Uh…good…?" the boy muttered, eyes wide as he glanced around awkwardly.

Yami snorted and looked at Yugi, eyes widening and a million different shots of insecurity surging through him as he mumbled, "Yugi…?"

Yugi opened and closed his mouth, glancing at his boyfriend before shooting forward and running over to the other boy. "Your hair is  _magnificent_!"

"What…the fuck…?" Yami sputtered, eyes wide as he took in the scene in front of him; his aibou was…touching that bastard's  _hair_! He had his hands in his hair and—!

Oh, that was it! This fucker was going down.

The boy awkwardly glanced at Yugi with some kind of flushed  _lovesick_ expression that no one else but Yami saw.

"T-thank you…?"

Two hours later Yami was pacing their hotel room, eyes darting around the room as he clenched his jaw and tightened his hands into fists in his jacket; by the gods, how the fuck had that little rat managed to get Yugi's attention like that?

Was it really his hair or…?

He froze and his head snapped around to study his boyfriend who was fast asleep under the covers, looking beyond adorable and sweet in his little blissfully unaware state, his entire body tensing and his breathing coming out a little rougher than he thought was possible.

Son of a bitch.

That teal-eyed fucker was the one who had been Yugi's admirer before, wasn't he?

What if he was at the tournament just to get close to Yugi again and planned to steal him away from him?

He snarled loudly and Yugi was immediately awake, startled and looking around before spotting Yami disappear into the bathroom. He yawned and snuggled back into his pillow; Yami had probably just gotten up to use the bathroom and the door had creaked a little.

* * *

"He's awkward and boring," Yami hissed when he saw Yugi still looking at the little bastard, growing frustrated as he added, "He doesn't  _do_  anything but cheer his brothers on."

Hermos and Critias. Those two little fucks were way bigger than him and he had no doubt that if he started a real fight with this loser "Timaeus" those bastards would jump in the middle of it.

So he couldn't attack him like he had originally planned to.

The smaller boy gave him a slightly puzzled, hurt frown. "Yami…that's all  _I'm_  doing too."

"Yes, but  _you_  are adorable and that makes  _all_  the difference," he stated firmly.

He couldn't help it when he smiled and shook his head. "Whatever you say."

Ten minutes later Yami found himself feeling his blood growing hot in his veins with pure anger. He didn't fucking do that with his hair. Yami couldn't even— "Get your hands  _out_  of his hair!" he snapped.

That little bastard had the audacity to shoot him a thankful look.

"But…but I…Yami, his hair is  _glorious_!"

And how he had that pathetic little awkward frown he always had on his face.

"Your secretary is right, Yami. His hair is  _amazing_ ," Mai commented, a little bit of a sultry rasp underlining her words as she started towards him. "But I bet yours is softer."

"Don't touch me," Yami spat, glaring angrily.

Yugi opened his mouth to try to tell her to back off but fell silent at the last second, feeling a little sick to his stomach with the whole situation; Yami could definitely stand up for himself but it was really a matter of if he wanted to or not. Because, honestly, that little comment sounded a little weak to him.

"Isn't he just  _so_  cute, thinking he can boss me around," the blonde purred, rolling her eyes and stroking at his hair, smiling widely. "So cute."

"Oh  _hell_ no!" Yugi snarled, eyes nearly bugging out of his head and cheeks turning bright red in anger. "Get your cougar paws out of my boyfriend's hair before you  _damage_ it!"

Yami felt his mouth fall open, shocked out of his mind by Yugi's anger, blinking in surprise twice before he felt excitement bubbling up inside of him; was Yugi about to get feisty?

"Oh fuck no, you did not!" Mai snarled after regaining her composure enough to stop gaping at the small teen as well, yanking her hands out of his hair.

Yami screeched an unholy noise that made Yugi freeze in place and the others all gawk at him as he yowled, "Ow! Holy fuck! My hair!" before whining pitifully and grabbing at his scalp. "Oh my Ra!"

"Sorry, snookums," Mai murmured with a pitying noise, pursing her lips. "I forgot about my bracelet."

Gods, so much pain; Yami could literally feel the tears pricking at the back of his eyes even as he snarled, "Wanted to steal a clump to put on eBay so you could quit your fucking hooker job?"

"I'll ignore that because you're obviously in pain," Mai snorted, laughing. "But if you talk to me like that again, I swear I'll punish you."

"I should mutilate you for harming my hair!" Yami spat.

"Oh  _please_ , sweetheart, you can just style over it," she scoffed, waving her hand dismissively.

"You mean like those shitty little curls you have?" he hissed from behind his teeth.

The blonde scowled, reaching up and touching her hair. "My hair is  _natural_! Not like that rat's nest on  _your_ head! At least learn to style it  _properly_!"

"This right here"—Yami gestured to his hair and face as he jumped to his feet and moved around the table, stepping towards her and snarling—"is  _natural_. Unlike yours, you stupid bottle blonde!"

Timaeus's eyes nearly popped out of his head, unable to look away as he stared and Yugi blinked a few times, watching with a slightly horrified expression as Mai did that diva thing he had seen on TV, where a "ho" would snap her fingers and kind of…bobble their head like an ostrich or something, trying to intimidate…

" _Oh hell to the fuck no you did not_!"

Yami mimicked her movement and snapped his fingers. " _Oh hell to the fuck yes I just did_!"

"So much  _sass_!" Yugi cried excitedly, biting his lip.

Timaeus cringed behind him. "Shouldn't you…try to stop this? I mean…he's your boyfriend…"

Yugi glanced at him dismissively and then turned back, eyes bright as he took in the way that Yami and Mai were sizing each other up like a pair of wild animals. "Nope. I want to see him take her  _down_ ," he declared, grinning and crossing his arms in front of his chest. "He's getting to that point where he might _just_  pull her hair out in retaliation—it's why we might just have a law against us going out in public anymore."

"Both of you are crazy," the brown-and-teal-streaked-haired boy commented, blinking in shock.

The small teen shrugged. "You get like that when you have a significant other. It naturally progresses."

Timaeus blinked. "I knew there was a reason I'm still single," he commented before freezing, eyes nearly popping out of his head as he gawked at him. "Wait! So this is  _normal_  for you?"

"Yes. Very," he stated, glancing at him and raising his eyebrows. "In fact, he hasn't even  _begun_  to hit crazy yet."

The brunet shook his head slowly. "That's just…"

Yugi waved his hand at him urgently for him to shut up. " _Ssh_! Shit is about to get  _real_!"

"If I  _blindfolded_  myself and just  _cut_  the  _fuck_  out of that mound of  _shit_  on your head, it  _still_  wouldn't qualify as  _hair_!" Yami snarled while the blonde reached up and touched her hair. "If I were you, I would just call it quits and  _shave_  it!"

The youngest of the three brothers gawked and swapped looks with them.

His red-haired brother Hermos smirked, snickering, "This is awesome. A publicized event and he's over there talking about her shaving her head."

"…These people," his stoic black-haired sibling Critias muttered.

"Take it back!" Mai screeched suddenly.

"I can't take back the  _hair_  you pulled out of my head so I don't think I  _will_!"

Yugi snorted and covered his mouth, laughing, "Oh my gods."

"Think it'll get worse?" Bakura hummed thoughtfully from where he and Malik were coming back from the snack booth, milkshakes in hand and watching as their cousin continued his tirade with the blonde.

"It better. It's not a show until either she slaps him or he  _really_  loses his shit."

"My sister had a Barbie doll that I chopped the hair off and stuck into the grill one year when she pissed me off," Yami continued, smirking with cold glittering ice to his eyes. "My dad managed to pull it out despite how fucked up it was. And now, looking at that dyed peroxide farm you call your hair, I just know that Barbie looked so much fucking better!"

" _Hey_!" Yugi snarled angrily when he saw Mai raising her hand to slap Yami. " _Don't touch_  my boyfriend!"

Yami's eyebrows shot up, turning his attention to him just as Mai did the same, spinning around and snapping, " _Your_  boyfriend? Oh, honey, I don't know what world  _you_  live in but—"

"Obviously not the same one as you!" the small teen snapped, pointing at Yami. "Yami is  _gay_! As in _homosexual_! As in he likes the  _train_  and  _not_  the tunnel!"

Bakura and Malik both sputtered and then burst out laughing, giving each other high-fives and smirking at the ideas of this escalating further with Yugi's help.

"I guess she didn't get the memo about my gayness," Yami commented, eyebrows shooting up.

"Well that's a disappointment, now isn't it? Look, Cougar, here's the thing. Yami is mine and I'm sorry that you missed the memo about his gayness"—his eyes widened and his head snapped towards his boyfriend, shocked and losing all forms of the sneer he had going on—"W-wait, was there really a memo about it?"

Bakura and Malik doubled over, leaning against each other and laughing harder; this kid was not about to win this fight.

"No, now just keep going!"

Yugi blinked and then turned back eyes wide. "Um…" He furrowed his brows and cast Yami a pleading glance. "Where was I?"

"Shit," Bakura cried, shaking his head and nearly falling over himself.

"Something about her missing the memo," Timaeus said after a moment.

"I can answer my boyfriend's questions!" Yami snarled, bristling, eyes burning with hellfire that made the teal-eyed boy jerk backwards.

Yugi groaned and shook his head before turning back to the blonde. "The point is, Yami is  _gay_! There might or might  _not_ "—he looked at first Bakura and Malik and then slowly towards Yami—"be a memo about it. I don't…I don't know and I really couldn't care less at his point.  _But_! The point is that Yami is gay!"

"This is the one that's supposed to be telling me off?" Mai asked, clearly unimpressed as she put her right hand on her hip, wrist folded and looking ready to roll her eyes.

"Shut up!" Yugi snarled, scowling. "And furthermore, if you  _touch_  him, I'm going to take Bakura's milkshake over there and  _dump it over your head_!  _Got it_? You don't  _touch_  my boyfriend. He is  _mine_. And  _no one_  smacks him but  _me_!"

"Yeah!" Yami agreed immediately, smirking and crossing his arms.

"Did he just…?" Timaeus muttered, blinking. "Did he seriously just agree to that?"

"Yeah, I'll still waiting for him to follow it up with 'Hey!'" Critias commented, shaking his head.

Both Bakura and Malik burst into tears, sobbing and struggling to keep from falling onto the ground and curling into balls. They really expected him to object to that?

"Kick her  _ass_ , Yugi!"

Yugi waved dismissively. "Hush you."

"Get  _louder_ —like you do in bed!" Yami snickered, grinning and waggling his eyebrows.

Yugi blushed and shot him a furious look. "Shut up!"

" _Louder, louder, louder_!" Yami cried, throwing his arms up and doing fist pumps.

"…His boyfriend is a douche," Timaeus commented, sounding flustered.

"He's a jealous bastard, that's what he is," Yugi snickered, voice fond.

"You want  _me_  to go off stroking someone else's hair, Yugi? Because, as you can see, I have a  _very_  eager pussycat  _right_  here in front of me!"

Yugi swung his head around to glare at him angrily, snarling, "Shut up. We're supposed to be tag-teaming her!"

"We are?" Yami asked with wide eyes, blinking in shock. "Oh, uh, right!"

Yugi smacked his palm against his forehead as his boyfriend cleared his throat and glared at the blonde again. "Why do I try?"

"Hush you," the other teen stated, waving dismissively. "I'm trying to get back into my demented rage."

"Well, what threw you out of it?!" Yugi cried, throwing his arms out.

"My boyfriend was being undeniably cute when he stared a cougar down," Yami stated with a wide grin, making the smaller boy blush and shyly glance at the ground before peeking at him through his lashes again while the taller snickered.

"It's not even worth fighting anymore," Mai huffed, crossing her arms and shaking her head. "They're getting lost in this crap."

Bakura and Malik both rolled their eyes, sighing and shaking their heads; well…at least it had been fun while it had lasted…

"Yeah, they always do," Bakura commented, huffing.

"Fucking magnetism or something like that," Malik agreed.

"I don't think that's what it's called…" Timaeus commented quietly.

"Fuck you," the silver-haired teen spat irritably.

"Yeah! Fuck you!" Malik snarled, blinking and then leaning forward to whisper in his cousin's ear. "Why are we fucking them again?"

Bakura let out a yowl and smacked his forehead against his free palm a few times. "I'm surrounded by idiots!"

"It's the peroxide from her hair. It seems to seep into everyone  _else's_ brain as well," Yami commented.

"Ooh!" Yugi cried, snapping his fingers and pointing at him, sounding like an overly excited child who was witnessing someone else being called out of class; Yami glanced at him and smirked a little, shaking his head.

* * *

Yami finally lost it on the fourth day into the tournament; Yugi had chosen to sit next to Timaeus and was constantly messing with the boy's hair and it drove him over the wall with enough envy that he jumped to his feet, activated his duel disk so that its four million dollar "tag" glowing bright red caught everyone's attention— _especially_ the newscast's—and snarled, "Get the fuck up" at Timaeus who blinked a few times and then looked scared out of his mind.

"What? Yami, he's not—"

"Shut up," he snarled at the smaller boy, narrowing his eyes into a glare and baring his teeth. "Sit back down and just shut up."

Yugi blinked in shock, so stunned by his boyfriend's words that he couldn't think of any other way to react than to do as he said and sit back down, staring at him in a stupor as Timaeus got to his feet slowly and followed him to the "stadium".

He watched the weirdest duel in the history of duels; Yami didn't try to make small talk and Timaeus looked like he might want to pee himself at any moment, Bakura and Malik were shaking their heads and sighing constantly, Critias and Hermos seemed too shocked to actually comprehend what was going on, and Mai was laughing her ass off every time that Yugi winced when one of them landed damage to the other's life points.

Osiris was summoned three turns in, Scapegoats used as tokens to do so, the next card Infinite Cards and then Yami just bid his time while Timaeus actually seemed to have some kind of strategy that he was working on even though he wasn't technically supposed to be dueling in the first place. Twenty turns in, Yami blocked what he seemed to know would be Mirror Force by summoning Jinzo. Another five turns in, Jinzo was destroyed with a highly powered up Shadow Ghoul that not even Osiris's special ability could take out when it was summoned to the field. Fifteen turns in, Yami had to discard Infinite Cards and then all of his hand with Card Destruction a second later, leaving him at a hand of six that he went about setting across the field until there was only one left in his hand. Timaeus made the mistake of attacking a one-thousand-point Osiris only to be hit by Magical Cylinder that nearly wiped his life points to zero.

Yami was laughing when Timaeus finally passed his turn a few minutes later. "You know what I love about my deck?" he muttered, laughing as he pressed a button on the duel disk and the hologram of one of the cards rose up. "This right here. I love it. Berserker Soul. Ever heard of it?"

Timaeus winced. "Yeah, I've heard of it."

"Oh goody, so you know that I get to keep drawing until I get something other than a monster card."

"Yes."

"Great," Yami spat, smirking and snatching a card out of his deck. "Oops, look a monster."

Osiris's jaw opened and lightning as vibrant as the sun shot straight into Timaeus who hit the ground with the force of the projectors' stimulation program that made them feel a small bit of what the attacks would have been like if it were real.

"Oh, look  _another one_."

"Oh, fucking hell," Bakura huffed.

"Oi," Malik groaned, shaking his head.

"Monster card!" Yami sang. Yugi flinched and watched as Timaeus groaned and didn't bother trying to get up again just as Yami laughed, "Oh, oh, what's this? Oh, a monster card!"

"What the hell is with him?" Critias scoffed, growing irritated.

"Don't tell me you don't get it," Hermos snorted, gesturing. "Yami is being piss-sore over Yugi spending time with our little brother."

Yugi turned his head, gawking at them before turning back as Yami held a card, pursed his lips, and then laughed and flipped it around. "Wow, Timaeus, this is not your lucky fucking day, is it?"

"Goddamn it, at this rate, this will never stop," Bakura sighed, rolling his eyes.

"All because Yugi didn't keep his hands to himself," Malik snorted, glancing at the smaller boy who opened and closed his mouth and then glanced sideways at his boyfriend who did a little dance and flipped around another monster card.

"What the hell is this even about?" Timaeus hissed as another blast hit him.

"You know  _damn well_  what this is about," Yami snarled, flipping another card. "Hello, Beaver Warrior. Oh, oh, and Silver Fang. How about Gaia? Hmm, look at that, there's Feral Imp. Summoned Skull, and Mammoth Graveyard, and oh, look at this one! It's Stone fucking Soldier!"

He threw each of them into the graveyard and drew another. "Gazelle—"

"Yami!" Yugi cried out, eyes wide. "Stop it, Yami!"

"Shut up," the taller teen snarled, grabbing another card. "I'm not done yet."

"Yes, you are—"

"Red Eyes Black Dragon says otherwise," Yami spat, "and so does Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl and—"

"God, you infuriating fucking bastard, stop it!"

The red-eyed teen turned his head and regarded him coldly for a second, just long enough for the holograms to start disappearing, Osiris firing off one last blast of lightning before falling away as well. Timaeus was getting to his feet and Yami snarled, rushing him while Bakura and Malik leaped up from where they were sitting, going to catch him.

"Fucking hell," Bakura burst out laughing as Yugi got in front of his boyfriend and held his arms out, looking startled but completely firm as Yami stopped a few steps away. "By the gods, Yami's lost his fucking mind."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Yugi hissed, shaking his head and glaring at him, feeling a shiver travel down his spine for a second. "He lost, okay? He lost a  _long_ time ago and you just kept going and—What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"That little fucker behind you is my problem," he snarled, ignoring it when Critias and Hermos got to their brother's side and started to size him up while his own cousins got to his and smirked as they looked at Timaeus on the ground.

"Damn," Bakura snickered, patting his cousin's shoulder. "That shit was amazing."

"Get your hand off me," the red-eyed teen snarled.

For a second he almost didn't listen but a single glance at Yami's face made him quickly remove his hand and look at Yugi who was still staring at his boyfriend and had yet to look anywhere else.

"You did this…because you got  _jealous_?" he hissed, Yami ignoring him pointedly and instead glaring at Timaeus with a murderous expression. "You didn't have anything to be jealous about! I like his hair, so what? Goddamn it, Yami—"

"Dude, not to be a douche or anything, but you should probably shut the fuck up before he loses his shit," Bakura muttered.

"Shut up," the smallest teen spat, not looking away from his boyfriend before marching forward and shoving him back a step to get his attention. "Listen to me, damn it. You didn't have anything to worry about. You know I'm not going to do that! I liked his fucking hair! Fucking hell, Yami! What the fuck do you even—? You didn't have to do that! You  _know_  that!"

"Well, maybe I'm just an insecure little piece of shit!" Yami spat. "Have you ever thought of that?"

Yugi opened and closed his mouth and went to say something or other—he wasn't really sure what, but he knew he wanted to at least  _try_ to make him feel better—but the red-eyed teen merely sneered at Timaeus over his shoulder and turned on his heel, snarling at some woman with a video camera to get it off him before he charged for privacy encroachment.

"What the fuck…just happened?" Yugi breathed out, looking at Yami's cousins for answers and finding that both of them cast him slightly frustrated looks before shaking their heads and wandering off.

The small teen caught up to him in their room where Yami was actually investigating a tray of food that had a letter attached to it saying it was a make up dinner from Mai; Yugi stared at it for a second and then looked at his boyfriend again.

"You're not actually going to eat that, are you?" he muttered, blinking and glancing down at the tray and back to him.

Yami ignored him for a second, looking it over, and then hissed, "I don't know yet."

"Yami, honestly, please don't," he mumbled, looking at the tray and then at him and back again. "I—"

"I'm hungry," he snapped indignantly. "I'm hungry and I might just eat this bullshit meal if I see fit."

"Yami, you know you didn't have to do that!" Yugi ground out from between his teeth. "I wasn't going to fucking cheat on you with him or anything! I wouldn't fucking cheat on you in the first place."

"You were petting his fucking hair. You chose to sit with him instead of me. You didn't once look over. You kept your hands in his hair the entire fucking time," Yami hissed, grabbing a piece of lobster and breaking the shell, glancing at its insides for a second; ew. He hated seafood. It went against his vegetarian diet unless it was fish. And something he could actually  _name_. This red-shelled bastard in front of him had some long ass name that either Mai pulled out of her ass in this note or was so rare that he had yet to hear about it in his lifetime. "You were fucking cooing and chatting it up with him and you know how fucking pissed and jealous I got when it came to that bullshit thing with Espa. You should have fucking  _known_  you were pushing it!"

Yugi flinched and chewed his cheek, reaching up to bite his nail; he had known that. In fact, he had kind of just wanted to see if he could get Yami jealous enough to look as hot as he had when he jumped to assumptions with Espa even though he had obviously known none of it was true or even remotely so. This time he had just wanted to see if it would piss Yami off enough that he would get a little feisty while they were alone, just mess around and maybe snap at him a little; he liked the feeling of knowing that he drove Yami crazy enough that he got jealous like that. But having Timaeus forced into a duel where Osiris was blasting him the entire time?

That was not something he had wanted or expected or supported at all.

"Ra fucking…" Yami bared his teeth and slowly shook his head. "You knew what the fuck you were doing, didn't you?"

The smaller teen swallowed harshly and mumbled, "I didn't think that you would…"

"You really thought I wouldn't lose my shit? Are you  _kidding_ me, Yugi?"

"I…I'm sorry. I just…I…" He shook his head slowly and glanced at the plate of food. "I liked his hair."

"Hair fanatic. I'm dating a goddamned hair fanatic," Yami spat, rolling his eyes and looking at his lobster again, pushing the cart away with his foot and heading over to the bed. "He goes around fucking stroking other people's hair and wonders why his boyfriend goes insane about it and puts his life in jeopardy going off on the little bastard with the hair."

"…Life in jeopardy?" Yugi blinked slowly and then stared at him. "What does that even  _mean_?"

"Did you see the fucking size of those bastards, Yugi?" he snapped. "Did you see how fucking  _tall_ Critias and Hermos are? Are you fucking shitting me right now, Yugi? Are you? Are you  _shitting_ me? Those bastards are so fucking tall they're like…Seto on fucking stilts. Critias has fucking legs like a goddamn stork. Did you not  _see_ that shit?"

The smaller boy blinked and then laughed, "That's true. He does have pretty long legs."

Yami shook his head slightly and glanced at the clock. "You know, I'm pretty sure I just ruined my goody-two-shoes public name for you." He paused. "Either that or Seto is paying off the security guards and everyone else with cameras, erasing all traces of the footage and possibly all equipment at the scene and leaving some more money with a little note that he hopes they understand his safety precaution."

Yugi smiled and shook his head, mumbling, "I'm sorry."

"Whatever. I think we're over that."

"What?"

"I said we're over it. As in we can just move on from it because I swear on Ra—"

"You are going to apologize."

"Fuck that. I refuse."

"No, Yami, seriously, you need to apologize."

"No. I'll let him dwell on being blasted by Osiris for a while and not give one fuck about it and—"

"No, no, Yami, seriously, you're going to apologize."

" _Make me_!"

"Fine. I will." He paused and looked at him slowly. "Either you're going to apologize I swear I'll sit with him the entire tournament and—"

" _Why do you hate me_?" Yami snarled, eyes wide as he glared at him angrily and crossed his arms, shaking his head. "You brought me here when you knew it would fucking stress me out and then you start petting his hair when you knew that it would drive me insane and now you're fucking demanding an apology?"

"Yes. I want you to apologize to Timaeus."

"You apologize!"

"I already planned on that."

Yami opened his mouth to snap at him and then very quickly shut it again, frowning and pouting as he snapped, "Fine. Fine.  _Fine_."

"Good!"

* * *

Yugi led him over to the teal-eyed boy immediately; Timaeus looked like he was about to flee but stopped short when the smaller boy awkwardly said, "Okay, just give us five seconds and that's all. I promise he's not going to throttle you or anything."

The tallest boy in their little group glanced at Yami and then Yugi and back, clearing his throat awkwardly. "Sure…"

Yugi nudged his boyfriend's arm and Yami ignored him pointedly, staring off towards one of the snack booths. " _Yami_!" he whined, grabbing his jacket sleeve and pulling. "You promised."

"I did no such thing."

"But you agreed to!"

"And now I'm not going to."

"Fine, you know what, I will do it!"

Yami turned his head, glaring at Yugi for a moment, and then dragged his eyes up to Timaeus before grabbing Yugi and snapping, "Mine."

"W-what?"

"Y—"

"I said he's  _mine_ ," Yami spat. "As in my boyfriend. As in mine. As in  _not_ yours!"

Timaeus did the smart thing of backing up a step and holding his hands up while the red-eyed teen continued bristling and glaring angrily. "Whoa, whoa, I know that. I—yeah, I know. He's yours. He's your boyfriend…"

"Great. Now that we have that under—"

"No, no, Yami that is not a—"

Yami rolled his eyes and then snapped, "Yugi wants to be able to keep touching your hair for the remainder of the tournament"—Yugi blinked and then stared, opening and closing his mouth before blurting out, "I—what?" that his boyfriend steadily ignored—"and if you touch him  _back_  you should know your brothers? They won't be able to protect you."

Timaeus blinked twice and his eyebrows shot up as he looked at Yugi with wide eyes and the small teen blinked and spun on his boyfriend, confused out of his mind.

"Wait…what?"

"Now that that's settled, I'm going to go over there and get a soda and then I'm going to go find my cousins," Yami announced, nodding once and heading off before either of them could argue.

"What the hell was… _that_?"

Yugi huffed. "Him getting away without apologizing."

"Oh…" Timaeus blinked, watching the other teen who got a soda and looked shocked by the size, holding it out in both hands and staring, ducking and raising his head and looking at it from different angles.

" _This_ is large?" Yami cried a little too loudly, staring at the cup and then back at the woman who had sold it to him. "Well no fucking wonder this country is so obese!"

"Oh my gods!" Yugi cried, shaking his head and groaning. "Goddamn it."

"It's like…the fucking size of my head!"

Timaeus snickered in front of him. "Wow."

"Yugi, Yugi! Look at this!" Yami cried, making his boyfriend glance over with red cheeks. "Do you  _see_ this? It's the size of my head!"

"Well, at least he's enthusiastic about it," the teal-eyed boy commented, shaking his head and snickering next to him while Yugi blushed harder and gestured for Yami to stop talking about obesity with the woman manning the booth.

"Yami, Yami, come back over here!" Yugi called, laughing at his boyfriend's confused look before he glanced at the girl who looked pissed and then bolted back over to his side. "You can't just go around saying that!"

"But…but it's so big!"

"And you're amazed by the weirdest things," he snickered, shaking his head.

"I was starting to think it was hoax that you were actually here," a new voice commented.

Yami stopped short of sipping some Sprite to look up and talk around his straw, drawling, "Vivian Cunt Wong."

"What are you doing here?" Yugi asked, wide-eyed.

"I came to see if it was true he was here."

"Well, now you've seen me so could you just—"

"And challenge you to a duel."

Yami's shoulders sagged, groaning and pulling the soda away from his mouth with a loud sigh. "Why?"

"With stakes."

"The fuck?" the red-eyed teen asked. "How the fuck does that make sense? I ask why and you say, 'with stakes'? The fuck does that even mean?"

"I meant with the duel, you idiot."

"Fuck off, bitch. It's still early for me," Yami spat. "I just woke up. And you're interrupting my hydration time."

"Hydration…?" Yugi trailed off and then looked at his boyfriend before turning back again. "So  _that's_  what that was."

"That's what what was?" Timaeus asked, glancing between the three of them curiously.

"On Thanksgiving, Yami drank like fifteen glasses of water for breakfast. It was the weirdest thing I had ever seen."

"Hydration is awesome," Yami snapped at him before turning back to Vivian. "All right. Stakes. Cute. What the fuck are they?"

"If I win you break up with the runt."

Yugi and Timaeus were both amazed by how far that spit-take went; Vivian screamed out loud and Yami coughed and hacked for a few seconds, doubling over and groaning, "It went down the wrong pipe! Why would you do this to me?! I just woke up!"

"You just spat on me!"

"Well…at least it's not coke," Yugi commented, frowning. "I mean, it won't stain…"

"Stay out of it!"

"My lung burns," Yami whined, making a pitiful sobbing noise. "It fucking burns. I don't like it!"

Yugi snorted a laugh and then clamped his hands over his mouth, hoping that the other teen hadn't heard only to find him glaring a second later when he straightened and tried to contain another fit of coughs. The red-eyed teen looked at his soda for a second as if it was cursed and then went back to drinking it again.

"You're okay, right?" Yugi commented, blinking and fighting back another laugh.

Yami narrowed his eyes at him. "Yes, you little laugher."

"I can't help it! It was hilarious!"

"Oh yeah, uh-huh," the other boy griped, huffing and turning to Vivian with a gesture of his cup. "Now, what the fuck did you want again?"

"If I win, you have to break up with the runt. If you win, you get to stay with him."

"Is this how you solve problems in China? You fucking fight instead of like fucking…let things go?" the red-eyed teen huffed, crossing his arms. "You couldn't just…kiss my ass and get over it?"

The brunette gawked at him as if he had lost his mind and then snarled, "Afraid of a little duel, Yami?"

"No," he mumbled, rolling his eyes and then drinking some more soda. "We'll do it when the damn tournament starts in an hour. First duel. If you're not here when it starts, I'm counting it as a forfeit."

"Good."

"Great."

"Fuck off."

"Whatever. Be prepared to lose."

Yugi swallowed so hard he was surprised that no one heard him, a little flustered when his boyfriend went back to sipping his soda and not bothering to so much as glance in his direction. For a second none of them spoke and then finally the small teen grabbed his boyfriend's free hand and led him a few feet away.

He was about to open his mouth when a voice said, "So, snookums, how do you plan to beat her?"

Yami stopped short and glanced at the blonde. "You're still here?"

"Don't pretend you didn't know I'm one of the finalists."

"Kill me." He paused and then looked at Yugi. "But first we must go fuck."

Yugi's entire face heated so quickly he was pretty sure he had just put microwaves to shame. "Yami—"

"Fine, Mai, you want to go—?"

" _Yami_!"

The teen threw his arms up. "Oh my gods, what?! Yugi, honestly, come on! First Vivian's shit and now Mai's? I haven't gotten any hydration and you're trying to stress me  _more_? Fuck that! You made me apologize and everything!"

"That wasn't even an apology—"

"It was. It was so deep that you missed the concept, however."

"Yami, listen—"

"Please just fuck me."

Mai was laughing now, hand covering her mouth as Yugi gaped at the other teen who threw his hands up again.

"You know what, Yugi? Mai over here sounds like a cat, she looks like a fucking cougar—she could  _be_ a fucking cougar!" Yami snapped suddenly, huffing.

"Well, you know what, Yami? If you have fun with the cougar, you're going to need to take a fucking bath because that pussy stinks!" Yugi snarled angrily.

Yami blinked and then burst out laughing while Mai gawked and let out a snarling noise; a few feet away Timaeus was gaping and Malik and Bakura were in tears from laughing so hard.

"You're just going to let him talk about me like that?" Mai snapped indignantly.

The red-eyed teen wiped a tear from his eyes and glanced at her. "Well no shit. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because he's beneath you. He's your secretary and I'm your girlfriend and—"

"Girlfriend? Bullshit! Listen, Catwoman, get the fuck off my boyfriend or—"

"That is not Catwoman. I know Catwoman and that is not her," Malik said, shaking his head at Yugi who blinked once and then twice before tilting his head; the blond rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. "She is so not Catwoman."

"Ah, Catwoman," Bakura snickered next to him, shaking his head and smirking widely. "Damn Catwoman. Our flunked kidnapping."

"Shut up!" Malik snapped. "It wasn't even…I was drugged!"

"I don't think you know what that means anymore, Malik," the silver-haired teen stated. "I mean, I didn't see you trying to fucking kidnap someone at Thanksgiving."

"We were locked in a car trunk!"

"So? Doesn't change the fact that you didn't jump a bitch screaming 'Catwoman' like you did last time."

"I…I—shut up!"

"Mad you didn't get to go on your little heist with her?" Bakura snickered, eyes gleaming with delight when his cousin started to blush and glanced around to make sure that no one was actively listening; he spotted Yugi, blanched completely, and then clamped his hand over his cousin's mouth.

"Ix-nay on the Atwoman-cay," Malik hissed.

"Oh please, by next week he'll be family and we can tell him  _everything_."

"Why do you all fucking hate me so much?"

"Why not?"

"He is  _straight_!" Mai suddenly screeched, pointing at Yami who grabbed at his hair and pulled a few times; Yugi looked over his shoulder with wide eyes to find that Mana was now walking over, snickering.

"If he ever turns straight, it'll be a miracle."

"If he does, be my support system, okay?"

The blonde burst out laughing and hugged him tightly. "No worries, Yugi. Yami is head over heels for you." She paused, glancing over at the other woman and laughing, "Oh my gods."

Yugi hugged her back, peering over her shoulder as he got on his tiptoes, laughing until he was crying when he found that Yami was now banging his head into the wall with the mutterings of "Guys, guys, I like guys. I like them. They have  _three_  legs."

Yugi jumped when he heard Seto joining in the laughter, startled as he looked over and found the brunet watching the scene with the widest smirk imaginable. A few steps away from him, Bakura and Malik were on the floor, crying from laughing so hard.

"I am so sorry you are under some kind of impression that it's a joke and apparently my boyfriend is my…secretary, but honestly, I'm not—"

"Okay, look, Mai, Yami isn't going to have  _any_  time for you— _any_  night in the foreseeable future. Okay? Why? Because he is with  _me_!"

"And we have our cavemen back." Mana hummed thoughtfully, picturing them both with clubs and a loincloth, hitting their chests and roaring. "Fucking cavemen."

"You two!"

All of them froze and spun around, Yugi, Yami and Mana recognizing that voice and swapping looks immediately; should they make a run for it?

He pointed at Mana and Yami but had his eye on Yugi as well, saying, "You two are the ones who stole our hooker mannequin."

Seto pressed his palm into his face and sighed loudly; goddamn it.

"See? See? I fucking  _told_ you those were hooker clothes!" Yami snapped at his sister suddenly. "You said, 'No, this is a great outfit' but no, even this guy says they were fucking hooker clothes!"

"They were not hooker clothes!"

"Bullshit, even the security guard just said they were!"

Mana blushed slightly and then hissed, "Yami, shut up! You don't know fashion!"

"I know that that skirt was too high and that fucking shirt had no room for boobs in the first place!" Yami paused and then glanced at Mai. "It's something this bitch would wear."

"What the fuck did you just say?" Mai spat, eyes widening drastically.

"Back off, bitch. This is a sibling conversation and you need to get the fuck out," Mana snapped, turning back to her brother and pointing. "You would know hooker clothing, wouldn't you? I mean, with all that fucking leather in your closet and all!"

"Don't diss on the leather, bitch," he spat. "It's comfortable as fuck and it makes me look taller."

"God knows he needs help there," Seto muttered.

"Not everyone wants to be a fucking giant, okay?" Yami snarled at the brunet. "God, if you weren't so fucking tall, you'd probably be as leather-loving as I am!"

The CEO sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Goddamn it, Yami."

"Besides, it makes my ass look fabulous!"

"Why would you say that out loud?" Mana cried, groaning. "Now I have a mental image and it's not pretty."

"Then you didn't imagine it right," Yugi said before he could stop himself, blinking wide eyes when the others all looked at him.

"Fuck yes! See that? He  _likes_ the booty!"

"Oh my gods, stop!" Mana moaned.

The security guard watched them arguing, glanced at the tall platinum blonde, and mumbled something that Timaeus was  _well_ aware went along the lines of "That's the fucking mannequin personified" before he finally wandered off to leave the family squabbling.

"Enough!" Yugi snarled suddenly, cutting off the bickering between Seto, Yami and Mana who all froze and stared at him in shock. "I need to talk to my boyfriend, got it?"

"Geez, Yugi, all you had to do was ask," Mana mumbled, blinking and then leading the others away with a glance over her shoulder while Yugi immediately turned to Yami.

A little while later Yugi was watching Yami and Vivian shuffle each other's decks and hand them back before wandering off to separate ends of the "arena". Both of their projectors launched and they had drawn their first five cards when Vivian suddenly looked over towards Yugi and laughed, "You know, Yugi, your grandpa is a  _great_ duelist."

Yugi stopped short and glanced at Yami who glanced at him over his cards, eyebrow raised; the smaller boy turned back to the brunette, confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that he told me exactly how to take Yami's deck down."

Yami tipped his head towards his boyfriend, snorting, "You still think that your grandpa likes me, Yugi?"

"H-how did you even…?" Yugi blinked and then blushed furiously, blurting out, "Oh my god, you showed him your boobs!"

"Goddamn it," Seto snapped from his seat as one of the referees, putting his face in his palm and shaking his head; why had he figured this was a good idea in the first place?

"You…what?" Yami muttered, blinking.

"What's the opposite of a pedophile?" Yugi suddenly cried, eyes wide.

"A law-abiding citizen?" his boyfriend mumbled, confused.

"Well, that's not what she is!" the smaller boy screeched.

Yami swallowed hard, feeling almost as if his eyes would bug out of his head if he paid too much attention to his boyfriend's frantic state, and then slowly stared at his cards in frustration; so Yugi's grandpa had teamed up with her for this?

"Oh my fucking god!" the taller teen cried, turning on Yugi. "No wonder he hates me so much! I don't have boobs!"

"He doesn't hate—"

"You expect me to believe you after  _this_?"

Yugi opened and closed his mouth and ducked his head away, blushing furiously. "He, he…Goddamn it."

"Oh, I am so going to talk to him about this."

"We don't talk about college!"

"Oh hell yeah we do!"

Yugi covered his face with his hands and groaned, shaking his head; goddamn it.

Twenty minutes of Yami arguing with Vivian while she took jabs at Yugi and she played Card Exchange to take Slifer from him after playing Inexperienced Spy; two more turns and she used Ancient Telescope to look at his next five, used Card Exchange another three turns later and stole Infinite Cards.

Yami stared at her as if she had just stolen his favorite puppy, shaved its fur and then handed it back to him; when she summoned him four turns later he tilted his head in frustration, rolled his eyes, and then shook his head. She went to attack him directly and was hit with a four thousand point recoil from Magical Cylinder.

Yugi started rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. Did Yami even know how to use the card he had given him? He swallowed hard, nearly vomiting from stress, and then continued rocking back and forth. He had to, right? He was the World Champion, after all…

He winced slightly. He'd never seen Yami go up against it before, however. And if Yami hadn't gone up against it in all of his duels before, how could he be sure that he actually knew how to use it?

Yami was officially forced into defensive mode until twenty turns in, playing Barrel Dragon after using a machine-card power-up and managing to make him strong enough to withstand Slifer's special effect. Slifer was discarded a second later when he used his own special effect and Vivian snickered that he wasn't going to be able to win with such a measly card.

"Dude, this duel is going to be over in a few minutes," Bakura muttered to his cousin, both of them watching a few feet away from Yugi. "Yami isn't going to win this shit."

"Yeah, well…" Malik shrugged. "They're both halfway through their decks, so you think he could win on a technicality when she draws her last card first?"

Yugi glanced at them and then snapped, "Shut up, he's going to win."

Both of them gave him dubious looks, held their hands up, and turned away again; another ten turns in and Yami finally drew the card that Yugi had given him. He spent a second staring at it and then finally activated Swords of Revealing Light and summoned another three monsters onto the field in defense mode. Two more turns and Yami summoned The Winged Dragon of Ra, shocking the hell out of the bystanders and Vivian who gaped in shock and said that was bullshit while Yami made sure to glance at the card's effects again, staring blankly for a second.

"What the fuck? How did he even get that?" Bakura hissed, eyes wide.

"Dude, what the hell did he…?" He turned around and shouted, "All right, whose dick do I have to suck to get that card?"

Yugi blushed and kept his eyes on Yami who burst out laughing, shook his head and then activated the Phoenix Effect in order to end the duel with Vivian's life points at zero and his at one; the girl started screaming and seething while Yami ignored her and instead went about snatching his cards out of her hand when she started yelling even louder. He was really only surprised that he got the hell out of the way before she started trying to smack him and claimed he had cheated.

"It's not cheating to swap cards with another duelist before a duel," Yami retorted, hurrying over to Yugi and handing him Ra; the smaller boy grinned and looked it over for a second before pulling out Yami's Red-Eyes and giving it to him.

"Oh my god," Malik cried, running over and glaring at them both. "Yugi, Yugi, listen to me very closely."

The blue-violet-eyed boy turned his head to look at him only to have Malik grab his shoulders and shake him, screaming, "I will suck your dick for that card!"

"Wait, so…he's not going to beat the fuck out of him for saying that shit?" Hermos commented, raising a brow. "But he annihilates Timaeus because  _Yugi_  was touching  _his_  hair?"

Yami cast them a glare. "Oh please, I'll kick Malik's ass later," he snapped before narrowing his eyes at Timaeus. " _Mine_."

"Yes! Yes, okay, he's yours," the teal-eyed boy cried, holding his hands up. "Calm down, okay? He's  _all_ yours."

"Damn str—"

"Unless you decide to share," Bakura commented.

His cousin blinked and spun on him. "How about I string you up by your balls?"

"Hey, talk to the blond! He's the one about to undo Yugi's pants!"

" _What_?"

Yugi remained frozen in place, blushing too hard to think properly, and didn't move when Malik ran off with a shout of "Okay, okay! I'll find someone else!" while Bakura burst out laughing and Yami hit his cousin across the back with his mostly-gone soda. The blond screeched and rolled on the ground, screaming about Yami's saliva being poisonous.

Yami grabbed him by the face and kissed him when he could see that the words "poisonous pussy" were about to leave his mouth again.

* * *

He was half-asleep with the phone sounded and he found himself blinking in confusion again, surprised to see that Yami was standing on the other side of the second bed.

"You okay?" he muttered groggily when the other teen didn't immediately move or speak; the red-eyed boy glanced over and raised a brow before nodding silently. "Well, your phone just rang…you got a text. Do you want me to get your phone?"

Yami blinked and looked over at the nightstand on Yugi's side of the room, shaking his head and taking a seat on top of the mattress. "No, go ahead and read it out loud if you want," he mumbled.

Yugi was immediately awake, excited as he cried, "Okay!" and scrambled to get it off the desk next to him, reading the words "'Hello my pharaoh'" out loud before spinning around on him.

Yami blinked and opened his mouth, suddenly remembering the girl that Yugi had proclaimed the beanstalk just before the smaller boy snarled, "Who the fuck is she and why is she calling you 'pharaoh'?"

"Huh. Well that's…definitely new," he commented, blinking. "Kind of BDSM…"

"You've been BDSM-ing with  _other_ people?" Yugi screeched.

"Whoa. Okay.  _Holy shit_. What the  _hell_?" Yami asked, shocked out of his mind.

"I should be asking  _you_  that you lying cheat!" the smaller snarled, pointing at him angrily.

Yami's mouth fell open. "What?!"

"Who  _else_  have you been BDSM-ing with?  _Huh_?" Yugi demanded, throwing his arms around wildly and nearly yanking the phone charger out the wall, glancing at it in surprise before quickly putting the little white device on the nightstand again.

"…You're accusing  _me_  of BDSM-ing with other people when  _you_  went and decided to love on someone  _else's_  hair?"

Yugi blinked and blushed at the memory; his hair had been so  _soft_ —almost like a cat's…

"His hair was  _magnificent_!" he defended himself weakly before growing angry again. "And  _don't_  change the subject!  _Who is she and why is she calling you 'pharaoh'_?"

"Hair-Petter!" Yami spat, narrowing his eyes.

" _Cheater_!" Yugi snarled.

"You didn't see me getting this upset when you turned traitor and pet his hair!"

"Are you serious?!" Yugi cried, pointing at him. "You went and attacked him  _repeatedly_ even though you had already  _won_ the duel! You  _annihilated_ him for  _no reason_!  _Stop changing the subject you dirty rotten cheater_!"

Yami couldn't help it when crawled across the mattress towards him, smirking as he purred, "You're a sexy little thing when you get all wild-eyed on me."

Yugi flushed, frustrated and tired. "Yami—"

"Mm, say it again."

"Yami?" he squeaked, blinking wide eyes as the other boy launched himself onto the other bed, straddling him and purring loudly.

"Ooh, I feel all tingly. Say it again."

Yugi shook his head, laughing, "Yami—" as the other teen let out a small shiver and ran his fingers up and down his sides.

"Oh, aibou, you know I'm not cheating on you." Yugi squealed and tried to push him away, struggling to keep from squirming as he continued laughing, eyes wide and bright. "But, by the by, little one, do you even  _know_ what BDSM means?"

"N-no?" he managed to breathe out between a violent squeak and laughter.

Yami didn't want to admit that he didn't either, and besides, it wasn't like it was hurting anyone when he said "It means Badass Deviant Sperm Monkeys."

Yugi gawked and blushed to the point that his neck and ears burned with it as well. "R-really?!"

Yami fell off the side of the bed, holding his sides as he burst out laughing at his shocked and innocently curious expression; the smaller teen groaned and covered his face. "You're so mean!" he griped as the other boy continued howling. "I don't like you anymore. I really don't."

"But I  _love_ you!" Yami objected immediately, scrambling onto the bed again and hugging him tightly as he continued blushing and smiled widely.

* * *

Thankfully Vivian seemed to be the last issue as far as the tournament went, though Yugi still found himself wondering how his face hadn't burst into flames whenever Yami answered one of the questions that some of his fans asked at the end after his boyfriend had raised sixty-four million dollars for the event with his five duels.

"So…who wears the pants in this relationship?" one of the girls had asked, mostly a joke but somewhat serious; Yugi kind of thought it was an interesting question…right until…

"Preferably  _no one_  is wearing pants."

He banged his head against the desk and Yami snickered.

"I just wanted to say that your boyfriend is really cute," someone else said.

Yugi was about to thank them…until…

A tongue ran up the entire side of his face and he was left with his eyes nearly bugging out of his head in pure shock, frozen in place before slowly looking at him. "W-what are you doing?"

"Marking my territory," Yami stated without missing a beat.

"Dear gods…"

Yugi was just happy that the event was over now because they could officially get whatever last minute presents they needed and he was so happy about that because he had done his shopping before but he still wanted to make sure that he had gotten everything that he thought would be worth it…

"All right, so…" Yami muttered, starting to sort through the shirts on the rack.

Yugi got onto the bottom rack of the cart and pulled himself up to get into the basket, standing up and though the cart backed up into his hip with the new edition of weight, Yami didn't look up. "What are we looking for?" he asked curiously, leaning up and making sure to distribute his weight evenly as he started to sort through a few shirts.

"I was looking for Batman, actually," Yami admitted with a frown, only finding that pathetic extraterrestrial Superman. "Bakura has a thing for him."

Yugi was still sorting through when Yami sighed and pulled the cart, turning away from him completely; the smaller teen lost his balance immediately, toppling over the back of the basket with a yelp as his head hit the floor. Bystanders were immediately over at his side, some of which he knew had been following them since they had finished with the tournament; Yami looked confused until he saw that his boyfriend was leaning upwards a little, blinking in confusion.

"Oh!" he chuckled, smiling as he tilted his head and stretched his hand out. "You okay?"

Yugi immediately grabbed his hand and let him pull him to his feet, blinking and blushing as red as a cherry as he rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah."

A woman who had come running touched his arm, asking, "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," he stated, nodding and blushing a little harder at the silent laughter in his boyfriend's eyes.

"Are you sure?"

"I didn't know you were in the cart," Yami snickered, shaking his head as he pulled him over so that they were practically flush against each other, searching though his long hair for any kind of wound, superficial or serious.

"How could you possibly not know he was in the cart?" the woman cried incredulously, shocked when Yami didn't reply and instead continued searching for any kind of head wound. " _Excuse_ me!"

Yugi nudged him and Yami blinked before looking over at the woman in complete confusion. "What?"

"What?  _What_?" she cried angrily. "You  _know_ what!"

Yami blinked, confused out of his mind as he tried to figure out a polite way to say that he didn't know what the fuck she was talking about but if she kept distracting him from his aibou he was going to mow her down with his cart and he would make sure to keep going over her a few times until he was positive she wasn't going to distract him anymore.

Yugi blinked in shock when Bakura came running from the escalator a few feet away, eyes wide as he asked, "Dude, shit, Yugi, you okay?"

The smaller teen nodded immediately. "Yeah, I just—"

Malik, on the other hand, followed after his cousin, laughing his ass off as he said, "That was  _great_!"

Yugi was so busy trying to control the heat in his cheeks that he missed it when one of the women that had come over snapped at Yami that he didn't deserve him if he was abusive.

"I wasn't looking!" Yami spat, gesturing around for a moment. "I wasn't fucking  _looking_! I didn't even fucking  _know_  he was  _inside_  the cart!"

"How could you  _not_  know that he was in your cart? Of  _course_  you knew he was in your cart!"

"Because he wasn't  _supposed_  to be in the fucking cart in  _the first place_!" Yami snarled, seething as Yugi flinched and spotted Mana and Yami's parents running towards them from the electronics section they had been formerly browsing. "He wasn't supposed to be in it and I didn't expect him to be! I don't give a flying  _fuck_  if you have four kids and you've never backed up with one of them in the cart without them sitting down! He's not a fucking child and I didn't  _know_  he was  _in the cart_!"

The ambassador and his wife both went to check on him but Yami had already turned back to the task of sorting through his hair again, the smaller teen blushing as he pulled away and grabbed his hands, whispering, "I'm okay. I promise. Can we just get out of here— _quickly_?"

Yami winced. "I didn't know you were—"

"I know, I know. Can we just go…?"

Yugi had to admit that he was a little surprised when no one said anything the entire ride back to the stupid hotel; only when they got out of the car again did Bakura say, "I stole the gel pen from that bank on the third floor."

"Someone threatened to arrest me on the fourth," Malik murmured. "But the security guard backed off when he heard the story about what happened the last time someone tried to arrest me."

"You mean with Catwoman?" the silver-haired teen commented, raising a brow.

"Ix-nay! Ix-nay!" Malik snapped, waving his arms wildly. "Not in front of Yugi! He isn't family  _yet_!"

Yugi stared at them in confusion, missing it when Yami wandered off and didn't come back; when the family was finally starting to talk, Yugi glanced around and realized he was gone, taking off for the front desk, getting a room key, and ignoring the others as they called for him to wait.

Yami glanced at him when he entered the room, raising a brow. "So, how's your head?"

"…Kind of hurts, but it's okay."

"You shouldn't have been in the cart."

"I know."

"What the fuck were you doing in it?"

"I wanted to check the top racks for Batman shirts."

"And you didn't try to tell me?"

"Um…no?"

"Goddamn it, Yugi."

He chuckled sheepishly and hurried over to jump on the bed next to him. "Not my brightest idea," he admitted, grinning. " _But_ , on the bright side, I found out there really  _weren't_ any Batman shirts on the racks."

Yami shook his head a little and rolled his eyes. "Not funny. I suck as a boyfriend and you're making jokes."

"You don't suck as a boyfriend," Yugi laughed, shaking his head.

"Don't bullshit me, Yugi! If I can't even look  _out_ for you, what the hell  _can_ I do?"

Yugi sat up on his knees and tilted his head, thinking. "Well, um…you're a pretty great kisser."

Yami snorted and rolled his eyes, unable to stop from smiling a little; Yugi moved forward to press his cheek against his and crawl into his lap and wrap his arms around him tightly, mumbling, "It's okay. I shouldn't have been in the cart and you didn't know I was there in the first place. And it was funny until they all started overreacting and jumped into it. It's okay, I promise. I didn't get hurt or anything."

Yami huffed but purred when Yugi kissed his neck, pausing for a moment before tickling his sides and making the smaller boy squirm, giggling, and then pull back with a growl so that they were both staring at each other for a moment.

Yugi rubbed noses with him and buried his face in his neck, mumbling, "But…if you do ever decide to be abusive, I'm totally breaking up with you."

"Could you kick my ass a few times and make sure to permanently damage my nuts first?"

Yugi pulled back with the brightest eyes Yami had even seen, laughing, "Of course!"

"Oh my gods! We actually  _planned_ interaction with Excalibur!"

"Yep. And it's  _violent_ ," Yugi laughed, snuggling into him.

* * *

"Excuse me, ma'am, but your children will both have to take their seats shortly."

Yami and Yugi both looked up tiredly at the sound of the stewardess but only the red-eyed teen was immediately sitting up and alert; the smaller boy blinked and looked at him, half expecting him to try to discreetly signal her to stop talking.

"Oh, it's okay. They're just keeping an eye out for Santa," the mom stated while Yugi glanced at Yami and wondered why he hadn't said what he was probably  _dying_ to.

"Oh, how lovely!" the stewardess said, obviously playing along.

"Are they looking out the right side of the plane?"

"They might get lucky if they keep an eye out, but since we're about to serve the evening meal, they will need to take their seats."

Yugi and Yami both jumped when the mom immediately snapped, " _No_! They might miss Santa!" in an extremely serious voice that made the red-eyed teen glance at him with a pointed look, brow raised.

The smaller boy blushed and nudged him in the rib, poking his tongue out.

"Uh…well, ma'am, I think you'll be all right for the moment."

"But we  _can't_ miss Santa! I want them to see the reindeer!"

"All right," the stewardess said after a long minute, starting to proceed down the aisles, "but if they want to eat their meal, they will have to sit in their seats."

Yami scrambled over Yugi's lap, the smaller blushing and feeling as if his face were on fire when the red-eyed teen unconsciously cupped him, leaning forward and adding a little bit more weight to the sensation and leaving him biting back a moan. The stewardess spun on them with wide eyes when Yami snatched her wrist and Yugi ducked his head into the other boy's shoulder.

"I don't care  _how_  bat-shit crazy and stupid that mother is. Just  _don't_  tell them the truth!" Yami hissed in a voice that bordered a threat. "It's the only thing that's been keeping those  _brats_  quiet all night!"

* * *

"Aw! That's so sweet!" Mana cried, holding her box of various nail polishes and hugging Yugi tightly, making him wheeze out a breath while Yami leaned over from his spot on the couch, hissing, and quickly pushed her off him.

"It was a  _hug_ , Yami," the blonde snapped. "I wasn't trying to fucking grope him or something."

"Our children have such nice language, don't you think, honey?" Yami's mom asked, blinking and smiling at her husband who sighed and shook his head.

Yami snickered and his sister huffed before passing him a present with his name on it; the teen opened it, stared, and then slowly dragged his eyes up to his sister. "Guess what you're getting back for your birthday."

"No!"

"Glitter Peen!" Yugi cried in excitement, gawking at the box.

"Damn straight you're getting it back," Bakura scoffed, snickering. "But maybe a little sooner than later."

"Huh?" Mana cried, blinking before digging through her presents and quickly opening another, eyes watering. "Why would you do this to me?!"

"Because it's the perfect gift.  _Ever_."

"He's right. It's perfect," Yami snorted, rolling his eyes and grabbing a present that he tossed over to Mokuba who scrambled to catch it and knocked the vase off the side-table, Seto glancing at him and shaking his head; he had the worst coordination in the entire family…

"Goddamn it," Yami's dad cried. "Why the fuck do we always have Christmas here?"

"Because they all practically live here anyways aside from Seto and Mokuba."

"You guys need to  _go home_ sometimes!"

Yugi laughed while Mokuba undid his wrapping paper and held the box up happily, practically screaming in excitement; the blue-violet-eyed boy looked over to see an old Gameboy Color system the color of Pikachu with a first edition copy of Pokemon Yellow.

"Damn, nice gift."

"It took forever to find that thing so if you break it," Yami announced, "don't  _ever_ let me hear about it because I'll end up shaving your head, got it?"

"Yeah!"

He didn't open his presents when they all handed them over, instead watching as Yami jumped up from the couch and told them he would be right back, coming over a few minutes later with a sack of items; Yugi thought for a second that he was going to hand them out but instead he dragged it over to Malik and put it in front of him.

"Here."

"What the fuck is…?" The blond got up and peered inside and then looked at Yami and hissed, "Really?"

"You asked me for diabetes at Thanksgiving. You have a bag of that. Diabetes." Yami paused. "Spend it well."

"I said baked ziti!"

"You said diabetes."

"I was there and I can testify," Bakura stated, holding up a finger, "and you did, in fact, say  _diabetes_."

"I…What? I thought I said baked ziti…"

"No, it was always diabetes. Here, open my gift to you," the silver-haired teen announced, handing him a small rectangle wrapped in paper; Malik stared it for a long time and then finally peeled it away to stare…at a brick.

"Hmm…now my gift seems miniscule," Yami commented, snorting and wandering back over to the couch; Yugi still didn't open his presents when the others had all exchanged and opened theirs but no one commented and he was pretty sure that Yami already knew why so he never asked. He was about to leave with his presents all inside of his backpack a few hours later, get to the game shop and spend the rest of the day with his grandpa, when Yami stopped him at the door.

The taller teen pointed up and Yugi blinked a few times as he craned his neck and tilted his head, eyes widening before laughing, "Oh, hey, look at that!"

"Yeah, a completely inconspicuously placed mistletoe, right?" the other teen murmured, nodding in delight.

Yugi stopped short and looked at him in confusion, eyes wide as he glanced at the banister and back. "Mistletoe?" he echoed, blinking before furrowing his brows. "Yami, I was talking about Milky Way."

"Huh?" Yami muttered, craning his head up and glaring. "Oh my Ra, you fucking  _ate_ the Christmas decoration, didn't you?"

The smaller teen snorted out a laugh and shook his head, smiling widely as the black and silver cat licked her paws and then seemed to scowl at him in response to his glare; both of them stared at each other for a moment and then Yami grabbed a candy cane from the tree to toss it at the she-cat. Milky Way blinked when it hit near her paw and then hissed before getting up and wandering out of the room.

"Damn it."

"Actually, I don't think she ate it."

"What? You mean, I threw that cane of fucking peppermint for nothing?"

Yugi let out a small laugh, picking up something off the ground and holding it in front of him. "Yeah, pretty much."

"Oh my Ra! Milky Way, come back!" he called, starting for the stairs; the smaller teen laughed as he caught him around the arm and pulled him back. For a second the red-eyed teen looked completely confused, eyes wide, but melted into it when Yugi snickered and wrapped his arms around his neck, leaning up and kissing him softly once. The little mistletoe decoration scratched against his back for a second and Yami jerked away, eyes wide while Yugi burst out laughing again.

"You sound like a girl when you offend Milky Way," he snorted, taking the little decoration in his hands and holding it in front of him while Yami blushed and snapped, "Well…you  _are_ one!"

"Am not."

"Are too."

"At this rate, you're never going to get in my pants."

Yami opened and closed his mouth and then shook his head rapidly. "I take it back! You're so manly you put Chuck Norris to shame! Please, Yugi!"

The smaller boy started laughing again and shook his head, looking at the mistletoe while Yami sighed, "You little tease."

"I thought you would have  _known_ that already."

"I—I…Rude!"

"You're the pervert! You're rude!"

"You're rude for pointing out that I'm a rude pervert!"

Yugi laughed and shook his head, rolling his eyes, and Yami distractedly snatched the mistletoe from him, wondering if he should go up and pin it back up; ugh, this sucked. How dare the little decoration fall off like that?

He had thrown a candy cane at his kitty and it had been because of this little bastard ornament—

He jumped a mile, spinning around with wide eyes and gawking at the feel of a hand groping his ass, the smaller teen squeezing once and biting his lip with bright blue-violet eyes.

"Touch the booty, slap the booty, let the booty know it's special," Yugi snickered, running out the door while Yami continued gawking after him; son of a bitch.


	6. The Distraction New Year's Dilemma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! There is a small bit of jokes about religions and such but nothing too horrible, and it shouldn't offend anyone. I just wanted to play around a little and it definitely worked. So just remember that no offense was meant and have fun.  
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh. At. ALL.

The Distraction New Year's Dilemma

"Why would you use  _weapons_?" Yami spat as he backed up into the kitchen; Yugi sat up from his spot on the couch, eyes wide as Mana followed him, purse in hands, swinging it at him. Her older brother caught it in his hand and jerked her off balance, throwing it aside and glaring. "Goddamn it, Mana."

"I will slap—"

"'I will slap the hell out of you'," he mimicked cruelly, sneering. "Bullshit, Mana. Touch me and you'll remember  _why_ you gave up on arguments with me when we were younger."

Yugi's mouth fell open; was he actually threatening her? Oh gods, what if he started hitting her? Was that domestic abuse or something? Or was it nothing because they were family? Oh gods, what was he supposed to do?

Mana seethed and spat, "I smell stank!" as she stepped closer.

"Get out of my face, Mana."

"'Get out of my face'," she sneered back; Yami reached forward and Yugi thought for a second that he was going to shove her but instead he forced her backwards with an easy straightening of his arms. The blonde let out a loud screeching noise and grabbed at his arms, going to smack them away, but stopped short when Yami caught onto her shirt and jacket.

"Want me to tear your leather?" he snapped, narrowing his eyes which she could see were shining with pure laughter. "I swear I'll do it."

"You wouldn't—"

"I would. I definitely would. You have no  _idea_  how much I've been wanting to tear it up anyways—"

"Don't touch my clothes!"

"Don't stink up the bathroom!"

"I didn't stink up the bathroom! You did!"

"Me? Fuck that! It was  _all_ you!"

"You're the one with obnoxious gas!"

"So full of shit, aren't you?"

She stepped forward so that they were in each other's faces again, snapping, "I didn't stink up the bathroom! You stunk up the bathroom!"

Yami burst out laughing and pushed her away again. "Get out of my face, Mana."

"'Get out of my face'—"

"Keep pushing, Mana, I swear to Ra, I'm going to—"

"Newsflash, Yami, we're not—"

"You think I won't—"

"I  _know_ you—"

Yami grabbed her and pushed her hard enough that she stumbled and fell. The taller teen sprang immediately and she yelped loudly, more shocked than scared, and Yugi opened and closed his mouth in horror. What if they actually started fighting and drew blood or—?

His eyes nearly popped out of his head when Yami pinned her with her arms over her head with one hand, neatly seated on her back while she screamed loudly for their parents and her brother shouted for them not to come. Yugi opened and closed his mouth and fell off the couch cushions when here was a loud sound like gas being passed. Mana screamed louder and begged for him to get off but Yami didn't look even phased at her noise, instead shifting to pin her more effectively when she thrashed.

" _Mom_!  _Dad_! He's doing it again!" she screamed angrily, trying to push him away again while Yami pressed his back against the wall and repeated his punishment.

" _Help me_!" she screeched so loudly that Yugi flinched and the entire room seemed to shake for a second; the smaller teen pressed his mouth into the back of his hand, biting into the skin to keep from simultaneously laughing and crying. How weird was this?!

And so  _early_ in the morning!

The ambassador and his wife came down the stairs after a long minute, obviously not having wanted to be called into the situation, and both siblings froze and looked at them for a second; Mana tried to push her brother off again but Yami merely pressed his weight into her once more and farted louder.

"Goddamn it," his father sighed.

His mother burst out laughing like she always had whenever she had witnessed Yami taking it upon himself to punish his little sister when they were younger. "And here I was thinking that you two had matured."

"Your mistake," Yami scoffed, glancing at his sister and smirking when she screamed again. "You would think I had explosive diarrhea or something with the way she's going like that. Fucking banshee."

"You must have had some if she was beating you up with a purse over it!" Yugi argued, still staring in shock and trying not laugh at the way that Mana and Yami both blinked at him.

"He stunk up the bathroom!"

"I didn't do jack shit!"

"You say that…after farting on your little sister…"

Yami narrowed his eyes at his boyfriend. " _Hush_ you."

"Yami, get off!" Mana snarled, trying to push herself up some and yelping when her brother spun on her.

"Stop struggling or I swear I'll  _summon_  some explosive diarrhea and  _coat_ you with it!" the red-eyed teen snapped at his sister who froze and looked at him with wide eyes, horrified out of her mind while Yugi furrowed his brows, mumbling, "I don't think that's how that works."

"Stay over there with your common sense," Yami stated, pointing at him. "It has no power here!"

Yugi raised a brow but smiled and shook his head anyways; such a strange boyfriend, but at least he wasn't hurting her or anything. And aside from that, the threat of explosive diarrhea…that didn't seem as perfectly legitimate as Yami was trying to make it.

In fact, he was almost two hundred percent sure that wasn't how explosive diarrhea worked…

"Yami, please get off your sister…"

"You see what MTV did to them? I swear, they were normal before we let them start watching that kind of shit," Aknamkanon snorted, rolling his eyes and sighing.

"Oh come on, Aky, it isn't too horrible," she giggled, gesturing. "I mean, at least he's not beating her up or anything. So, obviously he was only  _mildly_ influenced by MTV."

"Please, at the pumpkin patch he went to that poor boy and told him that girls kept their lies in their vaginas."

Yami and Mana both snickered while Yugi bit his knuckle to keep from crying from laughing so hard; he remembered that poor boy's red face and the way that the ambassador had gone off about it all being MTV's fault.

"And he called his cat Satan—fucking  _Satan_."

"…Just Satan."

Both of his parents looked at Yugi for a moment and the ambassador sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head while the small teen blushed and glanced at the siblings who smirked and snickered.

"This boy over here."

"Satan is very pretty!"

"Goddamn it."

"Yes, she is, isn't she?" his mom murmured with a small smile of reassurance that her husband wasn't at all unhappy with him. "Very beautiful cat."

"Damn straight," Yami agreed immediately.

"She's a stupid cat," Mana snapped, screaming when Yami farted out loud on her again. "Stop!"

"Don't diss on my cat.  _Never_ diss on my cat. You're just fucking jealous because your hamster is useless and stupid and ugly as all fuck and no one gives a  _shit_  about him and—"

"Language," his mother chided.

"I am using proper Japanese, mother," Yami said with a small sweet smile in her direction. "So, really, I am very mindful of my language."

"Such a smartass child. How did we raise him to be like this?"

"For once, I agree that it must have been MTV."

"About time that you admitted it!"

"I made a mistake allowing him to see those shows. I apologize."

"You're forgiven."

"Your parents are awesome."

"I know," Yami agreed, nodding before glancing at his sister with narrowed eyes. "You should stop moving so much. I mean, if you keep trying to drag yourself away, I swear I'm going to let it rip so badly that your leather will  _never_  be the same again."

The blonde froze and looked at her brother and all Yugi could think was that those farts had to be atomic; when all of them burst out laughing and glanced at him he realized immediately that he had spoken out loud.

"They are, little one. Very much so atomic," he murmured, waggling his ass over his sister's back, smirking widely. "This is why Mana never argues with me anymore but she seems to have forgotten that."

"We're not seven anymore!" the blonde cried, glaring at him angrily.

"You think because we're older that this has stopped?" he snorted, narrowing his eyes again. "No, my dear little sister, things don't happen like that."

"You would think they would," Yugi commented suddenly.

Both of them glanced at him and Mana snorted, "If that was true, he wouldn't be such a little pervert."

"God, Yami, when the fuck did you start molesting everyone?" Yugi cried without thinking.

His parents burst out laughing and Yami gawked at him while Mana wiped at her eyes, laughing and turning red in the face, glancing at her brother who still looked stunned by his outburst before hissing, "Gods, why are you all such fucking assholes like this? I wasn't doing this before!"

"I don't believe you at all!" Yugi said immediately. "You molested me in public! I wasn't your first victim!"

"Victim my ass! You were  _all_ for it and you know it!"

"I—I—Yeah, okay…" he admitted, nodding slightly; he had been pretty for it, unless he was remembering it incorrectly. "But you kept touching me and it—it gets confusing when someone is molesting you out of nowhere! I couldn't even consider thinking about protest!"

Yami's parents snickered and shook their heads, watching him as he blushed and bit his lip, Yami and Mana both smirking slightly; his boyfriend tilted his head and then commented, "You're easily distracted, aren't you?"

"Lonely hands wandering over my skin does that," he mumbled, flushing violently and then ducking his head.

"I better be the only one with lonely hands on your skin!" Yami said immediately, bristling and narrowing his eyes into slits. "I swear if Espa or Timaeus—"

"There was no Espa and Timaeus's hair was fucking glorious!"

"You take it back about his hair."

" _Never_."

Yami glared and tilted his head, hissing, "I should fart on you too."

" _Abuse_!" Yugi screeched, pointing at him and then sitting up straighter, eyes widening drastically. "Abuse! That's why you touch me so much and molest me so often!"

"Goddamn it, Yami," his father sighed, shaking his head. "Stop  _touching_ him like that if he doesn't want you to!"

"But I like it when he touches me," Yugi objected immediately, blinking and blushing when they all started snickering. "I just—so much and…It's so conflicting!"

Yami wiped at his eyes and the smaller boy ducked his head, trying to fold into the couch as Mana laughed, "You've molested him so much that he can't function properly anymore!"

"I know, it's a beauty, isn't it? The effect of touching and—"

"I need an adult!"

"My parents are adults," Mana offered.

"The other kind of adults."

Yami sputtered, cracking up as his sister wiggled her way out from under him only when he finally rolled his eyes and let her; the red-eyed teen took a seat immediately after and the blonde scrambled out of the room.

"I didn't know there was another kind of adult."

"The  _serious_  kind!"

Yami threw his head back, laughing until he was red-faced, and his sister came back down a few moments later with a completely new outfit on, glaring at the red-eyed teen for a second before turning back to her parents.

"I need the serious kind of adult."

"The need for an adult is starting to intensify," Yami chuckled.

"Such need," Yugi agreed, nodding vigorously, rocking slightly with wide eyes on him.

"On a scale of one to ten, how badly do you need a serious adult, Yugi?"

"Two million!"

All four of them burst out laughing and shook their heads at each other; Yami found himself focusing on his sister suddenly, asking, "Wait, why the fuck didn't you take a goddamned shower?"

"God, Yami, fuck off," she grumbled, huffing and then wandering into the kitchen to grab a bowl and some cereal; the red-eyed teen narrowed his gaze and snapped, "Did you not fucking learn from your previous punishment? I will summon some goddamned explosive diarrhea and shit on you, bitch."

"God fucking damn it," the ambassador sighed, shaking his head in annoyance and closing his eyes for a moment. "This is why we shouldn't have exposed them to the TV or internet at any point in their lives. Goddamn it."

"He started farting on his sister before MTV, honey."

"Gods, what the fuck did you teach these children?"

"Crazy things, apparently."

Yugi narrowed his eyes slightly; wasn't this the point where most mothers would have been offended? He thought that was what always happened when someone said something like that.

"I need nourishment," Yami announced, jumping to his feet as well and gesturing Yugi over, the smaller boy jumping up and biting his cheek hard to keep from saying he needed an adult again as soon as he stepped into the kitchen because Mana was eating her cereal and trying to keep Yami away from the box.

"Bitch, give me my food," he snarled, snatching it from her and whacking her upside the head with it a second later when she wasn't paying attention.

" _Yami_!" she snapped, about to ague with him when Yugi blurted out, "I say that all the time and he insists it's a sex noise!"

Yami choked and then scrunched his eyes shut for a moment before turning his head and whispering, "Ssh, little one, just…just relax and get ready for some breakfast, okay?"

Yugi opened and closed his mouth and turned his attention back to the bowl in front of him, taking the box from him and pouring some of the little puffs in and following it up with soymilk, staring at the carton for a moment.

"You all drink this?"

"Yes, why…?"

Yugi poked his finger into his shoulder. "I thought you were the only vegetarian and stuff. I mean, why would all of you drink soymilk if you're the only one who's a vegetarian?"

"Because, actually, soymilk…kind of tastes better," Mana admitted slowly, as if speaking to someone mental; when he looked at her for a second and then tilted his head in confusion, she found herself sighing loudly. "Wow, you really are slow when you wake up, huh?"

Yami glared at his sister for a second and then glanced at his boyfriend; that was true, however, because he had only been awake about thirty minutes and they had been sitting on the couch with him suggesting some plans for the day in which the smaller boy had been all mumbles of "Okay, we can do that" or "Ooh, ooh, that sounds  _fun_ " or "That…sounds like a really awkward sex position, honestly" when none of the mentioned statements were even slightly relevant to the conversation.

Beautiful little bastard was so cute and lost when he first woke up.

"Fuck off and go take a shower," Yami snorted, rolling his eyes and staring in confusion when he found that his bowl was filled with milk; he glanced at his boyfriend in surprise, the smaller boy smiling at him brightly before turning back to his bowl and taking a small spoonful of it.

"I'll take a shower in an hour, okay?" she snapped, rolling her eyes and going back to her cereal while her brother turned his head fully to stare at her, messing with his spoon idly as Yugi continued munching on his puffs of peanut butter and chocolate, grabbing the box and pouring some more immediately.

Both of them glanced at him in surprise for a split second before turning away again, the red-eyed teen turning away again and saying, "How about you take one… _now_?"

"An.  _Hour_. Yami."

Yami stared at her for a long moment and then Yugi put his spoon down, eyes wide as he turned his head, that predominant little instinct inside of him saying that shit was about to go down just as his boyfriend grabbed Mana's bowl and dumped the cereal over her head, snarling, " _Go take a fucking shower now_!"

Mana leaped to her feet, gawking, and then huffed and threw a few pieces of her breakfast at his face while Yami jumped up and glared at her; both their parents sighed and shook their heads.

"I don't want to take a shower now because you stunk up the fucking bathroom! It'll take hours for that stench to go away!"

"Oh my fucking Ra, I took a piss earlier," Yami snarled. "I never stunk up the goddamned bathroom! Now go take a shower, damn it!"

"Fuck you, you stunk it up and now it's disgusting and it'll seep into my hair and my skin and I'll never get it the fuck out again!"

"Bullshit! Bleach if you have to, bitch! Just get the fuck out of here, please?"

"I don't want that stench seeping into me! Gods, it's worse than the fucking poison gas they use during wars!"

Yugi stared in confusion; Yami had been with him all day—well, the whole hour…if it had even been an hour; he was still too asleep to judge how long it had been—since they had woken up and the only time he had actually left him was to go pee first and then go upstairs for a second to check on Satan.

"Ra-damn it, you idiots! I did it! I stunk up the fucking bathroom," their dad snarled. "Accusing each other and then pinning his sister down and practically shitting on her back, this is all MTV's influence."

"The great mystery of the day has been solved," Yugi whispered next to Yami who blinked and looked over at him curiously. "So no more fighting."

"You so don't know siblings," he snickered, kissing his temple once and turning away again. "I am so sorry you're disillusioned into thinking this will be our only fight."

"But…but…you just farted on her back and dumped cereal over her head and you…how is this…? I don't understand!"

"Ssh, ssh, it's okay. Eat breakfast and then just let it absorb a little and you'll be perfectly good again," Yami soothed, reaching over and ruffling his hair with a small nod. "You just need a little brain-food just like you needed sleep at the airport and you'll be okay."

Yugi opened and closed his mouth, first to say that he was still tired and maybe he just needed some more sleep but then his stomach growled and he glanced at his bowl and went about grabbing a spoonful, and then thought maybe he should just give him a Snickers bar because it always worked in the commercials. After all, even Godzilla had been cranky and given a Snickers bar and then instantly cool again and riding that jet-ski all happily across the water.

He smacked his lips together around the peanut butter and chocolate puffs of cereal and smiled at his boyfriend when he snickered, but ended up mumbling, "I need a nap" anyways while Yami chuckled and nodded slightly.

"Oh, yeah, I can see that in your eyes," he snorted, smiling widely before turning back to his dad. "By the way, that shit is gross."

"It was a shit. It's supposed to be gross. And stink. The fuck do you  _expect_  is going to come out of your ass? It's a bunch of heated up cell waste and you expect it to smell  _good_?" he scoffed, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"I think that would be expecting too much," Yugi admitted around his cereal. "Far too much."

"We are so going back to sleep after this," Yami snorted, chuckling.

"Hold me," Yugi mumbled a few minutes later when they had settled back on the taller teen's bed, the red-eyed boy snuggled into his pillow next to him; Yami blinked his eyes open and looked at him for a moment.

"It's hot."

"What?" he asked, confused as he stared at him for a moment, eyes widening drastically as he whispered, "Oh no. Did I upset you earlier? I didn't mean to. I like it when you touch me…It's very nice. I didn't mean to offend you. I…Please snuggle with me?"

Yami chuckled, eyes shining with laughter, and shook his head before pressing a small kiss to his forehead. "Of course I'm not offended," he snorted, rolling his eyes. "I'm honestly just hot, so hold on for a moment, please?"

Yugi nodded slowly, licking his lips, and watched as the taller teen sat up and pulled his shirt off, pulling the tank top back down to cover his skin again even as Yugi's eyes grew insanely wide and he reached out to run his fingers over his skin after bunching up the hem of his shirt again.

"You have really smooth skin," he muttered quietly, blinking and then looking at his face again, eyes still insanely wide. "I like it."

Yami burst out laughing, shaking his head and moving to pull him straight into him, slipping his legs around his and hugging him tightly. "Better?"

"You aren't going to molest me in my sleep right?"

"Don't try to restrain my lonely hands."

Yugi blinked and then looked down at his arms around him for a split second before turning back. "Do it when I'm awake," he yawned, snuggling into him and burying his face into his neck. "It's more fun when I can enjoy it."

"Oh, so it hasn't magically seeped into your dreams when I molest you while you're asleep?"

Yugi pulled back, eyes wide and owlish again, whispering, "Does that happen?"

"Me molesting you or the dream thing?"

"The dreams, Yami! I already know about the molestation!"

Yami snickered and shook his head. "I don't know yet. We'll have to test it out some time."

"Oh, okay…but not today. I don't want to wake up from a dream about you molesting me again."

" _Again_?" the taller teen echoed, eyes widening.

"You do it a lot in my dreams too…"

Yami opened his mouth to laugh at him, but the smaller teen was fast asleep already, face in his neck and grip tight as he clung to his shirt and kept their legs intertwined, his breaths making his skin tingle and a shiver pass through him for a moment before he settled to sleep as well.

Ten minutes later Yugi woke up to Yami coming back from the bathroom, the smaller boy blinking a few times and then mumbling, "Boy nipples are weird" as soon as the other teen got to his side and went to get on the mattress, eyebrows shooting up.

Was he saying that he didn't want to play with his nipples?

Yugi smacked his lips. "Girl nipples are weird."

Yami stared at him blankly. How the fuck did he know what  _girl_ nipples looked like?

The smaller boy moved closer, sitting up and whispering in his ear, "The  _word_ nipples is weird."

So…was he  _for_  or  _against_  nipples?

Yugi's eyes widened drastically suddenly, blinking and reaching over to pull his shirt up, staring at his nipples while Yami gawked and felt his face burn to the point that he was kind of scared of scar tissue.

"Sensitive chest raisins," Yugi whispered softly.

Oh fucking hell…

Yami gently grabbed at his shoulders and pushed him back just enough that they were staring into each other's eyes. "Little one, no. Just…just no," he stated softly, shaking his head slowly. "We don't call them that."

Yugi blinked and then slowly glanced up at his face again before looking back. "Okay…" He paused and yawned again, reaching out to wrap his arms around him. "I'm still tired."

"No shit."

"Very shit."

Yami snickered and shook his head, pulling him back to the mattress and snuggling into him, rubbing at his back until he fell asleep again; his poor, sweet little aibou was just  _too_ cute sometimes.

* * *

"Ssh!" Yugi cried, trying to bat away his hands and listen more fully to his music, attempting to ignore him and continue with the songs that were playing; Yami pursed his lips and tickled him again, making him yelp and jump, trying to grab at his hands. "Yami, I'm trying to have an eargasm!"

Yami frozen next to him, staring until his eyes burned when he finally blinked, Yugi going completely still at his side and then slowly looking at him and swallowing hard, whispering, "Please tell me I didn't just…"

"Eargasm. Ear. Gasm."

"It's…an orgasm…for your ears…"

Yami narrowed his eyes. "Lies!"

" _No_! That's what it—"

"You're cheating on me with music."

"Yami, an eargasm isn't—"

"I'm the  _only_ one who should be giving you  _anything_ 'gasm' related," he huffed, crossing his arms and glaring at him unhappily while the blue-violet-eyed teen felt his cheeks heating in embarrassment; for a moment they both just stared at each other and then, finally, Yugi went about trying to at least say  _something_.

"But…but I  _like_ eargasms! You can't take them away from me!"

…And that just  _had_  to be what he blurted out, didn't it?

Yami stared at him for a long moment and then leaned forward, narrowing his eyes and whispering, "I could give you eargasms like you've  _never_ imagined" as he pulled the earphone out and reached over to do the same with the other, taking them and the iPod and settling it on the other side of the couch.

Yugi furrowed his brows and gave him a confused look. " _Ear_ gasms, Yami."

The taller teen shifted closer and moved his mouth to his ear, dropping his voice into a sultry purr of "My eargasms will give you orgasms."

The smaller boy shivered, because yep, Yami was definitely starting to prove that statement right; he swallowed hard, blinking twice, and then swallowed hard around a whimper of, "Oh my gods."

Yami snickered and licked the shell of his ear, the smaller boy quivering and whining in the back of his throat as he pulled back, laughing in delight. "And I didn't even have to  _touch_  you the first time!"

This was so uncomfortable…

"Yami," he mumbled, blushing harder and swallowing as he glanced at him awkwardly.

" _Mmhmm_?" Yami chuckled smugly, grinning widely and watching him curiously.

"…Do you…do you have…some, um…n-new…?"

Oh gods, he couldn't ask it all the way.

"…New…?"

Yugi winced and scrunched his face up in pure embarrassment at the confusion that made up Yami's expression; he wondered if he could make himself smaller if he bunched up his limbs but that would have been so much more uncomfortable and he didn't want that to happen…

Because…oh, ew…

"Um…s-spare…?"

Oh, please, Yami had to know what that meant or else life was just too cruel; surely the red-eyed teen knew what that meant. He was extremely smart and observant and it shouldn't have been so hard for him to understand what he was asking.

 _Please_ understand what he was asking…

Yami took a single second, blinking. "Spare…? Oh!  _Oh_!" A playful smirk crossed his face, eyebrows waggling in pure amusement as they looked at each other and Yugi wondered if his face would explode from the heat. "Ooh, so  _sensitive_ , little one."

" _Yami_!" he squeaked, pushing him away and awkwardly jumping to his feet; the taller teen did a good job of keeping his eyes on his face whereas someone else would have been staring at the telltale wet spot making up the crotch of his pants.

"Do you  _realize_ how much  _fun_ we're going to have when we  _finally_ have sex?" he snickered, purring and getting to his feet as well. "I can't wait."

Yugi wanted to bury his face in his shirt but he wanted to push him away at the same time, and found himself instead settling for chewing his lip and whining Yami's name again.

"Okay, okay," the other boy chuckled, smiling widely with a small laugh as he leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "Yeah, come on. We'll go get you some new boxers and…"

Yugi blinked when he trailed off, opening his mouth to ask what he meant only to see the excitement in those bright red eyes, question answered immediately as he blurted out, "Can I  _watch_?"

His eyes nearly popped out of his head. " _Yami_!"

"Does my name count as yes or no?"

"It's  _sticky_!" Yugi cried, shifting awkwardly and glaring at him with slightly watery eyes.

" _Ra_ …" Yami groaned, the word curling upwards into a whine in the back of his throat.

The smaller boy whined in response, grabbing his arm and shaking it slightly to get his mind out of the gutter, the red-eyed teen staring at him with glazed over eyes for a split second. "I—it's  _uncomfortable_ , Yami."

Yami blinked once and licked his lips to keep from admitting to the fact that he had experienced the same problems a few times before when Yugi had sat in his lap. "Yeah, uh…"

Oh, but that image of Yugi in his underwear was driving him insane.

"Oh, right! Uh…go ahead and go upstairs. I'll, uh"—his voice cracked, growing high-pitched and squeaky but rough around the edges, startling both of them—"meet you up there."

Yugi couldn't bite back the loud squeak that came out of his mouth, shocked out of his mind as he turned and ran upstairs, blushing so harshly that he was pretty sure he could replace a stoplight.

Yami watched him go, groaning under his breath, and mumbled, "Fucking Ra…" before sighing and shaking his head, running after him.

This sucked.

Two days after Christmas and he was getting a little bit of his wish…

He stepped into his room just as Yugi vanished into the bathroom; the taller teen wondered what pants he had grabbed now that his own were somewhat…soiled. Vaguely he wondered if he should throw them into the washer with some of his other clothes and then give them to him when they went through the dryer, but at the same time he didn't think it was going to happen.

He felt like Yugi might be too embarrassed if that happened.

When the smaller boy came out, he found him in his favorite gray-black skinny jeans, the bottoms bunched up some at the beginning of his shoes but the rest sculpting his body rather well, and for a moment Yami wanted to moan, because now he was kind of too horny…

"We should stop pretending that pants are even necessary," he announced, turning to him with eager eyes that made him blush and duck his head. "It's time we  _progress_  past the rest of our society!"

"Yami…"

"Fine, fine…but, on the  _bright_  side…"

Yugi raised his head only enough to look at him through his long lashes.

"An orgasm a day keeps the stress away!"

He blinked once, blushed harder, and then pursed his lips and turned away, grumbling, "Pervert's guide to happiness."

"Yes!" he exclaimed immediately, pointing at him. "It is! It is my fucking  _guide_!"

Yugi smiled and shook his head, tilting his head before grinning just a little wider and glancing at his boyfriend before both of them froze when they heard the door open loudly, the sound of footsteps far too noisy for either of them to focus on or even attempt a conversation anymore.

"Probably Bakura and Malik," Yami commented with a roll of his eyes, gesturing for him to follow and leading the way down the stairs; both of them could hear the two cousins bickering but the moment they stepped into the kitchen and they turned towards him, the look-alikes froze in place with wide eyes.

Both of them were covering their faces and some of their forehead was extremely red and irritated and looked almost as if it might blister at any point.

"What the fuck happened to you two?"

Bakura hissed and kept his hands over his face while Malik groaned out, "We were going through the stuff in the attic and we ran across some condoms and lubricant."

"I already don't like where this is going," Yami muttered, shuddering as Yugi elbowed him in the ribs.

"And this idiot convinced me it was a good idea to fill up the condoms with the lubricant and put them in the microwave," Bakura snarled, glaring at the blond, "so when it beeped, this dumb fuck over here decided to poke them with a pin. And the burning lubricant sprayed on us and it felt like Satan had just ejaculated on our faces."

Yami threw his head back, laughing, and Yugi gawked before covering his mouth as he started cracking up; both of the newcomers glared at each other and continued rubbing at their faces, frustrated beyond belief.

"It's not funny," Bakura snarled, rubbing harshly. "It's not fucking funny at all!"

"That's hilarious," Yugi argued, blushing and laughing harder. "'It felt like Satan ejaculated on our faces.'"

"Shit!" Yami choked out, doubling over.

"Oh my god, I don't think it gets better than that."

"Says you!" Malik snapped, groaning and rubbing his face again. "You're such fucking assholes."

"You should get some ice for those burns," Yami snorted, gesturing towards the fridge and nearly falling over himself when he burst out laughing again.

"Fuck me," Bakura spat, going over and grabbing a bag of frozen peas and pressing it into his face completely, moaning softly in pure pleasure at the feeling.

"Goddamn it, Bakura, you have to lower your genius level. You've just fucking hit quadruple digits.  _Never_ go quadruple digits," Yami said, shaking his head firmly. "This is the result when you allow Malik to make you hit quadruple digits."

"Never," he agreed, nodding rigorously. "I will  _not_ go quadruple digits with my genius level. Ever again."

"Wait, so no one gives a fuck about my genius level?" Malik snapped suddenly, eyes wide when they had remained silent for a long minute.

"No, why would we?" Yami scoffed, shaking his head. "You're not as… _complex_ as Bakura when he does something stupid. All it takes to make you feel better is a pat on the head and something sympathetic like, 'Oh, it's okay' but with him, he gets all whiny and bitchy and you have to be  _quick_ about making him feel good again and destroying  _any_ urge he might have to continue his behavior. You…on the other hand… _well_ …you just don't ever learn anyways."

"Exactly!" the silver-haired teen stated immediately. "Except the whiny and bitchy part."

"Oh no, you get whiny and bitchy," his red-eyed cousin stated.

"I do not get whiny and bitchy!"

"Yes, Bakura, you do."

"No, I fucking don't!"

"Bitch, please, you have got to be kidding me. You always have and you always will."

"I don't—"

"It…kind of sounds like whining and bitching to me," Yugi commented suddenly.

"And there you have it," Yami said, gesturing vaguely. "You are officially whining and bitching."

"Fucking assholes. Tell me you wouldn't be whining and bitching if you had Satan ejaculate on your face!"

"There's a such thing as pride," the red-eyed teen stated slowly, "you should learn to get some."

Yugi suddenly blinked and looked at them with wide eyes, staring first at Yami's hands and then his own before asking, "Hey, um…what do you even  _do_ with your hands during sex?"

His boyfriend opened his mouth to reply but stopped short and turned to his cousins, blinking wide, questioning eyes to which Bakura snorted a laugh and said, "Play Miss Mary Mack with an invisible person."

Yugi's eyes widened drastically, picturing it and narrowing his eyes; he couldn't do that with Yami. Knowing him he would probably be jealous of the invisible person and all hell would break out and…

Wow…why had he just taken that seriously?

"Braid each other's hair," Mana announced as she jumped down the last step and wandered around them to grab a soda from the fridge, winking at Yugi playfully.

"Eat a sandwich, usually," Bakura snorted, smirking and grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl.

"Put them in your pockets."

"Pockets?" Yami echoed, narrowing his eyes and staring at the blond before tipping his head to the side. "What the fuck? Why would you have  _pockets_?"

"…I thought you had to be naked to have sex," Yugi commented, furrowing his brows and looking at Yami for confirmation.

"You  _do_."

"Oh…" The smaller teen nodded once and then his mind gave him a disgusting picture that made him spin on the tanned male with horrified eyes, whispering, "Then what the fuck kind of sex have  _you_ been having?"

"The  _fun_  kind," Malik snapped, rolling his eyes.

"Fun my ass! That wouldn't be fun!" Yugi cried, throwing his arms up while Bakura, Yami and Mana stared at him in shock; what the fuck was going on in his little aibou's brain right now?

"Yugi, um…maybe you should go ahead and stop while you still—"

"Like, your clothes are going to be ruined and—buying new ones? Unless you're freaking Mana, that shit is not fun and—"

Yami clamped his hand over his mouth, really hoping that it wouldn't be too impossible for him to stay quiet; he was pretty sure he was about to prove him wrong, especially when Yugi started moving his lips against his palm.

"I have to—"

"We should go watch a movie. I think a movie would be nice."

"What's he got to say that you're so desperate to hide?" Bakura snickered.

"N-nothing," Yami stammered, blushing slightly and squeezing his eyes shut for a moment; what was the best way to get out of this?

"Aw, come on, Yami, let him talk," Mana snorted, "I, for one, want to hear what he has to say."

"You just want to embarrass me with whatever comes out of his mouth."

"Damn straight. You poured cereal over my head, you dumbass."

"You stunk."

"You  _stink_!"

"You're stupid!"

"And you're an idiot!"

"That's the same insult!"

"No, stupid is an adjective and idiot is a noun! Get your shit straight!"

"It's a sad day when your  _little_ sister is smarter than you," Bakura commented, rolling his eyes.

"Bitch, please," Yami spat, "you're the one who let him talk you into letting Satan ejaculate on your face."

"Why do you keep using that word? It's so…correct," Malik hissed.

"Because that's how I phrased it, moron," Bakura snapped.

"Oh, well, my fucking bad, asshole."

"Whatever—wait one fucking second," the silver-haired teen cried, turning to his red-eyed cousin. "Did she just say that you fucking dumped cereal over her head?"

"She needed a bath."

"Goddamn."

"She stunk and she needed a fucking bath."

"And you couldn't have just told her that?"

"I did but she was being stupid and wouldn't take one."

"Dad stunk up the bathroom."

"There are like…six bathrooms in this fucking house, what the fuck is wrong with you that you couldn't just go into another one?"

"My special shampoo and conditioner and hair spray were in there!" Mana snarled. "I can't take a shower without them to do my hair! God, Bakura, fucking  _think_ for a moment, would you?!"

"This bitch," Bakura growled, "I'm going to end up clawing her fucking eyes out soon enough."

"You're all so abusive," Yugi mumbled, drawing Yami's attention and making him blink wide eyes; the smaller boy frowned and then bit his thumbnail. "I don't know what I should do with this information…"

"Embrace it."

Yugi blinked at him.

"Make love to it."

The smaller boy's eyes widened drastically, blushing.

"And remember it only applies to familial bullshit like this."

He opened and closed his mouth but after a moment or two he simply nodded because he couldn't really think of anything to say to that.

Yami stared at him for a long minute, surprised, and then shrugged as he turned away again just as Malik and Bakura started snarling at each other about how he was an idiot for poking the condoms with a pin.

He neglected to point out that he was the really stupid one for going along with it in the first place.

* * *

Yugi wasn't really sure how the three of them had managed to make Yami want to go to the gym with them, but either way he followed along and now he was definitely not regretting it.

Mana went flying backwards off the treadmill almost immediately which made her brother laugh so hard he fell off the cross-trainer which made Bakura laugh hard enough that he slipped off his and Malik ended up getting thrown off his treadmill when he couldn't keep up with running through his laughter.

So all four of them were on the floor crying from laughing so hard and in varying degrees of pain and Yugi was the only one completely safe from the ache, lying on the floor in stitches while they all blamed each other for getting thrown off.

"And that's all the exercise for me," Yami announced, getting up after a few minutes and dusting himself off, the other three scrambling to their feet and still laughing from it all. "I think I'm buffed up enough for the rest of the year."

"Damn straight," Malik snorted, wiping at his eyes.

Yugi couldn't make himself uncurl from the ball he was in, sobbing and red-faced, a whine coming out under his laughter and his sides hurting as they all watched him and snickered in amusement.

"This is why we don't do gym," Yami stated, nodding immediately at the others and fighting off a bunch of laughter again. "This is why we all just pretend that it doesn't exist and we don't have to worry about it and…We should all get fat one year and then have an actual reason to come here."

"So done with gym."

"Damn straight."

"Never again."

"Great. Now that we're all in agreement…"

"Um…so how the fuck do we get your boyfriend off the floor?"

"I don't know…"

"Should we just wait it out?"

"Shit…probably."

Yugi broke down harder at that, laughing until he couldn't breathe as Yami plopped down next to him and started messing with his shoelaces, the other three glancing around nervously.

"You know, I think the American guy over there really thinks that we just insulted his resolution," Bakura hissed.

Yami looked over and his eyes nearly bugged out of his head; holy shit, he thought those people were fucking  _myths_!

"Fucking  _Ra_ …"

"Oh gods, you don't think he's—oh my fucking gods, he's coming over here!"

"Quick, run!" Yami shouted, grabbing Yugi's hand and trying to get him off the ground as they all scattered; the smaller teen took one look at the American flag on the guy's head, how it was wrapped up as a bandanna, grabbed Yami's hand as tight as he could, and bolted as if his ass was on fire.

Yami nearly face-planted into the equipment at least thirty times but somehow managed to keep his footing and his cousins and sister were left several feet behind them as they continued back towards the house.

"Well, we fucking know who would survive a goddamned zombie apocalypse," Bakura grunted, panting as he doubled over and leaned against the door as they all came in a few minutes after the two look-alikes. "Fucking  _hell_."

"Damn, no wonder he didn't have to work out," Malik sputtered.

"Uh…now where the fuck are they?" Mana muttered, blinking wide eyes at her cousins who snorted and shrugged as if she had just asked them a question about the bible.

"How the fuck would I know?" Bakura scoffed.

"Gods, this is just going to kill me," the blonde huffed, rolling her eyes and looking around. "Guys? Where are you?"

"You think after he fled like  _that_  that he'll come out  _easily_?" Malik scoffed. "He just acted like it was a goddamned foot race and you think he's going to just come out of hiding just like  _that_?"

Yami was currently seated on Yugi's bed, staring around the room curiously as the smaller teen hummed something or other and plopped down next to him on the computer chair at the desk.

"So, um…what's…Wow, this is…" Yami shook his head slowly and then grinned at him. "They're going to freak out when they don't find me at the house."

Yugi poked his tongue out. "So? Not my fault that they won't come up with it first."

"You sure know how to run. I swear, I almost died twice trying to keep up."

"The good thing about bullies is that they give you a  _lot_ of stamina and speed," the smaller boy stated, nodding and glancing at him; Yami was still a little flushed from the run, cheeks reddened and eyes slightly wide, looking shocked out of his mind but mostly appreciative and more than a little amused.

"He wasn't going to do anything."

"You don't know that," he stated, huffing, "besides, that was Bandit Keith and he's not a nice little American, okay?"

"I never would have guessed with the way he advanced on us," Yami snorted, breathing out a low sigh and trying to gather himself a little; shit, he really was seriously winded, but in his defense, he had never really needed to run so fast for such a long time and now it was just so sudden that it left him completely breathless and confused. But he totally refused to look out of shape like that in front of Yugi. Nope, no way. Never.

But that little mischievous laughing gleam in the other's eyes said that he knew and Yami was dead set on pretending that he had no idea what his little one was insinuating with that look.

"So…how do you know him exactly?"

Yugi paused for a moment, hesitating before sighing. "He hangs around outside a gas station down the road from the school and always asks if anyone wants some weed."

Yami tilted his head in question and the smaller boy offered a small smile.

"That and…" His smile vanished, a small gleam of fear and a tiny bit of extreme disdain entering his eyes. "I found out that my mom and dad were overseas and my grandpa was having trouble with the bills and we wouldn't be able to get the check that they were sending in time to pay and I…took matters into my own hands…"

The taller teen stared for a long minute and then leaned forward to put his elbows on his knees, chin in hands, breathing a little harder now that he was a  _small_ bit sure Yugi wouldn't be able to see it with the baggy clothes.

"Meaning…?"

"That I used the casino down the street to gamble until I could get enough money to pay," he admitted, cringing slightly. "And I used to have to play people for money—any game, really, because I'm normally really good at winning them when I get the chance, but, uh…then Bandit Keith played me and um…"

"I swear to Ra, if he put his hands on you—"

"No, no, he, um…he actually let me off with a warning," Yugi muttered, clearing his throat awkwardly. "He said if he ever saw my face again and we were alone, he'd gut me like a fish."

"Oh fuck no—"

Yugi shook his head a little. "I swear, Yami, if you start trouble with  _him_ ,  _I'm_  going to be the one who kicks your ass, understand?"

Yami blinked wide eyes. "But he—"

"He won't hurt me—at least as long as I don't play any games."

"So…that's why you wouldn't duel."

"Yeah, plus he was there. I saw him and he…got disqualified for cheating before he could duel you, but I saw him and I knew if I played…"

"Hmm…So you think he actually would have started something at the gym?"

"Well, considering you guys were all pretty much making fun of Americans with that little joke, I would say yes."

"But it wasn't even racist!"

"Yeah, well, most people overreact and Bandit Keith is  _definitely_ one of them so  _please_ , whatever you do,  _do not_ go to that fucking gym again. Ever. Because I know he's going to hold a grudge about this and he  _will_ fucking attack you if he sees you at any point."

Yami huffed softly. "Yeah, yeah, all right," he sighed, rolling his eyes. "I get it. I won't go near Bandit Keith or the gym."

"Seriously, Yami."

"Okay, okay, I promise I won't go near the gym or Bandit Keith." He paused and looked towards the ceiling. "You know, though…"

"Hmm?"

"If you were ever cast in the Hunger Games or something, I could see you surviving that shit."

Yugi blushed and rolled his eyes. "You really need to catch your breath. I can still hear how winded you sound."

Yami recoiled with shock in his eyes, hissing, "You can  _hear_ it?"

"Yes," the smaller teen laughed. "It's kind of ironically attractive but at the same time you sound kind of like what I imagine a completely stereotypical American to sound like after running only a few steps."

The taller teen gave him an extremely hurt look. "I don't…I normally don't run that fast or for that long and now that we're here, I just…I'm starting to feel so attacked right now."

He started laughing and moved over to the bed, plopping down next to him and reaching up to trace his fingers along his side. "Well, then, now we officially know how easily bruised your ego is."

Yami flushed. "You cannot be serious."

"I am though. I really am."

"Hush." He glanced around awkwardly, eyes half lidded and downcast as he chewed his bottom lip. "You're mean and I don't like you anymore. I think we need a divorce."

"Divorce? But we're not even married!" Yugi cried, eyes widening; shit, had Yami somehow pulled strings or something and gotten them married online or…? Wait, surely someone would have talked him  _out_ of that, right?

"I'm sorry, did our souls  _not_ do the deed before?" Yami hissed, glaring at him playfully. "If your souls do the deed even before  _you_ do, then fuck yes, I count that as  _marriage_."

"Um…I don't think the rest of the world agrees to that."

"Shut up, I live in my own world!"

Yugi snickered and rolled his eyes. "I can't even argue with that one," he laughed. "Half the time I have to wonder. So…what's your world like?"

"Well, there's a very sexually deviant clone of you who likes to yell at me sometimes because I touch him too much," Yami said thoughtfully, Yugi laughing as he looked at him. "We're married, we own a pet Fichus, a velociraptor, two dogs, Milky Way is immortal, my cousins are actually sane, I don't get drawn into ridiculous situations because the gods like to mess with me so much, we have pizza every night, I can run and not be so winded that  _you point it out_ , and we freak out Espa Roba on a daily basis by pretending to chant in Latin while he flips out."

Yugi burst out laughing and squeezed his side, making him twitch and squirm for a moment, red eyes wide as he looked at him. "You really hate Espa, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Because of your little idea about me having liked him at one point or because you really chose dinosaurs over his god?"

Yami stayed quiet for a moment. "Both."

"Oh my gods."

"Tell me who the hell had a crush on you and I won't say that you liked him anymore, okay?  _Deal_?"

Yugi groaned. "Fine, fine! But it…it wasn't a boy."

"Your grandpa beat the shit out of a girl with a broom?" Yami asked, gawking.

" _No_! He chased her around the game shop though, thinking that the conversation he had walked in on was her trying to pressure me into liking her and…Yeah, she never mentioned it again and it's…We just don't even talk about it anymore."

"Oh…okay then." Yami snorted and shook his head slowly, blinking a few times. "So then, who was it…?"

Yugi blushed furiously and hurried to sit up, watching his face before ducking his head. "Just…promise me you won't tell anyone. Not Mana, not Bakura, not Malik, not Duke. No one, okay?"

The taller teen blinked. "Very well. You have my word that I will not tell anyone or mention it out loud at any point after this…except immediately after this because with the way you're acting, I'm starting to think that this is going to stun me."

The smaller boy groaned and reached up to run his hands through his hair, sighing softly. "I…It was Tea."

"Tea?" Yami repeated, furrowing his brows. " _Tea_? Tea had a thing for you?"

Yugi raised his head slightly, looking at him, and mumbled, "She didn't realize that I was gay."

"Oh…So…" He tried to think of a nice way to put the question that was now dominating the rest of his thoughts; he didn't want to make Yugi feel bad or anything about it and gods knew, he felt cheated when Vivian had done it to him. "Did she uh…?"

"Did she what?"

"I don't know how to…Uh…"

"Just say it."

Oh great, now he was making Yugi anxious. He resisted the urge to press his face into his palm, instead grimacing and blinking a few times, sorting through his thoughts for a long minute before finally breathing out, "Okay, did she…? Was she your…? Who was your…?"

Yugi stared in confusion and that anxious look on his face was growing…

"Was she your first kiss?" he finally managed, feeling a sick twinge of jealousy and disgust in his system at the bitter taste in his mouth; wow, he really needed to figure out how to control this envy thing he had going on.

"My first…?" The smaller teen looked so relieved he almost apologized, but he was rolling his eyes and laughing and he felt a little sick again. "No, you were. In the mall…when you practically assaulted me with your mouth."

Yami blushed for a second and then mumbled, "Oh, okay…Ha."

"Would you really have been jealous of something like  _that_?" Yugi asked skeptically, eyes wide as he looked at him, blinking in shock.

He winced slightly. "I…uh…"

"You get jealous too easily."

"Well, forgive me," he huffed, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms. "But weren't you trying to  _make_ me jealous at the tournament? Fucking petting Timaeus's hair. Like _who the fuck does that_? Gods, you just…Grr…"

"Hey, don't growl at me," Yugi stated, poking him in the shoulder and smiling a little. "Okay, so I attempted and succeeded at making you jealous. I'm sorry. But, damn, Yami, going after him like that?"

"I…Hush, you. I have jealousy issues."

"Well, I'm glad you know that."

Yami pursed his lips. "You know, watching you with Timaeus was horrible," he grumbled, rolling his eyes and refusing to look at him for a long minute, "because you're just over there all happy and touching his hair and leaving me alone. And I'm just stuck over there being really sad and annoyed and completely helpless to stop it and then I felt all pathetic for it when I ruined your fun but you left me out so it's your fault. All blame is on you now. I don't like sitting around being…quietly annoyed."

Yugi sighed and ran his fingers over his stomach, making him squirm. "You still didn't have to go that far."

"Yes I did. You were petting his fucking  _hair_ and complimenting it."

"So?"

"You never do that with  _my_ hair!" Yami whined loudly, huffing. "No love for  _my_ hair. I need a little bit of an ego boost sometimes too!"

Yugi blinked and then snickered. "Your ego is too big," he laughed, rolling his eyes. "Your ego is  _way_  too big."

"Don't be rude."

"It's bigger than Seto's."

"…I'm feeling so attacked right now."

"Good, maybe it'll make your ego  _manageable_."

"You just don't love me."

"I do, I do, but…your ego is a little troublesome."

"Go away. I don't like you anymore."

Yugi moved to straddle him, wrapping his arms around his neck and pressing into him lightly. "But I  _love_ you," he snorted, biting his lip when Yami grabbed his ribcage lightly and pushed him back to stare at him in shock.

"Wait. Did I just…? Did you just say or was I…?" He paused, narrowing his eyes. "Do I still need to record you saying those words or what?"

"Oh my gods, I can't believe you were serious about that!"

"Damn straight I was."

Yugi rolled his eyes. "I love you."

"Oh, so you  _did_ say them!" he snickered, grinning stupidly. "Say it again."

"Only if you promise to make that face every time I do."

"What face?"

"That stupid goofy one you have on you now," he laughed.

"Mimic it for me."

"I can't! I don't know how to do that," Yugi snorted, shaking his head and smiling widely. "That face is too… _you_ to try it."

"Oh…" Yami tilted his head. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"Mmhmm."

"Okay, say it again!" he demanded excitedly, eyes bright as he studied him. "Say it again!"

Yugi rolled his eyes. "I love you."

"Yes!"

The smaller teen burst out laughing. "Just so you know, I'm not saying it again. Your ego would get too big."

Yami huffed but that happy look on his face didn't change, eyes bright as he hugged him tightly; the smaller teen blinked once and then shifted on his lap, producing a moan that made him stop short, eyes growing immensely wide again a few seconds later when Yami ran his tongue over his pulse point.

"I…Yami, um…w-what exactly  _are_ you doing…to my neck?"

The red-eyed teen snickered against his skin and Yugi trembled for a second while he mumbled, "I love your neck."

"Oh, okay, but um…w-why?"

"Because I can bite it, lick it, suck it, nuzzle it  _and_ just press my face  _all_ against it and just  _breathe_ you in."

He just wanted to know what the lick was for, but that was awesome too.

* * *

Yugi wasn't answering the phone.

Yami frowned as he stared at it and drummed his fingers against the table; he had left about two hours before in order to come back to the house and yet the phone kept ringing and ringing and ringing and every time that he thought it would go to voicemail, it  _kept_ ringing.

He was getting fed up as hell with it, especially after the twentieth time dialing finally the voicemail popped up almost immediately, Yugi's voice chiming, "You've reached Yugi Motou, sorry I can't come to the phone right now. But leave me a message and I'll call you back."

What the hell? Was he seriously ignoring him or something?

The phone beeped.

He didn't leave a message until the next day.

"You've reached Yugi Motou, sorry I can't come to the phone right now. But leave me a message and I'll call you back."

Yami cleared his throat awkwardly before the tone and then finally went about mumbling, "Okay, so I'm going to take a guess at this and say that I pissed you off big time before and I'm really,  _really_ sorry, aibou. I just—I've been thinking of you—but not in a creepy way. I mean—it—it could be considered a  _little_ creepy but not really. I mean, ha, I've only gone by your house once and—dear fucking Ra, what am I saying? I-ignore that—if for nothing else other than my sanity. Please. I'm seriously begging you to." He paused for a second. "Uh, anyways! I just wanted you to know that there is nobody I would rather be with than you. And you make me very happy—embarrassingly so."

He quickly hung up and groaned, running his hand through his hair and feeling so stupid that it was amazing.

Two hours later, Mana was in his room, huffing about teenage boys and how they were so hypocritical and stupid. She was looking through his deck of cards and messing with his phone and trying to scare off Milky Way with the wire on the phone charger.

"Why do teenage boys care about if a girl is a virgin or not? I mean, are they  _really_ that eager to be the first to disappoint me?"

Yami stared at her for a second, considering speaking, and then turned away again because it was so not worth it; another four hours later, he called back and got the voicemail all over again, something that made his skin crawl with worry.

"Okay, so I  _know_ I'm not always the greatest at telling you how I feel—or even…talking. I-in general." He cleared his throat again and scratched at the back of his head. "But I wanted to tell you I'm sorry and I just…I love you and…stuff."

He huffed when, the next day, he called again and got nothing.

"Okay, well, you know what? This…? It seriously just  _sucks_ , Yugi! I wish I had a better way to say this, but I honestly don't and my brain feels totally stuck right now and I—I just wanted you to know that even though I pissed you off with…whatever I did or said, I might not  _always_ do the best things in the world or have the right words, you will always have me. I'm not going anywhere. So I  _hope_ you're cool with that." He paused, adding a mumbled, "Because I love you" that was barely audible before hanging up the phone and starting to pace.

"Can you like, fucking cease to exist for twenty goddamned minutes?" he snarled at his sister when she started into his room four hours later; he glared her down and snarled low in his throat, the blonde instantly turning and fleeing from the room.

"You know, that day in class? When we were talking about hearts and heart strings? I wasn't joking about the marriage thing…Okay, maybe a little, but I mean…When I say  _marry_ …I don't mean bang. I mean…like…I want to make pancakes on a Sunday morning and have you walk downstairs in plaid pajama pants with messy hair and let me kiss you on the nose." He paused for a long moment. "I would  _also_  bang you though. Like a screen door in a hurricane."

He gawked at his own statement and grumbled, "Goddamn it!" before hanging up again.

The next day, he found himself up at eight, dialing again.

" _Answer the fucking phone, Yugi, before I have a fucking_ _aneurysm_!" Yami snarled, throwing his arms around. "I can't  _deal_ with the silent treatment! I swear to fucking  _Ra_ , I will fucking leap in through your window in the middle of the night if you do not  _call me back_!"

* * *

Yami went with Mana to the café down the street because she  _insisted_ they had the  _best_ ice cream and cake and all of that and she wanted it and she didn't want to go alone; so, two days later, he was with her, both of them seated and talking about stupid things when the bell on the door rang.

The first thing Yami noticed was that it was Tea and she was dressed in the uniform; the second was that Mana had yet to actually get something and there hadn't been a waiter or waitress to ask.

Then he figured they probably had to go to the front to ask for something to eat or drink or whatever it was that they did here, until he saw Mana's friend Miho and guessed that she probably already knew what Mana wanted because she probably made sure to find out if Miho was working that day.

Yami sighed in frustration; what the fuck was he doing here anyways?

Miho came over with the biggest slice of chocolate cake he had ever seen, said hi to him, chatted with his sister for several minutes, and then hurried off to work again when Tea called her back over there.

"Hey, there's Yugi!" Mana cried a few minutes later as he started to play with his phone, pointing towards where the smaller teen was getting a cup of hot chocolate and smiling widely at Tea who was telling him a story that made them both laugh; Yami ducked and hid, sliding off his chair silently and crouching on the ground immediately, head low and eyes drifting up towards the bottom of the table only to wince. They really needed to clean these things. There had to be  _at least_ twenty different flavors of gum just there—maybe even one that had  _yet_ to be discovered at that point.

"Yami, what the fuck just happened?" his little sister muttered, raising an eyebrow and peering under the table at him, frowning.

The older Sennen sibling waved her off pointedly. "Stop looking at me!"

She sat up. "Well…this is going to look awkward as all hell just talking with no one else around…hmm…well, uh, hey, so,  _why_ exactly are you hiding from Yugi?"

"I don't know. I think I pissed him off doing something or other. I don't remember but he's not returning my phone calls and that's normally how you  _know_ when someone is pissed at you," her brother muttered, frowning as he watched Yugi at the counter; he looked happy enough. For a second he almost wanted to sob but he wasn't even sure if they had broken up in the first place, though that was probably what had happened if Yugi was ignoring him like this; but, by Ra, was he seriously so easy to get over like that?

"You…think he's pissed at you?" the blonde murmured, a little too interested for his liking as she turned her head and watched the short teen who sipped at his chocolate, winced at the heat of it, and then nodded at whatever the brunette said to him. She moved her leg to kick him hard in the shoulder and Yami winced, glaring at her foot, contemplating somehow grabbing the knife off the table and just sawing her leg off without her knowing. "So what now?"

He didn't have to think about it to know that Yugi would be there for a little while longer but it was obvious that he was going to leave pretty soon too and that made him want to vomit with fear; did he hate him or something? Oh gods, he didn't know what he had done, but he did know that Yugi had to be pissed off at him and…He probably sounded so pathetic when he listened to the messages on his voicemail. Oh gods, he needed to look for a hole to go die in…

"You know, I think if he was mad at you, he wouldn't be so cheerful."

"He's looking…for someone," Yami realized slowly, eyes widening when he realized that the smaller teen was looking out the clear glass of the doors and back towards Tea, swapping back and forth and talking to her with a small smile.

"You maybe? Maybe he wants to talk to you. Or, hey, maybe I could—"

"Don't even think about it, Mana. I will  _cut_ you," he snarled from under the table.

Tea's phone went off and Yugi leaned over the counter to see the screen she offered him, smiling a little and shaking his head as he said something or other; Mana coughed so loudly that Yami jumped and ended up striking his head against the pole in the bottom of the table, groaning and rubbing at the pained spot as Yugi and Tea's heads snapped to attention. The older Sennen glared for a moment and then reached out and pinched her violently on her leg, making her cry out and jerk backwards, glaring at him.

"Ow!  _Yami Atemu Sennen, what_ are  _you doing down there underneath the table_?!"

"I'm going to kill you," Yami spat, huddling in his spot as the entire room went silent and both of the other two teens' heads lowered and stared at him as he glared and pinched her again; she shrieked, jumping from her seat while her brother gloated and then went immediately still when he realized Yugi was crouched next to him, asking, "Um…what are you doing under there? Are…you okay?"

Yami threw his phone out of his pocket, letting it skid a couple of inches, pouncing on it and gripping it tightly, acting as if it had been eluding him the entire time. "Ah,  _ha_! I found it! Must have just…slipped out. Funny huh?" he mumbled weakly, forcing a wide smile onto his face and staring at the smaller teen who blinked as his eyebrows shot up and a small grin appeared on his lips, looking amused and relieved. "I—ha, what a coincidence that you're…here, Yugi. I certainly wasn't…expecting it…"

"You know I live across the street," the blue-violet-eyed teen snickered, smiling a little more, gaze growing fond.

"O—oh yeah. And…oh yeah, so does Mana!" he muttered, kicking her leg as he got up and started to sit again, his sister opening her mouth to deny the statement but going immediately quiet, instead focusing all of her attention on innocently studying her slice of chocolate cake.

"Hi Mana," Yugi greeted with a small smile.

She raised her head and sheepishly licked at her fork. "Hi, Yugi." She shot Yami a small look of apology and leaped to her feet, fleeing with the plate to the other side of the café while her brother gawked and then glared furiously. Oh yes, Yami was definitely going to kill Mana—and he would  _happily_ take the jail time.

"Hey, I think we need to talk. Don't you?" the smaller teen asked, plopping down in her spot while he awkwardly tried to regain control of his jaw, voice coming out hoarse and slightly squeaky.

"Yep—mmhmm…uh, but…uh…fuck me, I don't have an excuse," he hissed, the statement coming out audible at first but ending up mumbled and dejected, so soft that Yugi leaned forward and still couldn't catch the words.

"Huh?"

He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Mm, uh, nothing. No worries. You wanted…to talk. Let's—let's talk."

"You okay?" he asked, concern gleaming in his bright eyes, reaching out and pressing his hand to his forehead; anyone else would have flinched back but Yami found himself leaning into it, bringing a blush to the smaller teen's face. "You don't feel sick."

He could literally  _see_ Mana choking on her cake around her laughter; good. He hoped a piece lodged itself  _so_ far in there that she couldn't breathe anymore. Fitting death for a traitor.

"I'm not sick," he managed to get out, biting his lip to keep from growing slightly frustrated; his ego was definitely bruised and he was feeling a little queasy but it was nerves and nothing else so he didn't care to mention it. If this was going to be their official breakup, then he wanted it to happen with an explanation like it should have… "Uh…yeah…um, sorry about a minute ago. I don't know what the hell's gotten into me, really."

"Probably your cat's demon soul."

Yami's mouth fell open and Yugi took a second before blushing furiously and shaking his head.

"Ignore that."

"You're lucky I love you or that would have been offensive," he teased, poking him in the shoulder and fighting off a wince at his own statement; well, if they ended, maybe they could stay friends? He really hoped so, at least…

"Why do you keep looking like someone is stabbing you in the gut?" the smaller teen demanded suddenly, eyes wide and hands flying out to feel his face and then the back of his shoulders, leaning forward with a frown and shaking his head. "You said you weren't sick but then you keep making that face at me…"

Yami opened and closed his mouth and awkwardly smiled at him. "Oh, no reason. Ha, uh…I just…I think I'm a little confused."

"Not a genius, Yami, but I think I have to agree. You look like you're trying to do a math problem."

He blushed furiously. "Math sucks," he hissed indignantly. "And you've gone and wounded my pride with that statement."

"Oops. Okay, but I wanted to tell you something—"

"If it's…what I think it is, please just stop now. I can't take another hit to my ego right now."

Yugi furrowed his brows. "I don't…wait, Yami, what do you  _think_ this about?"

"Us breaking up," he admitted slowly, staring and finding himself mortified when Yugi's eyes widened drastically, confused and shocked and utterly hurt.

"W-what?" he sputtered.

"Wait, so that's not…Okay, I don't get what…"

"Y-you want to break up? I…I—huh?" Yugi got out, gawking and blinking furiously, furrowing his brows and opening and closing his mouth several times before exhaling abruptly, looking like he was dying on the inside.

"N-no!" he stuttered, eyes wide. "I—I just thought that was—you haven't answered the phone or returned my calls or—I just assumed—"

Yugi stared at him for a long moment, at first too horrified to really function and then slowly regained his thoughts and eventually narrowed his eyes. "Yami…" he got out from behind his teeth, "if you've been trying to reach me so much, why the hell haven't you just  _talked_ to me?"

"And risk having you mad or cry or something?" he cried, scoffing a little too loudly. "I. Think.  _Not_."

"Yami…" He bit his tongue for a second and swallowed back a soft sigh, shaking his head slightly. "I broke my phone on Christmas. Exactly two hours after we hung up. I remember that because I looked at the time on the phone right before it shut off permanently and all I could think about was the  _irony_ of that fact. I dropped it on the ground—or well, it was kind of knocked out of my hand…but either way, it hit the ground and got  _very_ destroyed on impact. And Grandpa is in Egypt so I didn't have another phone to call you from and I've been working at the game shop the last four days so I didn't have any  _time_ to come and see you to talk to you and you never came over…"

Yami turned away immediately, staring at the table and feeling his eyes sting as he shifted awkwardly and bit his tongue, mumbling a rigid, "A-are you mad? I wouldn't blame you if you were. I'm…I'm really sorry about hiding under the table from you and not coming to talk to you…"

Yugi bit his thumbnail and watched him thoughtfully, heart aching as he took him in and the way that he was sitting stiffly, jaw clenched and attention focused solely on some spot in the middle of the table; he was tempted to reach out and try to smooth the strained muscles that jumped in his cheeks but bit back the impulse, instead sighing softly and shaking his head. He wasn't surprised that he was acting like this. He always said he loved him—and Yugi  _knew_ he did, a constant that he couldn't claim didn't make him nervous sometimes but always made him smile and feel warm—and besides that, he had an ego the size of Australia, the number one reason that he would fight for him with others like he did, wanting to claim him as his own in that way that made him want to laugh and shake his head and hug him so tightly that he whined against his skin when he couldn't draw in enough breath around the force of it.

"I was pretty upset when you didn't come around to talk to me when you first noticed I was here—because I know you did, just from how awkward you were. I mean, come on, throwing your phone like that? But  _especially_ at the fact that you hid under the table from me."

"I didn't realize you had broken your phone. I thought you were ignoring me…"

"That's when you come and  _find_ me so we can talk!" Yugi snapped, waving his arms wildly for a split second and growing momentarily irritated when Yami snatched the hot chocolate away from him before belatedly realizing that he would have sent the scolding liquid straight into his crotch if the other male hadn't acted so quickly. "There was nothing for you to worry about, no reason for you to hide under the table."

"Yeah, well I know that  _now_!" Yami objected, pushing the hot chocolate towards him again and then immediately regretting it when he felt the need to hold something in his palms, instead settling for burying his hands in his pockets and digging his nails into his flesh through the material of his clothing. "I was worried that if I showed up, you might have found someone else. Or that you wouldn't even  _want_ to see me again. I didn't know…"

Yugi sighed quietly and reached over to pull on his bang, laughing delightedly when the other teen pouted indignantly, sulking. "Oh come on, Yami, do you  _really_ think I dislike you so much that I wouldn't even break up with you face to face? Think about that a moment, koi. Right after I finally said those three words you've been dying to hear? I love you too much to do that."

Yami opened and closed his mouth once and tipped his head to the side, reaching up to scratch at his scalp in shame. "Sorry."

"It's only been four days. How could you go from excited and all around elated with the relationship to thinking that I was avoiding you and going to break up with you?" he muttered, slightly amazed as he blinked in surprise at his own realization.

Yami flinched. "I broke at the two-day mark," he admitted weakly.

"Was it really so long?"

"Too long."

Yugi stared at him for a long moment, half amazed and half pained, shaking his head. "Gods, you—I swear, Yami, you're the most  _maddening_ person I've ever met."

"I have no idea what you mean," he muttered indignantly, sniffing and wrinkling his nose in response to his words and reaching his foot out to touch his shin lightly, eyes widening when Yugi caught his shoe between his, holding it captive there.

"Promise me that next time you get so caught up like this, you're going to just come to me and talk to me," he demanded, voice coming out slightly sharp but mostly concerned.

Yami nodded immediately. "I will. I swear I will."

"Good."

Yami stayed quiet for a second and then licked his lips. "So…uh, when are you getting a new phone?" he mumbled awkwardly.

The smaller teen rolled his eyes playfully. "When my parents come in tomorrow—b-by the way…" He trailed off for a second, seeing that the other boy was definitely paying attention, looking relieved and a little scared but mostly just curious. "My parents…are coming here for the first and I…they…want to meet you."

The other teen stopped short and went rigid in his seat. "P-parents?"

"Yeah, I—h-hey, are you okay?"

He groaned and shuddered. "I…I'm just really… _really_ generally a scared idiot when it comes to meeting someone's parents…e-especially if they're yours because—oh my Ra, the innuendos are going to come out." His mouth fell open. "I'm sick—so sick that I can't even get out of bed. Like—crippled sick and—"

Yugi shook his head quickly. "No, no, no, Yami. I haven't seen them in…months and I—no, I can't…I can't handle them  _alone_. Just—please. Help me out. I need…"

Yami opened and closed his mouth a few times and then grabbed at his hair, tugging once. "Okay. Just…don't be surprised if I can't talk or they really don't like me. I just—fair warning right there."

"They're going to have to like you. I'm not breaking up with you."

"Oh Ra."

Their relationship depended on him impressing Yugi's parents…

* * *

Tomorrow was the first.

Oh gods, Yami was going to be sick; Yugi's parents were flying in at three in the morning and then what?

Fucking hell; being with Yugi was a lot more stressful than he thought.

First the Thanksgiving thing, then the Christmas charity event and now he wanted him to meet his  _parents_? Was he fucking  _crazy_?

Yami groaned and rubbed at his temples and Yugi glanced at him curiously as he went about handing over the duel disk the kid had purchased, turning to him immediately and whispering, "You okay?"

"I think I need to go die somewhere…before the first starts."

"Stop that," Yugi mumbled, looking a little pale at the mention before sighing and taking a seat on the stool next to him again; at least Mana was gone, because he didn't think he could get through the day with her there as well. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I was going to tell you after I spent the night over at your house the day after Christmas but I…My phone broke and then I forgot and I…I wanted you to meet them because…Well, they're my parents."

Yami nodded a little and scrunched his face up. "Holidays always fuck me up the ass."

Yugi remembered him telling him that holidays got extremely stressful for him past Halloween because then they were right after each other and they were considered major—or at least, they were when Yugi officially mentioned the Thanksgiving thing. Other than that, the family was normally content to do nothing during November or just be a bunch of family time or traveling or something along those lines. He had screwed up his relaxation November, stressed him out further all through December, and now he was springing this up on him.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he muttered, nodding a little and offering a small sheepish smile. "Although, you know, I could do with something along the lines of a blowjob and it would be fun as all hell and—"

"Sexual deviant," Yugi teased, smiling and shaking his head. "Not going to happen."

"What is this craziness? I don't even get a blowjob for my efforts?"

"No. I'm a prude and you get nothing."

Yami chuckled and rolled his eyes. "So how is this going to happen?" he finally mumbled, sobering immediately and feeling sick to his stomach.

"I…Well, what they wanted to do was either go out for dinner or have you come over for a home-cooked meal. They want to meet you without the family," he admitted, wincing when Yami's eyes grew wide and sharpened like knives, obviously realizing exactly what he was saying; they wanted him separate to meet him without the risk of the others being able to cut into the conversation or deter it or save him from any potential blunder he was capable of. "And…"

"Oh gods, they're going to see if I'm okay for you."

"Isn't that what most meetings with parents are supposed to be like?"

The red-eyed teen turned his head and stared at him for a long minute until Yugi finally blushed and blurted out, "Your parents are too awesome for that!"

Yami tilted his head. "Are your parents…like the strict kind or something?"

"Not…um, not completely…" He paused and furrowed his brows. "I mean, occasionally they can be. Like my mom beat me with a ladle when I was playing a memory game in my room before school. And my dad is all about talking to me about getting a job and stuff like that but…well, they're  _extremely_ protective of me so it matters that you make a good impression…"

"You really think that they'll make you break up with me?"

"They would tell me to, but I wouldn't," he admitted, sighing. "It would just be a little more stressful as far as they're concerned."

"So it wouldn't be anything like…kicking you out or anything?"

"What? No, of course not!"

"Okay, good, because some parents will do that and I just didn't know…"

Yugi smiled and shook his head. "They're not that bad. Just a little stuffy and…" He lowered his voice until Yami couldn't hear, mumbling.

"What?"

He repeated the statement under his breath.

"Excuse me?"

"…Religious. I said that they're religious."

"Aw fucking hell!" Yami exclaimed, rubbing his face vigorously, groaning under his breath. "You mean to tell me that they're going to try to convert me or something?"

Yugi stayed quiet for a moment. "M-maybe? I—I mean they keep trying to make me convert and I think…they'll probably ask if you're religious and—"

"I chose the dinosaurs!" the taller teen snapped. "I chose the dinosaurs. I chose Steven and I want this shit over with. Goddamn it, I need a velociraptor to come eat me alive."

The smaller boy blushed but couldn't help but smile a little. "It'll be okay. I promise it will."

"I choose the dinosaurs. You should tell your parents that first thing."

"Maybe," he laughed, shaking his head and turning away. "Come on, we can go upstairs and watch something on TV when this is over."

"So they're just going to come over tomorrow at like three in the afternoon or something?"

"Yes, something like that, actually."

Yami nodded slightly and turned away. "Great."

Twenty minutes later the two of them were seated on the couch, watching the TV and flipping through the channels and Yami was paying attention, but trying not to, to Yugi's shaking hands and the way his fingers trembled every now and then and how he looked pale and as if he wanted to be sick now that they were alone and just sitting there.

He didn't ask if he was okay, but while he was trying not to focus on his boyfriend's current state of anxiety, he ended up breathing in that funny way that always brought out a sneeze, nose itching as he let out a small, "Achoo!"

" _Shut the fuck up_!" Yugi snapped next to him, still staring at the TV screen.

Yami recoiled as if he had slapped him, eyes wide in shock and so startled that he didn't even think about trying to wipe at his nose with the back of his hand; Yugi finally blinked a few times and simply turned his head to stare at him in pure confusion, tilting his head as he asked, "What?"

The taller teen narrowed his eyes into slits; maybe he had just imagined it or something?

"…What did I…? Oh… _oh_!  _Oh my gods_!" Yugi cried, covering his mouth with his hands and blushing until he thought his fingers would be scalded with the heat in his cheeks. "I meant bless you!"

Yami narrowed his eyes further, grinning. "I think that's going to be my new of saying bless you." He took a moment. "'Achoo!  _Shut the fuck up_!'"

Yugi's face heated further as he ducked his head, whispering, "Oh my gods."

He smirked widely and kissed his cheek after a moment, glancing at the television in which the smaller boy looked over slowly after a moment and asked, "So, uh, you want to spend the night over here, right?"

"There's absolutely no chance that your parents will show up here after they get to Japan again?" he demanded, slightly skeptical.

"No," he stated, frowning, "there's no way. I promise. My parents aren't going to come here. They'll be checking into a hotel because they don't want me to have wait up for them. You can sleep over and I can wake you up and you can go home and get freshened up and stuff…"

"Well that works," he agreed after a moment. "Um…y-you don't think that your parents are going to consider me too arrogant or something for you, right?"

Yugi blinked and then snuggled into his side. "No, koi, I don't think so."

Oh, so Yugi actually  _had_ called him that before; he had thought that maybe he had been hearing things and  _imagined_ it instead.

The nickname kind of stunned him for a moment but it served to make him instantly happy as well.

"Okay, then, if you're sure…?"

"I am. I'll wake you up and you can go home and get ready and all of that."

Yami nodded and pulled him closer, about to gather him into his lap before stopping short; was he trembling? That could be because of stress or maybe because he was still anxious or…

The taller boy leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "Can I start molesting you yet?"

Yugi blushed so furiously that he looked ready to start a career as a stop sign at some point. "I…Is it still molestation if you have consent?"

"I don't know, but I like the name so I think I'll keep calling it that," Yami stated, nodding slowly.

"Oh, okay…"

"So, uh, is that a yes or no?"

"…No, thank you. I actually…I really want to just lay with you. So can we do that instead?"

Yami nodded after a moment. "Sure. Let's do that."

Yugi felt the taller teen doze off on him a few hours later, in the middle of something about hyenas, in which he was cringing at some parts and immediately flipping to safer channels again.

A long while afterwards, Yami blinked up groggily at him and Yugi offered a gentle smile that quickly turned teasing when the taller teen moved a little closer and mumbled, "Do you need to use the sleep?" right before his eyes grew wide with horror, the smaller boy snickering as he added, "Maybe  _I_ need to use the sleep" in a soft whisper.

"Maybe you do," he agreed, laughing and reaching over to pull him into his lap, surprised when the taller teen rolled over onto his side, head against the armrest and arms wrapped around his waist as he bunched his legs up and snuggled into him tightly. He blushed but couldn't help it when he smiled and ran a hand through the other boy's hair; wow, what time was it anyways? He messed with the menu on the TV program and pursed his lips when he found it was three a.m.. Well then…maybe it was time for him to use the sleep too…

Aw, but Yami was just too cute to move and he loved it way too much the way he was curled around him like this. Plus, he could tell that he was already asleep and how rude would it be just to wake him up to tell him to move upstairs to sleep there?

Oh, but he wanted to be able to sleep with him and hug him and this…didn't really allow much of that.

Yami groggily stared up at him when he nudged him into consciousness again and led him back to the bed; for the longest time the red-eyed teen just laid on the bed and tangled their legs together and then finally he mumbled, "I have to piss" into the darkness after Yugi was about half-asleep.

"So go to the bathroom."

"But the bed is so warm and I don't want to go…"

"But you have to pee, Yami," he snickered.

"But…What if I come back and it's not as warm anymore?"

"Then it will heat up again when you lay down again."

"But I would lose the heat from before and I like this warmth!"

Yugi snickered and ran his fingers over his side, smiling widely as the other teen whispered, "To use the pee or not to use the pee" before looking at him slowly and growing more horrified. "I should go use the pee."

"You should," he agreed, laughing as the other boy untangled himself and fled for the bathroom; he watched him disappear behind the door and smiled as he returned to his side a few minutes later. Obviously the red-eyed teen had been losing sleep if he was this loopy and awkward in his tired state.

Obviously his lack of conversing with him had rattled him pretty harshly to the point that he couldn't sleep much and fell into such a state that he was so awkward with his speech and trying to cuddle with him and just in general being near him for the moment.

Poor Yami.

He wished he had known before all of this shit happened in the first place. He could have saved him a ton of stress as well as himself some; Yami cuddled into him and Yugi ran his hands though his hair as he passed out with his head against his chest. Such perfect hair…

He wouldn't tell him that, of course, just because he was too adorable when he thought that he liked Timaeus's hair better; he snuggled into him and closed his eyes, falling asleep after a few minutes of just listening to Yami breathing to wake up a few hours later, confused and slightly startled out of his mind by the position they had wound up in. Yami was sprawled across him, his hair tickling his face and his entire body just pressed to align with his. And it took him a long minute to realize why he had woken up in the first place.

Oh dear gods.

 _It_ was back.

He blushed, feeling ridiculous.

Was he supposed to wake him up because of his boner or did he let him sleep?

And if he woke him up, was it good or bad?

Like, did it make him seem so insecure about Yami having morning wood that it was pathetic?

Or was it okay to wake him up with a lie about having to go pee and him blocking him off from the bathroom?

That technically wasn't a lie aside from needing to use the bathroom; he didn't need to do that…

Did he wake him up or did he just let them stay like this?

Oh gods, this was becoming kind of pathetic.

He rubbed at his sides with his fingers, more than a little surprised when Yami purred in his ear but didn't wake up at all; the red-eyed teen didn't move away from him and Yugi found himself giggling. This situation was sorely ridiculous.

Ooh, ooh, he was twitching against his thigh and it was almost impossible to think straight with that pressing into his skin.

Especially when his little pajama bottoms were starting to rise as well and were pressing into Yami's groin now.

"Koi," he whispered, trying to gain some kind of acknowledgment from the other male; he poked at him again but only got a small twitch and a purr again. "Yami, come on, wake up. I need you to wake up so I can go pee."

That sounded better than "Your third leg is getting a little happy with my thigh" right?

"Really, uh, your peen is kind of…trying to show some love…to my thigh and it's…very awkward but nice, but seriously…I really need to pee, Yami," he found himself mumbling before he could think it through.

Oh gods, this was so strange and awkward.

"I…mm…what?" Yami mumbled in his ear, obviously starting to grow more awake now that he was moving a little and shifting so strangely beneath him, twitching and trying to stroke him awake with his hands on his sides and now his head was in the gutter and he was kind of wondering about how it would feel to stroke him and…

Oh gods, he was a horrible boy and his mind was so dirty and, just wow, Yami's soul really  _must_ have tainted his. Because, ooh, normally they were just fleeting ideas and now it was everywhere and he couldn't even wrap his head around it…

"I need to go pee, koi."

Yami moved to bury his face in his cheek, breathing out a small soft grunt of a noise before yawning against his skin and whispering, "Okay. Give me a minute. I'm tired."

Yugi snorted. "If I just roll you over, can I go pee then?"

"Mm…less work."

The smaller teen snickered and shifted to pull him closer before rolling them over as quickly as possible, startled when Yami suddenly moved to wrap one of his legs around his waist, mumbling, "You're a feisty little one, aren't you?"

Yugi froze, body locking up for a split second as his eyes widened drastically and realization sunk in; Yami was so much more asleep than he was awake, with no kind of actual awareness that he was even talking. He was…Yugi was pretty sure that he was having something of a sex dream and the change of position had just spurred him on a little more.

His face burst into flames and he ducked his head; oh gods, this was so,  _so_  awkward…

Maybe he could scramble out of the bed fast enough that Yami wouldn't even notice…?

Nope.

As soon as he moved, the red-eyed teen moaned a little, purring in the back of his throat without opening his eyes, mumbling a low, terribly arousing, " _Mm_ …"

Oh gods, he was going to kill him…

"Yami, come on, koi, I need to go to the bathroom."

Yami's leg that had been raised in some kind of attempt to wrap around his waist slid and fell off and the grip on his sides was loosening, a sign that he was really starting to fall asleep again…

Yugi moved and both of them tumbled over the side of the bed when Yami suddenly tightened his grip; the taller teen yowled in pain and recoiled, wide awake now, and the smaller rubbed the back of his head with bug eyes, gawking at the other boy who looked startled out of his mind.

"What…what the fuck just happened?"

"I was trying to go to the bathroom…"

"Why would you go to the bathroom when you were just…?" He stopped himself short and Yugi was kind of curious about the blush that spread across his cheeks as his words died off; what was he about to say?

But, more important than anything else, Yugi wanted to know which fucking position they were in because, wow, that dream was starting to give him a million and one different ideas and all of them were kind of driving him insane and he couldn't think straight for a second and—

"What position were we in?"

Yami froze, eyes nearly popping out of his head. "W-what?"

"Doggy? Missionary? Oh my god, was it up against the wall or something? Oh, oh, in a pool? On a trampoline? I've always wondered how it would happen if you were doing it on a trampoline—would the springs squeak and the bouncy part actually move under you? Or would it be stationary? Ooh, what about on a boat? What if you were rocking it so hard that at one point you just flipped over?" he commented, going wide-eyed and amazed and beautifully happy. "Oh my gods, what about in the woods? Would a bug like…crawl up and scare you in the middle of the act? What about a squirrel or something chattering at you? What if one of the giant flying ones dropped out of the tree, doing it too, and one of their tails just was all a-twitching and just hit you across the face or something while  _you're_ doing it? Or what if you were just screwing in the forest and you looked up and all the animals around you were doing it too?"

Yami blinked slowly and then whispered, "I would think that if that happened in the forest with the squirrels or birds or all the animals, it would mean that either you were a fucking sex god or a Disney princess getting it on in the woods while music is playing and you're singing and shit and that just happened. Because…no, that's not normal. I don't know what you're thinking, but it's really not."

"Don't fucking destroy my fantasies!" Yugi cried, frustrated. "Now answer the trampoline question!"

The taller teen blinked once and then grinned wickedly. "I have no idea, little one, but, if you want, we can try it out some time."

He opened and closed his mouth and then nodded slowly. "But how will we know if the trampoline is actually bouncing or if it's just…us?"

He burst out laughing and reached forward to grasp his side, running his hand along his flank while the other looked completely serious, adamant about getting an answer about it all.

"How would the trampoline be bouncing if we weren't?" he purred, the smaller boy blinking and then blushing furiously after a moment; he still really needed to figure out what pie it was that Yugi had pledged to remain a virgin over. "I don't think trampolines will bounce without the people doing so on top."

Yugi nodded slightly after a moment and then turned away, getting up with a mumbled, "Bathroom time" before wandering off; Yami got up and curled up back under the covers but of course his bladder said he would get no relaxation as of yet.

The smaller teen came back in, asking, "So if we're bouncing, how do we know what the particularly  _good_ thrusts are if the trampoline is moving so much that you can't tell?"

Yami sat up, looking at him for a moment and briefly remembering Mana's words of "Why do teenage boys care about if a girl is a virgin or not? I mean, are they  _really_ that eager to be the first to disappoint me?"

Of course, Yugi wasn't a girl and Yami was pretty sure if that if they were both virgins, that they couldn't really have very many expectations and Yugi was super sensitive as it was, but the words still kind of made him wonder. Would it hurt? Who would rather be the one on bottom? What if he couldn't please Yugi?

"Yugi, they will  _all_ be good thrusts."

The smaller boy blinked and blushed for a second before his eyes grew wide. "O-oh." He paused. "But aren't there normally the sloppy ones and stuff like that?"

Yami blinked. "Not for us there aren't," he stated simply, raising his head defiantly. "There will only be  _good_ ones."

Yugi's eyes grew owlish for a moment before nodding, growing content. "Okay."

The red-eyed teen smiled and felt a little good that he was truly taking his word on that, trusting him enough to even visualize it, and suddenly he remembered he had to go pee and fled for the bathroom again.

The smaller boy watched him go and then snuggled into the bed, closing his eyes and waiting until he got back; as soon as he was under the covers with him, he asked, "Which one of us do you think is going to top?"

"Uh…"

"Fantasies aside, do you think you'll top or me?"

"I—I, uh…" He blinked and stared at the smaller teen who studied his face with wide eyes. "I don't, I don't know…"

"Hmm…okay then. We'll rock-paper-scissors it."

Yami burst out laughing but couldn't help nodding. "Okay!"

The smaller teen grabbed him and pulled him to him tightly, smiling widely. "Now go back to sleep, we still have a few hours to sleep in until you're going to have to run, okay?"

A few hours later, Yugi found himself eating a granola bar to make sure that he wasn't completely starving when his parents took him out for brunch as he knew they would; he nudged a sleeping Yami and watched him curl up tightly, ignoring him.

"Come on, koi, please, you need to get up and go home. My parents are going to be here soon enough."

"Ssh, no Yugi. No," he whispered, pulling the covers around him tighter and snuggling further into the pillow. "I can't leave yet. The blankets have finally accepted me as one of their own. If I were to leave now, I might lose their trust."

The blue-violet-eyed boy smiled widely and shook his head slowly, reaching over and running his hand down his side. "Come on, wake up, koi…"

He huffed but suddenly rolled onto his back, staring up at him curiously for a moment and searching his face slowly, as if studying before he whispered, "I had this dream last night where you were working at this new pizza restaurant down the street from Burger World and you were my family's waiter for the night and so I'm over there studying the menu because  _fuck me_ , it had an  _amazing_ selection."

Yugi blinked and tilted his head, curiosity burning in his bright eyes.

"So anyways, I'm thinking about what to get and I look you  _dead in the eye_ and I said, 'I want a double penetration pizza' instead of double pepperoni…and it was in front of my whole family and your grandpa and"—he glared in annoyance as Yugi burst out laughing and covered his mouth, eyes shining with such amusement that his entire face lit up—" _Yes_ , Yugi, laugh,  _laugh at my failure_!"

Yugi held his hands up, guffawing, "What the hell did you  _expect_ me to do? I can't—that's hilarious! Why would you even  _tell_ me that?"

Yami huffed softly. "I…I thought you might like to know…? I don't know why the fuck I just told you that story," he admitted, snickering. "I just…figured I would put it out there."

The smaller boy grinned and moved to kiss his cheek while the taller stretched and pushed the blankets off slowly, shirt riding up and giving Yugi that little bit of golden-bronze skin that made him shiver slightly in pure desire.

By the gods, that skin tone…

"Like what you see?"

"Why so cheesy, Yami?"

"Why so cheeky, Yugi?"

Both of them smirked at each other for a second and then the taller got up and looked himself over before turning back, feeling a little sick, anxiety suddenly clear on his face as they stared at each other.

"Do I need to wear something special or anything like that?"

Yugi blinked and shook his head slowly. "Um, I'll text you the details, okay?"

Yami took a second to remember that he had said his parents would be bringing him a new phone. "Okay."

The smaller teen paused and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. "I'll, uh, text you and you can come meet me here and we can talk for a few minutes before we go, okay?"

The other boy nodded slowly, a small smirk threatening to claim his lips before he nodded again. "Yeah, okay, thanks aibou. Just…be sure to tell me if your parents are expecting something special as far as where we're going and stuff, yes?"

"Of course."

"Good, that's good." He nodded slowly and as they started out the room and downstairs; the smaller teen was already dressed and Yami had slept in his clothes so it didn't take nearly as much time as it should have to get out of the house.

Yugi suddenly blurted out, "You know, laughing is kind of wonderful" as the other boy stepped out.

Yami turned around, confused as he took in the other boy. "Um…okay?"

The smaller teen blinked and tilted his head, grinning as he said, "I mean, how  _awesome_ is it that laughter is produced because your body can't  _contain_ the joy?"

"Oh, I see," he chuckled, shaking his head kissing his forehead with a wave of his hand. "See you later."

"Okay!"

* * *

Yugi texted him at the last second that there was a small change in plans; at first he got excited as all hell thinking that maybe this entire dinner-family-meeting thing was going to cease altogether, but then he texted him that instead of meeting him at the game shop, he was going to meet him over at the house.

"Wait a second, you're going to meet me  _here_?" Yami demanded, eyes wide as he paced his floor for a second; of course, that made it easier as far as the  _surprise_ he had for Yugi, but what the fuck did that mean for his parents? "What about your…?"

"Okay, so here's the deal. My parents want half an hour to just see how much has changed in Domino and that gives us some time together at your house before we go to mine where we'll meet them and…I don't know if they've decided to go out to eat or if they're going to make something. I don't…They said they want it to be a surprise."

"Oh gods."

"Seriously, it'll be okay. I promise. Nothing…nothing bad is going to happen, okay?"

Yami huffed softly but sighed out a quiet, "Yeah, all right" despite it all.

"Okay, so…can I see you in a few minutes?"

"A few…? Uh, yeah, sure."

This was kind of getting out of hand but at the same time, he couldn't truly find it in himself to care that much; he had to deal with the parents, and this little slip up of time and being unable to figure out what the hell they were truly doing, was completely second in comparison. He had to figure out a way to make sure they liked him.

But first he was going to screw with Yugi's head a little.

"Answer the door for me when he gets here and tell him to come into my room," Yami murmured to his sister.

"Why?"

"I'll give you five bucks if you want. Just do it, yeah?"

Mana pursed her lips but nodded after a long minute. "Okay, but make it ten."

"You greedy little bitch," he commented, slipping his wallet out and handing it over to her. "I'm so proud of you."

The blonde smirked, kissed his cheek, and ran down the stairs. "Okay, no worries."

Yugi came a few minutes later, surprised out of his mind when it was her to answer and not Yami himself, confused slightly but smiling a little in amusement as she bounced around, chattering softly about New Year's resolutions and how she wondered if he had any—which he didn't, except maybe, hopefully, in terms of good news for Yami, to get laid but he wasn't holding his breath on that one because, honestly, he was so terrified of that thought it wasn't even funny—and jumped a mile when Bakura came around from the living room, pointing a Nerf gun at him and hitting him in the forehead with one of the darts.

"Oh, wow, my bad, thought you were Yami."

"Oh bull," he snorted, rolling his eyes and handing the dart back to him with a laugh. "You're such an ass."

"So what are you doing here?" the silver-haired teen asked, glancing over his shoulder and looking for what Yugi supposed was probably his little Nerf-partner Malik who was hiding off somewhere.

"I need to talk to Yami real fast."

"Ooh, trouble in paradise? Remember, you always have second options."

Yugi grinned and poked him in the chest. "You only want me for my little outbursts, jackass."

Bakura nodded slowly. "I agree. That is a very desirable trait I've never found in anyone else," he snickered, raising a brow. "Why not search for the more… _unique_ traits in a partner?"

"You keep hitting on me and I'm not going to protect you from Yami if he loses his shit."

The silver-haired teen went to say he could handle him but then remembered the last time he had gotten into a fight with him; Yami didn't pull back punches when he was truly pissed and if he was jealous and went off on Timaeus like that,  _risking_ getting his ass kicked by Helmos and Critias as well, he so didn't want to push it.

"Touché."

Yugi smirked and turned to the blonde. "Where is your brother anyways?"

"Yami!" she called up the stairs. "Yugi is here!"

"Oh, yeah, come on up here, aibou!"

"'Aibou'," Bakura purred, smirking at him as Yugi flipped him off and headed up the stairs immediately, heading into Yami's room and freezing in place.

"Oh…oh, my fuck…W-why?" he managed to sputter, gawking and trying in vain to lift his jaw from the floor again.

Yami blinked once and then looked himself over in the full-body mirror, admiring his handiwork and turning back, raising a brow. "No like?" he asked, trying for a weak French accent that made Yugi grow even more mortified, looking ready to cry.

"I…I can't…I-is that permanent?" the smaller boy choked out weakly, a soft whine in the back of his throat at the sight in front of him; dark brown hair, with teal lingering in it and only noticeable when Yami stepped forward beneath the light of the bright white bulbs in his lamp. He was about to vomit.

"Mm…I have no idea…" He stated, reaching up and running his hand through his hair slowly; ooh, so soft.

" _Oh my god_!" Yugi cried, eyes blurring violently with tears, feeling sick to his stomach as he gestured him over wildly; the red-eyed teen went over immediately and the smaller boy grabbed his head, sobbing loudly. " _Why_ would you  _do_ this to your hair?!"

"Well, you liked it on Timaeus."

He said that as if it made everything okay.

"But you're not  _Timaeus_!" Yugi snarled angrily, clenching his jaw so sharply that it was beginning to hurt.

"Well,  _obviously_!" Yami scoffed, huffing softly before his voice turned dejected. "Otherwise you would have noticed  _me_ at the tournament instead."

Yugi shook his head violently in denial. "No, no, no, no!" he cried loudly, running his hands through his hair again and feeling ready to sob even harder. "Y-you… _No_! Timaeus isn't you! I couldn't give  _less_ of a shit about him."

Yami raised a brow when the smaller boy sniffled but didn't argue as he said, "Your hair…it was so  _perfect_ and now…Oh, Yami!"

"…Perfect?" Yami echoed softly, grinning slightly as he blinked slowly. "You think my hair…is perfect?"

" _Was_!" Yugi snarled angrily. " _Was_! I thought it  _was_ perfect, goddamn it! Now it's… _dead_. I  _hate_ it."

The taller teen narrowed his eyes in confusion. "But you said you liked it before—"

"Goddamn it, Yami!" the smaller boy cried, glaring and starting to pick through his hair, barely resisting a sob; how had he managed to get his hair styled like this and everything? "It was nice when it was  _new_ , but now…"

"So…not magnificent? Is that what you're saying?"

"I  _hate_ you for doing this!" Yugi spat, pausing and growling, "It's like you're  _trying_ to drive me  _insane_!"

"…Well,  _technically_ —"

"No.  _No_. No innuendos from you. I am  _mad_ at you."

Yami straightened after a moment, watching his face and smirking slightly. "It's a wig."

Yugi's lip curled back in disbelief, voice coming out in a high-pitched screech. " _What_?!"

Okay, so, um, this was starting to not be as funny as he was thinking…

"It, uh…y-yeah, it's a wig," he laughed nervously.

The smaller teen took a single step back, suddenly looking insanely calm. "I'm going to kill you."

"Please don't. I'm still a virgin."

Yugi felt his eye twitch. "Then you'll  _die_ a virgin."

"I…I haven't even experienced a blowjob yet," Yami argued, whining in the back of his throat. "Killing me would be cruel and unusual punishment."

" _Plenty_ of virgins die  _every_  year."

"Yeah, for like…fucking satanic rituals or some shit!"

"Your cat gets too much worship!" Yugi blurted out, eyes widening drastically before freezing in place and feeling sick to his stomach. "That… _Get that shit off of your head_!"

"Okay,  _okay_!" Yami snapped, moving away from him and grabbing the wig and tossing it aside, tearing the hairnet off and quickly running his hands through the soft locks as they bounced back to life immediately. "There. Okay? Now, you can have the wig and pet it like you did Timaeus!"

"Come here!" he demanded sharply, gesturing him over and glaring angrily.

"No. Fuck you. I don't want to," the red-eyed teen spat, huffing as he took a seat on his bed, sulking with his arms crossed. "Pet his hair and leave me alone."

Yugi groaned and rolled his eyes, fighting off the urge to start yelling. "Why are you  _so_ jealous,  _all the time_?"

"Says the boy who had a  _fit_ when some fan texted his boyfriend calling him 'her pharaoh'," Yami scoffed.

"Fine, you know  _what_?!" Yugi cried, glaring, "I  _hate_ your hair! Timaeus's is  _so_  soft and silky and yours feels like straw!"

"Take that  _back_!" Yami snapped, getting up with a dramatic gasp.

" _Never_!" Yugi sneered.

For a long minute neither of them spoke and then the smaller teen wandered over and plopped down next to him.

"You know, this fight isn't going to make me change my mind about you meeting my parents."

"Goddamn it."

"Hey, but at least, it's…getting some of the stress out, right?"

"Can't argue with that," he snickered.

Yugi nodded a little and crossed his legs, tilting his head thoughtfully. "Hey, so, um…what  _does_ BDSM mean anyways?"

"Badass Deviant Sperm Monkeys."

"…No, Yami, what does it really mean?"

"Bedroom Discipline Sadism Masochism."

"…I don't think 'bedroom' fits in there," he admitted after a long minute, reaching over and running his hand through the other boy's hair, Yami's head turning slightly in surprise.

"Who  _cares_ what the B stands for anyways?" he snorted.

"I'm kind of curious now, honestly," he muttered, pursing his lips and pausing slowly as he pulled his hand away from the other boy's hair. "Although I  _do_ like Badass Deviant Sperm Monkeys. A lot."

Yami sulked slightly. "You'd be petting me for  _real_ if I was Timaeus."

Yugi gave a small nod. "True."

The other teen gawked at him for a moment but Yugi didn't say anything else, instead grinning and crawling into his lap, throwing his arms around his neck and purring, "But I'll only do this because you're Yami."

The taller teen purred loudly as the smaller boy kissed him and slowly, softly, just barely even touching him, rubbed hips with him and ground gently into him until they both moaning. Then he jumped off his lap and dusted himself off in one fast movement, the taller boy startled by the sudden movement until he heard his sister and Bakura running up the stairs.

"Did you hear about next Monday is at school?" Mana asked excitedly.

"I told you not to interrupt," Bakura scoffed, gesturing. "He needs to take care of his business and you just walked in on that shit, you moron."

The blonde blinked, glanced at Yugi's crotch, went bug-eyed, and turned away immediately, blinking in shock. "O-oh…"

"What's on Monday?"

"Pajama day!"

"Do they still  _do_ pajama days?"

"What would you do if I showed up to school naked on pajama day?"

Yami stopped short and stared at her, narrowing his eyes into slits and hissing, "If you showed up to school naked on pajama day, I would crop your hair and fucking call you Miley Cyrus for the rest of your life, bitch. You don't  _come to school naked_! That's a job for  _me_  when I become a  _nudist_!

Mana gawked and shook her head. "I knew you were going to become a fucking nudist!"

"Damn straight I am!"

Yugi blinked and looked over slowly. "Is that what we're going to be doing later in life?"

Yami nodded immediately.

Yugi pursed his lips and sighed softly. "I think I should start working out…"

The other teen burst out laughing and smirked while Mana and Bakura stared at one another for a split second before turning their heads and gawking at the two look-alikes, blinking in shock.

"So, uh, shrimp said he had to talk to you about something?"

"Yeah, family dinner thing," Yami sighed, immediately out of his happy little bubble; fucking bubble-popping blowhard that the silver-haired teen was.

"Oh shit, a family date with you two losers?" Bakura murmured, smirking widely. "Fuck yes! I can't  _wait_ to see this shit!"

"Well, too bad, asshat, cause it's only going to be me and Yugi and his parents and— _Ra,_ Yugi, are you  _sure_ we couldn't just  _skip_ this shit?" Yami cried pitifully.

"No."

"You mean, no you're not sure or no as in we can't?"

"We  _can't_."

"Hey, does your dad have any facial hair or anything?" Mana asked suddenly, making all of them stare at her in surprise. "Because, you know, guys who can pull off facial hair are  _so_ hot."

Yugi blinked once. "I think you're supposed to use a razor."

The other three snickered and rolled their eyes while Yugi shook his head and sighed softly; goddamn it, he really needed to figure out some kind of way to stop blurting things out before they got to his parents…

* * *

"If this actually doesn't go very well, it'll most likely be me," he admitted softly, frowning as he tapped his nails against the table and looked at Yami who blinked and tipped his head upwards, confused.

"What?"

"I mean, the blurting things out. They're used to it, but honestly, anything could come out and they could find out something odd about us or something, so just…be aware, okay?"

"Oh yes, trust me, I am well aware of your capabilities to blurt out the strangest things," he chuckled.

"Yeah, but, I mean, if this doesn't go well, they probably won't want me to have you around while they're here, so, in case that happens, I just wanted you to know that…we might have to do something like stay-in dates at your house or sneaking around over here or something?"

"Oh please, Yugi, you know I don't think you understand that you could literally invite me over to sit on your floor and watch a shitty movie. I'm really  _not_ hard to please, aibou. You don't even have to  _feed_ me!  _Very_ low maintenance boyfriend  _right_ here. I just need to get the fuck out the house and spend time with you," Yami snorted, rolling his eyes. "So, sneaking around over here or going out on short five-minute dates or something? Great. No complaints."

"Well…I'm the same. But…not with the food part," he muttered, blinking and looking down. "You had better fucking feed me."

Yami chuckled in amusement and went to wink at him as he said, "Oh, I can feed you, trust me" but accidentally ended up blinking instead.

Yugi snickered and smiled widely, raising a brow slowly. "Oh, koi, did you just wink at me with both eyes at once?"

Yami nodded after a moment, smirking. "It means I find you  _twice_ as attractive!"

Twenty minutes later, Yami met the parents and the first thing that came out of his mouth was, "You know, I like it when people with prescription glasses misplace them somewhere" after spotting the lenses that Yugi's father sported.

His parents stared for a long time.

"Because then they're forced to go around looking like they're suspicious of everything in the room," Yami announced just as boyfriend's eyes widened and his own red ones narrowed. "'What about  _you_ , cabinet?  _Huh,_ you  _sketchy_ piece of  _shit_? Did you take them?'"

"And here I was worried it would be me that made the fool of themselves," Yugi commented so quietly that they almost didn't hear before Yami's head snapped around and he blushed harshly, opening and closing his mouth before looking sick to his stomach.

"Um, well…I was thinking that we would…eat in, especially now," his mother announced, frowning slightly and giving Yami a slightly disapproving look while his dad kind of smiled but made it look more like a grimace that had the red-eyed teen's stomach flipping violently.

Oh.

Fucking.

Gods.

He had just fucked up, not even ten minutes into meeting them.

Life was just getting to be  _too_ fucking hard.

Yugi turned his head and smiled at him suddenly, asking, "How about we go watch TV for a few minutes?" in which Yami nodded immediately and both of them scurried out of the kitchen and into the living room.

"Um, Mom, wait, what did you get for dinner?"

"I was going to make beef—"

"Yami is vegetarian…He only eats fish and chicken and turkey."

Both his parents looked at him as if he had begun speaking Latin in the most demonic voice anyone could ever possess, appearing almost heartbroken and sick to their stomachs and just plain  _terrified_ by this news.

"I…Okay. I'll go back to the store," his mom said uneasily, staring at Yami as if he was going to sprout wings and breathe fire at any moment. "Maybe we can have salmon or something…"

"You  _do_ like salmon, right, son?" his dad asked immediately after, staring at the red-eyed teen as if he were some kind of foreign species.

"Yes…I like salmon…a lot."

"He likes all fish but cod, right?" Yugi asked, glancing at Yami who blinked twice.

"And squid…and octopus…and anchovies."

"At this rate we might as well just buy a freaking pizza," his father grumbled.

" _Dad_!" Yugi snapped sharply.

Both his parents stared at him in pure shock for a moment before glancing at Yami who blinked and blushed after a few seconds, opening and closing his mouth before turning away to stare at the TV as if mesmerized. By the gods, why couldn't something actually  _good_ be playing for once?

"Allow me to join you on your trip to the store," his dad announced, blinking once before they both wandered off.

"Oh my gods."

"I should have warned you. Dad is, uh…super sensitive about his glasses."

Yami blinked slowly. "I think I need to go throw up some…"

"No, it's okay. I promise it is."

The red-eyed teen shook his head. "I can't…Yugi, that was not…"

"My parents are all about eating meat," Yugi said with a small frown, shaking his head slowly. "They…You being a vegetarian just threw them."

"No, Yugi, you don't…" Yami shook his head more violently and swallowed so hard that he almost vomited from the motion. "I can't do this…"

"Yami, please," Yugi mumbled, moving to wrap his arms around him and press his cheek into his, breathing a little harder. "It's not…I promise it's okay. I just didn't get the chance to explain to them any of what was going on and now they're just…sulking a little."

"Yugi…"

"I promise it will be okay. You just have to stick it out or they'll really disapprove of us being together," Yugi whispered. "It's an intimidation technique, anyways. My dad always said that if my spouse couldn't handle the situation when it got rougher than average or something like that, then they weren't worth sticking by."

"Sounds like pretty sane advice," he admitted, feeling sick to his stomach.

"So, if you run, it's all over as far as they're concerned, okay?"

Yami nodded slowly and pressed a little bit of weight into his cheek, leaning forward some more and going to kiss his forehead thoughtfully; he could stick this out. "As long as I don't end up vomiting, it's all good…r-right?"

Yugi snickered softly and kissed his cheek. "I don't think you'll vomit."

"You obviously don't know what stress and fear do to me."

"I would assume that's what made you like that on the rollercoaster."

"That and the food. I needed something better and stuffed myself with candy and soda. Not a smart move on my behalf."

"Wait, so you knew that you would end up vomiting?"

"Well…yeah, of course I did."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because then you wouldn't have gone on the ride."

"You willingly vomited for me just to go on a ride?"

Yami opened and closed his mouth before nodding with a small shrug. "I did."

Yugi blinked and snuggled into him after a long moment; this beautiful bastard. "Thank you."

"Anything for you."

"I love you."

"Love you too."

"Now we just…await my parents' return with bated breath."

"Mm, of course."

"You know, you certainly are a stressful little aibou to have."

Yugi grinned. "Stress means it's actually worth it."

Yami chuckled and stared at the TV screen where he saw some alligator going up against a tiger over a carcass. "Yeah."

The tiger won its meal back after ten minutes of struggle in which Yugi's parents finally walked in and his father huffed, "He can watch animals eating each other but he won't eat meat himself. What kind of craziness is this?"

Yami ignored him while Yugi shot him a glare that made him turn away with another huff and his mom rolled her eyes and started to turn on the stove.

"Just stay calm, okay? Don't let them stress you out."

"That's impossible to do now."

"So, Yami…are you religious?" his mom asked twenty minutes after they had gotten home, two minutes into a rather joyfully silent meal that Yami had been savoring; damn her for popping his bubble.

His eyes widened drastically; oh gods, dinosaurs versus again… "Uh…n-no?" he managed around a hard swallow.

"Don't mind her," his dad interrupted, turning on them immediately and really staring at Yami as if he could see into his soul with those glasses of his; the red-eyed teen supposed that would be the only benefit of such large lenses. "I swear she has no tact."

He offered a small, weak smile, hoping and knowing without a doubt that the subject would not be dropped.

"So…" He leaned forward, making sure to bite into the salmon on his fork as if it were more than just fish, only succeeding in making Yami so happy that it wasn't because he didn't want to see that shit tearing when he bit into it; the good thing about fish was that it didn't tear like other meats. "Why  _aren't_  you religious?"

"Why, for the glory of Satan, of course!" His eyes nearly popped out of his head with his statement and Yugi dropped his fork next to him; for a second he thought he was going to say he was joking or reprimand him but instead he turned his head and blurted out, "All hail!"

"Hearsay the morning star!" Yami cried, opening and closing his mouth and trying hard not to speak again; no wonder Yugi had such trouble with this. It was so impossible to stop…

"Celebrities ain't got nothing on him!" Yugi exclaimed immediately.

The taller teen blinked and then reached over and clamped his hand over Yugi's mouth, leaning forward to whisper in his ear. "Could you just… _discreetly_ stab me under the table?"

Yugi's parents both gave him pityingly awkward smiles, as if they had been suspicious of Yugi's little trait being infectious and Yami wanted to protest this but fought back that urge immediately; how sane would it seem if he accused them of that while he was holding their son's mouth and feeling the blood under his skin as he blushed so violently against his palm?

Oh gods. Oh holy fucking gods!

They were judging him now!

Oh gods, he had stopped the conversation and now they were getting to be judgmental and stuff and…!

He jerked his hand away from Yugi in order to gesture wildly, eyes wide as he cried, "I didn't convert him, I  _swear_! He worshipped before he knew me!"

"I like Pentagrams!" Yugi said immediately.

" _Ha_!" Yami exclaimed, pointing.

"They're like… _regular_ stars but with  _lines_!" the smaller announced, drawing one in the air for a second and making Yami's rationality fly out the window as he blurted out, "He— _He_ converted  _me_!"

"They taught me how to at school!" Yugi said too loudly, looking at Yami with wild eyes for a second; oh gods, they were going to go insane at this rate.

" _See_? I told you he shouldn't date so young," his mom whispered, leaning over to talk to her husband with her eyes on the two teens, pity and confusion and just plain disappointment shining there.

"If children don't date young they might die from hormonal buildup or turn into prostitutes!" his father objected softly, not quite whispering but not murmuring either. "Or, in our case, he'd be the one  _paying_ for the prostitutes!"

Yugi's head snapped towards his boyfriend. " _You're a prostitute_!" he shouted awkwardly.

"H-huh?" Yami sputtered, gawking at him.

His mom closed her eyes tightly and her husband covered his mouth, laughing around his palm and shaking his head slowly while Yugi quickly clamped his hands over his lips with his eyes darting around wildly for an escape route.

"I think…my brain just stopped…"

"Does not compute," Yugi blurted out.

"Keep your satanic sayings to yourself!" Yami cried, turning on him and huffing.

" _All the worship_!" the smaller teen screeched, opening and closing his mouth and then burying his face in his hands before Yami weaseled his fingers under his palms and covered his lips, which somehow led to Yugi mimicking him on his face, both of them looking at each other awkwardly.

"Well, um, okay. That aside—"

"Tell me, Yami, have you ever  _wanted_ to be baptized?"

Yami blinked a few times and Yugi slowly pulled his hands away from his mouth, turning wide eyes on his boyfriend who mumbled, "…That's like…where you have to get  _wet_ …right?"

"It's where you wash away your sins and embrace God," his mother supplied, with a clear look that said they both needed Jesus.

Yami frowned. "But it  _involves_ getting  _wet_ , right?"

"Well, you're washing away—"

"Does it  _involve_ getting wet or not?" the red-eyed teen interrupted immediately; he didn't care about the symbolism. He wanted to know if there was actual fucking water getting on his skin involved with this.

"Yes, Yami, it involves getting wet," Yugi's mother sighed, already knowing the answer.

"Then no. I don't like being wet."

"But you're Mr. Coffee with an automatic drip!" Yugi blurted out before covering his mouth with his hands again.

Yami felt his eyes nearly bug out of his head. "I  _knew_ I shouldn't have ever let you listen to my iPod!" he cried, making his boyfriend's face turn bright red as he ducked his head and wished for the floor to open up beneath his feet.

His father was gawking, sputtering, "What  _are_ you? A sexual deviant?"

"I can't  _help_ it!" Yami protested immediately, voice taking on a slightly whiny edge. "I'm hormonal!"

His dad's eyes nearly popped out of his head and Yami literally found himself imagining them knocking his glasses right off his nose so that they hit the table and he was left half-blind and gawking at him like an idiot. Then he was squinting at him because he couldn't see his face and growling out, "What the fuck did you just do, son? What the fuck is this? You sketchy little shit! See what you did? You took my goddamned glasses. Sketchy little shit."

Oh gods…was he talking out loud?

His mouth opened and closed and Yugi saved him when he cried out, "You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. Getting horny now!"

His parents gawked as if they had never seen him before in their lives and Yami was struggling to keep his head on straight; had he spoken out loud or not?

But more concerning, was the fact that Yugi was about to belt out another lyric from  _The Bad Touch_  and he couldn't let that shit happen again.

"Oh my Ra! Stop singing that song!" he hissed, covering his mouth and feeling Yugi mumble around it with a soft and thoroughly embarrassed, "I can't help it. It's so  _catchy_!"

"I know. It's my theme song," Yami stated casually.

Yugi continued blushing, whispering, "We shouldn't be  _allowed_ to meet new people" as if it were some kind of new realization.

"It should be a law," Yami agreed quietly.

"C-can I just…uh…go upstairs and smother myself?" he mumbled, pursing his lips.

Yami leaped to his feet eagerly. "Allow me to join you!"

Yugi nodded just as eagerly and both of them dashed off for his room, slamming the door immediately and making Mrs. Motou turn to her husband, voice mocking as she drawled, "'Oh, he's not  _too_ young, sweetie. He's not too naïve.'"

Mr. Motou blinked. "Those words sound familiar." His wife groaned and shook her head and he huffed, "Hey, you're the one who wanted kids! I  _told_ you I wasn't ready!"

"I should have listened to my gut when you said you wanted to name him 'Gotham'."

"Hey! Gotham is a  _brilliant_ name!"

Both of them sat in silence for a long minute.

"…You think his awkwardness reflects on our parenting skills?"

"If it does, we'll say he's adopted."

"That's horrible!" his wife gasped, shocked.

"He'll understand," her husband objected.

Mrs. Motou stayed silent for a moment. "His grandfather raised him."

"Deal!"

Yugi shook his head and sighed, putting his chin in his hands while Yami sat in front of him and sighed out, "I'm sorry I couldn't keep from…doing that. I tried. I just…I really can't deal with important authority figures. I…I really suck at even attempting it."

The smaller teen looked at him and smiled weakly, eyes soft despite the tension in his spine. "It's okay, koi," he murmured, reaching out and brushing his fingers over his cheeks. "You tried. That's what I asked you to do."

He stayed quiet for a long minute and shook his head, slightly awed before leaning into him and hugging him tightly. "You're too good for me."

"What?" he mumbled, startled and blinking shocked eyes. "Yami, that's not true—"

"Are you fucking shitting me?" he hissed. "It definitely is. You deserve a lot better."

"Yami—"

He traced a foreign pattern across his back and Yugi shuddered, cut off by the action as he swallowed and licked his lips, biting his lip to keep from crying; his parents were easygoing on some things but that first meeting with Yami couldn't be even  _remotely_ close to what they were expecting when he said that he would let them meet his boyfriend. Especially after all that talk about the devil…

Oh gods, he would never live that down. They would either blame his grandpa for it or something stupid like that; he closed his eyes and pressed his weight into the other teen entirely. He could always sneak around with him, but that would be worse than not being able to see him at all…

"We'll figure it out," he announced, more to himself than the other male. "They can go die somewhere if they think they're breaking us up."

Yami blinked in shock but didn't comment, instead letting out a soft noise of acknowledgment and puffing out his cheeks.

For a moment there was silence and then, "So, um…not to be rude or anything, but…if we're going to be forced apart—can we have sex first?"

Yugi burst out laughing, kissing his neck and snuggling into him. "You're such a pervert."

"Life is great that way."

"Can our first time be on a trampoline?" Yugi asked suddenly. "Then we can make a lot of noise without even trying and we can just jump around afterwards and…it doesn't even have to be an  _outside_  trampoline!"

"You don't want to face battle in the rain with me on a trampoline while we're making love?" Yami asked, sounding almost hurt. "What kind of relationship do you take this for? We have to do these things or it's not love!"

The smaller teen snickered and whispered, "But what if we get so horny that we can't even function straight and then we're like looking around for a trampoline but can't find one and the weather is too clear to rain?"

"Are you challenging our ideal first time? I will have you know that I will raise this event to having a dog tied to the trampoline while we're making love with face battles in the rain. Throw in Milky Way sitting in a tree, yowling because she's wet, and Mana's hamster squeaking in the background because he's jealous that my cat is beautiful and he's a piece of shit."

Yugi burst out laughing, sputtering and then shaking his head. "Oh my gods, that is the perfect first time ever."

"I think so too."

"Um…why do you hate her hamster so much?"

"He's not a hamster. He's a goddamned rat and no one likes him. All he does is eat and run around in that wheel and squeak at us."

"…How do hamsters even  _survive_?" Yugi muttered suddenly. "I mean…How the hell…?"

"Don't ask me."

Yugi paused and suddenly pulled away, staring at him. "Um, you do realize that just because I'm joking about it doesn't mean that we're going to have sex soon, right?" he mumbled, blinking wide eyes.

"Oh please, Yugi," Yami scoffed, rolling his eyes and giving him a broad smile, "we'll have sex whenever you decide you want to have sex. You want to have sex in five minutes, then let's do it. You want to have sex after twenty dates, we'll do it. You want to never have sex, that's fine too. But you better know that I am going to make innuendoes no matter what you say. Why? Because they're fun as  _fuck_."

"How would you know? You've never fucked."

"Oh, oh  _really_ now, Yugi? You want to start messing with me?"

"…In retrospect, that was a cruel joke. I'm sorry."

"Damn straight you are."

"So…how are you going to live if we never have sex anyways?" Yugi asked suddenly. "I mean, like…we never have sex and then you're just like a pervert and you can touch me all you want but I mean…how does that work?"

"I should show you my vibrating super realistic, clear-assed, she-male, two-headed, three-boobed, squirting, with a moving tongue, feet-heated sex doll."

"…If it growls obscenities in a demonic voice, I want three."

"Not only! It  _officially_ has the most  _beautiful_ ear-tentacles you will  _ever_ see."

Yugi's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "But does it  _shape-shift_?"

Yami opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before throwing his hands up. "Well, it does now!" he announced, grabbing him and pulling him into a tight embrace, stroking his hair. "The  _perfection_!"

Yugi snorted and hugged him back, rolling his eyes. "You have a great imagination."

"You're the one who added in shape-shifting and demonic voices."

"Please, I just added on the  _necessities_ for  _any_ good sex toy."

Yami burst out laughing and the smaller boy snickered against his shoulder before they both stopped short at a knock on the door, eyes widening as their heads turned and his mom asked, "I thought you two boys might want some pie?"

Yugi pushed Yami off of him so fast the other didn't get to think straight. "Chocolate cream?" he demanded, peeking out the door.

"Yeah, your favorite."

Well…that answered the mystery of what pie Yugi had pledged his virginity on a second slice for.

"Ooh, thank you!" he muttered, kissing her cheek and fleeing into the kitchen while Yami blinked a few times and then jumped to his feet and hurried after him, not wanting a single second alone with his mother because he thought he might die if that happened.

Yugi had his slice and was digging in when he got over to the table, the taller teen grabbing his own and taking a bite; the moment he turned his attention away when his phone buzzed in his pocket, he found his boyfriend stealing a bite from it.

"Yugi."

"You snooze you lose."

Yami stared at him for a long minute and then took another bite, glaring at him while the other boy growled when he pointed his fork at his slice, waggling the utensil in front of his face and forgetting that Yugi's parents even  _existed_ until…

"So, let me ask you something, Yami."

He swallowed hard, the pie going from cold to insanely hot in his throat as it slid down.

"What would you do if Yugi were put in the hospital for weeks and—?"

"I would sent him nudes as a get well soon gift," he stated immediately without thought, eyes widening before he made a sobbing noise and covered his face with his hands. " _Kill me_."

"Is sex  _all_ you think about?" Yugi laughed next to him, glancing at his boyfriend's pie and thinking about grabbing another forkful but shying away when he dragged his hands along his face and mumbled, "No. It's just…Even when I'm not horny, I'm still pretty fucking horny."

Yugi groaned and shook his head, laughing again while Yami finally turned his attention to the pie and poked at some of the chocolate layering.

The smaller teen turned to him suddenly. "How would you even  _start_ sex? Like kiss, kiss—'Oh! Look! I'm  _inside_ you!'" he muttered, making Yami choke and hack, covering his mouth and staring at him with wide eyes.

Either Yugi was trying to take the attention off him or he was getting  _really_  awkward.

"I…I would imagine there are more steps than that," Yami sputtered, swallowing hard and blinking wide eyes.

"I don't know. Porn makes it look that easy," he muttered.

Yami nearly fell out of his seat. "Oh my gods. Did you really just…? I didn't…You watch  _porn_?"

Yugi opened and closed his mouth and ducked his head. "No…?"

"You sound so sure of yourself," Yami chuckled.

"I…No!"

"Oh my gods, you so do!"

"No…T-there—It was a  _link_ , Yami!"

"How many did you watch?"

"One."

"I don't believe that for a second."

"Okay, okay…two."

"Three?"

" _Six_ , okay?" Yugi huffed. "I…the names were just so curious and I…"

Yami burst out laughing and Yugi's parents stared at them as if they had both lost their minds, with those expressions that said that they so needed Jesus but they had no idea how to tell them so they just stayed quiet.

He was starting to think that maybe they were wondering how the hell they managed to handle each other and might have been a little amazed because that was definitely showing on Yugi's mom's face at the moment. Such an insanely beautiful expression.

Both of them went quiet for a long moment.

"Hey, so, um…after we're done with our pie, can I go to Yami's house?"

His parents swapped looks and Yami felt like his skin was going to crawl off with the way the tension was starting to grow a little in the room, something that made his spine rigid.

Well…at least they couldn't get at him for his posture.

He had a perfectly straight back, after all.

"I suppose," his mom sighed. "But be back before midnight."

"I'll get him a cab," Yami stated immediately, the smaller boy pursing his lips.

"I can't just stay over?"

"We wanted to spend some time with you," his dad said as if it should have been obvious.

Yugi went to argue but then realized how stupid that would be and nodded after a moment. "Okay, before midnight." But that didn't stop him from eating his pie at the speed of light and looking at Yami who gaped at him with his forkful halfway to his mouth.

Oh, he wanted to leave now…

Well…that was a little awkward.

Damn, they needed like…fucking memos or code words or some shit like that.

Definitely needed them.

He scrambled to eat his pie just as fast and choked when Yugi leaped to his feet, grabbing his arm and jerking him out of his seat; he barely managed to shout a weak, "Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Motou. Nice meeting you both. I had a nice time" before he was dragged out the door.

Yugi immediately grabbed him into a tight embrace and breathed into his shoulder, mumbling, "You did great. See? I told you you didn't have to worry."

"Bullshit," he hissed, rolling his eyes. "We started talking about porn over dessert. You think that got me points?"

"I think the fact that you didn't freak out and teased me instead of running off with your tail between your legs got you points. I mean, my parents always said that I would need a boyfriend who could handle my…spontaneous mouth."

Yami blinked. "Now  _that_ sounds like a porno title. 'Spontaneous Mouth' where the woman or man will put  _anything_ in their mouths."

"…You mean like you and the remote?"

Yami blinked and then purred, "Ah, yes, the remote."

Yugi snorted and laughed, smiling brightly. "The remote."

He nodded a little and took his hand when he pulled away, twining their fingers together and starting to walk with Yugi at his side. "Damn remote was going to go on an  _adventure_."

"Except your gag reflex would have been very rude to it."

"Mm, true. So, um…not to say that your mom is a bad cook or anything or that…serving sizes are useless, but I'm still really hungry," he admitted, making Yugi grin and laugh, nodding. "So, when we get there, how about we order a pizza and just have fun for the rest of the night until you have to go?"

"Okay, sure."

"…And watch  _Jurassic Park_?"

Yugi blinked. "No, I think I'm okay without having your religion pushed on me."

"Damn it, all right. The dinosaurs will have another chance."

"No doubt," the smaller snorted, rolling his eyes. "And then you can show me why Steven is your god when I should be."

"Oh, you are my god. Just…my sex god and Steven is my…dinosaur-religion god."

"Wow, he stands for more things than me. We have to change that."

"You are my beautiful wild-monkey-make-up-sex-in-a-mall-fountain-sex god and we should really plan out this rainy day on a trampoline thing. I think that has to be the most amazing shit ever for a first time."

Yugi was still laughing at the excitement in his voice when they got back to his house and ordered the pizza, only quieting when they plopped on the couch and Yami laid his head on his lap while he stroked his hair.

"You know, little one," Yami commented suddenly, catching one of his hands and looking it over as he twined their fingers together again. "You have the  _cutest_ hands ever. But you know what would make them even cuter?"

"Um…moisturizer?" Yugi asked obliviously.

The taller teen sat up and lowered his voice to a sultry purr, whispering, "If they were down my pants."

Yugi gave him the most innocently oblivious look he had ever seen, blinking and furrowing his brows. "But…how would that be beneficial to my hands?" he asked, turning his attention to them and looking his palms over. "You can't  _moisturize_ your hands if they're down your boyfriend's pants!"

" _Sure_ you can," Yami objected, smirking.

"Really?" the smaller asked, excited now, "How—Oh! No, no, oh  _hell_  no, back off with that! I've heard that's  _not_ a good moisturizer!"

Yami opened and closed his mouth and then narrowed his eyes. "What the fuck…? How did you end up looking  _that_ up?"

Yugi blinked wide eyes and then blushed. "I…I…There were links and I…I got curious."

"First porn and then hand moisturizers. I think that's enough internet for you."

The smaller teen ducked his head. "You're the one who looked up sex positions for two hours with me."

"Because I mean…what the fuck is up with all of those?!"

"Well they—know what? Never mind."

"Hey, you weren't complaining."

Yugi pursed his lips and nodded a little; he hadn't complained because it had been hilarious when Yami pointed at a position, gawked a little, and said, "What the hell is this? This isn't the fucking Olympics!" and all he could think was,  _The Fucking Olympics_ for the next twenty minutes of looking through those articles and pictures.

And that of course had awkwardly made him think about how the red-eyed teen next to him had called his cousin that day when he and Mana were going to celebrate their birthday the same day and were arguing over the kind of food they want, Italian or Mexican, and Bakura had told him to "Kill the spare" and Yami had spent the whole time at the restaurant staring at his little sister and thinking,  _The spare_.

So then he had been giggling while Yami had been staring in confusion at the screen and both of them had ended up making jokes about some of it. Like one position looked like their legs were locked together and they were both on their hands and knees, bent backwards and Yugi couldn't figure out how that worked because, how the hell did you  _move_ in that kind of position?

"Pizza guy!" Yami shouted, getting to his feet immediately and running over to get the door; Yugi glanced up as the aroma hit his nose, grinning as he ran over and staring as he spotted Yusei there, blushing and looking incredibly embarrassed by the uniform he was wearing.

Both Yami and Yugi stared for the longest minute and then finally turned away from him, the smaller boy awkwardly mumbling, "Wow, you guys really don't look alike."

Yusei blinked in confusion. "What?"

Yami snorted, glancing over his shoulder and shaking his head, "Nothing, just something Yugi mentioned to me before."

"Wait, you two…?" He blinked again. "I didn't know you two were…"

The smaller teen looked at the pizza anxiously; oh gods, he was starving…

"Yeah, like…four…four months now?"

Yugi ignored that question, staring at the pizza and hissing, "Me wants."

"Yeah, okay, give me a second," Yami muttered, rolling his eyes and snickering before giving him his money. "Keep the change."

"Wait, why did he think we looked alike?"

The red-eyed teen stared for a second. "No reason. Move along now."

"But—"

Yami shook his head at him slowly and closed the door, handing the pizza over to the smaller teen who looked ready to tear the box open right there and eat it on the floor if he wasn't moved along to the table again.

"So, um, do I need to talk to you about how, if your mom can bribe you into agreeing to stay a virgin forever over a slice of pie, then I'm going to make you take back that promise with that same pie?" Yami asked suddenly.

Yugi looked confused. "I…Oh yeah!" He turned bright red in shock for a moment and then blinked twice.

"So, will you tell me what pie it is or must I figure it out myself? Was it the chocolate one we had tonight?" he muttered, grabbing a slice and pointing it at him. "Because you  _growled_ at me over that shit and I'm not happy about it."

Yugi blushed harder and quickly stuffed his face with some pizza, the taller teen narrowing his eyes at him; the smaller boy blinked wide eyes up at him and then immediately started pushing more of the slice into his mouth until he couldn't fit anymore and practically all but the crust was in there.

"Fucking hell," Yami mumbled, shocked out of his mind and staring at the way that Yugi's cheeks puffed outwards like a chipmunk's. "Now I understand why everyone laughed at me when I used to stuff whole pieces of toast into my mouth."

The smaller boy gave him a confused look and the red-eyed teen opened and closed his mouth once before turning away quickly.

"Nothing, don't worry about it. I didn't even mean to mention that."

Yugi shrugged and chewed at his mouthful happily, not even bothering to think about it as he took a seat, watching Yami with bright eyes; halfway through his second slice a knock on the door had the taller teen dashing off while the smaller watched and continued eating, getting a text and eyeing it warily when he saw that it was from his parents.

Yami opened the door with his pizza slice halfway to his mouth, staring as Mana blinked back at him and the police officer looked first at his pizza, then at him, then at his sister and finally took in Yugi who was still studying his phone as if it might explode at any moment.

"I don't know what the fuck you stole, but you better not drag me into it. This  _right here_  is pizza," Yami stated, staring at his sister and narrowing his eyes into slits. "And you  _know_ that I love my fucking pizza."

Mana gawked at him in pure shock; did he really just say that in front of an officer?

Couldn't he get in trouble for something like that?

She went to call him out on that only to find that the officer was snickering next to her, something that made her flush and wish she could disappear.

Yami turned his head to look over his shoulder, biting into his pizza and shouting, "Mom, Dad, Mana just got arrested! But they brought her back!"

That got Yugi's attention just enough to make him glance up and Mana wished he would have said something but then the small blue-violet-eyed boy was completely enraptured by his phone again, frowning and propping his chin in his hand with his left elbow against the table, lips pursed and a piece of pizza crust next to him.

"I wasn't arrested!" Mana sputtered, blushing harder.

"Then why the hell did an officer bring you here?" Yami snorted around his pizza, pausing to give the uniformed man a small sheepish smile. "I'm sorry. I know it seems like we're talking around you, but we're siblings and we do it to  _everyone_. Now, I'm really interested in knowing why she's been arrested even though she's trying to deny it. But she's a liar anyways so I don't believe her when she talks most of the time as it is. I…I will trade you a piece of pizza for this story."

He could not be serious!

Right?

Yami smirked at his gawking sister and the officer snickered loudly, chuckling, "You see, your sister seemed to get a little lost in one of the…shadier parts of town and since it's dark, she got scared and called the police to give her a ride home."

He choked on his pizza, covering his mouth and laughing until he turned red in the face while his parents snickered as they came down the stairs, their daughter whining and then hurrying around her brother towards where Yugi was still staring at his phone while Yami doubled over, cracking up.

"Oh my god!" he laughed, sputtering. "Shit!"

"Thank you for bringing her home," his mom giggled, glancing at the blonde who huffed and grabbed some pizza.

"It was no problem ma'am."

"Oh, oh, oh god, oh my god!"

Yugi jumped up from his seat, screaming, "Fuck yes!" out of nowhere and Yami fell over onto the tile at the shocked looks on the officer and his parents' faces. The smaller teen blinked, glanced at them, and then scrambled off for the living room with such a red face that it put Yami's eyes to shame.

" _Shit_!"

"That's…wow."

"It's New Year's," his mom muttered, sighing and shaking her head.

Well, that definitely explained the awkwardness of this situation.

"Oh, oh, my side!" Yami cried, sobbing. "Cramp!"

"Goddamn it, Yami!" Mana snapped, "You're so…stupid!"

"You don't eat the crust?" Yugi cried out suddenly, coming back from the living room and gawking at her when she started on her second slice  _without_ eating the crust. "Why the fuck wouldn't you eat the crust?"

"You didn't eat it either!"

"I got distracted," the smaller boy argued, huffing before glaring at her.

"Well, the crust is disgusting."

Yugi narrowed his eyes. "You are weak and natural selection is  _coming_ for you," he hissed.

Yami writhed on the floor, sobbing and curling into a ball and Yugi glanced over, blushing furiously when he saw that the officer was laughing and the ambassador and his wife were snickering to themselves.

Oh gods.

Did they hear that?

"You're rude."

"Don't be mad because you'll be dead by next year."

"Yugi, no. I don't think that's—"

"Hush, natural selection will accelerate just for weak people who don't eat pizza crust!" Yugi snapped, pointing at the blonde. " _Next year_!"

"I just…I'm going to go now," the policeman announced, clearing his throat and wandering off without saying goodbye or letting them have the chance to do so, quickly speeding off in his cruiser before they could say anything.

"Hmm…well, that was nice," Aknamkanon stated, sighing softly. "Want to tell me about how normal our children are now?"

"Oh please…Yugi's not our child," she whispered in his ear.

He blinked. "Well that makes everything better. We're not the only one with such strange children."

"Wow," Yami mumbled from the floor, starting to get up, "you guys are just so nice."

"Oh, uh, but we love you, of course," his mom said quickly, blinking.

The red-eyed teen rolled his eyes, laughing, and went back over to the table where Yugi was glaring Mana down over her lack of crust-consumption; he could practically  _see_ the words "Natural selection is coming for you" in those bright blue-violet eyes.

Not that he would ever say it out loud, but he had always been desperate for natural selection to get her. Just because there didn't need to be  _a spare_.

"It's my crust and I'll do whatever the hell I want with it," Mana snapped, glaring at him and then snatching another piece and fleeing upstairs while Yugi huffed and turned a sour face to his boyfriend.

" _Next year_ ," he repeated, nodding. "Natural selection will get her next year."

"I'm sure it will," Yami chuckled, smiling at him and taking a seat. "So, what was the 'fuck yes' about?"

"Goddamn it, Yami! I told you to watch your fucking language!" his father huffed.

The teen grinned widely and snickered, "Such influence."

"Shut up, smartass."

Yami snorted as his parents wandered upstairs again and Yugi smiled brightly, looking ready to leap over the table as the red-eyed teen turned back to him; he froze for a second, confused by the expression, and then tilted his head as the other boy snickered, "Guess."

"I'm not good at these games."

"Seriously, guess!"

"You've decided to pre-order a trampoline for our first time?"

"No, but…Oh my god, I totally should!"

Yami sighed and shook his head, thinking for another long minute. "You control natural selection and have chosen Mana as your next target?"

"Well…no, but I wish I did."

"You like grapefruit instead of oranges?"

"Ew!" Yugi screeched. "Grapefruit are gross!"

Yami chuckled and leaned against the table, smiling at him fondly. "What is it then? I give up."

The smaller teen pursed his lips for a second and then pulled his phone out, turning it around for him to see the text message on the screen, a simple two-worded statement of,  _We approve_.

He blinked once, then twice, and finally glanced up at him, shouting, "Fuck yes!" while Yugi pouted in disapproval.

"That's not funny. It's really not. I don't like you anymore."

"But I love you!"

"…I love you too."

Yami glanced over his shoulder at the clock on the microwave and then turned back. "You know, we never did do like…that New Year's kiss thing that everyone always brags about…"

Yugi opened and closed his mouth once before rolling his eyes. "It's way past midnight on New Year's Eve."

"Fine, don't kiss me then. I don't like you like that anyways."

"Oh…oh, that was…Oh."

"Nope, that's not about to work, Yugi. I know you knew what I was saying."

Yugi blinked and huffed. "Fine, okay, so I knew, but…Okay, here's the thing. I have pizza breath and I think it would be awkward…"

"Um, Yugi, what do you think I was just eating a second ago?"

The smaller boy glanced at the box and blushed. "Pizza."

"So what do I have?"

"Pizza breath?"

"Exactly. So k…" Yami trailed off for a moment and wandered over to his side, whispering, "Face battle me."

Yugi burst out laughing and then froze when his phone rang for a second, glancing at the screen. "Voicemails?" he muttered, pressing play immediately and forcing them both to go completely red in the face as Yami's voice started.

"You know, that day in class? When we were talking about hearts and heart strings? I wasn't joking about the marriage thing…Okay, maybe a little, but I mean…When I say  _marry_ …I don't mean bang. I mean…like…I want to make pancakes on a Sunday morning and have you walk downstairs in plaid pajama pants with messy hair and let me kiss you on the nose." There was a long pause. "I would  _also_  bang you though. Like a screen door in a hurricane."

"Aw, goddamn it," Yami hissed. "Fucking hell."

"Ooh, bang me like a screen door in a hurricane. That's…a lot of banging."

The taller teen snickered but glared at him playfully. "Don't make fun of me, little—"

Both of them froze as another few voicemails popped up, Yami growing completely mortified as Yugi grinned and played them, laughing and nearly sobbing by the end, snickering, "You never broke in through my window."

Yami huffed. "I…Shut up."

The smaller boy wrapped his arms around him, leaning into his chest and burying his face in his shirt. "I'm going to keep these forever."

"What? You find them  _that_ funny?"

"I find them hilarious and a little  _too_ beautiful," he admitted, snickering and leaning up to whisper in his ear. "Plus, whenever we argue, I'm going to play these to you."

"You devious little shit."

"I am, I am," he laughed, pulling back and looking at him for a moment. "Devious little shit I am."

"Well, at least you embrace it."

"Of course, I love that title." He paused. "So, uh, what I want to know is, can we  _ever_ go on an actual rollercoaster ride sometime? Because, I mean…you threw up  _everywhere_."

"Are you saying my aim is bad?" Yami asked slowly, narrowing his eyes into slits.

"You…you were aiming for something?"

The taller teen blinked. "The homeless guy with the turkey legs."

Yugi looked like he was going to be sick. "Oh gods, you almost bought that shit too."

"It  _smelled_ good, okay?"

"I don't care if it smelled good! One thing you  _never_ do in the states is buy things from people who look homeless! You can buy things  _for_ the homeless, but you never buy  _from_ them. Or…at least not food." The small teen huffed and poked him in the chest. "Most of the time that food will be rotten or something like that. Poisonous maybe. Fact of life, Yami, in the states, if you do something as stupid as to buy their food, no matter how good it smells, it's a death trap. You'll die of clogged arteries or something."

Yami blinked. "We just went from homeless people to the entire population of the United States' food."

"Yes."

"Uh…okay then."

"So…rollercoaster?"

"Yeah, okay. Rollercoaster."

"You won't vomit?"

"No, I'm actually pretty good with them."

"Oh, okay, good. And you're not going to get on if you  _know_ you'll end up vomiting, right?" Yugi asked suspiciously.

"I make no promises."

"Yami."

"I. Make. No. Promises."

"Goddamn it."

Yami peeked at Yugi's phone for a moment and the smaller boy glanced at it and back, frowning as he asked, "Okay, that has to be the third time you've done that. What the hell are you looking for?"

"Your parents' text saying that one wasn't meant for you."

"That's…not going to happen. Just, calm down and…seriously, what the fuck is wrong with your sister that she doesn't eat the crust on pizza?"

"She's weak and wants natural selection to come after her."

"Shut up. Does she like…? Oh wait, you guys don't  _have_ a dog so that's not possible."

"By the way, little one, what kind of dog would you  _want_ if you could get one?"

"German shepherd—or a Siberian husky! Or a mixed breed from the shelters," Yugi said, nodding vigorously. "Mixed breeds are so beautiful and they deserve homes too. Especially if they're from the shelters. Or strays on the streets."

Yami blinked when the smaller boy's eyes widened, watering.

"What kind of person leaves a dog behind?"

Oh, oh gods, he was crying…

Oh fucking hell.

Oh.

Fucking.

Hell.

"I don't—bad people. They're horrible people and they deserve to die somewhere."

Yugi was nodding vigorously but stopped short and shoved him away a couple of steps, blubbering, "But what would you know? You have a cat!"

Yami opened and closed his mouth and then sighed softly, shaking his head slightly. "I like dogs too."

"No you don't! You have a cat!"

The taller teen blinked. "Yugi, just because I have Milky Way—"

"Her name is Satan! God, Yami, why are you such a horrible pet owner?"

Wait… _what_?

"I…I…w-what?"

Yugi whined deep in his throat and then wiped at his eyes. "You're so cruel. You don't even remember your cat's name!"

"B-but I…What?"

"God Yami, get your shit together!"

"I…What the fuck?"

The phone flashed and Yami recoiled, rubbing his eyes as Yugi burst out laughing and jumped to his feet. "Oh my god, this is amazing."

"What?"

"This picture. You're so cute in this picture," he laughed, grinning and hugging him tightly.

"You evil little imp."

"I don't know what that means."

"It means you're evil. And little. And a fucking imp."

"Yes…but what's an imp?"

"Look it up!"

"Oh, don't be mad. It was so cute and funny!"

"I thought those were real tears!"

"They were…at first. I've seen too many animal rescue commercials. I always sob like a baby now at the idea of them being stuck out in the freezing cold like that…" His eyes were watering again. "Hold me!"

The taller teen burst out laughing and hugged him again, rolling his eyes as the other boy discreetly wiped his nose all over his shoulder and whispered, "Sorry."

"You're not sorry at all."

"You're right," he admitted. "I hate that shirt."

"Why? What the hell is wrong with the shirt?" Yami asked, confused as he pulled away and looked it over before blanching; oh gods, he knew he should have tried harder with his outfit but he hadn't wanted to seem too completely materialistic to Yugi's parents or vain or anything like that and…apparently that was wasted effort now.

"I fucking  _hate_ Harry Potter."

Yami sighed. Fuck him.


	7. The Pun Bowl Part I: The Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Way later update than I originally planned and two days later than I was hoping but hey, editing and writer's block will do that to you. Oh well, here is part one of four of the Pun Bowl event.  
> Warning! There is a small bit of jokes about religions and such but nothing too horrible, and it shouldn't offend anyone. I just wanted to play around a little and it definitely worked. So just remember that no offense was meant and have fun.  
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh. At. ALL.

The Pun Bowl Part I: The Birthday

He was not prepared for this test. And neither was Yami now that he glanced over and saw the way he was gawking at his calculator. He watched the taller teen start banging it against the desk, yelling, "There is  _no_  fucking way I just got  _eleven-fucking-million_  as my  _motherfucking answer_! What  _is_  this  _bullshit_?! Bad calculator! Bad, you fucking piece of shit!" He banged his calculator harder and Yugi cringed, shifting away slightly. " _I hate life_!"

Yugi glanced at his test for a moment and then flipped through some of the pages, furrowing his brows. Oh gods, there was no eleven million for an answer choice—on any question. What the hell was Yami doing?

Laughter started bubbling up in the back of the class and Yugi shot his boyfriend a sympathetic look as he proceeded to pout. The red eyes grew wide, his bottom lip jutting out and his expression taking on one of someone about to cry. Ms. Chono glanced at the red-eyed boy with an awkward expression and quickly looked down again. Yami glanced up to find her taking small peeks at him uncomfortably from where she was looking at their grade reports at her spot behind her desk.

"Shut up!" Yugi cried angrily, glaring at someone who started whispering about how Yami was going to fail. "I'm trying to fucking fail my test in peace. I need absolute silence to do that, you stupid dildos."

His boyfriend's eyes nearly popped out of his head, glancing at him and making his mouth curve into an "o" shape. The smaller teen blushed furiously but refused to look at anyone else, turning back to his calculator.

"Don't laugh," Ms. Chono snapped, rolling her eyes and shaking her head as someone snickered in the back. "He's right, you know?"

Yami glanced at the smaller boy and met his gaze from the corner of his eye. He pursed his lips and furrowed his brows, narrowing his eyes while Yugi blushed harder. "She agreed with you even after you just called everyone a dildo," he hissed. "I have no words to express my jealousy."

The smaller teen shook his head, blushing until his ears had taken on a bright red, and turned away again, whispering, "Ssh. I have some failing to do."

* * *

Yami groaned loudly and threw his hands against the table, whining and covering his head. Yugi gave him a half-sympathetic grimace but refused to back down as the taller teen whined loudly again.

"Why do you keep doing this to me? What did I do to you? Why do you hate me  _so_ fucking much, Yugi?"

"Hey, I just thought that you would like to have a second chance at the math test you failed so badly!" the smaller mumbled, huffing. "Obviously my efforts to make sure you have  _some_ kind of academic future are not valued."

"Are you my mother?" the red-eyed teen whispered, raising his head and giving him a horrified look. "Because you just sounded so much like her and I really want to cry right now."

Yugi gave him a long look, the words on his tongue already showing in his eyes. Yami nearly panicked when he blurted out, "Incest! Oh my god, incest!" so loudly that others turned around in their seats. The taller teen covered his face and shook his head immediately while the smaller felt his face grow flushed with horror. He wasn't sure if he had shouted it but with the way that almost  _everyone_ seemed to be staring at him said something. "You're incestuous!"

"Oh. My.  _Ra_." Yami ducked his head and got ready to crawl under the table as Yugi covered his mouth and hung his head. "I can't…fuck me, I can't…oh my  _fucking Ra_."

"No, wait, don't leave me. I'll cry if you hide."

Yami grabbed him by the hem of his shirt and dragged him under the table with him. A few small laughs broke out, someone made a catcall, and Yugi buried his head into his stomach. The taller boy patted his shoulder blades and then sighed loudly. Poor sweet little Yugi, with no filter between his mind and his mouth.

And it was only going to get worse with the more stressed he became.

Four hours later at the end of the school day, both of them shuffled into the math room as Yugi had mentioned minutes before his outburst at lunch. Ms. Chono barely even glanced at them, gesturing towards the piles of paper laid out in front of her on the desk. Both of them got their tests immediately and scrambled for their usual seats in class.

Yugi stared at the sixty-nine with the threat of tears pricking his eyes. By the gods, he had been a point away from passing. He could have passed if he hadn't missed that one stupid question.

"Oh my god," Bakura snickered beside him. "Dude, is that a  _negative_ number?"

Yami flushed and ducked his head, staring at where his grade said -13. "Shut up, Bakura."

" _How_ did even  _manage_ that?" Malik laughed, leaning forward and peeking at the test, laughing harder. "What the  _fuck_ , Yami?"

"Shut up," he snapped, blinking at the paper and then flipping it over when Yugi glanced at it. The smaller teen took a moment to realize what had appeared so wrong with the top of the paper.

"You…you actually managed to spell your name wrong," he whispered, blinking in shock and rubbing his eyes hard. "Oh my gods."

"Shut up!" Yami whined pitifully. "It…it was an accident! By Ra, you all are assholes."

" _How_ do you manage to spell your  _name_ wrong?" Bakura howled. "It's your  _name_. And it's only  _four letters_!"

"I had to stay up all night with Milky Way, damn it," Yami snapped, crossing his arms and pouting. "She was sick and Mana was convinced that she had eaten Mr. Fuzzy so we were looking for the rat  _and_ trying to get Milky Way to take her medicine, okay? Fuck off."

"Aw, Milky Way is sick?" Yugi asked, eyes wide with concern. "What happened?"

"I don't know yet. She isn't eating properly."

"Did you ever think she decided to go on a diet?" Malik snorted, laughing when the smallest teen's eyes grew impossibly wider. His red-eyed cousin shot him a furious look and Bakura snorted, rolling his eyes. "I mean, maybe she thought she was too fat."

"Do you want to fight, bitch? You don't call my cat fat," Yami snarled, sitting up and narrowing his eyes into slits. "I will destroy you."

"No fat pussy," Yugi mumbled absently, putting his elbows on the desk and his chin in his hands. "Only skinny pussy."

Yami sputtered loudly at his side and the other two burst out laughing. Yugi shot them a confused look and then groaned and buried his face in his arms. His boyfriend awkwardly patted his back while his cousins continued cracking up.

"Yes, Yugi, only the skinny…pussy," he snorted, covering his mouth with and shaking his head. "Milky Way is still a skinny pussy cat."

"Say that again," Bakura laughed, poking his shoulder. "Say 'pussy' again."

"What? No. Why?"

"It's hilarious how it sounds—"

"Pussy is a funny word," Yugi commented, leaning back in his seat and pursing his lips as he looked at Yami. "Because it's so weird when you say it but also because it's the name for a cat. A cat, Yami, a  _cat_. Like…with whiskers and a tongue and claws and stuff. Pussy cat. And then there's the word cock. Like…it's a rooster and a penis. I don't…it's weird."

Yami groaned in the back of his throat. "Oh my Ra, Yugi," he muttered.

"Like, there's Excalibur and then there's Christ," the smaller boy continued, nodding and looking at Yami's crotch for a second.

"Christ?" Malik asked slowly, glancing at Bakura and then Yami as the red-eyed teen's spine went rigid and his cheeks colored. "What is he…?"

"Seto's," Yugi said, confused, glancing at them. "He named his too. Yami's is Excalibur and—"

"No, no, stop," Yami said immediately, shaking his head wildly. "Oh my god, Yugi, stop."

"But—"

"You mean to tell me that Seto named his dick after someone in the  _bible_?" his silver-haired cousin commented, raising a brow at Malik. The blond's eyebrows shot up and his purple eyes narrowed. "Where the hell were we?"

" _High_ ," Yami spat, bristling. "You two were  _high_."

"What? I've never been…Oh," Bakura snorted, laughing after a moment. Both he and the blond shared an awkward look, giving weak giggles and swallowing hard. "Yeah,  _that_."

"Yeah, Count Stupid,  _that_."

"Shut up, I wasn't the only vampire!"

"Oh my god," Yami muttered, covering his face. "You are not a—"

"Shut up. I was—in the moment."

"Fucking Ra. You were never a vampire." He gestured around wildly. "You haven't even  _dressed_ as one for Halloween, Bakura. Think about that for a moment."

"Dude, I would be too  _great_ a fucking Dracula to dress up as him," he snorted dismissively, rolling his eyes and smirking when Yami narrowed his gaze. "You have no idea the power of my awesomeness."

"You're an idiot—"

"Wait…Christ—Jesus Christ!" Yugi muttered, spinning on his boyfriend and grabbing his shoulders. He leaned forward and Yami's eyes nearly popped out of his head, cheeks turning bright red. The smaller boy breathed against his lips and lowered his voice. "He named his penis after a curse word!"

The taller boy blinked and then laughed, startled and unsure of what else to do. "W-what?" he asked, bewildered.

"It's a curse word," the smaller boy stated, nodding and then blinking. "Oh gods, he cursed his own penis. He…wow, he cursed his penis. No one will love his penis now."

Yami opened and closed his mouth, narrowing his eyes before furrowing his brows and shaking his head. "Yugi, that's…What?"

"Ssh," the other boy muttered, covering his mouth with his hand. Something hard touched his torso in the position they were in but he guessed it was just Yami's hand. He watched the taller teen's face continue to darken in color but ignored it, chewing his cheek. "Wow. He's a real antisocial no-dating kind of guy, isn't he?"

Yami let out a low croak of a groan in the back of his throat. "Y-yes?"

"That must be lonely," Yugi muttered. "So lonely."

"Mmhmm…" He immediately moved to lean forward and hunch his spine to look interested in his test. His boyfriend glanced at him for a moment and then snatched the stapled mess away from him, looking it over.

"Oh my god. You really  _did_ spell your name wrong," he giggled. "Hello Yam Semen."

"No, stop that!" Yami whined pathetically. "We don't speak of this…catastrophic event."

"Then we also don't speak of the vampire incident. No one knew they were weed brownies, okay?" Bakura snapped, huffing. "If we had known—"

"You would have still eaten them. Don't even kid yourself," the red-eyed teen scoffed. "You would have—"

"Are all fifty of you here?" Ms. Chono announced as she walked into the room; Yugi quickly handed him his test back and his cousins fled to their seats.

"Fifty?" Yami echoed, turning his head and looking at the others in the room. A long low whistle left Bakura's mouth and the other teen turned around again, blinking. "Holy shit. There are fifty of us… _Only fifty_?"

"Ha, Yami, this is just the first two periods," Bakura snorted.

"Oh my god," Yugi whispered. "Quick, Yami, count how many are in our class and I'll count the ones that aren't."

Both of them spun around and started counting off before turning back and facing each other.

"Thirty," Yugi stated, grinning widely.

"Yes!" Yami cried, giving him a high-five that Yugi happily reciprocated, both of them beaming. "We are  _not_  part of the majority! Our class is smarter!"

"Too bad you bring down their average," their teacher quipped, both of them blinking and ducking their heads. "Honestly, what is wrong with you two? You start dating and this happens?"

"In my defense…I've always sucked at math," Yami argued, chewing his cheek. "I just…I can normally bullshit my way through and it's not working so well right now."

"Did you just say you bullshit your way through my  _class_?" the redhead asked, narrowing her eyes into slits.

"…Actually, I bullshit my way through  _life_ ," the red-eyed teen stated, shrugging slowly. "And since I am required to be here, this is yet another thing that I must bullshit my way through."

"He is the master of bullshitting," Bakura stated, nodding eagerly.

"All hail," Malik agreed.

"Who are we hailing?" Yugi asked, eyes wide as he looked between them. "Is it Satan or Steven?"

"Oh my god," the silver-haired teen snickered. "Wow, Yami, this is impressive. You've actually managed to scramble his brains that much."

"I…I am a god. I bullshit and I am a god," he mumbled, blushing as Yugi turned his head with wide eyes.

"Wait, I thought Steven was god and you were some kind of demon and Milky Way was Satan," he cried, eyes growing wide and distressed. "God, Yami, keep your stories straight! I'm starting to get whiplash trying to keep up!"

"It's refreshing," Ms. Chono drawled, "just how seriously you take this situation. You two are very close to failing this semester all because of this test. Do you really want to joke about this? I suppose you can try to bullshit your way through the make-up class right now, huh, Yami? I mean, I don't know very many students that misspell their own  _names_ as well as get  _every_ single question wrong on a hundred-question test."

Yami cringed and glanced at his test as laughter started up from behind him. Bakura and Malik smirked but turned away and Yugi gave him a comforting glance.

"You shouldn't be laughing, Weevil. Until you can learn the difference between spelling a caterpillar and a cantaloupe," Ms. Chono scoffed. "At least he didn't take fruit and turn it into a disgusting little bug."

Some laughter started up at the statement but Yugi still found Yami glaring at his paper as if he hoped it would disappear. Yami glanced at him from the corner of his eye, narrowed his gaze, crossed his arms, and sulked. The smaller boy couldn't figure out whether to find it amusing or try to comfort him.

And he had an idea he would fail at the latter because he was still kind of fixated on the idea that he had forgotten how to spell his name. How did you do that?

"You get stressed," Yami sniped at him, hissing under his breath. "You get stressed and you spell your name  _wrong_ , okay?"

Yugi blushed slightly and ducked his head. "Sorry." He paused and then grinned. "Even if I took the 'I' off my name, it would be my nickname!"

"Yeah, well aren't you just so lucky—"

Yugi sprang at the other boy in an attempt to grab the sheet before he could but Weevil had his grimy paws on it before he could even really move. Yami spun on him and tried to snatch it from him but he moved away just in time. Both of them swapped looks and then glowered at the turquoise-haired boy.

"Ha, you fucking moron!" he howled. "How do you spell your name wrong? You realize it's only four letters, right?"

"My pet was sick, you little brat," Yami snarled. "What's your excuse for naming a delicious fruit a disgusting bug?"

Yugi watched Ms. Chono narrow her eyes and lean forward from her place behind the desk. It wasn't a secret that she loved to listen in on arguments between the students. Sometimes she even provoked them all into it.

"Are you having some identity problems, Yam?" he sneered.

Yami got to his feet, baring his teeth. "Would you like to have your face rearranged, Weevil?" he snapped, snatching it from him and throwing it onto the desk. Yugi scrambled to grab it and pull it under his, covering them both with his arms crossed. "Your mother won't recognize your dead body."

"My mom is dead."

"Aw, so I guess you're going to have an early reunion."

Yugi caught him by the bottom of his jacket and held him back as Weevil stepped backwards several times and looked ready to pee himself. "No, no, Yami, none of that. We're in enough trouble as it is."

"I just want to break him a little," the other hissed, though he didn't move. Yugi wasn't sure if it was because he was attached to him or if he was too tired. Honestly he didn't think that it mattered as long as he stayed back.

"Get back to your seat, bug," Chono drawled, unimpressed and waving him off dismissively. The other boy glanced at her unhappily, shot Yami a smug look, and then wandered to his seat. The taller boy glared after him and then took a seat while Yugi kept the papers pinned under his arms.

"Um…can I have my paper back?"

" _Fuck_ no," Yugi muttered softly. "No one's seeing it anymore. Just me…and my paper…on top of it…um…"

Yami blinked and then rubbed his eyes for a moment. "Well…that's an awkward little innuendo if you squint mentally," he commented in a slow drawl. "Is it flipped over? Are the names pressed together? Cause then I can pretend that they're making out—"

"Yes, Yugi Motou and Yam Semen."

Red eyes widened. "Oh my god, give me that fucking paper."

"Nope."

"Yugi, I have to change the name—I need to make it right!"

"Wow, so I'm guessing Yugi isn't laying on his back yet," Weevil sneered from where he was seated behind them. Rex burst out laughing and Yugi's face turned bright red in horror.

"Told you he was a prude," the other boy snickered.

"Oh please, you couldn't ever get laid," Malik guffawed, turning around to look at them. "A girl would have to be in her death bed to even fucking  _consider_ it. Ugly ass little bitches. They would have to wonder why the fuck they can't feel anything in the first place."

"'Is it even  _in_ yet?'" Bakura cried in a falsetto.

"'Are you even  _trying_?'" the blond responded.

"'What the hell is that? Are you  _really_ trying to tell me that  _that_ is a  _dick_?'" he laughed, throwing his head back.

"'God, a bug could fuck better'."

"'No wonder your species went  _extinct_ , dino breath'."

Yugi burst out laughing, covering his mouth and glancing between them and his boyfriend. Yami had his mouth covered with a hand, fingers over his lips, snickering softly.

"Wow, your girl voice sounds so  _real_ ," Weevil stated sarcastically. "I almost thought you really  _were_ one."

"And now we see that Weevil is confused about his sexuality," Yami laughed, gesturing grandly towards the turquoise-haired boy. "So openly confused."

"At least I'm not going to take it up the ass," Weevil spat before glancing at the other two. "And Bakura  _looks_ like a girl anyways. You all look a pack of transvestites anyways."

"Damn it, Weevil, stop being a little bitch," Bakura hissed, rolling his eyes.

"Spit or swallow," Yami snapped, spinning on him once more.

Yugi opened and closed his mouth and then furrowed his brows. Was he supposed to throw something out there now as well? They didn't seem to be waiting or anything like in TV shows or movies but it still made him wonder.

"Isn't that the advice  _Yugi_ should be giving you?"

Yami stayed quiet for a moment, tilting his head and shrugging. "I'm sorry, is that supposed to be an insult? I don't see a problem with that."

"So you  _are_ the bitch!"

"Do you even  _know_ the concept of how sex  _works_?" he scoffed, turning his head and giving him a skeptical look. "Do you  _know_ that you're  _supposed_ to give them orgasms or is that concept completely foreign to little bugs?"

"You know, I think that even if he manages to get laid, it's going to be a fucking mantis that does it," Malik snorted, rolling his eyes.

"And no one will  _ever_ hear his horrible tale of lost virginity via mantis because his head will be bitten off  _very_ professionally," Bakura snickered loudly.

"I love how life works with bugs," the blond said with a wide grin. "The guys almost always get killed. I mean, why not? Just fuck the males. Kill the males. _Eat_ the males. Because they are just  _done_ with the entire concept of sex to have children. Just done with it all. Males? Who needs them?"

Yugi snickered and Yami shook his head, smiling in amusement.

"That's why all the bugs should become gay so that the women will become so jealous they'll  _try_ to get in another guy's pants but it would  _never_ happen. So then all the bugs would just die off and wouldn't life just be great?"

"Humans couldn't survive if they didn't exist anymore…"

"Hush, life would be  _amazing_ without the bugs."

"Bakura, no, that's not—"

"Yugi,  _yes_ , that's how things work."

Yugi scrubbed his face with his hands. "None of you are good at science, oh my god. All of you suck at science. Why do you all suck at science? Why am I the only one who's good at science?"

"You seem  _especially_ quiet today, Yami," Weevil snickered, leaning forward in his seat now that Yugi was distracting the red-eyed teen's cousins. Bakura and Malik were vicious when they got on a roll and he wanted Yami riled up on his own. He was far less likely to butcher him now that he was so tired. "Don't have any good comebacks? I think you're getting a little slow, don't you? Need your cousins to fight your battles for you now?"

"Shut your vagina," Yugi spat furiously, bristling as the turquoise-haired boy glared at Yami and then turned to him with a shocked look. Yami shot his boyfriend a surprised glance and turned his head to face Weevil for a moment; wait, had he said something?

"Oh my god," Malik muttered, nearly falling out of his seat with laughter.

"Ooh, someone's  _rigid_ ," the other boy laughed, turning to the blue-violet-eyed teen. "How cute. You're trying to protect him."

"Go finger fuck yourself," Yugi snapped. "Or do you use your fucking bug toys to do it for you? Bug-shaped dildos are probably the only friends you have."

Rex burst out laughing and covered his mouth while Weevil glared at him angrily.

"See? Even Rex isn't arguing that. You're so far into fucking bugs that he won't even stand up for you."

"Yugi getting  _vicious_ ," Bakura laughed. "Fierce little fucker. Yami must be rubbing off on him."

"Remember how he got with Mai at the mall?" Malik asked, growing extremely excited and leaning forward in his seat. "I so hope he starts in on him like he did her."

"Her crotchal region stunk, okay?" Yugi scoffed, turning to them with a slight blush on his face. "I had to warn him before he made a  _horrible_ mistake!"

Yami tapped his shoulder lightly and the other boy turned his head towards him. His cheeks grew a little pinker but he looked far happier with the eye contact. "The what region? She had a stinky what region?"

He flushed and bit his lip.

"The crotchal region."

"The…the what?"

Yugi looked over, whispering softly. "Like Excalibur is waking up in the crotchal region."

Yami opened and closed his mouth once before staring at him for a moment. "That statement shouldn't make me horny but…somehow it  _does_." He paused. "And the word 'crotchal' makes me very oddly happy."

"It's an awesome word," the smaller stated, nodding. "Crotchal."

"I approve of this new word."

"Good." He nodded a few times and then turned away to glance at Bakura and Malik who were snickering and shaking their heads. "What? It's a fun word. Crotchal. Crotch _al_.  _Crotch_ al.  _Cr_ otch _al_."

"Yeah, say that in front of a few other people and tell me how it goes," Bakura teased, leaning forward slightly with an eyebrow raised flirtatiously.

"I'm actually really tempted."

"Tell me who that works out for you, yeah?"

"Work out? I exercise alone, thank you," Yugi muttered, blinking before blushing when he realized his response. "Um…let's pretend I  _didn't_ just say that, okay?"

"Been there, lied about that."

"Okay, good. Glad we're in agreement."

"We are."

"Good."

"So, you're not going to say anything worth listening to?" Weevil commented, laughing when Yami turned his head towards him. "I thought you would have something to say. You're normally  _so_ on the ball with everything."

"I'm not in the mood, Weevil."

"How about we talk about how badly you failed. Negative numbers are really hard to come by, Yami—or should I call you Yam? Since you seem to respond so much better to being called a sweet potato. How about just Semen? Does that one work for you? Do you like being called by sperm,  _Yam_? Yeah, I think I'll start calling you Yam Semen. I mean, that  _is_ the name you put on your test. You respond so well to that entire name."

"And you respond well to the name of a fucking dung beetle."

"A weevil is not a dung beetle, you incompetent moron," the turquoise-haired boy growled. "A weevil is—"

"No one gives a shit," Yami snapped. "I don't care about bugs and no one else does either."

"That's because all of you are unaware of the beauty that is the insect world," he snarled, bristling in response.

"And apparently you are unaware of your ability to be a supreme little bitch," Yugi spat, bristling and glaring at him furiously. Yami's mouth dropped open and his eyes nearly popped out of his head, gaping at him.

"Oh bitch, please—"

"I bet you're a real disappointment when it comes to shooting off on time or in the right direction."

"Oh, be stilled my beating heart," Bakura cried, hand to chest and head thrown back with a loud sigh of happiness. "He just brought dishonor on this bitch's game."

"Hot," Malik purred, holding his hands up immediately when Yami's head snapped towards him and his lips curled back.

Yami blushed for a split second and then bit his lip, nearly drawing blood. By the gods, Excalibur really  _was_ rising in the crotchal region. It was awkward but Yugi fighting with him was hot. It was definitely hot.

"All right, get out your books and shut up," Chono snapped, rolling her eyes. Yami and Yugi both scrambled for their backpacks but the smaller had to lean over him to get the bag. He brushed against Yami's hipbone and reached for the tan pack at his feet. His legs tingled and felt on fire where he touched him and Yami felt as if he was dying with anticipation now.

He straightened, pulling his backpack into his lap and putting his book on the table. Yami followed suit a second later, holding his book far too hard to be necessary. His knuckles hurt with the grip and he prayed to each god in existence that the blood would return north.

Bakura looked at them for a moment and then smirked widely, snickering, "Ha, oh my Ra, Yugi, you just gave him a boner!"

Yugi jerked a little in surprise, confused and wide-eyed, glancing at his boyfriend who spat, "Fuck!" He watched Yami press his textbook into his lap and glare at the tabletop in frustration.

"And he's sitting so  _close_!" Malik teased, snickering. "Look at that. No  _wonder_ he's so bothered. Bet they've got some under-the-table action going on."

"I hate you both you fucking assholes."

Yugi couldn't stop blushing, opening and closing his mouth and then jerking his head away to stare at the wall. Oh gods, how awkward was this?

"How did you  _not_ notice that?" the silver-haired teen snorted, laughing before he suddenly lowered his attention to Yami's crotch and back. His smirk turned smug and took on an awkwardly Grinch-like approach to it. His eyes narrowed and his lips curved up a little  _too_ far, mocking laughter swirling in his gaze. "Ooh, cousin has a baby dick."

Malik howled and the teacher turned around, snapping, "Malik, Bakura, Yami, Yugi,  _pay attention_! I will  _not_ repeat myself because you four idiots decided not to listen to instructions the first time."

"Who said anything about having to  _listen_ to them?" Bakura sneered in a cold drawl. "You're literally  _writing them on the board_."

The other students burst out laughing and Yugi blushed furiously, ducking his head as Yami groaned and shook his head, putting his forehead in his palm. Malik fell out of his seat with laughter while his brown-eyed cousin snorted and drummed his fingernails on the tabletop, scoffing softly.

"Bakura—"

"I didn't know we were on a first name basis, Minikui," he snapped, turning around and glaring at her, narrowing his eyes slightly and putting his left elbow on the table with his face in his palm. "By the way, what kind of parents name their child that? Ugly. How lovely. I mean, it's not so far off the mark. Can't be. Otherwise you wouldn't wear so much makeup."

"Get the fuck out of my class. Get out."

Bakura burst out laughing and grabbed his book and test to flee out the room just as a whiteboard eraser was aimed for his head. Yami and Malik swapped looks and burst into snickers before turning away again. Yugi shook his head and giggled with his face covered.

" _Seriously_ , you guys? I thought you were smarter than that. Does no one in this class  _know_  what comes after 69?" she snarled in exasperation twenty minutes into the lecture. Yami wondered vaguely just how long this would take and Yugi spent a moment staring at her marks on the board. He couldn't answer for the life of him. He had missed that grade by one point and now it was impossible to think straight.

"Mouthwash," Bakura announced, poking his head in and grinning widely.

"Get the hell  _out_ of my  _class_  and  _stay_ out, damn it!"

The silver-haired teen laughed loudly and closed the door again as the others all cracked up.

"Keep laughing, and I swear I'll make this make-up test happen on the fourteenth in the public library," she spat. "No, you know what? I'm going to do that anyways. Instead of being with your little brat hookups for the day, you're going to be with me in the library, retaking this test. Let's see how long all of you last after that."

* * *

Yami and Yugi waited behind with Bakura, the three of them seated at the table. Joey would be getting out of his after-school detention in a few minutes. Bakura had stuck around because Joey could drive and he didn't want to walk. But Yugi had suggested they get lunch first before going on home and had ordered ahead of time. Joey would meet them in about ten minutes and then they would all go home.

Yami grabbed some food from his tray of bento and waited as his phone vibrated.

Mana was at the dance studio now. His mom would be upstairs watching soaps when he got home. His dad had gone to the store.

He slid his phone back into his pocket as Yugi read over his shoulder and Bakura started rearranging his food to make new shapes.

"So, yesterday," Yami announced, waiting until he had his smaller boyfriend's undivided attention and Bakura glanced at him sideways, "I met a girl with twelve nipples."

The smaller boy's brows furrowed and Bakura smirked slightly as he realized exactly what was going on.

"Sounds funny. Dozen it?"

Yugi took a minute, unsure of what he had just done. He knew somewhere in the back of his mind that something was wrong with that statement. But he had no idea what was going on with it.

And then…Bakura spoke.

"The first is tomorrow. No puns yet."

Yugi looked over slowly, glancing between the two cousins and narrowing his eyes. "… _Puns_ …?" There it was. That was what was so wrong, what he  _hated_  so much.

"Yugi  _hates_  puns," Joey cracked up, taking a seat in front of the beef bento that Yugi had put out for him.

"Well, he will have to endure them. I  _refuse_ to give up my  _birthright_ as the  _king_ of puns."

"I  _am_ dating a stupid," Yugi hissed, breathing hard once and scowling.

"You are  _very_  emotionally abusive. I am questioning my choice of partner."

"Puns. Suck."

"Pun Bowl begins tomorrow and lasts until Valentine's Day," Bakura announced, smirking widely. "Fourteen days, Yugi, fourteen days."

" _Unless_ someone so chooses to continue the challenge until the twenty-eighth."

"Yugi is going to be a bona fide serial killer by the end of the week," Joey laughed, nearly in tears.

"All it is takes is someone dethroning me to end it," Yami stated, shooting Yugi a sideways glance.

Yugi narrowed his eyes. "This month  _sucks_ ," he growled. "Nothing good  _ever_ happens in it."

"…Well, I was born the sixth—"

"Nothing. Good. Ever. Happens. In. It," Yugi snapped viciously, huffing and glaring at his tray of food. "Nothing."

Joey and Bakura both cringed when Yami blinked and gave him an incredibly hurt look. He slumped slightly, looking at his tray dejectedly and looking completely unhappy. Both brown-eyed boys started scarfing their food down while the red-eyed teen poked at his lunch with that same sullen expression.

"Well, uh…hey, at least this year you  _do_ have a valentine," the blond cut in, clearing his throat awkwardly.

Yugi blinked a few times and looked up. "I  _do_?" he asked with wide eyes, excited but a little dubious.

Yami flinched harshly and scooted away slightly towards the edge of his seat and bumped knees with his cousin. The silver-haired teen glanced at the other boy and looked back towards Yugi, shaking his head faintly.

" _Yugi_ ," Joey murmured, gawking and nearly choking on the mouthful of food he formerly had in his mouth.

"What?" the smaller boy asked in confusion.

Joey gestured towards Yami and the other boy looked over, paling drastically. " _Oh_!  _Oh my gods_! I didn't— _Oh_!"

"And now we know just  _who_ is more invested in  _this_ relationship," Bakura murmured under his breath. Yami cringed and recoiled away from him, gawking momentarily. Yugi stared for a moment and then grabbed his bento tray, turning towards him and dumping it over the silver-haired boy's head. Bakura turned his head and stared at him murderously, baring his teeth.

Yami couldn't help it when he burst out laughing, covering his mouth while Yugi glared at his cousin viciously.

"Shut up, asshole! I was still thinking about  _puns_!" Yugi spat angrily, narrowing his eyes into slits. He lowered his voice into a vicious whisper, sulking. " _Puns_. Puns. I fucking hate puns. I hate puns. Goddamn  _puns_."

"You are  _so_ lucky you're cute or you wouldn't  _make_  it to his seventeenth," Bakura snarled softly.

"Puns. Fucking p—" He stopped short for a moment. "There's a  _birthday_ coming up?"

Yami blinked twice and Bakura pressed his face into his palm, sighing loudly and shaking his head just as Joey did the same.

"Wait…whose birthday is it?" he asked excitedly, eyes wide as Yami awkwardly raised his hand and stared between them. " _Really_? Your birthday is coming up? When, when,  _when_?"

Yami tilted his head. Had he really just missed all of what he had said? "…Friday…?"

" _Really_?" Yugi asked, sitting up with bright eyes and smiling widely. He paused for a moment, tilting his head before beaming happily.  _Birthday cake_! "Well, then I guess February  _does_  have something good that happened in it."

Yami glanced at Joey, completely bewildered. The taller boy shrugged, muttering, "Told you he hates puns."

Bakura picked some food out of his hair and started putting the bento back on the tray that Yugi had left in front of him when he had dumped the food on him.

"Hell, you probably won't make it to your seventeenth anyways, Yami."

"Shut up, you," Yugi snapped, huffing and then glancing at the table. He took in Yami's food for a moment and glanced at the other boy to see if he was looking. The red-eyed teen glanced at him just as he stole a piece of bento from him and popped it into his mouth. "I can take a few puns."

" _A few_?  _Ha_!" Joey laughed out loud, reaching forward to clap Yami's shoulder. "You won't make it to the end of the month, Yugi! This boy here is going to be throwing out as  _many_ puns as possible if he wants to keep his title. He'll be  _shitting_ puns soon enough."

Yugi turned his head and gave Yami a blank look, pupils completely distorted for a moment, glassy. "I…I make  _no_ promises but I'll  _try_ not to kill you  _before_ your birthday."

The taller look-alike awkwardly stared at him. "And…afterwards?"

He shook his head slowly, narrowing his eyes. "No, just no."

Bakura howled with laughter and covered his mouth, nearly crying. Yugi chewed his cheek and Joey snickered. "Sorry dude. You might want to buy a  _shit_ load of wine or something so you can get him drunk and lose your v-card because you really won't make it past your birthday."

"…Well…this is awkward…"

* * *

"Um…can we talk about something real fast, Yugi?"

"But Tea's about to go on stage—"

" _Real_ fast, aibou," Yami pleaded desperately, searching his eyes. Yugi glanced back towards the stage curtains, listening to the song that was playing. Gentle music and the introduction that announced Tea was next once more made him frown and tilt his head unhappily.

He turned back and swallowed hard as the taller boy shifted awkwardly and looked sick to his stomach. "Are you okay?" he asked gently, furrowing his brows and frowning slightly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I…We just have to talk…"

Yugi frowned but nodded anyways. "Oh…okay. Yeah, sure, we can talk—"

He caught his wrist and tugged him forward a few steps, swallowing hard with a small glance towards the stage again. "In private, Yugi."

"Yami…?" he breathed, sudden fear trailing down his spine like ice.

"Um…I don't exactly  _know_ how to tell you this…" the other teen murmured, twining their fingers together and leading him forward a few steps.

"Yami, whatever you have to say, I promise it'll be okay," he stated softly, smiling at him as they wandered outside into some kind of connecting hallway.

Yami opened and closed his mouth twice before chewing his cheek and finally closing his eyes. Yugi watched him tilt his head slightly before the other boy opened his eyes and stared at him. "…I'm pregnant."

He nearly laughed but then stared and tilted his head in confusion. And then he yelled, "But we haven't even  _had sex yet_!" He gawked at him for a moment. "And w-when did I top?!"

Yami blinked, mystified. "You don't remember our first time?"

Yugi broke out into a loud scream, backing up a step and gaping at Yami whose eyes nearly popped out of his head. They stared at each other until they were both screaming out loud.

He jerked back when Yami did and he toppled out of the bed, slamming his head into the nightstand. He scrambled to sit up, breathing hard and looking around in confusion. "Oh my gods!" he yelped, eyes wide as he jumped to his feet and hurried to run out the door.

Five minutes later he was staring at a familiar red door, knocking and ringing the doorbell alternately. Yami's mother answered the door after a long minute, looking startled and unsure of herself as she opened the door.

"Yugi?"

He hadn't realized he was panting until he had to talk. His voice came out squeaky and his boyfriend's mom nearly laughed out loud. "Where's Yami?"

"He's…still asleep"— _Like every other normal person in the world_ —"Are you—?"

Yugi ignored her and raced up the stairs immediately, Yami's mother staring after him with a confused look. "What the fuck…?"

" _Yami_!" he yelled, bursting through the door violently. The other teen didn't respond to him. His breathing didn't even change as Yugi looked at him and searched his face for any sign of waking up. Yami turned slightly, his face towards the wall. The smaller teen ran forward and leaped onto the mattress. The other teen jerked and nearly screamed, eyes shocked as he hit the mattress again.

" _What the fuck_?" Yami cried, eyes wide and tired as he stared at him.

"It's okay! I promise. I don't know  _how_ it happened exactly because you're a guy…" Yugi leaned forward and blinked, scrambling to pull the sheets off him. Yami stared at him with a horrified expression, unsure of what was going on. The smaller boy reached down to pull his pajamas away from his hips, following with his boxers immediately. He couldn't see with the shadow that the sheets and pajamas and boxers cast and Yami let out a strangled noise when he reached his hand under his clothing.

"Yugi…!"

Yugi blinked at him and then pressed his ear against his stomach. The taller teen squirmed when he absently stroked the morning erection in his hand. "It's okay," he said again, nodding immediately and smiling softly. "I accept it."

Yami squirmed and threw his head back, moaning loudly. "That…Fuck. Yugi, what the  _hell_ is going on?"

"It's okay. I know you're scared, but I promise I accept you and the fetus. We'll be the  _greatest parents ever_."

Yami panted and licked his lips, moaning softly with a squirm. And then he stopped short, dismissing the pleasure with sudden horror. " _Fetus_?"

Yugi nodded and lifted his head, beaming at him. "I know about the pregnancy."

"You know about the…? Wait… _what_?"

"Ssh, you're okay." He met his gaze with warm eyes. "Don't stress. It's not good for the baby."

Yami shook his head slowly. "What are you…?" he hissed, nearly moaning again.

Yugi's eyes widened drastically and shot to his stomach immediately. "Oh my gods! What if I hurt it when I woke you up like this?" he asked, recoiling and pulling his free hand to his face to cover his mouth. Yami squirmed and whined low in his throat again as Yugi still didn't pull his hand away. "Oh my gods, Yami, I didn't mean to! I'm so,  _so_ sorry! I killed the baby!"

He trembled, purring softly and cutting himself off immediately. "Oh my fucking  _Ra_ …"

Vaguely Yugi wondered what he was moaning about but looked at him with tears glistening in his eyes. "I didn't mean to!" he gasped, nearly crying.

Yami panted harder, nearly out of breath, and shook his head. "What the hell are you even…? Yugi, I am  _not_ pregnant! I can't  _get_ pregnant! What the hell are you even…?" He shook his head slowly once more, glancing around in complete confusion and sudden curiosity. "How did you even  _get into my house_? Shit, am I high or something…? Goddamn it, Bakura and Malik! What the fuck did they  _give_ me?"

"You can't do  _drugs_ when you're  _pregnant_!" Yugi cried with wide eyes, shocked.

"Yugi, I don't  _have_ a uterus. I can't  _get_  pregnant." He breathed hard and his eyes became half-lidded, cheeks growing slightly flushed. "I don't understand what's going on…? Yugi, what the hell is going on? And, uh, next time you come to wake me up, make  _sure_ you do  _that_ again. Shit, that was awesome!"

The smaller boy blinked in confusion and then glanced at where his hand was still down the other teen's pajama pants. His eyes widened, cheeks growing flushed with embarrassment until his entire face was red. He looked quickly back at the other boy, swallowing hard. "I…I had this dream where you were pregnant and you seemed scared that I wouldn't accept you and the baby and…"

Yami tilted his head and moved to sit up, watching him and frowning slightly. "Must have been some dream."

Yugi blushed and looked at his hand again. "Yeah, I was…" He tilted his head, curious, and the taller teen squeaked in shock when he licked his hand. The smaller boy glanced at him, tongue still against his palm as they stared at each other.

"Oh, yep, lucid dreaming," the other sighed, falling back against the mattress.

He blinked and sniffed his hand, wrinkling his nose before licking again. "You…taste like butter," he announced innocently, smiling. He giggled playfully, satisfied with the discovery. "You really taste like butter!"

Yami's head snapped up, eyes wide in shock. "Oh my fucking Ra. I'm awake, my boyfriend apparently had a dream I was pregnant and  _jerked me off_  which I'm  _assuming_ was him trying to make  _sure_  I hadn't turned into a girl all of the sudden. Ra  _damn_ it, my first  _ever_ hand job and it's because my boyfriend  _thought_ I was  _pregnant_." He covered his hands with his face and groaned, a sob following his words. "Oh. My. Fucking.  _Ra_.  _Kill_ me."

Yugi blushed, laughing softly in awkwardness. "Oh wow. This is…really awkward. Ha," he mumbled, blushing harder. He looked at his hand and licked again immediately, curious once more.

Yami peeked at him through his fingers and his eyebrows nearly shot into his hairline. "I don't know whether to be ecstatic that you didn't run off to wash that off or shocked out of my mind that you're…literally  _licking_ my orgasm off your hand…"

"How about both?" Yugi asked, blushing brighter than a cherry as he looked at him.

He pulled his hands away immediately and gawked at him, eyes nearly popping out of his head. "Holy. Fuck."

Yugi laughed and pressed his hands against his abdomen for a moment. "I feel like I'm squishing its head…" he admitted, jerking his hands away and poking his stomach before recoiling with wide eyes. He swore the skin twitched even though he wasn't touching it, almost like…a baby moving…

"…You feel like you're squishing the  _nonexistent_ head of a  _sorely impossible_ baby?" He paused for a long moment. "Yugi…Babies don't even  _grow_ in the stomach."

"But…if you were pregnant, wouldn't I be squishing the cells that would  _become_ its head?"

"Yugi, sweet little aibou," Yami said, eyebrows furrowed, "I am a  _boy_."

"I know my sexual orientation. Thank you  _very_ much, Yami!" He paused. "But if you  _could_ …"

The taller teen sighed softly. "Yugi, you're barely even  _touching_  my stomach. And  _besides_ , you would be  _feeling_  my stomach, not  _karate chopping_  it." He nodded, putting his hands back on his stomach just as it started growling loudly. "If I  _could_ give birth my children would apparently be a pack of wolves."

Yugi burst out laughing and followed him downstairs to get some breakfast after pecking him on the cheek. The taller teen led them into the kitchen where his mom glanced at Yugi and then her son and asked, "You two want any eggs?"

"Yes please," Yami said immediately, rubbing his eyes and glancing at Yugi sideways when the other boy started biting his lip. He wandered over to grab a cup and fill it with water while the smaller took a seat.

"So, how did you sleep?"

"He got a hand job!" Yugi blurted out, throwing his arms out. "I forgot he had a penis!"

Yami's mom froze in place, staring at the smaller boy as Yami spat water straight across the floor and coughed violently.

"Well…I'm guessing you haven't been doing a very good job of showing him that you're all male," his dad laughed, walking into the room and snickering at his son's reddened face. "I'm half disappointed but mostly amused as hell."

"I—I—He has strange dreams!" the red-eyed teen objected, flushed. "He…ugh!"

"So, Yugi, how did this happen?" the ambassador asked, smirking widely. "What happened to make you forget that he was a boy?"

"I dreamed that he was pregnant."

" _Yugi_!" he whined pathetically.

The smaller boy held his hands up in surrender as his boyfriend's dad doubled over laughing and wiped at his eyes. Even his mother was giggling as she continued making the scrambled eggs and put them on a plate. Both of his parents swapped looks, laughed harder, and then cleared their throats awkwardly.

"How do you like your eggs, Yugi?"

"Sunny side up, please," he mumbled, almost too quiet for her to catch. Yami pouted and moved the water around in his cup, sniffing indignantly.

"Well…did you figure out what sex the baby was before you woke up?" his dad asked, smirking widely. "I want to know if it had more masculinity than my dear special son."

"Oh my god," Yami whispered. "You all hate me."

"Eh, just a little," his mom teased playfully.

"But I'm still the favorite right?" he whined. "You both like me the best, right?  _Right_?"

"…Um…yes," his dad stated almost lazily. "My absolute favorite. Mana has  _nothing_ on you, Yami."

"Damn straight," Yami said immediately, grabbing his plate of scrambled eggs and taking Yugi his. He plopped into the seat beside him and both started to dig in. Yugi squealed softly, excited out of his mind, when he popped the yolk and it ran across his plate.

Yami's parents started snickering, smiling widely in amusement.

"How are your eggs?" his dad asked curiously.

"Eggcellent," Yami announced, smirking at the ambassador.

"Oh…is it February already?" his mom murmured, smiling. Ah, the beautiful chaos that would arise soon enough.

"That's a horrible joke," the Egyptian ambassador hissed. "A  _horrible_ one, you hear me?"

"Yolkay then," he snorted, rolling his eyes and smirking at him.

"You stop with those egg jokes," he growled, narrowing his eyes.

"I shell not!"

His mother snickered behind her hand, watching them from where she was leaning against the counter.

"I should just give up on you."

"Well at least you fried."

The ambassador got to his feet, glaring at him furiously. "Son of a bitch."

"Don't mess with me," Yami snorted, snapping his fingers and pointing at him. "You have clucked with the wrong half-Egyptian half-Japanese motherfucking sixteen-year-old."

Yugi choked on a piece of egg white and shook his head slowly. "Horrible. You are horrible, Yami. Only thirty minutes awake and you're already breaking up your family without effort."

"I know. Isn't it  _glorious_?"

"Oh my gods."

Yami snickered and continued eating his breakfast, his mother wandering off. Yugi happily munched on his eggs and toast before licking at his plate. The taller teen stared at him curiously for a moment and the smaller stopped for a long minute, tongue still against the plate. They stared at one another for a moment before he continued licking up the yolk.

The taller teen led him to the living room and snatched the remote off the table. "Any specific movie or show you want to watch?" he asked curiously.

"Nope."

"Okay, so, Yugi, I have a question for you my little aibou," he announced, grinning widely at him and reaching over to run his fingers through the boy's hair. "Can February March?"

Yugi stopped short for a moment, considering, and then glowered at him.

"No, but April May!" he sang happily.

"I am  _so_ done with you already," the smaller huffed. "Six days of this? Ha. I can barely even take it as it is now! And it's only  _just_ started!"

The taller teen purred, smirking and wrapping his arms around his neck. Yugi glared up at him but his expression was quickly turning curious as Yami pressed their foreheads together. "You say that. But  _July_."

The smaller boy burst out laughing and pushed him away. "I hate you," he giggled, pushing him away with a small bit of firmness, smiling at him widely. "You suck."

* * *

"Coffee, huh?" Yami muttered, staring at the cup and wrinkling his nose. Yugi passed one over to him and leaned back into his seat.

"Mmhmm because we have studying to do for this test coming up—and I am going to make sure we both pass."

"…Then you probably shouldn't give me caffeine," the taller laughed, shaking his head. "I tend to fall asleep when I have caffeine."

Yugi stopped short of sipping and stared at him with his eyes narrowed. "What? That's not even possible."

"Yes it is. I fall asleep within an hour of drinking coffee—that's why there tends to be a stunning  _lack_ of it at my house," he snorted, grinning widely. "Because I drink, I pass out, and then I stay up for like three days straight because I need a sleep schedule. Oh my god, do I need one…"

"…So you have a bedtime?"

"Fuck no, don't insult me!" He paused for a moment and tilted his head. "No, not really, but I do have to be aware of how many hours I get and then make up the difference for the hours I miss the night before. My life is complicated. You have no idea."

Yugi pursed his lips and then grabbed his coffee to take a sip. "Well, then that's mine too," he announced, reaching over and snatching it away from him. "I don't know how people can actually drink this stuff, but I need help with this test. And I have a feeling trying to study with you is mostly going to be you touching my butt."

"Damn it, who told you that?" Yami snapped, huffing and sulking. "No one was supposed to tell you that. I was just going to make my move on your butt. And then maybe—"

"Excalibur is not allowed near his stone yet, okay?" Yugi huffed, pointing at him and shaking his head. "No talking about Excalibur getting stuck there! I have math to focus on  _not_ failing a second time!"

"Oh please, you aren't going to—"

The smaller boy sat up straighter, tilting his head and giving him a dark look.

"What?" Yami asked immediately, eyes widening. "What did I say wrong?"

" _We_ , Yami,  _we_  are going to pass. Because if I'm the only one who passes, I'm going to hurt you," he grumbled, narrowing his eyes again. "You and I are both going to pass because I am not dating a stupid!"

"You are so mean!" the taller boy whined. "I'm not a stupid! I just…You know that grades don't even  _test_  intelligence, right? They test memory!"

"No excuses. I am not dating a stupid."

"But I'm not a stupid!"

"I wouldn't be dating you if you were."

"…You're so mean."

"Yes. But it's because I'm so amazing."

* * *

Yami shrugged and shook his head. "You should know that we are all incredibly lazy and I hate doing chores," he announced, grinning at him playfully. "Besides, it was always a dream of mine to have my future husband tearing down a Christmas tree with me."

Yugi rolled his eyes, laughing and shaking his head as he went about grabbing a couple of ornaments. "Isn't that how you roped me into decorating with you?"

"Hey, I enjoy all of the Christmas-ness that comes with having a partner, okay? Mistletoe and bright colors and pets in Santa hats." The taller boy shot him a wink. "You dream big or you go home."

"And that statement applies to homicidal tendencies and Christmas dreams," he snorted, smiling widely and glancing at him playfully. "Nice to know."

"Oh my Ra, are you getting sarcastic with me?"

"I guess the caffeine is kicking in then," Yugi giggled, smiling before shaking his head. "Oh well, I have studying to do. Minor setback, right?"

"Hmm…so I'll get to see how your personality gets when you're caffeinated. I was hoping you would be more hyper than usual."

"That's my…crash stage."

"Crash stage—wait, you have stages for being caffeinated?"

"Yeah, about twenty of them, actually."

"Twenty?" Yami sputtered, gawking at him as he went about starting to take down a strand of lights.

"Mmhmm. I have the sarcastic stage, the mean stage that never  _really_ leaves, the smarty-pants stage, the chocolate lover stage, the chocolate hater stage and the Duel Monsters craze phase that never leaves either. There's the…you know what? I think you'll like the others, so just wait it out," he snorted, snickering and then pausing when Yami stared at him uncomfortably. "I promise it's fine. I just…really don't expect to live past your birthday. Puns suck."

 _But birthday cake is awesome_!

Yami stayed silent for a long minute and then picked at one of the wires, pulling the lights away and holding them up. He waggled his eyebrows and Yugi tilted his head in confusion. "Don't these just  _light up_ your life?" he teased, grinning widely.

Yugi blinked and glared at him unhappily. "Why are you _pun_ ishing me?" he growled, watching the other boy open and close his mouth before lowering his head. The smaller huffed softly and started wrapping the wire around his hand, frowning when Yami glanced at him sideways. Finally Yugi lost his patience and stopped to look at him, finding him glancing at him and away again immediately.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you," he sighed, rolling his eyes and pausing for a moment. "Okay, okay, yeah, maybe I did a  _little_ but  _still_."

"You win," he mumbled.

Yugi blinked and looked away, grinning. "No more puns for the day?"

"Yeah, no more puns for today."

* * *

Yugi should have been expecting it. He was sipping his coffee in the beginning of homeroom, focusing on his math study guide for the make-up test. Yami took his usual seat next to him and it took him a minute to realize he was leaning towards him. When he looked up the first thing Yami did was lean even closer.

"Did you know I'm a professional chess player?"

Yugi raised his brows and then tilted his head, about to ask if he really was.

"Because I'm making a move on you!"

The smaller teen rolled his eyes as a giggle escaped his lips. Stupid adorable Yami. He turned away again, laughing harder.

" _Yes_!" Yami chuckled, pumping a fist in the air next to him. Yugi continued giggling at his side, shaking his head and covering his mouth. The red-eyed boy beamed for a moment and then frowned slightly, looking him over. "Do people just  _magically_ start liking coffee or do they go through some kind of six month-long purification ritual to like it?"

Yugi sipped at his cup, thanking the universe for small miracles that it wasn't cold. "You try coffee for the first time and scald off  _all_ of your baby tastebuds and then after that your  _adult_ tastebuds come in and you  _like_ coffee and prunes and the  _taste of despair_."

"…That is so deep."

He nodded. "It's the same with alcohol."

"Should I ask how you know about alcohol?"

"…I am a good boy. Don't judge me," he snapped, blushing and looking at his paper. "It was an accident anyways!"

"What the…? You've had alcohol?!"

"I—Grandpa didn't tell me which glass was the sparkling cider!"

"You drank champagne?" Yami laughed. "How long ago was this?"

Yugi pursed his lips and grabbed his coffee cup to chew on the edge of the lid, eyes wide as his boyfriend leaned forward and stared at him. No, no, no, he wasn't going to tell him. No way was he going to—

"New Year's celebration," he cried, feeling his face burn brightly. "Last month when Grandpa got home from Egypt on the sixth! I didn't know! It was an accident! He didn't warn me! I thought—I thought—but he didn't warn me and I—it was an accident! I swear I don't do it all the time or anything. I'm not a raging drunk. Oh, oh my god, I didn't mean to!"

Yami burst out laughing and nearly fell out of his seat. "You," he snickered, hugging him tightly and burying his face in his neck. "You have no idea how much I fucking love you right now."

He sniffled softly once. "I'm glad my growing alcoholism doesn't scare you," he whispered, almost close to tears. Yami burst out laughing harder, nearly crying, and buried his face further into his neck. By the gods, this boy was just  _too_ cute.

"I promise it doesn't," he teased, pausing and biting his lip before laughing harder. "I bet your grandpa was trying to get you ready for your college years."

"We don't talk about college!" Yugi cried, pushing him away and staring with wide eyes. For a moment he looked scandalized and then determined. "No! We do not talk about it! There is no talk of college!"

"Of course not." He smirked and reached over to lean forward and breathe in his ear. "But someday. Someday super soon. And then we'll start talking about college and Grandpa Motou and Arthur Hawkins and—"

" _No_!" he whined, shaking his head immediately and looking almost ready to cry. "We don't talk about that!"

"Soon, though. Soon we will."

"No. Never!"

"Yes. Forever!"

"You're so mean to me!"

"I show love by abuse," he muttered, laughing when Yugi went still beside him.

"Oh my god. You just  _admitted_ to being abusive."

"But I'm  _lovingly_ abusive."

" _Abuse_!"

"Loving abuse."

"Still abuse!"

"You love it."

"A little bit."

Two hours later Yami sat with him at the lunch table as the others hurried over. Joey took a seat and immediately leaned forward, checking for blows. Tea and Tristan both snickered at their friend and the others nearly laughed out loud. Duke was laughing so hard he was nearly crying.

"We just spent the last ten minutes running here from the other side of the school just so we wouldn't miss any puns," Malik explained, panting and leaning forward onto the table. "Or Yugi tearing your head off, because I want to see that happen."

"I'm going to go get a coffee real fast," Yugi announced, getting up and gesturing towards his notebook. "Watch that for me."

"Mmhmm," Yami stated dismissively, smiling at him when he flicked him in the forehead. "Okay, okay. Have fun."

"Anyone want coffee?"

"Wait, you're drinking coffee?" Joey asked, nearly sputtering the words as his eyes widened drastically. Tea and Tristan both froze in place and then swapped looks and stared at him in horror.

Yugi glared at them pointedly and pursed his lips. "Yes," he muttered. "I have to pass this make-up test and I need to focus on studying—all the time. Until Valentine's Day."

"Is that when the test is?"

"Yeah, she's making us retake our test on Valentine's Day," Bakura scoffed, rolling his eyes in annoyance. "We all talked during her going over some problems and she decided that we  _must_ be punished. She doubts any of our relationships will last after that."

Joey burst out laughing but gave Yugi a curious glance anyways as he wandered off for the coffee kiosk near the second lunch line. "Dude, start up the puns so when Yugi gets here, we can laugh at how annoyed he is," the blond laughed, smirking in amusement.

Yami stayed silent for a moment and then pursed his lips, glancing at Bakura and Malik. "So, Bakura, what do you call a drug dictionary?"

The silver-haired teen paused for a moment and then grinned widely. "An addictionary?"

"I was going to say 'high definition,' actually," he muttered, blinking wide eyes before narrowing his gaze. "Your challenge has been accepted."

"Challenge? Bakura already made a challenge?" Mana whined, hurrying to take the seat across from Yami. "And I missed it?"

"Yep, you did," the brown-eyed teen snickered, smirking. "Anyways, now we need one for you and Malik and…the rest of them."

"We have to do a group one anyways so we can annoy Yugi," Joey said, snickering in amusement. "Anything to drive him mad is an A+."

"Well you guys need to hurry because here he comes," Tristan commented, raising a brow.

Yami shot a look over his shoulder and then turned to his cousins. "You know, math puns are supposed to be the first sine of madness," he announced loudly, Yugi glancing at him and narrowing his eyes as he took a seat.

"Not to go on a tangent but how do people even  _function_ without puns?" Bakura drawled.

"I guess there are just sum people who don't like them," Malik said, smirking widely.

"We should divide and conquer those people before they multiply," the silver-haired teen announced, smirking at Yugi as the smaller boy blinked. Yami shot him a dirty look and Bakura immediately turned away again, snickering.

"Just have to get to the root of their problems and square them away," Malik commented with a snicker.

"I doubt that will make a difference," Yami snorted, glancing away from Yugi immediately when he got a furious scowl.

"Then do we force them to integrate? Or do we just let their population exponentially decay to zero?" Bakura wondered, stroking his chin.

"Their numbers may be infinite but our control over them has its limits," Malik said softly, shaking his head. "We shan't do a thing."

"You know, I can't find any good science jokes because the good ones argon," the brown-eyed teen commented suddenly, glancing at Yami with a clearly puzzled expression after losing all ideas of how to continue the math puns.

"So just take all these awful science jokes and barium."

"We could just respond to this with another clever chemistry pun but there would be no reaction."

Bakura shot him a grin. "Not bad. I think we might have to keep an ion you."

"Nah," he returned dismissively, giving him a playfully flattered look. "I think it'll be okay if you just check up on me periodically."

"I can only do that after 6 pm though. The nitrates are much more affordable than the day rates," Malik commented.

"Glad to see you found a suitable solution. If they lower the rates, I bet they'd attract more customers like you," Yami stated, nodding.

"Well, I'm not positive about that. They have a bad reputation of stealing electrons," Bakura said with a shrug.

"I hope we don't stretch out our puns for too long or they could become a Bohr."

"No kidding. After a while they just get saturated with cobalt, radon, and yttrium and everything gets really corny then."

Malik and Bakura both spun on their red-eyed cousin with wide eyes, blinking and swapping looks for a moment.

"Wow…That comment really had a lot of substance to it," Bakura muttered, frowning slightly as Yami grinned like the Cheshire cat.

"And this is why I am the king," he announced, smirking and winking before getting up and wandering off to the line for food. He returned a few minutes later with a bowl of chili, taking a seat next to his boyfriend again and pushing the tray slightly closer to him. "Someone as hot as you—"

"No, no, stop with the puns," Yugi growled, covering his mouth. "We are done with the puns. Stop that."

"You know what, Yugi?" Yami drawled, pulling his hand away and covering it with both of his when the smaller boy glared at him. "Puns got me a good grade one time."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah,  _okay_ , Yami."

"There was a question on one of my history exams one time where it was something like 'How was Stalin buying time from Hitler to prevent him from attacking the Soviet Union?' and I wrote 'He was Stallin'."

"Oh my god. You did not," he muttered, eyes wide.

"True shit, Yugi.  _True_ shit. Halfway through grading them the next day my teacher started laughing  _real_ quietly and then she had to leave the classroom for five minutes," Yami continued, smirking widely and purring. "She marked it as  _correct_."

Yugi shook his head, about to argue, and then stared at him for a moment. "…Oh my god. You're fucking  _serious_ ," he breathed.

"I am." He paused. " _Now_! As I was saying, little one. Someone as hot as you must  _never_ get chili."

"I hate you."

"He's coming on strong already," Joey snickered. "Normally it takes a few more shots to get him to say the H word."

Yugi pointed at him. "You be silent. We'll only have problems when I start saying I loathe him."

"Very comforting," Yami commented playfully.

"Oh, so I forgot to tell that you that I have to go home today," Yugi said, pointing his eraser at him. "I have to help Grandpa run the shop after school so I'll call you later, okay?"

"Um…sure…You don't want me to help?"

"Make a pun about a game and I will kill you," the smaller warned with a dead serious look.

"Yeah…better I don't go with you."

"Yeah, that's what I thought too."

Yami held his hands up, laughing and going about messing with his chili before handing it over to Joey when he started drooling. Several hours later he was giving Yugi a goodbye kiss and the smaller boy was running with his coffee yelling into his phone that he was on his way. Yami walked home alone since Bakura and Malik were taking Mana to her dance lessons.

"Shit!" Yami laughed into the phone at ten when the smaller boy finally answered the phone after five previous attempts to get hold of him.

"What? What happened?" Yugi asked, sipping his coffee and spinning his pencil around in his fingers. He would have been alarmed if it wasn't for his laughter, instead looking at his study guide and frowning slightly. X couldn't equal that…

The red-eyed boy shut the door and started laughing harder. "My dad hates me during February. So, he just threw a loaf of raisin bread at me to get me out of the kitchen." Yugi burst out laughing and stopped immediately when Yami added, "He says he hasn't been raisin me well."

"No, you stop that," he snapped.

"Oh yes, this is going to be  _fun_ ," Yami announced, laughing. "This will be amazing."

* * *

"Do you live in a stable?" Yami asked immediately as he took a seat next to him, nearly spinning in his seat as they stared at one another.

"What?" Yugi asked, narrowing his eyes slightly. "No, Yami, you've  _been_ to my h—"

"Because you are  _so_ damn ride-able!"

The smaller boy blinked twice, staring at him, and then shook his head with a small grin. "You're so annoying."

"But in the  _best_ kinds of ways."

He smiled wider and nodded, glancing at him playfully. "Exactly," he snorted. "Jealous, insecure little bastard with the punning skills that many wish they had."

Yami wiped at fake tears and hugged him tightly. "You  _get_  me."

"Well…our souls did have sex before," Yugi murmured, laughing and smirking playfully. "I  _should_ know you pretty well after that, don't you think?"

The taller teen grinned widely. "Ooh, I want to have our souls touch again," he teased. "I want the  _return_ of some soulestation."

"No, our souls are not touching again. Not now—after the make-up test. Then they can molest each other all they want to."

"Fine, but be aware your soul will be  _completely_  tainted by the end of it."

"I know. It's a risk I'm willing to take…if you can make it to Valentine's Day anyways."

"Don't hate on the puns."

"All the hate for the puns. I  _hate_ puns, damn it." He paused and then spun on him, grabbing his shoulders and grinning widely. "Oh my gods, Yami, your birthday is in three days!"

Yami tilted his head. "Um…yes?"

"You're not excited about it?"

"Not really…I have to suffer through it."

"What do you mean?" He paused for a moment. "Wait, is this about how Grandpa said he would only let you have sex with me while we were the same age? Because he gave you his blessing later! So, I mean…"

"No, no—wait, how the hell did you know about that? You were in the gas station picking out _way_  too many snacks—"

"Grandpa always told me that growing up—especially after…err…what happened with Tea," he mumbled, blushing in embarrassment for a moment. "Anyways, why would you suffer through your birthday? It's the day you were born!  _And you get_ cake!"

"Yes,  _and_  I am unfortunately forced to share my celebration with my annoying little sister. And they said siblings were good things to have."

"You celebrate it with…?" Yugi shook his head slowly. "What does that mean exactly?"

"She insists on celebrating her birthday the same day as me."

"…I thought that was once. You said that one time you guys decided to celebrate with a birthday dinner on the same day…"

"No, no, never once.  _Nothing ever happens just_ once _with Mana_. Besides, she always insisted on it—since we were two, she's  _always_  insisted on celebrating the same day. I said one time because, fuck me, it's hard to think about when I am trying to get happy about my own birthday," he snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Okay, so what about how you came out via the cookie?"

"Yeah, when I said celebrating her twelfth birthday, I meant mine too," Yami muttered, chewing his cheek. "We just focused more on  _her_ that day because I wasn't feeling the birthday celebration."

"Oh my gods…" Yugi felt his eyebrows shoot up as he tilted his head slowly. "Wait a second…So then…how old is Mana anyways? I thought—I thought you guys were twins or something and now…!"

"Twins? Me and Mana?" He barked out a laugh and raised a brow. "No. She's two years younger than me."

"Then how the hell is she…? I mean…Huh…? She's at  _high school_ …"

"She's ahead by a year."

"Oh…!" Yugi took a moment and then tilted his head. "So she's a nerd!"

Yami snickered in amusement and shook his head. "Don't say that in front of her. She'll go off on a tangent about it."

"Oh…okay…"

"Yeah, and then we would have a  _big_ problem."

"That's…that's really negative koi."

"It's a rational idea."

Yugi blinked slowly, staring at him and trying to catch on to what had just happened. "Wait, did you just…trig me?" he muttered, eyes widening drastically. "Oh my gods, ignore that—"

"No, I swear! It's factorial!"

"Stop. Stop it. Stop it before I have to subtract you from my life," Yugi snapped, glaring at him as Yami's eyes widened drastically and he shifted away a small bit.

"That will only add to my sorrow."

He covered his face, groaning out loud and laying his forehead on the table.

"Don't let a few math puns divide us, aibou!"

"Please, please, Yami— _please_!" he begged quietly. "Stop it! I hate puns."

"Fine, fine, I'll stop but just know that I will  _always_ halve an absolute value for them," he stated loudly, grinning widely. "They are such an integral part of my life."

The taller stared at him when he growled softly, blue-violet eyes narrowed angrily at him. They looked at one another for a long second and then Yami turned away again, glancing at him awkwardly from the corner of his eye. Yugi continued staring him down for a long minute and then finally turned away again to sip at his coffee.

At lunch Yugi was unpleasantly surprised to find that his friends had decided to join in on the punning event. He sat comfortably next to Yami just as Joey said, "My opening line for the essay?" with a grin, leaning forward and licking his lips. "'The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking.'"

The small teen raised his head and stared at him coldly.

"But the invention of the broom was the one that  _truly_ swept the nation," Tristan teased, winking at the blue-violet-eyed boy. Yugi shot him a scowl and nearly missed it when Tea spoke.

"On the contrary, soap washed away the competition," she laughed, smiling widely.

"And the invention of the CD broke a lot of records," Mana snickered.

Yami blinked a few times, still surprised by the sudden launch of puns. He guessed this was their new strategy to knock him out of his throne. He pursed his lips, confused and wondering as they all turned to him and waited. Yugi shot him a pleading look and batted his eyes while the taller teen opened and closed his mouth.

"The invention of the dildo had a deeper impact than previously anticipated," Yami announced, grinning widely and getting laughs from the others while Yugi groaned loudly and whined.

"Why do you all hate me?"

"There's no hate. Only  _love_ ," his boyfriend sang loudly. "Especially with a dildo. Lots of love with a dildo."

"By the gods," Yugi whispered. "You're really planning on this dildo thing."

"Glitter Peen all the way!"

"Oh my god," Tea giggled to Tristan, "he said that with a straight face."

* * *

"Yami, you had better get up or else you'll be rushing," his mom called from the doorway, standing with her arms crossed and shaking her head.

Yami rolled over tiredly and squinted at her. "If I'm Russian, Soviet," he muttered groggily.

"I question every decision we ever made when it came to raising this bastard," his father hissed from her side, glaring at him. "Motherfucker."

His wife burst out laughing and Yami continued squinting for a moment before clapping. "Ha, I can pun in my sleep!"

"Damn MTV. Always ruining families by teaching viewers how to make puns."

"He made a pun already?" Mana whined, poking her head in and glaring at the red-eyed teen as he stuck his tongue out. "I wanted the first one!"

"Well that's just too damn bad, isn't it?" Yami sneered, rolling onto his back and basking. "Because no one beats the king!"

Yami was still smirking and Mana was still sulking when they arrived at school and separated to get to their lockers and homerooms. Thank the gods Mana had a car or else they would have both been screwed by how late it was.

He got there just as the bell was ringing, taking his seat next to Yugi and immediately drumming his pencils. He could see Yugi glancing at him occasionally, one hand on his cup of coffee and the other resting in his lap lazily. He watched his fingers twitch every time the plastic mechanical pencil hit the desk.

Yugi was struggling not to snap at him to stop drumming his pencil like that. Yami could see his left eye twitching as he glanced at him sideways and huffed extremely loud. The taller teen waggled his brows, smirking widely, and purred, "I am good at banging."

He choked, laughing, and covered his mouth. "Oh my god, Yami."

He leaned towards, smiling and purring, "We've got to prepare for the ABC's of sex, you know?"

"The…huh?"

"Anniversary, birthday, and Christmas, duh," he murmured, rolling his eyes.

"And the D is intentionally omitted," Yugi stated, nodding slowly and blinking a few times. Wait, what?

"Don't worry about the D, Yugi," he whispered. "I'll give it to you later."

"Wait, no, what does the D mean?" the smaller boy demanded, confused.

"Yugi, tell me something."

"Okay…?"

"How do you spell 'me'?"

"M-E?"

"You forgot the D, aibou."

"There is no D in 'me'," the smaller whispered, furrowing his brows.

"Not yet, but I can  _put_ the D in you."

Yugi tilted his head slowly and stared at him before narrowing his eyes. "Oh, I see, well  _I_  can put the D in  _you_  too. See how much we have in  _common_?"

The taller boy looked at his crotch and raised a brow, grinning. "Is that happening already?"

His cheeks heated, his eyes widening as he ducked his head and crossed his legs. "Shut up."

* * *

"When I have to have the sex talk with my kids, I'm going to tell them to follow the basic rules of 'If your age is on the clock, you're too young for the cock'," Bakura announced, winking at Yugi playfully.

The smaller boy glanced at him in confusion and then looked towards Yami as he flipped through his study guide and scrunched his nose up. "And then when they turn thirteen, just say 'Sit back down, you little shit. I was talking about military time'," the red-eyed teen muttered, narrowing his eyes.

Yugi snickered and Bakura threw his arm around his shoulders only to have Yami stab his hand with his pencil. The albino yelped and snatched his hand away, snarling as his cousin shot him a furious look.

"I think I'm going to name my daughter Pepper," Malik announced suddenly, grinning widely.

Yami slammed his study guide down and glowered at him furiously. "Who the  _fuck_ names their child  _Pepper_ of  _all_ things?" he snapped, pointing his pencil and narrowing his eyes.

"Someone who wants to add spice to their life."

The red-eyed teen stared at him with wide eyes, blinking as Yugi finally looked up in confusion. The smaller boy blinked a few times and then snatched his coffee. Yami watched him take a few sips and knew for a fact he wasn't about to live down the accidental pun he had just thrown out there.

Yugi was still waiting for some teasing for the pun when they stepped into detention. He was about to  _beg_ Yami not to when they both stopped short.

"Yeah, assigned seats," Chono scoffed, gesturing. "Find your test, got it?"

"Don't worry, Semen boy, you're next to me," Weevil laughed from his seat.

Yugi swore he saw Yami's eyes flash violently as he started forward. "Son of a fucking bitch," he muttered under his breath while the smaller boy opened and closed his mouth and scrambled to find his own test.

Yami being stuck next to Weevil was so not a good idea.

He cringed as he took his seat and Rex sat next to him. Bakura and Malik sat beside two kids who he had no idea the names of.

"So what makes a number perfect?" she asked after a long few minutes of them all staring up at the board. She was flipping her marker around and Yugi was chewing on his coffee lid. Yami was trying not to punch Weevil. Malik was waiting for him to kick the termite's ass. Bakura was staring at the board with his eyes half-closed and his head tipped forward as if he was about to fall asleep. "What makes a number perfect?"

Yugi lifted his head slowly. "Its sparkling personality?"

Yami snorted, covering his mouth and snickering behind his fingers as he glanced at his boyfriend playfully. The smaller boy blushed softly, confused as the others in the room started laughing out loud.

"Oh, so now that you're all separated,  _you're_ going to be the clown today, huh?" the redhead hissed, glaring at him as he blinked wide eyes and opened and closed his mouth.

"N…no?" he whispered, ducking his head.

"Your boyfriend is fucking brainless," Weevil snorted, laughing and shaking his head.

"You should shut the fuck up before I shove your teeth down your throat," he spat, spinning on the other boy and baring his teeth.

"Oh please, you won't do shit—"

Yami shoved him backwards and the turquoise-haired boy nearly toppled over, catching himself by grabbing the other teen's arms. "I'm not afraid to beat the shit out of you," he snickered. "Say something about him again. I dare you."

Weevil shoved him but Yami barely budged. Ms. Chono raised a brow, watching them and narrowing her eyes as Yami shoved back. Both of them shoved each other away angrily, seething after a few minutes.

"My god, could you two  _try_  to be a little more mature?"

Yami didn't even pause, screaming, " _Taxes_!" just as he slammed his fist into the other boy's face. Weevil screeched as he went flying out of his seat and hit the ground. Yugi sputtered, choking on his coffee and feeling tears prick the back of his eyes. His jaw fell open as the others burst out laughing.

"This bitch," Bakura howled. "He just used an accountant's battle cry!"

Yami shot him a smirk and turned back to Weevil.

"And the fourteen-year-old got his ass kicked."

" _Fourteen_?!" Yami, Yugi, Bakura and Malik crowed loudly, eyes nearly popping out of their skulls. "He's fucking fourteen?!"

* * *

"I cannot  _believe_ you punched him in the face!" Yugi seethed, shaking his head and scowling at the other boy. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"He called you stupid and I couldn't allow that," he replied shortly, rolling his eyes and glancing at the barista. Yugi continued leaning against the counter, waiting. "You really thought that I would just  _let_ him say something like that? I would have killed him if I had gotten the chance."

" _You_ don't kill anyone! You don't have the proper resources, damn it," he snapped, throwing his hands up. " _Your cousin_  kills people and then covers it up for himself—or pays people to do it. Whichever—doesn't matter. But  _still_! You don't do that, koi!"

"He was asking for it!"

"So he said, 'Hey, Yami, you want to punch me in the face?'"

"Well…no, but—"

Yugi shook his head and snatched his coffee off the counter, wandering for the door with Yami immediately after him. The taller boy whined loudly behind him and the smaller sighed as he grabbed his hand.

"Come on, let's go inside, okay?" he muttered, leading him over to the game shop and pausing momentarily. "Oh, uh…Grandpa is home, by the way."

Yami cringed slightly. "You know, he hates me because I don't have boobs."

"He doesn't h—"

"Yes he does. Don't lie to me."

Yugi sighed and shook his head before grabbing his hand and leading him inside. He took a sip of his coffee and cringed violently, staring at the cup as if it had just bitten him. He scowled for a moment and then looked his cup over for a moment, tilting his head. That  _was_ his name written on the side of the paper after all… He furrowed his brows and wandered towards the case with Yami behind him.

"What? What's wrong? What's wrong with your coffee?"

"Hmm? Oh nothing. Just tastes a little different."

"Oh…" Yami tilted his head. "Did you order a new flavor?"

"No…Maybe they're just using a new kind of bean or mix or something?"

The taller teen raised his brow and tilted his head, shrugging after a moment. "I guess so," he muttered, both of them taking a seat behind the display case. The smaller boy sipped his coffee, glancing around and frowning.

"Grandpa? Grandpa? You home?"

"Please don't be home, please don't be home," Yami whispered under his breath, narrowing his eyes slightly. "Please, by all the gods in the world, don't let him be home…"

Yugi shot him a shocked look and then turned away again. "Grandpa?"

"Have mercy…"

"Grandpa?" He waited a long minute and then turned away again. "I guess he's not home."

"Thank you, Ra!" the taller teen cried, throwing his hands up. "Yes, thank you so much!"

Yugi rolled his eyes and nudged him before sipping his coffee again. "Don't be mean."

"He told Vivian how to beat me so that I couldn't have sex with you!" Yami protested, throwing his hands up. "He does not like me! He does not like me  _at all_! If he can show his distaste, then so can I!"

"You two are just too mean to each other."

"I'm just waiting for the day that he chases me with a broom."

"And there it is. I knew I shouldn't have told you that story."

"I would have assumed you were cheating on me with Espa otherwise—"

Yugi sighed and pressed his face into the display case, groaning softly. "Why are you so insecure?"

"It's one of my…more beautiful flaws. I am adorable with it."

"You're a little shit," he teased, looking at him and pressing a small kiss to his forehead. "But I love you."

"Mmhmm, you had better," he purred, leaning into his shoulder happily.

* * *

"Yugi? Yugi? Hey, honey, where are you?"

Her husband frowned as he flipped the switch and the room was bathed in light. Both Motou's swapped looks and cringed slightly as they spotted him. Yugi laid in the middle of the floor, sprawled out on his side, a book in his hands, cheek against a page. A massive empty cup of coffee lay on the table next to him.

"Oh god!" his mom cried, covering her face with her hands and shaking her head. "He's caffeinated! All hell is going to break loose!"

"You think if we leave today, we can pretend we don't know that he's been drinking coffee?" his dad whispered, looking at the sleeping boy and chewing his cheek. He didn't want to be there when the caffeine  _really_ hit his son. By the gods, he didn't want to be there for that.

They both swapped looks for a moment, eyes wide.

"I hope Dad doesn't hate us for this."

"It'll be a miracle if he or anyone else survives this."

"We have to get out while it's safe."

"Yep."

"…Okay, we should run while we've still got the chance."

"Yep."

* * *

"Hey, boy, are you my ball-point pen? Because you are"—Yugi looked over just as he showed off the black pen—" _extra fine_."

The smaller boy sighed and shook his head, glancing at him for a moment again. The taller boy's excited expression fell completely, bowing his head as he pouted and stared at the desk. Yugi kissed his cheek and turned away again quickly, sighing again.

He waited for a stampede of puns but nothing came until lunch, when he took a seat and the others all smirked at him. Yami glanced at him sideways and winked playfully before leaning forward.

"All right, so story time!"

"Story time?" Malik scoffed. "I came for a—"

"Shut the fuck up, bitch," Yami spat, pointing at him. "It. Is. Story. Time."

"Ooh, someone's not in a good mood," Bakura laughed.

He shot him a dirty look, holding up a finger and narrowing his eyes. "Okay, so, two scientists walk into a bar. The first says, 'I'll have H2O' and the second says 'I'll have some H2O too'. So both of them receive water because the bartender is not irresponsible enough to serve concentrated hydrogen peroxide as a drink."

Tristan stared at him for a long minute as the silence continued. Yami blinked slowly and looked at him in response. The others all had confused expressions but slowly the brunet leaned forward.

"Hydrogen peroxide is H2O2. You fucking chemistry geek."

Yugi stared at them for a long minute, slowly growing frustrated as he loudly snarled, " _Who walks into a bar and orders water_?"

The others took a look at him, laughing out loud as the smallest boy glowered and looked upset enough to cry.

"Shit, calm down. I didn't know that joke would upset you," Yami said quickly, eyes wide as his boyfriend opened and closed his mouth and then shook his head slowly. They stared at each other for a moment before turning away again.

Yugi wasn't entirely sure what was going on with him, just that he was a lot shorter-tempered than he should have been. Not that the joke made any sense in the first place. Who went into a bar to get a cup of  _water_?

"So oxygen went on a date with potassium today…it went OK," Bakura announced after a long minute of silence.

"I thought oxygen was dating magnesium. Omg!"

" _Actually,_ " Yami cut in, pointing his pencil at Malik, "oxygen first asked nitrogen out but nitrogen was all like NO."

"…I thought oxygen had that double bond with the hydrogen twins," Yugi whispered, shaking his head slowly and running a hand through his hair before sipping his coffee immediately.

"Looks like someone's a HO!" Bakura howled.

Yami pointed his pencil at him, clicking the lead loudly. "NaBro," he growled.

"Fucking hell," Malik groaned, shaking his head. "He just took that one seriously."

"I hate puns," Tea muttered softly, sighing and shaking her head.

They settled into a small silence for a moment and then Yami suddenly sang, "Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are—"

Yugi looked over, glaring through narrowed eyes. "It's a flaming ball of gas. Learn some science you  _dumbass_ ," he cut in coldly as Yami started sipping his drink.

The red-eyed teen spat his soda across the table, gawking at his boyfriend as the others burst out laughing. They stared at one another for a moment and Yugi gave him a dark little smile that had him shifting away slightly.

" _Shit_ ," Joey howled, pointing at Yugi. "Oh my god."

"Looks like the caffeine and puns are really starting to get to him," Tea snickered, covering her mouth and shaking her head. "So, Yami, Joey said your birthday is tomorrow?"

The red-eyed teen continued looking at Yugi sideways for a moment before turning to her. "Uh…yeah, actually," he commented, smiling slightly. "And Mana's if you want to go by her bullshit."

"…Wait, you guys aren't twins?" Tristan asked with wide eyes, blinking in shock and glancing between them. Mana and Yami both stared at him for a moment, swapped looks, and then scowled at each other.

"No way," the red-eyed teen growled. "You see how much you've fucked everything up already?"

"Shut up. It's not my fault you're not smart enough to skip a grade," she sneered, smirking widely and raising her head proudly. "The fourteen-year-old is so much smarter than you."

"This is school. School is where they test  _memory_ and not actually smarts," Yami snapped, bristling. "Besides, why the fuck would I waste my time worrying about my grades being at their top when I already know I can pass with flying colors? I don't have to try  _nearly_ as hard as you."

"Getting comfortable with things is how you start slacking off," the blonde sang loudly.

"It's also how your big brother ends up killing you off because you're the spare," he snorted, smirking widely. "Getting all comfortable stealing his lime light by celebrating your birthday the same day as his because you're a clingy little bitch."

"Shut up! Ugh, I tried to stop them last year—"

"Is that what you call it? 'Mom, I think we should—oh my god, that is so cute! I love this outfit! Thank you so much, Mommy!'"

"That outfit was amazing!"

"It was  _horrible_."

"Stop trying to force your negativity on me, damn it!" she snarled, glowering and crossing her arms. Yami and the others stared at her for a moment and then the blonde let out a loud yelp of pain as her brother touched her arm. A loud snapping noise made Yugi's head snap around in alarm, eyes wide and staring in confusion, and the others all froze.

" _Electrons_ ," Yami whispered playfully.

"I should kill you in your sleep," the blonde snarled.

"That's not going to happen.  _You're_ the spare, bitch, not  _me_."

"Ooh, someone is definitely not going to make it to tomorrow," Bakura sang. "Mana's going to get chopped up in her sleep!"

"I'm leaning more towards Yami being killed instead," Malik commented.

"Nah, Yami is older. He's the alpha," the silver-haired teen stated, smirking. "He's going to fucking maim her."

"Hmm…good point. Alpha."

"If you think about it," Yugi said suddenly in a mumble, eyes wide as he stared at them, "the process of singing the birthday song and cutting the cake is  _extremely_ satanic."

"What?" Yami asked, furrowing his brows in confusion and staring at them.

"Think about it like this!" The smaller boy gestured towards his notebook and tilted his head. "A small gathering of people huddle around an object on fire. They chant ritualistically a repetitive song in unison until the fire is blown out and a knife is  _stabbed_ into the object and a piece is carved out."

Yami gave him a horrified look. "Goddamn it, you  _morbid little shit_ ," he growled as Yugi blinked and stared at him innocently. They stared at one another as the taller sighed and slouched against his seat, crossing his arms angrily. "Guess what we're  _not_ doing tomorrow."

"What? Hell no! I want birthday cake!" Mana objected loudly.

"It's not even your birthday!" Yami snarled viciously, baring his teeth. "It's never  _been_ your birthday. You just always butt in!"

"Fuck off!"

"Butts are normally round!" Yugi blurted out suddenly. "But some people have really flat ones. So it's like…nothing there. Like…you're one big straight line. With nothing there. I bet it hurts when people fall over and have no butts. They probably hurt their pelvic bones. Wouldn't that suck?"

Yami stared at him for a moment and then tilted his head. "Probably hurts like hell."

* * *

 _What did one ocean say to the other_?

Yugi stared at the screen for a long minute, narrowing his eyes into slits. "Oh, for fuck's sake," he whispered under his breath just as the next text came in.

 _Nothing_!  _He just waved_.

 _You're a dork_.

 _Do you sea what I did there_?

 _…I hate you_.

 _Seriously_ … _do you_? Yami texted back immediately, the smaller boy sighing loudly as he took a seat on his bed again.

 _Yes_.

 _Are you shore_?

… _Stop, Yami, really, just stop_.

 _No need to be a beach_!

Yugi stared at the screen for a moment and then narrowed his eyes into slits. Did he just call him a bitch? "…Fuck you," he muttered into the phone, watching it type it out and sending it immediately.

 _Water you saying_?

"That you are literally  _one_ more joke away from being single, goddamn it," Yugi spat into the phone, sending the message immediately again.

 _Shell I stop then_?

" _Over_!  _I am done_!"

 _Okay, I guess I'll just go krill myself now_  came in a second later and Yugi almost panicked, a part of him unsure if it was an actual joke. He waited a moment, looking at his phone, and exhaled in relief when he got the text of  _I just tide_.

He smiled a little, feeling almost stupid for thinking that Yami's comment was ever that serious.

 _No_!  _I fish you would come back_!

Yugi got a few seconds before the next text.

 _I won't sand you anymore messages_!

He rolled his eyes.

 _Or at least my responses won't be as pacific_!

The small teen fell back into the bed and raised his phone over his head, glancing at his study material on the nightstand waiting for his attention.

 _Whale, I guess you're not coming back_.

He tapped his fingers against his thighs.

 _Anyways_!  _Water you up to now_?

Yugi rolled his eyes again and grabbed his notebook, flipping open to a page he recognized with square roots and imaginary numbers.

 _Dam you_.

He smiled in amusement and shook his head; it was almost like he  _knew_ he had just thought of getting into studying.

 _Sorry_!  _That's what one river said to the other_  Yami texted again immediately, the smaller boy giggling at the statement.

 _I'm going to make you walk the plankton_.

He put his phone aside and looked over his notes, grabbing his coffee off the nightstand and tapping his fingers against the paper. A few minutes passed between the next texts while he sipped some of his drink and prepared for another late night.

 _Are you tide of these jokes_?  _Because I understand that after a while they get annoying. I think it's on porpoise though_.

Yugi tilted his head as he continued reading his notes.

 _What did one volcano say to the other_?

The smaller boy grinned widely as he read the last one.

 _I lava you_!

"Yugi? Why are you drinking coffee at  _ten pm_?" his grandpa asked from the doorway, making him turn his head with his eyebrows raised. Both of them stared at one another for a second and then Yugi sat up slightly, taking a sip once more.

"Time is but an illusion," he stated softly, looking him over. "Once you realize that, you can  _transcend_  and live in  _bliss_. Also…I have a ten-page paper due in the morning that I have not yet started."

"Oh…all right. Just…don't make any noise or anything, okay?"

"Mmhmm," he commented, nodding and turning back to his phone where he knew that Yami was waiting for his response.

 _I love you too, koi_.

Yami purred as he looked over the text and turned away for a moment, frowning again. Where the hell was Milky Way? He hadn't been able to find her all day. At first he had figured he had just missed her or she hadn't been hungry when he had put food in her bowl. But now she should have been in his bed for snuggles or at least coming up the stairs for him.

"Mom…Mom, I can't find my cat," he muttered as he entered the kitchen, chewing his thumbnail and wondering vaguely if she was outside. She would have been meowing from her tree branch, however, so he was pretty sure that wasn't it. "Where the  _hell_ is Milky Way?"

His mom stared at him blankly for a long moment. "You…don't know where  _Milky Way_  is?" she repeated incredulously. That cat was almost always glued to Yami's side. She was almost always in the same room as him. She commonly greeted him at the door when he got home. She laid with him on the couch when he watched movies…

"Well, maybe she  _finally_ decided you were just  _too_ much of a loser to have a cat," Mana laughed, smirking widely.

"Mana, that's…so rude…"

" _Mom_ ," Yami snapped, narrowing his eyes at the laughter in her gaze.

She sighed softly, holding up her hands and shaking her head. "All right, let's look for her. Although I don't think she went very far, Yami. She's probably just somewhere waiting for you anyways."

Yami shook his head but followed the plan to separate and search for her. For an hour and a half the four of them wandered around looking and calling her name. He was trying not to, but he was starting to get pretty panicked. His fluffy little kitten was out of sight and that meant so many things could go wrong and—

"Okay, come on, pretty kitty, where are you?" he muttered, wandering into his room again for a moment and looking around. "Milky Way…?"

A muffled meow made his head snap around towards the bed, eyes wide as he looked at it. That…was a really weird lump in the center of his bed. He furrowed his brows and hurried over, starting to under the blankets. "Oh my god."

Milky Way was lying perfectly still, tucked up happily and flicking her tail back and forth lazily as she looked up at him. He grabbed her, immediately snuggling the black she-cat and yelling, "Okay, I found her!"

He let her twist in his grip enough that she could lick his forehead around her purring and then furrowed his brows in confusion as she bopped him there. He stared at her for a moment, narrowing his eyes. "Did you just baptize me, pretty girl?" he asked curiously, laughing when she started purring louder and he realized his mom was standing in the doorway. "Hey, Mom, did you have the cleaning ladies over recently?"

"Yes, actually—how did you know that?"

"Because she  _apparently_ tucked my baby under the blankets and I know for a fact that I have  _never_ done that. I've lost her under the bed a couple of times, but never under the  _blankets_!"

"Such an improvement," Mana laughed out loud from where she was poking her head out of her room.

"Fuck you, Mana. You have a  _rat_ that can't even function right and doesn't exercise, the obese little shit that he is!"

"Enough you t"—Yami and Mana both looked at her curiously as she held up a finger and frowned—"Hey, um…so…you…um…you made the bed by tucking the cat under the blankets? Why would you do that exactly?"

Both siblings watched their mother break down in laughter, hanging up and crying as she wandered out of the room. They swapped looks and Yami blushed furiously as Mana cracked up when they heard her mutter, "It wouldn't move" around laughter.

* * *

"Okay!" his mom announced, smiling as she started to put the cake down in front of them. Yami raised a brow and Yugi grinned widely as he looked over the image on the icing. The picture was of Yami being crowned the World Champion duelist and the words "Happy birthday Yami and Mana" were written in miniature Slifer's. The red-eyed teen furrowed his brows and narrowed his eyes, glancing at his sister who gawked at the cake with wide eyes.

Was this a joke? They had given him this exact cake last year when he actually  _had_ won the title. The only difference was the Slifer's making up his name. Before it had been simple red icing. And the Slifer was posed beside him, coiled like an angry snake with its bottom mouth open as if it were striking was different. Before Slifer had been laying in defensive mode. Plus Mana was missing from the shot, because she had been added as a background detail as someone in the crowd cheering for him.

Other than that, it was the  _exact same cake_.

"W-wait! My name is on…!  _Mommy_! I told you I don't want to celebrate it the same day this year!" she whined loudly, glowering as Yami reached forward and poked at the icing, about to wipe off her name when he found it was plastic.

Well this was definitely different…

"Yeah, yeah," her mom sighed, rolling her eyes. "You always say that."

"But it's true! I don't want to celebrate the same day as him anymore! He's an ass!"

" _Mana_ ," she scolded, glancing at Yami who was still staring at the plastic addition of his sister's name on his cake. "Look, you might not be happy about it, but—"

" _Mommy_!" she whined again, throwing her arms up. "I'm not even on this cake! You used to do pictures of me and Yami together and this one is only him!"

"Well…we're trying to wean you away from celebrating the same day."

"It's because  _I'm_ the favorite," Yami cut in immediately, turning to the blonde with a devious look. "I am the favorite so I am the one that they love the most so I get the whole cake to myself because  _you_  are the  _spare_."

Yugi blinked a few times, chewing his cheek and glancing at them curiously for a moment. "Wait…is that… _plastic_?" he asked quietly, tugging on Yami's jacket sleeve and staring at him with wide eyes. "Is that plastic?"

" _Oh my Ra, Mommy_!" the blonde cried loudly, gawking at the cake and then Yami and Yugi. "What the hell?"

"Weaning," her mom said, nearly laughing. "We're weaning you. Have to do it in small steps—"

"You don't have to wean me! I don't want to celebrate the same day as him anymore!" she snapped angrily. "I told you that a few days ago! I told you, I told you, I told you! I can't believe you did this!"

"Hey,  _hey_! Tone it down before I pin you to the floor and fart on you until you pass out," Yami growled, pointing at her. "Don't talk to Mom like that."

"Shut up, Yami!"

"Why? You knew that this was going to happen when you started doing this shit! By Ra, you only really started saying anything about this two days ago. You  _really_ think they had any time to prepare or anything? No, now calm the fuck down." He rolled his eyes. "Besides, no one cares about  _the spare_."

"Rude," Yugi commented quietly, reaching over and looking at the miniature Slifer's spelling his name. "They didn't even put the gem in his forehead in the last few ones. How is he supposed to be divine if he doesn't even have his gems?"

All three of them glanced at him for a moment and then turned back to the argument at hand, Mana changing tactics immediately.

"Well, when my birthday comes, I don't want anything to do with him!"

"Good because I could not give  _less_  of a fuck," Yami scoffed. "Thank the gods, _freedom_!"

"Oh shut up! You weren't complaining about it before—"

"I  _always_ complained!"

"No you did—"

"When the  _hell_ is your birthday?" Yugi cut in viciously, throwing his arms up. "Oh my gods, just—when is it? When is it so we can just toss the plastic letters off and Yami can celebrate his birthday alone this time? It's that simple guys!"

Yami's mom stared at him as if he had just grown an extra head, shocked by the sharpness to his voice. Yami and Mana glared daggers at each other for a moment and then the blonde turned his head towards him with a furious look that slowly turned confused. And then positively mortified.

"Well?" Yugi pressed. "When is it?"

Yami stared at his sister for a moment and his eyes widened as he burst out laughing. "Oh my  _Ra_!"

"Oh…oh my god," Mana whispered, eyes growing owlish in horror.

The smallest teen in the room's eyes grew wide in realization and his mouth opened and closed as he looked at Yami's mom. She looked away immediately again, chewing her cheek and crossing her arms slightly.

"Do you know when her birthday is?" she whispered to her husband as he entered the room. The ambassador stopped short and turned to her with bug eyes and both of them stared blankly.

" _Fuck_. I thought you were in charge of that!"

"It was easier when she wasn't so smart!" his mom hissed softly. "And then she grew up and now she's…going through  _some_ kind of identity crisis and…oh Ra, I don't know when her birthday is."

"Well…on the bright side, neither does she…?" he tried, blinking as Yami fell over and started rolling on the floor with tears in his eyes.

"Oh my god…" Yugi breathed. "What the fuck is  _wrong_ with this family?"

"Ha! Oh my  _Ra_! Shit, do you even have her birth certificate or  _anything_?"

" _Birth certificate_!" his mom whispered, nodding enthusiastically and then freezing in place. "Oh my god…didn't those get ruined in that flood?"

"…This is why I said we should have only had one," the ambassador hissed, covering his face with his hands and sighing loudly. "But no, you wanted two."

"Hey, you wanted a daughter!"

"I would have been okay with just the boy! I mean…he acts like a girl already!"

Yami stopped short mid-laugh and glared at him for a moment. " _Rude_!"

"I make no apologies. I didn't raise you right in the first place. Otherwise you wouldn't be so keen on torturing me your birth month," he shot back, pausing for a moment and turning to his wife. "On second thought…"

"This family is so messed up…" Yugi whispered, biting his nail and glancing at the cake and then his boyfriend. Yami was now pouting from where he sat on the floor, scowling and crossing his arms as he huffed softly.

"This is why we were hoping for another year before we had to deal with this," his mom sighed, shaking her head and looking at her daughter. Mana was still frozen and staring blankly at Yugi, the small boy awkwardly fondling his cup of coffee without meaning to. The red-eyed teen got to his feet after a moment, dusting himself off and huffing with a glare towards his dad who merely smirked in response.

"Well, um…So how about we celebrate Yami's birthday now instead?"

Yugi threw his hands up, nearly tossing his coffee into the air. " _Yes, cake_! I want  _cake_! Mm, yummy, yummy, cake! Yes!"

Yami shot him a startled look and nearly did a double take when he found the smaller boy licking some butter cream icing off his finger. They stared at each other and Yugi hissed at him loudly enough that Milky Way hissed back from somewhere in the living room. Mana let out a low, keen squeal of a noise like a balloon that was having all the air slowly released.

"Don't judge me!" Yugi cried, gripping his coffee cup harder. "It's not my fault none of you were watching me! This is why I need adult supervision! I always eat icing off the bottom of the cake if I'm not watched properly!"

"And we're the ones with issues," the ambassador whispered, shaking his head slowly. "Boy watches too much MTV."

"Dad!" Yami snapped, crossing his arms. "None of that!"

"Okay, okay." He held his hands up and Yami watched his mom scurry off to dig into the drawers for a set of candles. He and Yugi swapped a look momentarily and the smaller boy stuck his icing hand into his pocket, kicking his shoe awkwardly as he sipped his coffee again. Yami snickered softly but fell silent as his mom came back and started to put the numbered candles on the cake.

"Mom…that's supposed to be a seven," he muttered, pointing and frowning at her. "I'm  _seven_ teen, not sixteen."

"No, Yami, it's…it's really not."

"What?"

"I got the right numbers."

"But that's a six."

"Exactly."

Yami stared at the candle for a long minute and then looked at his dad. "It was funny when you guys were fucking with Mana, but this is over the line. I'm seventeen—"

"Yeah, uh…no you're not."

He blinked once, long and slow, and then narrowed his eyes. Yugi gave them all a horrified look and then glanced at the table and back. Oh gods…

"I'm a pedophile!" he screeched suddenly, nearly tossing his cup again when he threw his hands up. Yami spun around with bug eyes and Mana choked loudly while their parents stared at him curiously. "You're  _fifteen_!"

"Wait, wait, wait a second!" he snapped, shaking his head. "They're messing with me, damn it. There's no  _way_ I'm fifteen! Mana is fourteen! That's not even…! No, that's…"

"Well…actually we thought you were born in 95 but you're actually a 96 baby," his mom commented quietly, laughing awkwardly. "So…you're only just  _now_ turning sixteen."

Yami nearly puked. "What?"

"And Mana is only a year younger than you, so…"

"I'm a pedophile!" Yugi cried, eyes watering as his bottom lip wobbled. "You're barely even a teenager! Oh my gods!"

"What the hell are you even…?" Yami opened and closed his mouth as the first tears started down the smaller boy's cheeks. "Aibou, that's not—"

"If it makes you feel any better, technically he's sixteen now," his mom muttered, giggling as Yami's eyes started taking on a glassy hue now as well. Both look-alikes stared at each other and then Yugi started whimpering and flailing his arms.

"And you were laughing at  _me_? Ha!" Mana cried, laughing out loud and pointing at them. "This is great!"

"My life is a fucking lie!" Yami choked out, sobbing loudly as Yugi echoed him. The smaller boy flailed his arms pathetically.

"My boyfriend is too young to be so perverted!" he cried, wailing. "I should be the perverted one!"

"Why is that the biggest thing that matters to you?" the taller cried angrily. "My  _life_  is a fucking lie!"

"Well…I guess this wasn't the best idea of how to tell you."

Yugi stopped crying suddenly, furrowing his brows and staring at Yami for a moment. The taller glared at his mother furiously while Mana continued cracking up and the ambassador rubbed his face and shook his head. He stared at his taller boyfriend and chewed on the lip of his coffee lid again.

And all he could think about now was the fact that Yami had spent some time petting a cockroach. All he could think was that should have been a red flag for the crazy that was the family. How did one go about petting a roach and then screaming with it for a whole five minutes?

"…She  _is_ still younger than him…right?" he muttered suddenly, looking at Mana and then Yami and his parents slowly. "I mean…oh my god, if she's older…"

"Yes, she's still younger. I remember having Yami before her, thank you."

"Oh…Okay. Good…" He lowered his eyes and kicked his sneaker lazily for a moment before looking at Yami again. "You pet a cockroach one time."

"What does that have to do with anything?" he snapped, sniffling. "I'm fifteen!"

"Sixteen," his dad sighed. "You're sixteen."

"How would  _you_ know?" he spat, huffing. "You just admitted you don't know when Mana's birthday is! You might not even know mine!"

"Are you serious right now? Yours is the only one that's actually  _been_ celebrated since Mana turned three," the ambassador snorted, nearly laughing as his son opened and closed his mouth, looking confused now. "A year younger doesn't really mean anything—"

"He's…perverted jailbait," Yugi muttered, tilting his head and frowning. "And he's beautiful. I think there's a slight problem with this…situation."

"Technically sixteen is the age of consent—"

"No!" the small teen cut her off angrily. "He's…really perverted. And he's jailbait. Like…I don't know if he's actually sixteen anymore. Mana skipped grades. For all I know he could actually be like…twelve."

"He's not—"

"Oh my gods,  _am_  I twelve?" Yami cried, eyes wide and horrified.

"You're sixteen! Sixteen! It's only a year!" his dad snapped, throwing his hands up. "You're only a year younger than you thought, okay?"

"…Don't yell at me!" Yugi blubbered, starting to cry again. "I always cry when people yell at me!"

"…Well, we raised two girls. And our oldest is dating another girl. This is…wow. Marvelous," the ambassador sighed, taking a seat and watching them. "I told you we should have written him a letter or something—got him alone to tell him."

"Oh please, it wouldn't have done anything…" She paused for a moment. "Um…Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…?"

"Happy birthday," Yugi blurted out, singing in a wobbly voice and looking at Yami with a deer-in-headlights expression that the other snickered at, "Happy birthday to you…"

He scowled when she lit the candles, glaring at the six for a moment as they continued singing. He hesitated actually blowing them out because Yugi looked extremely lost now that they had all fallen silent. His teeth were working at his lips and his eyes were so wide it was kind of scary to look at him. If he had ever thought he had seen someone lost before, he was second-guessing that now. Yugi was like the embodiment of the emotion, acting on auto-pilot and still managing to look confused while doing it.

"Blow out the candles, dummy," Mana muttered, huffing and crossing her arms when her dad glared at her coldly. She turned away from him again immediately and looked at Yugi instead. The smaller boy was still chewing on the plastic lip and staring at Yami with that strange blank lost look.

"I don't want to."

"Please do. I want cake…I really want cake…a lot…like so much," Yugi whispered, blinking and turning to the pastry with wide eyes. "Come on, koi…blow them out…I want cake…I want cake…I really want it…a  _lot_ …Pease? Please give me cake…"

Yami opened and closed his mouth for a moment and then huffed and blew the flames out. Yugi looked ready to lunge at it and his mom sighed in relief as she grabbed a knife to cut with. Mana snickered softly and the red-eyed teen turned on him with a mumbled, "Cake slut."

" _Yes_ ," the smaller boy stated eagerly, nodding and looking at him with bright eyes. "I am."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second part will pick up almost immediately after if not a day later in the story with mentions of what happened after the birthday incident. Anyways, I don't have a set date for the next update but let me know what you think of this update?

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think I'll add on to it, but if you have any ideas about what you would like to see in here later, feel free to tell me.  
> So…was it funny? Too serious? Sucked? Tell me what you think.


End file.
